Complication
by Junjou-is-pureheart
Summary: Besides of one unpredictable person, he loves all humans. There are so many kind of humans and observing their behavior is simply enthralling. He forgets one thing to observe though. His own feelings. Shizaya
1. Prolouge

Pardon my English, I'm not a native speaker.

__1. Prologue_

That full moon seemed so beautiful, decorating the crowded Ikebukuro with its charm. In the middle of the stars it shone, as if the darkness of the night had only been a piece of dirty space, while the moon was the only beautiful thing in there.

"How beautiful…"

Orihara Izaya smiled at the moon, and then he stared at the city where he was always playing around from a top of one of the building. Yes, this is what he had always been doing—fooling around as if he was mocking the humans' lifes which full of trouble and hardship. Jumping from one building to another building was no longer a problem for this red-eyed black cat of Ikebukuro. "The moon tonight is so beautiful."

"Hey, don't keep jumping around!"

Izaya smiled at the man behind him, who was on the top of another building. "What, you can't follow me?" He smiled playfully.

The blonde snarled a little at first, but then he stared straight at the pale-skinned man in front of him, with eyes full of concern. "…you've just recovered."

"Aww, you are worrying about me. How sweet." Izaya laughed while the bartender behind him tch-ed him, resisting the urge to beat up something because of the comment.

Izaya jumped back to the lower building—the building where the taller man stood. "You said that I am free to go for a walk only for today. I won't waste the chance while I can. Tomorrow you will lock me up in your apartment again, right?" Izaya frowned a little and the blond snorted.

"Idiot, you still have to be concerned about your own body you fle—" The blonde stopped his words and his eyes turned a little… sad. He could no longer call him with that name ever again. "—Izaya."

Izaya fell silent at the first name, then stared at the bartender with a serious look when he called him with his name, then sighed.

"You seemed to hate me so much in the past." The raven-haired young man smiled a little and the bigger one of the two glared back at Izaya irritably. Izaya's eyes softened.

"Then why…" Izaya continued. "…would you take care of me?"

The honey colored-eyed man sighed. "What happened to you before… half of it was my fault." Then he turned his head down so Izaya couldn't see his face.

"Besides… I still haven't heard the continuation of your words… back then…" His voice got smaller and smaller.

Izaya frowned and he turned his body so he could see the bartender more vividly. "Pardon? I can't hear you clearly." But the blond shook his head.

"No… it's nothing."

Izaya glared at him, but then he gave up and sighed again to himself, knowing that he wouldn't be able to make the man to talk. The young man stared back at the moon.

"The moon is not only beautiful, but it is also always watching every night of Ikebukuro." Moonlight streamed in, glittering off of Izaya's pale skin, casting a blue, ethereal glow along the man's outline, making his beauty show even more. "It maybe knows something about me as well."

A pair of honey colored-eyes stared at the smaller man with a regretful look, when he realized that Izaya for once again hided his true expression with a fake smile.

"Maybe… it can tell me my past which you cannot tell me, Heiwajima-san."

Heiwajima Shizuo had never expected how painful it would be to hear that name from Orihara Izaya's lips.

**For you who don't understand, hell yes Izaya lost his memories, that's why both of them are a bit OOC, though I have tried my best to make them IC. Reviews are writer's passion, so please review guys~**

**Next chapter will be flashback, kind of what happened to Izaya to lead him like this. **

**Beta-ed by Cow Master. Much thankies for her awesomeness ;w;**


	2. Half Observation and Half Hate

**Forgive my English, I'm not a native speaker.**

__2. Half Observation and Half Hate_

Orihara Izaya loved humans. Humans had so many kinds of interesting characteristics and behaviors, and most of them just simply pathetic. Just for their own sake they could do as far as killing, and for the sake of a thing without form, like 'love', they could simply throw their self away. Well, Izaya loved them, but he wouldn't go as far as that to show his love. He loved humans because their nature always made them act exactly how he wanted them to. He loved humans because he could use them and played with their feelings. And then observing their expressions—it was so exhilarating. Especially their expressions when they were in misery.

Orihara Izaya loved humans, especially when they were wearing those expressions.

Don't you think it'd cool if you could make them to do what you want without them realizing it? It was a game for the information broker of Ikebukuro. Humans were his chess pawns, and he was the player. Izaya couldn't help it but to predict what someone will do in his plans, and couldn't stop his smirk when he knew he was right.

Though, there was one human who didn't act like he wanted. And it irritated Izaya so much.

Heiwajima Shizuo is probably the only human Izaya couldn't predict, whether it was his behavior or what he was going to do with his short temper. He was the only human Izaya thought he couldn't love because of that. Everything Izaya had planned would fall apart when Shizuo was involved. The only thing about Shizuo that could make Izaya smirk was when Shizuo had lost his temper—which meant Izaya was succeeded in annoying him—but that alone wasn't enough to make the black haired young man 'love' the strongest person in Ikebukuro.

_I hate him. The feeling is mutual._

Ah… well, Izaya thought so.

_"You, an information broker in Shinjuku who likes to play around with several people at once._

_Yet you love the humankind more than anyone else, don't you?_

_I'm asking you, Orihara Izaya._

_Can you actually kill people? With your own hands, can you kill them?_

_Even if it's Heiwajima Shizuo?"_

Simon's words kept ringing in his head. Loud and clear. And perfectly annoying. Yes, he had always been playing around, and so what? He loved humans, why should he kill them when they are useful for him? And Shizuo, it wasn't like Izaya couldn't kill him. The raven haired young man just thought that he would lose his toy if Shizuo die that fast. He hated Shizuo, he LOATHED him. Izaya just didn't want to kill him because it was no fun. He wanted Shizuo die by his plans, but not by his hands. It was just for fun, nothing more and nothing less.

…right?

Izaya sighed in his office as he leaned to his comfy chair, taking a break from his work. He definitely didn't want to start thinking that he actually didn't hate Shizuo. Because he did hate Shizuo, he was sure about that. He framed Shizuo for the crime he didn't do. He annoyed Shizuo whenever he could, and he mocked Shizuo only to see him in fury and anger, because annoying Shizuo was fun, and Izaya just wanted to observe him even more. It was all because he hated him.

It would be far better if he just died.

But alas, that didn't change the fact he hated Shizuo even more than he loved humans. That he would prefer to plan Shizuo's death (though he had never killed anyone, even once, directly) than to observe humans' reactions. That he would be more pleased to make the blonde burst out with his anger than to work his plans thoroughly.

That he thought of Shizuo far deeper than everything he loved or hated.

Izaya gritted his teeth.

"Izaya!"

Izaya's reverie was scattered by a womanly, but strong voice. Izaya looked up from his table, where he could then see the annoyance in Yagiri Namie'sbeautiful face. Izaya smirked, which made the eyeglass wearing woman annoyed even more.

_This is why I love her. She's one of what they call __a__ genius, yet blinded by something without form called 'love'. She lusts for her own brother. How stupidly genius. And with a little trick she's now under my control. Her stupidity made her cleverness useful for me, and I got a helper too._

_Though I love humans too, but I won't do such a stupid thing for that._

"Stop it."

"Huh?"

"Stop smiling, it's annoying."

Izaya smirked wider. Namie rolled her eyes.

"Forget it. I finished my shift today and I want to go home now." Namie crossed her (arms, hands.)

Izaya blinked. "You finished everything?"

"Yes," Namie answered coolly.

"Sorting the maps?"

"Done."

"Placing the books and boxes?"

"Done."

"Cook?"

Namie felt a vein popped in her forehead. "Done. Seriously, what are you going to do without me?"

"Massage my shoulder?"

Izaya's question was answered with a pillow that was grabbed from the sofa and thrown his head.

"Be careful with your meal, probably I poisoned it." Namie said sarcastically before she left the room, leaving Izaya chuckled all by himself.

"You're not funny. Even though all I want is just your love, Namie." Izaya said and huffed loudly as he threw himself back to his chair. "Not only you, but all humans… I love them this much, so they should love me in return."

Izaya spun his chair so that he could see the moon from the outside of his windowsill. It was a full moon. Izaya's red eyes, which were very contrastingwith the blue moonlight, softened a little. "A full moon, eh…"

The brunette relaxed his body and yawned. "Aaah, now I'm bored. What should I do now?"

Suddenly he remembered of something. And his smirk grew wider.

"Aah, now is the right time to visit him."

_***DRRR!***_

Ikebukuro was already dark and was only illuminated by moonlight, but it didn't change the passing crowd there. Ikebukuro indeed is far more silent in night than daylight, but that doesn't mean there is no one working that time. There are even more people who work busier at night than in daylight.

One of them was Celty Sturlson.

Celty Sturlson was the legendary headless rider, or Black rider, one of those phenomenal creature beneath Ikebukuro's dark secrets. She was not human indeed. She was a Dullahan, an unseelie fairy from the past who came to Japan to search for her head, though she had begun to forget her true mission lately.

She had no head, but alas she was no different with any other humans. She had emotions. She could feel fear, happiness, sadness, and rage. She too couldfeel love, one of the emotions she was unsure she had towards Shinra Kishitani, a doctor who is living with her.

Love. The definition was confusing, because it has many forms. But there was one thing that Celty could be sure of: What did Izaya do to humans—his (admitted) beloved, was not a good form of love. Well, what do you think of putting the one you love into misery, and watching their expressions throughout it? Definitely it is not 'love' in Celty's dictionary. Celty wondered if Izaya could fall in love with a human as an individual, like what she felt to Shinra. Though, seeing at his behavior, that was nearly impossible… especially when there was someone like him by his side…

"IZAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ! YOU GODDAMNED FLEA! COME BACK NOW!"

Ah, speak of the devil.

Celty turned her bike (aka horse in disguise) to one of the city of Ikebukuro corners, where the sound was. She turned to left to the less crowded way, and shook her helmet as she saw the scene.

Just as her thought, there they were—Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo—playing the 'cat and dog' game as usual, with some throwing vending machine and broken street signs everywhere. Sane people didn't need to be told to step aside from the spot where the two of the most ferocious in Ikebukuro stood.

Celty quickly pulled out her PDA and typed. "Stop it guys!"

_Ukh, they aren't listening. How inconvenient of __me__ to not have a mouth_, Celty thought, a little annoyed. Though she had chosen to not thinking over her head again, sometimes she really wished she still had the head to shout the hell out or to be thrown at one of them, just for getting any attention.

There was that annoying laughter and a loud crash. Another vending machine missed Izaya and hit the wall of an apartment instead, crushed into pieces. Celty began to feel impatient. There was no choice.

"Ahahahaha, try to catch me if you can, Shizu-chan!"

"Why you little! Kill! I'LL KILL YOU NO—Whoooa!" Both the bartender and the informant jerked when a blob of shadows held Shizuo's ready-to-punch fist and Izaya's switchblade from hitting each other. They both turned their heads to the source of the shadows and realized the dullahan's presence.

"…oh, hi Celty," Shizuo greeted half heartedly, feeling a little guilty for not realizing Celty's presence, while the raven haired man felt amused even more with his favorite Dullahan's arrival.

"Aww, you ruined my fun!" Izaya laughed at her and Shizuo glared at Izaya. Celty sure would have sighed if she had had her head. She took her PDA and typed.

"Stop it already. You guys scare the other people. Just how long you guys will act like children?"

"Until he dies." The information broker and the bartender-suit-wearing bodyguard pointed at each other and said it in a perfect sync, to their annoyance. Celty shook her helmet in annoyance, but then she remembered something. She turned her helmet to Shizuo, typed something in her PDA.

"Shizuo, I got a delivery for you." Celty showed her PDA while pointed a box on her bike with her thumb.

Shizuo blinked. "Eh? That's rare. Who is the sender?"

Celty raised her shoulders and typed again. "I dunno. The sender asked one of my customers to send it to you, but he didn't leave any identity. He just gave the money and left just like that."

The blond scratched his head confusedly, but he accepted the box. "That's weird. Is it from Tom? Maybe the sender's name is in the box. Gotta check it later. What's this anyway? A present?"

Izaya looked at the box seriously, then looked at Shizuo, and then went back to the box. And then he felt confused.

_Indeed it's weird. The sender probably is Tom, but if it's not him it is too weird. Except that debt collector, Shinra, Simon, the black rider and me, not many know Shizuo in person, let alone to give him any present…_

Shizuo noticed Izaya's gaze and glared back.

"What the hell are you looking at?"

"Uwaaah, Shizu-chan is scary~" Izaya sang in an annoying attitude, which triggered the blonde to feel the urge to crush something.

"What? YOU—" Shizuo was about to hit Izaya when Celty stopped him and showed him her PDA.

"I'll take care of him. You just go home already."

"Tcheh!" Shizuo sighed irritably, then glared again at Izaya with one last look. "Fine, I'll go home. Don't let me see your face in Ikebukuro ever again!" Shizuo took the box he just received then left the man with fluffy coat alone with headless rider.

"Bye-bye Shizu-chaaaan!" Izaya teased again, but Shizuo chose to ignore him, which made Celty very relieved. Then she turned her helmet to Izaya, as if she was very annoyed with Izaya's behavior.

"I know it's not my business, but I wonder why do you always disturb him?" Celty suddenly (stamped, thrust) her PDA at Izaya's face. Izaya read confusedly, but then he showed that damn smile.

"What are you talking about? I never disturb him." Izaya said innocently. "He is the one who kept disturbing me. He keeps trying to kill me each time he see me here. Ikebukuro is not his, but why am I not allowed to step here? He is the evil one. That's why, I really, really hate him so much." Izaya's expression, even just for a little, frightened the black rider. Just tiny bit.

Somehow Izaya's last sentence triggered her to recall of what did Erika Karisawa said about Shizuo and Izaya sometimes ago, before the Yellow Scarf incident.

_"Ne ne, Shizu-chan must like Iza-Iza a lot, doesn't he? Kind of like Boys Love between two guys?"_

Celty felt sick all of sudden, recalling a mental image of Shizuo and Izaya being in love with each other, like she had imagined that time. Not only were both of them are guys, but they also hated each other. To think of them as lovers now, and doing something flirty and all…

She couldn't throw up, but really, an urge to throw up something was irresistible.

"Aah, if only he could be more obedient and easier to predict, I won't hate him these much." Izaya obviously was not aware of what Celty just tought, for her relief. "Tch, really, he should just go die and faster. He kept disturbing me anytime and in my mind. I couldn't continue my observation on humans this way."

Now that made Celty surprised, even just slightly. It really was impossible. They had tried to kill each other the first time they met and their fights still continued even up until now. But then again, maybe…

Celty typed her PDA fast and showed it to Izaya before he left.

"You don't hate Shizuo."

Izaya read it as if he just saw the most crazy thing in the world, and he definitely didn't like it, Celty assumed from his expression. But then, Izaya laughed, very hard that Celty crossed her arms in annoyance.

"It looks like Shinra's crazy mind finally affected you."

"Don't say anything bad about Shinra."

Izaya smiled a very mocking smile. "Why? Because it's only you who is allowed to say anything bad about him? Because you love him?"

Celty's shadows were ready to cut Izaya's neck in a second. The red-eyed man sighed. "Really, not only blinded humans, but love also blinded you. Oooops, you don't have eyes right? Heheh."

Celty's shadows came closer to Izaya's neck and Izaya laughed again. "You really are something, Celty. It looks like I have fallen for you, just like how Ihave fallen in love with humans."

"I don't want to be loved by anyone like you." Celty quickly typed—her shadows were still in the same spot, Izaya's neck. "You are not in love with humans. You are just bound by your ego to see them in misery and to play with their feelings."

Izaya's ruby eyes widened slightly. "That is my way of showing my love for them. They are too interesting, I can't help but to see what their reaction is in any miserable situation. They wore many expressions you see. And I want to know better of them."

"You do the same thing with Shizuo."

"Well, but he never do anything as I have already predicted, so I hate him."

"You are not serious wanting Shizuo to be killed. If you had been serious, Shizuo would have died by now.."

Izaya's expression changed from a playful to the cold one, especially after hearing that. He wouldn't admit it. He wouldn't admit he didn't hate Shizuo. He wanted to kill Shizuo, but not by his hands, just that.

_"I'm asking you, Orihara Izaya._

_Can you actually kill people? With your own hands, can you kill them?_

_Even if it's Heiwajima Shizuo?"_

He started to get annoyed. He hated Shizuo, he knew it. No one is allowed to change his mind. "Don't be crazy Celty. I am dealing with the strongest man in Ikebukuro. Of course it's hard to kill him."

Celty ignored him and typed more. "And if Shizuo had been truly hated you, he would have you died (in his arms, by his hand) a long time ago."

Izaya was a little surprised. In spite of that he changed his expression quickly and wore his playful smirk. "You are wrong. He hasn't been able to kill me because I'm good at running away from him."

Again, Celty ignored him for Izaya's annoyance. Nonetheless she continued. "You think humans are fools for being blinded by love, although you claimed that you love humans yourself."

"Yeah, but I will never do foolish things as like sacrifice myself to them just because of a thing without form like 'love'." Izaya said defensively.

"You are wrong," Somehow, Izaya could feel the headless biker smirk between the lines. "They do foolish things because they are in love. If they don't, then it's not love. Love is something without logic after all. Love makes them do foolish things. It is love what we are talking about after all. You don't wish to sacrifice anything for those you love. Therefore, you don't love humans."

The brunnete was stunned in silence, which made Celty a little proud of herself. "How long have you observed humans? Have they ever not done something foolish for the sake of love?" Celty's shadows began to (dismiss, dissipate) as she got ready to leave. The morning would come soon. "You don't love humans, Izaya. You just intend to use them for your own fun."

Izaya sighed, a little annoyed. "Can we get this over already? I don't see any point of talking these things."

Celty tilted her helmet a little, and then she typed again. "My goal is to straighten your insane way of thinking and to make you reconcile with Shizuo."

The red-eyed man groaned. "The second one won't work. Imagining I could love Shizu-chan makes me want to vomit."

Me too, actually. Celty thought and couldn't help but to chuckled, which could be see within her shaking shoulder. "I don't mean love as if in lovers, mind you. But I think you don't hate Shizuo. You have been observating humans for a while and playing with their feelings, right? But have you ever observed your own feelings?"

Izaya couldn't help but to be surprised. His eyes were wide open. This woman could be very surprising sometimes.

_Observing my own feelings? But is that even possible—_

"You too are a human, Izaya." Celty relaxed her body and somehow, Izaya had a feeling that she was talking to him as if she was concerned of him. "No matter how crazy you are and how annoying your attitude, you too should be able to feel humans emotions. Enough with the other humans, now it's about yourself—Don't you ever want to know about your true feelings?" With that, Celty mounted her bike, leaving Izaya all alone on a small corner part inIkebukuro city.

Izaya was still stunned, thinking of what Celty just said to him.

"Observing… my own feelings…"

The sun began to rise up in Ikebukuro.

**Okay, I guess the memory loss story is still have a very long time to reach ^^; And yay, Shizuo made appearance, though short! **


	3. Half Explosion and Half Schemer

**Thank you for many reviews ;w; Enjoy.**

**Oh, I must alert you, there are so many spoilers from the novel and anime here.**

_**_**__3. Half Explosion and Half Schemer_

The first time they met, they had tried to kill each other.

Ever since then, they had hated each other. That bastard flea had made his life miserable since the first time they had met in Raira. Every time he had some spare time, he would think of him, then veins would popped in his forehead and only one word came to his angry mind: KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL…

That was what Heiwajima Shizuo thought of his mortal enemy, Orihara Izaya.

He didn't know how or why (and nor did he care), but since the first time he met Izaya, he had disliked him. Really, what a very memorable first impression. It looks like Izaya felt the same with Shizuo, since he dared to trap Shizuo with a crime the blonde didn't do. Even though freed, Shizuo was fired from his job as a bartender, thusly making his relationship with his little brother, Heiwajima Kasuka, cracked for a little. Since then, Shizuo swore to hate Izaya more than anything. Nonetheless, what he actually hated more was the fact that rather than spending his time with a calming activity, he would remember Izaya first and prefer to hunt him down. Damn, he wanted to live his life peacefully, yet Izaya's face always had to come into his mind before anything else.

Shizuo grunted angrily. Why—even though he hated Izaya so much—did he think of Izaya the most? Shizuo couldn't findan answer, except that he hated Izaya far deeper than how he loved someone or something.

Well, Shizuo had never loved anyone before, so he didn't know what it feels to love (He did have a crush with a woman when he was little, but his power crushed her shop and hurt her, so he decided not to love anyone, since he would hurt them with his enormous strength).

_Okay, enough with this bastard flea._

Shizuo turned his head to the table, where he placed the box he had received before.

Staring at it (with confused feelings, confusedly), Shizuo got up from his sofa and approached the table. The bodyguard with bartender suit narrowed his eyes in suspicion, then he was about to reach for the box—

—when the doorbell of his apartment rang.

Shizuo sighed and decided to welcome his guests first. Well, he wouldn't do it turned out that it was Izaya who was behind the door. The bell rang again and Shizuo groaned. "Wait a minute!" He approached the door and opened it, only to be surprised to see who the guest was.

"Kasuka!"

"Hello, Brother," Hanejima Yuhei—or Heiwajima Kasuka, a famous actor born in Toshima District, Tokyo, who was also Shizuo's blood brother—was in front of the blonde's apartment. Shocked by the scene, Shizuo rubbed his eyes. But it didn't change that there, in front of him, was Kasuka. "Long time no see." Kasuka added.

"Ah… well, long time no see," Shizuo scratched the back of his head nervously, still shocked and confused at Kasuka's arrival. "What brings you here?"

"I've been busy, and because of that I haven't been able to meet you. I just wanted to say hello to you," Kasuka said with his expressionless face. "And well, I was being chased by the journalists and reporters. I thought they would be scared off and wouldn't dare to come if I stepped into your house."

Shizuo didn't know whether to feel happy or annoyed with the blunt statement his brother had just said. "So much for being an actor, eh?"

Kasuka coughed politely. "Ehmm, actually I was being pursued because I'm with her."

"Her—?" The bartender cut his words as he realized that Kasuka wasn't alone. There was a girl besides him. Shizuo growled. He remembered this girl. Veins popped out from his forehead and he clenched his fist. "You—!"

Shizuo stopped his words in shock and quickly loosened his fist as Kasuka put up a protective gesture towards the frightened girl.

"Let me introduce to you, Hijiribe Ruri the Hollywood monster. She is my girlfriend."

Shizuo's eyes widen in surprise. He stared at Kasuka's expressionless face, then at the Hollywood, and then back to Kasuka. He was surprised, annoyed, confused, and didn't know what to say. It was Ruri the one who broke the silence.

"Um, Heiwaima Shizuo-san… may I call you? I believe we have met before, in an unpleasant way… I'm sorry about that. I disturbed you with my fight didn't I? I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to disturb you, really. I was being chased and about to be killed, so I ran away and activate my self defence… and, um…" She trailed off, worried that maybe she had said too much that would irk the bodyguard's anger.

Shizuo calmed. Yeah, he remembered that. He remembered the girl was fighting someone and disturbed him accidentally. He remembered he threw a bench to the girl which set her flying to God knew where. It wasn't only Ruri, her opponent received the same treatment by Shizuo. The tallest of the three sweated a little. He felt a little guilty towards the girl for his losing temper. _And now she is Kasuka's girlfriend!_

"Aah, it's me who should apologize. I was really in a bad mood back then. I didn't know that you were being pursued… and well, did Kasuka say that you are his girlfriend just now?"

Ruri lowered her head in embarrassment, though Kasuka still didn't show any expression. Shizuo laughed then. As expressionless as he could be, Shizuo knew more than better that Kasuka was nervous out of embarrassment. He was still his brother after all, so even though being expressionless, Shizuo knew that Kasuka was honest with his emotions. If Kasuka said Ruri is his girlfriend, then he truly loved her.

For a bit, Shizuo felt jealous.

"Hahaha, you lovebirds… I really am jealous of you two. C'mon in, I'll make tea for ya."

Shizuo welcomed them in and went to his kitchen. He could hear Ruri's voice to Kasuka: "I didn't know your real name is 'Kasuka', Yuuhei-san." And he could hear Kasuka's reply :"You can call me whatever you like the most, Ruri-san." Shizuo chuckled. Having a girlfriend, how nice…

The bartender sighed. He wasn't lying about being jealous. Truth was, he would be very happy if there was some girl who was not afraid of him—whether it was his short temper or his strength—and could love him. Being someone who could only hurt someone he loved, Shizuo decided not to fall in love until he could find someone whom he could protect with his power, and that someone would be the one to love him. Even though he has the same handsome face as his younger brother, hanging out with Izaya and Shinra—plus his temper and attitude—made it so no one dared to approach them back at Raira, whether it was the girls or the boys. That's why, when Saika confessed her love to him, he could not be have been happier. Even so, Saika had hurt his friends. That's why, to appreciate her love, Shizuo decided to show her his love. Shizuo shown her and all of her children his strengthwithout holding back. Ahh, now that he remembered it, it was all because of Izaya and Shinra his supposedly memorable high school days became such messy, unpleasant memories.

Izaya. Shizuo gritted his teeth. Why he always remembered the thing he hated the most rather than things that calmed his heart?

It wasn't long before he heard Kasuka's voice from the living room. "Brother."

"What is it? If you want to watch the television or use the toilet, feel free to—"

"It's not that. What is this box?"

Shizuo blinked. _The box._ "Aah, I just received it. I don't know who the sender is, but probably the name is inside it. Can you do me a favor? Just open it and tell me what's inside."

There was some rustling noise. Then Ruri's gasped, and then there was silence.

"Kasuka?" Shizuo called. He got a bad feeling.

"Brother, we need to get away from here."

"Eh? Why? I just finished making the tea—"

"Forget the tea, we need to get away from here now!"

The yell triggered Shizuo to think there was something wrong. He quickly got out from the kitchen and his eyes roaming, searching for the couple. "Oy, Kasuka! What's wrong—!"

Shizuo cut his words. _What the hell._

He stared at Kasuka, who stared at him expressionlessly despite the panic yell, while Ruri was hugging him—her body was shaking out of fear. Then the blonde stared at his table.

There was a bomb inside the box, and it would explode in few seconds.

_***DRRR!***_

"Oy, Namie."

"If you are asking pointless questions about your evil plans, then I will not answer, Mr. Evil Mastermind. I have jobs to do."

"Well, you should be an expert in these kinds of things, since you can feel love, in spite of the fact that the one you lust for is your brother."

Namie raised one of her eyebrows. Annoyed as she was now, she couldn't help but to be surprised as to hear Izaya wanting to talk about love to her.

"As far as I could remember, you love humanity right?" Namie checked what Izaya was doing while he talked to her. Ah, there he was, staring at the TV with a bored expression on his face while he sat in a very comfortable, relaxed position on the sofa. Namie had a big urge to hit him, really.

"Yeah, but I want to know what kind of love the other people feel," Izaya answered, still with a bored face. "There are so many forms of love right? I wonder what it feels like to love like you do."

"At least I don't want to put the person I love into misery," Namie said sarcastically, but then she changed her cold expression into the one that looked like a girl falling in love. "Well, I maybe still observe him, though. Seiji is getting more and more handsome each time I see him, Aaaah, I can observe him forever like this…"

"You got dumped by him you know. He prefers to be with a weird stalker with the same face as her." Izaya while staring at the TV, pointed at Celty's beautiful head, placed neatly in the shelf.

"Oh screw you, louse. All I care is that Seiji needs me. No matter whom he is with right now, Seiji still needs me." Namie turned her expression into the cold one again.

"So that's kind of love you feel," Izaya yawned and rested his head on the sofa. "Ah, then I can feel rest assured. I don't love him at all, then."

Namie seemed to be not listening. "But again, the most basic thing of love is that you can't stop thinking about him right? It feels like the world will end if Seiji is gone."

Izaya felt a shiver ran into his spine.

"A-ah, but you wouldn't try to kill someone you loved right?"

Namie raised her eyebrows. "Love has many forms, didn't you say that? There are crazy people who thought they could be together if they killed the one they love. Actually, if Seiji said he no longer needs me, probably I would… nah, forget it. It would end in tragedy, and I don't want that."

The brunnete sweated. "Well then, but if you will be happy if he dies, then it's not love, right?"

Namie tilted her head and smirked. So Izaya was falling in love with someone? How surprising. She decided to play a little. "A lot of people say that, but once the person they love is gone, they sulked."

Izaya fell from the sofa. Namie laughed.

"Okay, smart woman." Izaya said irritably while he tried to get up from the floor. "Now tell me the difference of hate and love."

"Ahh, it is hard to tell, since they said that the line between love and hate is very thin."

Izaya was annoyed. He realized then that Namie was teasing him. "Funny to hear that from you, out from all people."

"It's the same as you. Why are you talking about this, all of sudden?"

The younger man didn't answer and the woman sighed. Well, it wasn't her business anyway. Namie put the envelopes she had been holding on Izaya's desks and started to work again. But it wasn't long before she heard the brunette's voice.

"Say, at this rate I won't be able to recognize my own feelings. Therefore I won't be able to observe my feelings and his. What do you think I should do?"

Namie narrowed her eyes in disgust. "His? I didn't know your sexual orientation is that way."

Izaya was confused, but then he felt embarrassment swaying over his cheeks as he understood what Namie meant. "I don't mean love that way silly. Didn't I say I love humanity? I love all humans, whether they are boys or girls. It's in a universal way!"

Namie crossed her arms. "Well, I know that. But again, in a universal way you love all humans. So what's with the worries of these feelings?"

"That's…"

"Oh, then again, I remember despite loving the entire human race, you still hate one person," Namie smirked. "Heiwajima Shizuo, was it? So it's about him? All this fuss is because you're not sure of your feelings toward him?"

_Shit. This woman really is smart._ Izaya scratched his head and sighed. "It's not like I'm not sure or anything. I'm sure as hell I want him dead. It's just that he's still interesting to play with, so I won't let him die now. Anyway, Cel—one of my friends said that I mistook my feelings to him, that's why I want to show her that I truly hate Shizu-chan with this observation."

"What are you, a kid?"

"I just don't want her to get the wrong idea." Izaya smiled cheerfully.

Namie sighed. Sometimes Izaya could be like an evil schemer behind all of the trouble, the final boss in games, and an antagonist of the story, but then again he could act like a child who hated losing and could feel jealous toward the others.

Namie smiled slyly. _So he is still human._

"Hum, It's so hard to observing yourself since you are so stubborn with your own feelings," Namie answered the unanswered question. "It would be a different case if you had memory loss, but being an amnesiac you would forget everything about all the troubles and messes you caused in Ikebukuro, and it would be a trouble to me, since you are the one who pays my salary…"

Namie then realized that Izaya was no longer listening to her. She clicked her tongue in annoyance as she saw Izaya's eyes were now glued to the screen of the TV with a surprised expression. "What the hell…?"

"What is it?" Namie took a peek at the news Izaya was watching. "Many people died… Ah, bombing Ikebukuro companies is not uncommon you know."

"Well yeah," Izaya smiled slyly. Namie knew Izaya for too long to know that though he smiled, the brunette was not pleased. In fact, it looked like he was very angry. "But not in apartments. Especially in Shizu-chan's apartment."

Namie tilted her head in confusion. "What? I thought you wanted him dead?"

"Yeah, I want him dead," Izaya's smile widened, to Namie it was showing how angry Izaya was. "But I just made some plans to kill him. Just right before I play with him… and he's dead? By some stupid bomb? Someone stole my fun before I operated my plans. It's annoying." Then Izaya's expression turned cold.

"That's why, knowing there is someone who interfere with my plans and killed Shizuo first… it makes me really, really mad."

Namie wasn't given a chance to reply as Izaya quickly ran out of his apartment and slammed the door loudly. Namie narrowed her eyes and then stared at the television Izaya had justbeen watching.

_"Right now, Hanejima Yuhei is in a coma. It looks like he was protected by Hijiribe Ruri. The weird thing is, though she deals with serious injuries, her condition is far better than the others…"_

"Well, if normal people is still alive, then there's no way Heiwajima Shizuo, who has power like a monster, can die from something like that." Namie sighed and shook her head. "Doesn't that Izaya realize that?"

_***DRRR!***_

Izaya didn't know what the hell is wrong with his heart.

He didn't expect that Shizuo would die that fast. But then again, having a power of a monster, Shizuo is still a human. A bomb,that's all it takes. Izaya gritted his teeth. He knew that dealing with the short tempered bartender would make all his plans screwed up. He knew that Heiwajima Shizuo had always surprised him. But then again… to die this fast, Izaya was shocked. Though he wanted him to die, he had never imagined a scene where Shizuo dies.

_Dammit! Who __sent__ the bomb to his apartment…_

And then it clicked in Izaya's head. The box. The box Shizuo received yesterday.

RING-RING

Izaya's anger was distracted by a loud voice of his handphone as he walking in the crowd. Someone called him with a private number. The brunette thought it would be Shiki, though he had a weird bad feeling before he answered the call.

"Hello?"

_"Why hello, Orihara Izaya."_

Izaya was stunned. He narrowed his red eyes in hatred. He knew that damn voice too well. "Yadogiri Jinnai!"

_"Oh, you still remember me? I'm so flattered to be remembered by the schemer and information broker of Ikebukuro!" _The voice laughed.

Izaya smiled in anger. How could he forget? He was another schemer whose plan were screwed because of Shizuo. And also, he is the one who stabbed Izaya in the northeastern district of Tokyo. "It's you right? You are the one who told someone to send the bomb to Shizu-chan!"

Izaya was very annoyed to hear the voice that seemed to mock him even more. _"Oh? Are you angry? As far as I __know__, you hate Heiwajima Shizuo. __Weren't__ it you the one who __desired__ his death the most, more than anyone? Don' tell me you __came__ to love him, like how you love humans."_

Izaya laughed in spite of his anger. "Are you kidding me? There's no way I could love Shizu-chan—"

_That's right, I hate him._

"—I'm angry because I'm not the one who killed him—"

_I hate him so much._

"—I'm angry because you ruined my fun with him—"

_That's why I'm angry, not because he is dead—DAMMIT!_

"—what are you planning?"

Izaya clenched his fist as he heard the voice of the other schemer._ "Don't say that, I killed him so there will be no disturbance in my plan. And it should profitable for you too."_ Yadogiri chuckled. _"Aah, are you heading to Ikebukuro? You want to check on his apartment don't you? I can see your handsome face from here you know."_

Izaya ignored the compliment—but he did stop, cold sweat swaying over his body as he shivered. _No way… is he looking at me, right now?_

"Show yourself… Yadogiri Jinnai!"

_"Aah, I can't do that. Seeing you __panicked__ and confused right now is pretty exhilarating. I want to laugh __when__ I remember __that__Orihara Izaya __is__ the one I am scaring right now. Should I stab you just like before?"_

"You—!"

_"Orihara Izaya, I love you," _the words alone had made the raven haired man stunned in shock. _"That's why I want to observe you. I want to see all your expressions in misery… and for that, I must destroy all disturbance, including Heiwajima Shizuo."_

The call ended there, and Izaya was still standing in shock, in the middle of the passing crowd. Yadogiri Jinnai. He was a schemer, just like him. He loved Izaya the way Izaya loved humans. And now, Izaya was in the grip of his hands, already a part of his game.

"Haha… hahaha…" Izaya laughed, as he leaned to the nearest building, slowly fell until he sat on the road. _What's this… this feeling…_

_This is not fear, is it?_

"Damn it…" Izaya cleared his mind. He could not caught by Yadogiri's play. He must make a new plan. And he must kill this person, no matter if he was one of humans Izaya loved so much. Of course, it wasn't for Shizuo, Izaya thought. It was because he interfered with his fun. As he thought of this, Izaya began to run toward the station. His destination was Ikebukuro.

_***DRRR!***_

"Run as far as you can Izaya." Somewhere in Shinjuku, a man who just ended his call smiled. "But you will never be able to escape my grasp. Not since you interfered with my plans using Heiwajima Shizuo."

Yadogiri Jinnai chuckled, not caring that he was in the middle of the crowd. But he didn't care of what the other people thought of him, he had many far more interesting things to play with.

"But again… how funny of you not to realize that a mere a bomb cannot kill Heiwajima Shizuo?"

**I made a grave mistake… Shizuo is not supposed to know that the person he threw is Ruri back then. Ruri was in an ugly monster costume to hide her identity while she was known as a serial killer… But I can't change the story now, so I will tell you this story is semi-AU. Thank you.**


	4. Half Misunderstanding and Half Guilt

**Forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. Also, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR REVIEWS3 I LOVE YOU GUYS. Please give me more love with the reviews! XDD And I am sorry for lack of updates! School really keeps me busy nowadays!**

**If you read the novel, you should know Hijiribe Ruri, Yadogiri Jinnai,and (lovely cute) Awakusu Akane right? They will play more major role in my fic, so there will be many spoilers from the novel here. The (awesome) Orihara twins too.**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner. Narita Ryohgoh is.**

__4. Half Misunderstanding and Half Guilt_

_Aah, so itchy…_

_What happened? Why is it so dark?_

_If I were not mistaken, just now… Kasuka came with… who was it again? Ruri… was it? Then he said… must leave… and then…_

_There was… a bomb…_

Panic swayed all over Shizuo's mind and body as Kasuka and his girlfriend's safety hit his head hard.

_KASUKA!_

_***DRRR!***_

"Sir, we have finished searching for the surviving victims on the upper section of the apartment. 23 found, with some serious injuries. 41 found dead."

"Good job. Now search in the lower section. Even if we will only find the bodies of the dead, they need to be buried properly."

"Sir!"

Kinosuke Kuzuhara sighed as he saw the apartment that had already in the form of debris. The person who dared to place the bomb in here, messing up with him, screwing Ikebukuro more than it had already been—whoever it was—Kinosuke swore to himself that he would catch that person. Ikebukuro always had surprises and abnormalities to begin with, but to kill so many victims like this… Kinosuke narrowed his eyes.

This problem is far worse and more dangerous than chasing the headless biker.

"KASUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The police—or in fact anyone near the incident location—were unable to hide their shock from the voice inside (hell yesh, INSIDE) the ruins of the broken apartment, which there was no way any normal human could survive, because besides of the explode that nearly killing anyone inside, there was no oxygen could come to particular spots. The police were searching and trying to save persons who probably could be saved first, so as cruel as it seemed, they would save the debris for later. They knew there was no way any normal human could survive there.

Well… looks like this particular person was not ordinary human.

"Sir! There is a survivor!" One of the police shouted.

"Wait there, we will save you now!" The other police were quickly approached the source of the voice and asked the diggers to dug the place.

Kinosuke was still shocked. There was no way any human could survive that particular spot. But then again, this was Ikebukuro. Even a headless monster lived here.

"Hang on!" There were some polices who tried to help the diggers. "We will save yo—UWAAHH!"

They had not even finished their excavation and the ruins were raised slowly, as if there was someone who pushed them from the inside. Some of the people who were new to Ikebukuro's absurdity screamed, while the others were too excited to see what was happening. The medic who supposed to help the survivors stunned in fear and excitement as they see the ridiculous miracle in front of their eyes.

Heiwajima Shizuo, whose entire body was covered only with ripped bartender clothes and blood, stood there in the middle of the ruined apartment, as he tried to recognize the shocked people behind of the police line and the surrounding.

_What the hell happened? Why are them looking at me like that?_

SHizuo felt his entire body ached with sore and looked at his own body and one of his eyebrows. "Aah, that's why it feels itchy…" Shizuo justified his cracked glasses and licked the blood in his whole arm. "So I am hurt…"

The people surrounded him were speechless, half because of the fear and half because of the amazement—to see a living monster who was still alive, even though he was buried by the ruins and debris of apartment for more than hours, without oxygen, and with such body state. They startled a little when Shizuo began to move and examine his clothes. "Aah… the clothes I got from Kasuka…"

At that time Shizuo remembered everything. He felt a great headache as the memories of what had just happened rewind in his head. Kasuka came to visit him. Kasuka introduced Ruri as his lover. Then the box… Kasuka's yell…

_After that… inside the box… was the bomb…_

Shizuo's eyes snapped open, and he felt panic and anger swaying over his body. Shizuo knew his body too well. He knew that he was far stronger than most of humans. He may have survived the explosion, but the same thing may not occur to his brother. There was no way Kasuka could survive this if even he suffer great injuries like this. The blonde tried to calm himself and his eyes were searching for his brother and Ruri, but with no result. Now his body was shaking with fear.

"Shizuo onii-chan!"

Shizuo flinched at the voice. He knew that voice, and somehow, the fear that built up in his body was gone. The little girl who just ignored the police line ran right into Shizuo with tearful eyes. Shizuo's eyes softened.

"Akane-chan…"

"Shizuo onii-chan!" Akane cried, as she ignored the police who just yelled at her and tried to stop her from approaching the bloody blondie monster. She hugged Shizuo and cried loudly. Shizuo smiled faintly and stroked her hair softly. "What's this, don't come and hug me like this. I'm dirty you know."

"I… I watched the news," Akane sobbed. "And then I quickly come here… when I saw Shizuo onii-chan covered by blood like this… I thought you were dying… Are you dying? Is it hurt anywhere?"

Shizuo let out a little laugh. "No, I am fine—"

Shizuo stopped his words and the anger was coming back at him. His eyes just found something. The blonde gritted his teeth and curled his fist. That something was wearing the fluffy black jacket that annoyingly familiar, with a pair of red eyes, raven colored hair and was running (unusually) in desperate towards certain place—which happened to be the way to Shinra's apartment.

Shizuo almost burst with anger. It must be him. There was no one who hated Shizuo more than him. There was no one who could be more suspicious than him. There was no one who could do such things like bombing an apartment and then acted like nothing happened. That something…

_That something _happened to be Orihara Izaya.

Akane felt a sudden coldness as she realized that Shizuo was no longer held her. "Shizuo onii-chan, what's wrong? You looked so angry…"

Shizuo hide his face from Akane so that she couldn't see his expression. He needed to surpress his anger in front of Akane. "Akane-chan, I'm sorry. I gotta go now. I had another fight with Izaya-kun… I think I need to make up again with him."

(Translation: I'm sorry Akane-chan, I need to kill—I MUST kill some certain bastard—louse—flea be named Izaya for once and all.)

Akane frowned. "You fight with him a lot… Friends should not do that! And what are you saying at time like this! You should tend your injuries first anyway… Ah, I know, you want me to teach you a song? It is said that if you sing this song to a friend, you will always be on good terms with him and no longer fight with each other!"

Akane flashed a bright, innocent smile, and Shizuo felt guilt at it. Izaya could even trick this kind girl to do dangerous things. He didn't like lying to Akane, and he didn't know what he would tell her if he managed to kill Izaya for real. What he could do just to tell her a white lie…

"I don't think I need that, Akane-chan. I am going to make up with him _now and once for all_."

Or, a cruel lie?

_***DRRR!***_

Shinra's apartment, somewhere between AM and PM

"Ce… Celty… please… _aah_…"

Some certain doctor moaned in pain. His eyes were half lidded and he was trying very hard to hold his breath as he turned his head to his (unofficial) wife. His fingers reached the sofa and grabbed it hard and his pants became faster. "It… it hurts…"

The headless wife typed to her PDA and showed it to the man. "Hang on, it's almost finished."

Shinra moaned harder at the other touch and his eyes watered. "But… It's really hurt! No more, please stoo—_AAH_!"

"I told you to hang on!" Celty typed irritably. "And STOP those strange noises! They give me chills! It's didgusting!"

"But your massage is too hard! It really hurts!" Shinra countered as he pouted. "You will only make the wound worse!"

Celty crossed her hands in annoyance and replied her (unofficial) husband via PDA. "It would heal faster of you could shut up and hang on. It's just a little bruise."

"And who is the one punched me to give the bruise?"

A vein popped from the dullahan's nonexistent forehead. "And whose fault was it, the one who said those weird things about me in naked apron?"

Shinra sweated and switched his gaze to the other direction. "W-well… No matter where you look at me, I am still a man. What's wrong with fantasying something? I really didn't expect you to be soft, but honestly… in our relationship Celty is more to a master at S&M—UHUOOOK!" Shinra got a hard critical blow in his stomach from Celty. The dullahan, who would have blushed furiously if she had her head could only typed her embarrassment in her PDA furiously. "Idiot, what are you talking about?"

Shinra chuckled and looked at Celty with a soft gaze. "Really, you are so cute when you are embarrassed, Celty."

Unable to be more embarrassed than she was, Celty just stunned there. Even without her head, Shinra could read her expression very easily. And somehow, she felt happy of that.

The doctor smiled warmly and was about to warp his hand on his beloved—

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

—And his sweet moments were destroyed, saved by the bell of his apartment door.

"Oh, damn it! Who is coming at a time like this?" Shinra groaned irritably. "Wait a minute Celty, I'll open the door and chase away our disturber."

Celty tried to stop Shinra. She had written a halfway "Let me do it, you're still hurt aren't you?" but Shinra was already on his feet and headed toward the living room.

Shinra opened his door and his eyes widened in surprise as he saw his guest. "Izaya? It's unusual of you to come here. What's wrong? And what's with the pants and sweat? Were you being chased by Shizuo?

The panted raven haired man grumbled a little before replied. "I… *pant* have business with Celty *pant*" Izaya tried to control his breath as Shinra shook his head while sighing.

"Now, now, Izaya. You know that today is not Celty's workday. Don't disturb our beautiful time—Hey Izaya! Don't just barge in like that?"

Izaya ignored Shinra and quickly entered Kishitani household to look for the dullahan. Celty who heard Shinra's yell quickly went after Shinra to the living room, and was surprised to see Izaya drenched in sweat and out of breath. Confused, she pulled out her PDA and typed. "Izaya, what's wrong?"

Izaya upon finding Celty quickly grabbed her shoulder that startled her a bit. "Your customer the day before," he said with serious tone, though he was gasping for breath, made Celty even more confused. To see Izaya looked serious like this when he was usually arrogant and playful was just… uncomfortably weird.

"What's wrong with my customer yesterday?" _And which one? _Celty wanted to add it in her PDA due to her confusion, but hold herself and waited Izaya to reply.

"Force him to tell who asked him to send that box to Shizu-chan." The raven haired man replied, and though Celty now had the idea of who Izaya mentioned, she was still had no idea what was wrong with the informant broker in front of her. "If he says he doesn't know give me any information you know about him. He probably lies and has any relation with that man… I can use my information network to find out if he has any relation with Yadogiri…"

"Wait a minute!" Celty quickly typed in confuse. "What's wrong with you Izaya? I can't randomly give my customer's data—" She hadn't finished what she wrote and Izaya already cut her.

"The box you sent to Shizu-chan few hours ago, have the bomb inside it. It exploded in Shizu-chan's apartment, and many people died."

Celty dropped her PDA. Shinra who had been grumbling at Izaya for disturbing his and Celty's date quickly stunned in shock. Izaya just inhaled for more oxygen waited for one of them to reply. He knew that shock would be the first one to come. Shizuo was their friend after all, no matter how weird their relationship was. For a moment, only silence was occurred in the room. Shinra was the one who broke the silence.

"Eh… Shizuo? A bomb was sent to _that Shizuo_?" The doctor stammered as he tried to calm his own panic. "But why? There is no one who dares to disturb him… who is insane enough to send a bomb to him?"

Izaya gritted his teeth irritably. He didn't know why he was so excessive over this thing. He knew he was angry because Yadogiri killed Shizuo before he could. He knew that he was angry because Yadogiri stole his fun before he could have any fun with Shizuo. But he didn't know why he was so… desperate because of something like this. He felt weak. He had been the one to play with humans and now he was Yadogiri's toy. For a first time he Izaya realized that indeed, he was a human too.

"I don't know, I am searching for him," Izaya replied and tried to divert his previous thoughts. "This crazy fella sent the bomb to Shizu-chan directly. Just imagine what would have happened if Shizuo didn't get back to his apartment, but went to a more crowded place. It would have killed even more victims."

Shinra's eyes widen in shock. "That's just crazy! He doesn't care what would have happened as long Shizuo got the bomb! And if Celty didn't deliver that box to Shizuo fast enough then Celty would have…" Shinra couldn't continue his words. It's not that he was grateful that Celty sent the box to Shizuo on time, but to imagine that the bomb could have exploded in Celty's hand instead if she was late… even though she was a dullahan… Shinra turned pale and shook his head, tried to get rid of the unpleasant image in his head.

Celty, in the other hand, was still shocked. She may not realize it before, but she was the one who delivered the bomb to her own friend. Celty wanted to cry if she could—she was the one who deliver the bomb to Shizuo! If only she realized what was inside… she may could avoid the accident. If only she knew… there wouldn't be so many victims… Maybe Shizuo too…

_Shizuo_. Celty flinched as she remembered that name. Panic swayed all over the dullahan's body as shadows kept coming out from her neck.

"You know who probably send the bomb to Shizuo?" Shinra asked Izaya seriously. Izaya was silent at first, hesitated, but nodded anyway. "I have presumption."

"But are you sure? It could be—"

"Look, Shizu-chan doesn't have many acquaintances, mostly because his crude temper and behavior, and most of people afraid of his strength," Izaya cut Shinra. "That's why it would be weird if there was someone who suddenly sent something to Shizu-chan—I was already suspicious when Celty delivered the box to him. From the way she talked, there's no way the sender is you or Dota-chin. Tom could have given the box himself to Shizu-chan—they meet almost every day, and because Celty is the courier herself it's not her. While if it's me…"

Shinra narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Izaya coughed.

"Oh don't look at me like that. Even though I hate Shizu-chan with all my heart and there is a big possibility that I was the one who ask someone to ask Celty to send that bomb because there's no way he want to receive it directly from me_, I am not_ the sender. There's no way I do something as risky as that and sacrifice all those humans I love—"

Celty's tug at Izaya's jacket stopped him from continuing his long speech. Celty showed him her PDA panickly.

"How's Shizuo?"

Izaya stunned then, as if something was just clicked in his head. Shinra quickly remembered about Shizuo too and waited for Izaya's answer. "You're right, what about Shizuo? Is he…?"

The man with the red sharp eyes tried to remember what he knew about Shizuo's right now condition. After he had watched the news, Izaya was too panicked and concluded too fast that Shizuo was dead. Now he realized something.

He didn't know about that. He didn't know if Shizuo was still alive or not.

Izaya was about to open his mouth to answer—though he himself didn't know what he was about to say—before he heard a familiar_, very familiar_ voice from his back.

"IIIIIZAAAAYAAA-KUUN!"

He felt his heart stopped beating. The same thing happened to Celty and Shinra.

Everything was happening too fast. Shinra just realized that he left the door opened when Izaya barged in until everything was happened. Everyone quickly turned their head to the sound source. Relief and fear swayed the room for a moment for the voice, but it quickly replaced by panic when they realized what happened.

Heiwajima Shizuo—still alive, with all ripped bartender clothes and blood covering all over his body—just barged in to Shinra's apartment and had placed his fingers around Izaya's little white neck whose owner was looking at him with widened red eyes before the raven haired man was crashed to the nearest wall with a loud thud.

"Shizuo!" Shinra shouted at the same time Celty typed in her PDA, but Shizuo ignored them. His honey eyes stared at the smaller man in front of him with hatred and he tightened his stranglehold on Izaya's neck.

"Shizu-chan." Izaya whispered, still not believing his eyes. "You're still alive. You're a—_Aaargh_!" Pain quickly shrouded his neck and lungs when the debt collector with the bloody ripped bartender clothes tightened his strangle and Izaya shut his eyes because of the pain in reflex.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Shizuo spat, half yelled. "It was you the one who sent the bomb to me, right? There is no one who hates me more than you do! YOU are the sender, right? Answer it, flea!

"Shizuo stop it!" Shinra tried to release Shizuo's grip from Izaya, but the poor doctor was thrown by Shizuo to the floor. Panicked, Celty quickly approached Shinra.

"Shizu… chan…" Izaya breathed weakly. His head was dizzy, his neck hurt, and his lungs burnt with the need of oxygen. Izaya hated to imagine how weak and pathetic his expression in front of the person he hate the most. Izaya tried to release himself from the bigger man's grip, but with no result. He winced in pain as his body was slowly raised from the floor. "Aagh… _kh_!"

"ANSWER ME, BASTARD!" Shizuo yelled in anger. His expression showed deep hatred and uncaring of the raven haired man's silent pleas. He had always hated Izaya and swore to kill him. But to involve Kasuka and the other people… Shizuo wasn't angry. _He was furious_.

This time… he was going to kill him. _This time…_ "Because of you, Kasuka… KASUKA…!"

Izaya could no longer stand it. He was going to die this time, he was sure of that. How miserable, to be killed like this by a person like that. But he was still alive, and Izaya didn't know why he couldn't get rid of the relief that showed up upon knowing that fact, and Izaya didn't like to think about that on the verge of his death.

_Well, at least… Yadogiri fails at killinghim…_

Right before Izaya thought his life would end, blob of shadows pulled Shizuo to release his grip from Izaya and slammed him to the opposite wall. Izaya was released and fell to the floor, quickly coughed hard and breathed the oxygen he had been wanting so much. Shizuo's eyes widen in shock at Celty who was now standing between him and Izaya. Before Shizuo could say anything, Celty alredy showed him her PDA.

"Calm yourself, Shizuo. Izaya is not the sender."

Shizuo widen his eyes even more at the statement. He looked at Celty, and then to Shinra, who was just stood up and justified his glasses, and then to Izaya, who was still on his knees, coughing and breathing hardly. Confusion swayed his mind.

"What do you mean… Celty?" Shizuo asked, with calmer tone.

The dullahan's neck moved down, as if she was trying to avoid the question, and even without her expression Shizuo somehow could feel sadness from her. Celty typed again in her PDA and showed it to Shizuo.

"It was not him the one who sent the bomb. He is searching for the real sender."

That struck Shizuo for a long time. He didn't know what his expression looked like right now, but he knew damn well what he felt. It was guilt—with a little embarrassment mixed with it. He knew he hated Izaya and he wanted to kill that bastard, but Shizuo was not a cold blooded person. He could care less even if he really killed Izaya—that bastard deserved it—he thought of that, but it didn't change the fact that he just accused a wrong person for the mistakes he didn't do. Shizuo didn't want to be like Izaya who framed him to the police for mistakes he didn't do. He wouldn't kill Izaya with the same way Izaya trapped him. He didn't want that.

Shizuo slowly raised his head and stared at Izaya who was still coughing helplessly. He frowned and the guilt came again as his eyes found the bruises and red marks around Izaya's little neck that he caused. And then Shizuo realized when he saw the man in such state—even as bastard and arrogant as he could be—how small Izaya's body was compared to him, even to Shinra's. The bloody blonde almost, almost approached Izaya to help the poor man, but his pride forced him to stood there on place—watching Izaya tried to control his breath helplessly.

"Shizuo." Shinra approached Shizuo and patted his shoulder. "C'mon, you need treatment." And then the doctor turned his gaze to Izaya who was helped by Celty to stand now. "You too, Izaya."

Izaya offered an apologetic smile, then stared at Shizuo with a smile that Shizuo didn't know it was mocking or… relieved. Then Izaya felt two warm hands grabbed him before he fell forward, as unconsciousness came over him.

**It's just my thought but I judge myself from reviews. If the readers didn't like it, they won't review and stopped reading. That's why your reviews really motivate me to do more. Please review if you like it guys! X333**

**Thx for reading and dun forget to review!**


	5. Half Apologize and Half a Letter

**Forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. And I CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I WAS BECAUSE OF YOUR REVIEWS. Thank you so much! Am sorry I can't reply to everyone, Your reviews are all give me courage, even the anonymous ones! THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__5. Half Apologize and Half a Letter_

Celty had never really like Izaya. Izaya's arrogant and selfish attitude couldn't make Celty to think of him as a friend. You could say Izaya was just as far as an acquaintance for Celty (He was Celty's regular customer after all). If there was something happened to Izaya, Celty may concerned a little, but then again she would think that Izaya must be deserved it. There were many people who didn't like him for he had tricked them and toying with their feelings.

It was a little different in this case though.

She didn't know how and why, but seeing Izaya unconscious on the bed made her pitied him, even for a little. The raven haired man now was placed in one of Shinra's patient room, in his illegal underground laboratory. Shizuo had caught him on time when he suddenly collapsed in front of them before. Shinra had him examined then. He said that Izaya was just shocked because the lost of temporary oxygen and tired, though the three of them didn't know what made him wrenched of sweat upon his arrival at Shinra's apartment. It turned out later that the station which delivered the train from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro was delayed, and the taxis were all trapped in traffic jam because of the sudden exploding in Ikebukuro. Shinra, Celty and Shizuo realized it then.

Izaya was running all the way from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro—panicking, and desperately—only to tell the doctor and the dullahan about the bombardment in Shizuo's apartment. That's why Izaya was drenched in sweat.

Celty was confused. Izaya had never been the one to think of the others, especially Shizuo. He had always been the manipulative selfish bastard, who admitting his love to humans by made them suffer. He had always been the one who pulled the strings behind the curtain. And he admitted it himself that he loathed Heiwajima Shizuo, yet he was the first one to demand Celty about the information of the suspect behind the exploding. She could barely believe it herself that playful Izaya could panic and be in a discomposure like that. She wondered how and what made Izaya suddenly worried about another people—about an exploding—especially about Shizuo. It sounded a little crazy but she couldn't think of any reason, except…

Except if what she told Izaya another time before was right. That actually he didn't hate Shizuo.

A knock at the door interrupted Celty's thought. The dullahan opened the door and wasn't too surprised to see Shizuo—fully on bandage from head to toe (thank Shinra for that)—in front of her. What actually amazed her was the fact that Shizuo acted like there was nothing happened to his body at all. It reminded her hard that Shizuo was the strongest man in Ikebukuro.

"…How's he?" Shizuo asked, a little too soft than Celty usually heard.

Celty turned her helmet to the unconscious Izaya and then typed in her PDA. "It looks like he is just tired. Shinra have said it to you, right?"

"I just wanted to check on him," Shizuo replied.

They were silent for a while. Celty didn't know what was inside Shizuo's mind right now. He was surprisingly calm if he wanted to screw Izaya now. The blonde scratched his head then and broke the silent. "…Can I come in? I want to see his condition."

Now Celty was surprised. She crossed her arms, tilted her helmet a little, and then she typed on her PDA. "You're not going in to beat him up in his condition like this, right?"

Shizuo chuckled. "No, I'm not like that bastard flea to do things that low. I really just want to check on him, honest."

The dullahan hesitated a little. But she knew Shizuo long enough that she also knew that never even once Shizuo lied to her. She decided to trust him. "OK, I'll go get Shinra. Don't break anything if Izaya is awake in any chance, your wound will open again."

Shizuo laghed again and Celty felt relieved. She 'stared' at Shizuo for a little while before she left him with Izaya in the bedroom.

The bandaged blonde let out a sigh as the door was closed and approached the bed. He observed the unconscious man's condition carefully. He looked so different like this. Izaya's face looked less evil and surprisingly innocent when he was fast asleep. Being unconscious, he also looked weaker and more fragile than he usually did. Shizuo didn't like how much he softened to this bastard in front of him.

The bodyguard's face frowned when he saw Izaya's neck that full of bruises and marks that he caused. Shizuo hated Izaya, he knew that. Being framed by something he didn't do and caught by the police, fired from his job, being chased by gang after gang, it was all Izaya's fault. He couldn't have hated a person more than he hated Izaya. He would laugh evilly if he one day could make Izaya suffer and beg his forgiveness. He wanted to kill Izaya, and he almost did it before. But…

But he wasn't happy at all. Instead he felt guilt upon that.

"_It was you, wasn't it? It was you the one who sent the bomb to me, right? There is no one who hates me more than you do! YOU are the sender, right? Answer it, flea!"_

"_Shizu… chan… aagh… kh!"_

Shizuo wanted to deny that feeling. Really, he did, but he couldn't. Because Shizuo was the person who was honest with his feelings, and he knew that he really felt guilty at that. He accused Izaya for the things he didn't do, and he almost killed Izaya _the same way Izaya had trapped him before_. He wanted to kill Izaya, but not with the same, low way Izaya did. Not like this.

His heart clenched whenever he remembered the exploding. If he had been more cautious, this wouldn't have happened. Kasuka… Ruri… and then Izaya too, even though he didn't really care if he really killed this bastard.

"It would be much, much easier if you were the sender of the bomb. I could have killed you without any regrets," Shizuo said softly and he moved his hand to touch the bruised neck. "Dammit, why…"

The door was opened suddenly and Shizuo quickly pulled his hand from Izaya's little neck and turned his face to the door—only to see Shinra who looked a little eager, for Shizuo's confuse.

"Shizuo! you should watch this!" Shizuo wasn't given a chance to reply and the doctor had already pulled the blonde's arm towards the living room. At the living room, Shizuo also saw Celty—as eager as Shinra—giving him a gesture to watch the television. Being pushed by two directions and wasn't given any other choice, though confused, Shizuo turned his gaze towards the television. And he felt his eyes widened.

"_Good news for all Hanejima Yuhei's fans! He's awake now. Though he is still in a very weak condition, the doctor said that Hanejima-san has passed the critical condition. Right now, Hijiribe Ruri who is also a survivor of the exploding in Ikebukuro is with him on the hospital. This news is reported directly from the scene…"_

Shizuo couldn't say anything. He almost couldn't believe it himself—even he had some serious injuries—though he could barely feel it. But he didn't care how Kasuka and Ruri survived. If it was a miracle, given by God, he would right now give his grace prayer to Him.

Kasuka was safe. He and his girlfriend were still alive.

"Kasuka…"

Celty and Shinra realized it not too long that Shizuo was no longer watching the television and turned his face from them. "Shizuo?" Shinra asked, confusedly.

"Dammit…" Shizuo muttered. "That fucking bastard who sent the bomb made Kasuka hospitalized…"

Shiinra showed a concerned face. "But, he is still alive, Shizuo. Your brother is."

"I know! I fucking know that. I'm angry at the bomb sender for doing this thing to Kasuka. I really am angry, but…"

Shinra and Celty quickly approached Shizuo out of concern, but upon seeing his expression, Shinra smiled in relief and Celty could only comforted Shizuo by patting his shoulder.

A trail of tears wetted Shizuo's shaking face as he tried to hold his tears.

"But thank goodness he is safe…"

_***DRRR!***_

When he woke up, smells of drug and hospital pierced his nose. He thought he had died, but seeing where he was, he realized that he was still alive, breathing in one of Shinra's patient room. He sighed and he closed his eyes again. He tried to remember what had happened to make him lay on bed like this.

The door opened then and Izaya's red eyes blinked open. Shinra approached the bedroom and his eyebrows raised slightly as he found Izaya's eyes met him. "Ah, you've woken up."

Izaya opened his mouth to reply, but the sudden electricity of pain quickly hit his throat and he coughed hard. Shinra quickly slap Izaya's back repeatedly, tried to help his patient and then prepared a drink. "Don't push yourself to talk if you can't. Your neck must be hurt."

Izaya touched his neck softly, and then he remembered. Ah, that man… he almost killed him on this very spot. Izaya turned his gaze to Shinra. "Where is Shizu-chan?" He asked with a hoarse voice.

Shinra widened his eyes a little, though he replied still. "He has gone. He called Tom when you were still unconscious. It looks like he is going to stay with him for a while."

Izaya blinked. Oh,Tom, yes of course. He had forgotten about him.

"Is that so…" Izaya let out a mumble, and then he chuckled. "Ah, that's right. He doesn't have any place to live anymore, does he? It would be far better if he died by the bomb, but guess it's impossible for Shizu-chan huh?"

Shinra groaned and shook his head. "I thought you were concerned of him?"

Izaya smirked. "Me? You must be kidding. You know we have hated each other since our first meeting."

Shinra helped Izaya sat on the bed and forced the younger man to drink the painkillers. "Well then, can you explain me why you were so panic and eager about the bombardment in Shizuo's apartment?"

Izaya fell silent for a while, and then he replied, "I have business with the bomb sender. He provoked me with bombing Shizu-chan's apartment apparently. I… don't give a damn about Shizu-chan, I'm just annoyed because he mocked me. He thought he could kill Shizu-chan before I do."

Shinra was surprised. He then grinned. "I thought you love all humans? So you can angry with them too huh?"

"Of course." Izaya smiled innocently. "You can think of it as lover quarrels. We will quickly make up after I make him suffer for all the trouble he caused to me."

The doctor shook his head. "You really like to make enemies don't you? Why your way of showing your love must be like that, I wonder…"

"Love has many forms, wasn't it?" Izaya tried to get up from the bed and reached for his fluffy jacket. "If what you mean by love is like what you feel towards Celty, I don't think I will ever feel it. Wait, scratch that—maybe I love the humans the way you love her… I just… love humans this way."

Shinra frowned. "You shouldn't get up now. Your body won't make it if you get back to Shinjuku now." Izaya ignored Shinra's warn and moved to leave the room. Just before he left the room though, he stopped as he remembered something.

"Shizu-chan said Kasuka-kun's name before." Izaya knew Shizuo really treasured his brother. Probably that's why he was so angry before. "Was Kasuka-kun with him at the apartment? Did he…"

"No," Shinra cut abruptly. "He's not dead. I and Celty just watched the news. It's great that he's safe. Shizuo has just gone to see him too, apparently."

Izaya widened his red eyes. "I'm not surprised with Shizu-chan, he is a monster in human skin, but to think Kasuka-kun can survive a bomb…"

"Well, he's in a very serious condition and had been in a coma, but he's awake now." Shinra replied, smiling. "Maybe because Hijiribe Ruri was with him."

Izaya blinked twice. Then he smirked. "Ah, that girl… I heard she's Kasuka-kun's girlfriend… but looks like there's something more, eh?"

"Yeah. She proctected him, I guess," Shinra said again, and then exclaimed cheerfully. "Aaaaaaaaah I'm so happy both of them safe! I and Celty are Hijiribe Ruri's fans you see!" The doctor's face then turned serious in a second. "You're aware of it too, aren't you? Even though she's not as strong as Shizuo, but her physical strength is not normal… She's not an ordinary human."

"Well, then I'm guessing right," Izaya answered cooly. "Okay, I'm going home now. Gotta investigate that bomb sender. Bye Shinra!"

Shinra wasn't given chance to reply and Izaya had already gone. He sighed as he scratched his head. "Really, that guy… So transparent with his own feelings. It's kinda cute how he keeps denying it."

_***DRRR!***_

_I hate Shizu-chan._

_I really really hate him._

_What did Celty and Namie said is bullshit. I don't need to check and observe my own feelings. I know of my feelings the most. It was because of them I feel… weird like this. Even though I know that I hate Shizu-chan._

_Oh, calm yourself Izaya. You want to kill Shizu-chan. You just want to get your revenge with Yadogiri because he provocated you, not for Shizu-chan._

_Besides… Shizu-chan is still alive now._

_Still… alive…_

Izaya shook his head furiously and stared at the window of a building that mirrored his reflection, somewhere near his apartment in Shinjuku. He could see the bruises on his neck and anger began to build in his chest. He touched his neck softly.

_He almost killed me._

"Dammit…" Izaya walked faster to his apartment, afraid that maybe Yadogiri was watching him right now somewhere. He quickly went upstairs and about to open his apartment door when the door opened from the inside by Namie. Both of them widened their eyes and blinked.

"What's with the bruises on your neck?" Namie asked. The younger man didn't miss the smirk she gave him and he groaned. "Don't mock me now. You know Shizu-chan did this. Anyway, where are you going?"

"What? I've done my work here, so I'm going home now." Namie walked passed Izaya, but then she stopped and turned her face to the informant broker, grinning. "Wait, I thought Heiwajima Shizuo is dead? You said it before you were gone. So he is still alive?"

Izaya felt embarrassment ascended to his cheeks annoyingly. _Dammit, this woman is becoming more and more clever at mocking me. _"Shut up, Namie. Just go home of you want to."

"Fine, fine." Namie sang as Izaya slammed the door in front of the older woman. She looked like she had fun teasing the man who was one of the most feared one in Ikebukuro. Izaya gritted his teeth in annoyance and let his body collapsed on the sofa.

_Damn… if it's about Shizu-chan… everything always screwed up._

Izaya yawned. So much happened today and he was very tired. He touched his neck softly again, trying to feel the bruises that monster made. And surprisingly—even for himself—he felt his lips tugged into a smile.

_At least Yadogiri failed at killing him_, Izaya tried to comfort his self before he fell asleep.

_***DRRR!***_

_Now, what should I do with Yadogiri before he ran his plan…_

Ikebukuro, 10.00 AM

The best thing to do to clear your mind and to think with a cold head is by walking in Ikebukuro—for Orihara Izaya, at least. He could do it in his apartment in Shinjuku, but he was bored and wanted to have a trip in here. You could say, almost risking his own life because he knew there was someone who is not dead by bomb here that wanted to kill him, yet he still wanted to come here. But in here, he could think while seeing all the humans he loved so much. He could do that in Shinjuku too, but the people in Ikebukuro were far more interesting.

"Hey, Izaya! Want some sushi? Sushi is good. Sushi is yummy. Our sushi is fresh."

Izaya blinked and realized that he just passed the Russian sushi restaurant he often came to eat. Somehow he wasn't aware of it until the big man with black skin called his name. He wondered if he was too busy with his own thoughts.

"Hey there, Simon." Izaya tried to give his best smile to the man who punched him hard once.

Simon approached him and gave him a flyer before his face turned serious. "The explosion yesterday," Simon said with Russian language. "Were you the one behind it?"

Izaya felt shiver ran in his body. "No," He still tried to smile playfully. "But what if I were?"

"Dunno, but I think I'll do more than just a punch, really." Simon said with a very intimidating normal expression, to Izaya's annoyance.

"Well, but if it's not you, then good." Simon went back to his broken Japanese and smiled again. "Want some sushi? We have discount now with tuna."

Upon hearing the tuna, his ears perked up, but Izaya shook his head. "Sorry, Simon, not now. I've got things to do."

_I need to think a plan to make a plan against Yadogiri's plan. The problem is I must do it fast before Shizu-chan find me—_

"IIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAA-KUUUUN!"

_OH SHIT._

The brunette didn't need to think twice to run away from the spot he stood right now, leaving Simon in confusion. Being chased by Shizu-chan for years, his body said that he had to move now before his body was crushed by some vending machine. Unfortunately, because he was talking to Simon before—and he was still tired from yesterday's marathon from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro—his body react a little late and Izaya could only say his prayers as he imagined what would happen with his body after being thrown by a vending machine.

…_bukh._

Izaya's eye blinked open in surprise when he realized that it wasn't a vending machine that was thrown toward his head. It was a can of soda, fell neatly to Izaya's hands right after it hit his head.

_The fuck? _The raven haired man turned his face hesitantly and found a certain man with a neat new bartender suit who was walking towards him with a vending machine in one of his hand. Crowd of people calmly made a way for the most two feared in Ikebukuro and tried to avoid the place as far as they could.

Izaya was stared at Shizuo—still with the shocked widened red eyes—confusedly, that Shizuo couldn't help but to chuckle at Izaya's expression. As he was now standing in front of the information broker, he lit his cigarette. "Yo."

Izaya blinked for the umpteenth time, and then he laughed. Hard. "What the hell are you doing Shizu-chan? Had you threw the vending machine instead, I would have knocked down entirely. So you're being generous today?" Izaya opened the soda can that was thrown to his head and drunk it.

"I just wanted to check if you are okay now," Shizuo replied rather calmly to Izaya's surprise. "You were not in a well condition for me to kill before, and I mistook you for bombing my apartment."

Izaya raised his eyebrows, and then smirked mockingly. "Aah, so you're telling me that you're sorry to me for yesterday, ehh?" Izaya showed his slender neck and pointed to the red marks. "Even Shizu-chan can say sorry to me whom he hates so much? You're so kind! If it was me, I would definitely take the chance to kill you, you know!"

"Don't compare me with you, flea." Shizuo said in irritate. Veins began to pop in his forehead. "I'm not that low to attack you when you're in a weak condition. If you want to count it as apologize, well whatever."

Now that was a shock. Izaya's red eyes widened open and he felt himself blushing. Why the hell he said that? Izaya had thought he was going to explode in anger and began to chase him. He had always been like that. He was supposed to deny what he had said, but with that annoying calm attitude, he just… apologized, to him?

_An unpredictable guy, huh? That's why I hate you so much._

"Don't play jokes with me, you only do this for Kasuka-kun don't you?" Izaya tried to stay calm and smiled his mocking smile. "I didn't expect you to say all those things, but it's disgusting. It's not like you to say sorry to me."

"I don't care," Shizuo answered rather calmly to Izaya's annoyance. "I hate you, but I am the one in mistake yesterday. If I feel guilt, I don't need to hide my feelings. I won't lie like you do. I am not going to do low tricks like you either."

"Ouch, Shizu-chan, what kind of apologize was that?"

"Weeeeell, looks like you're fine now." Shizuo grinned and raised the vending machine he had been carrying. "So it's fine for me to throw this thing to your head and kill you properly, right?"

Izaya blinked. For a second, he thought that Shizuo had changed, but no, he hadn't. He was still the same Shizuo—the unpredictable, dangerous, short tempered Shizuo. Izaya laughed again. "Really, Shizu-chan, you remind me of how much I hate you."

"Same here," Shizuo replied and threw the vending machine right after. To Izaya's surprise, it looked like the bartender suited man purposefully missed him. Still smirking, Shizuo justified his glasses and broke one of the street sign near them to be his next weapon. "Next time, I won't miss."

Izaya took this chance to run and the 'cat and dog game' began again. He could feel Shizuo now was running to chase him and began his chant: "COME BACK HERE YOU BASTARD FLEA!" He could feel his adrenaline rushing fast. He could feel him behind his back. He could feel his heart thumped in anticipation and excitement, though he didn't know why. He laughed with relief.

Somehow, Izaya missed this.

_***DRRR!***_

"Aah, they're at it again," Tom whistled with a bored tone.

Akane frowned and crossed her hand while Tom laughing. They met accidentally on their way in this Ikebukuro, and it turned out that both of them have some business with the same person, Heiwajima Shizuo. That being said, they decided to go together and had a chat, until a certain vending machine flew above them and crushed into the nearest building.

"I thought they have made up with each other? Shizuo onii-chan said that he and Izaya onii-chan are good friends. It must be another misunderstanding right?"

Tom laughed half heartedly, didn't know if he should say to the innocent girl in front of him the truth of Izaya and Shizuo's relationship or to keep Akane unaware of that and let Shizuo's white lie planted on her head. But seeing Akane's sparkling eyes that looked so eager to reconcile them, Tom didn't dare to crush her hope.

"Ahahaha, they have always been like that. But don't worry, Shizuo said it to you himself right? They really are _good friends_. They will make up soon enough."

Akane smiled in relief, and the dread haired man sweated. _God dammit Shizuo… you make me lie to children… I will surely go to hell this way…_

It looked like Izaya was succeeded in his escape, because few moments later they could hear Shizuo's annoyed yell and see him walking to their way. When Shizuo realized that his sempai and Akane was in front of him, hearing all his curses and yells, he blushed slightly. "Did you hear…?"

"Everything," Tom answered confidently. "Akane heard it too, right Akane-chan?"

Shizuo sweated and he blushed harder. He just yelled all those inappropriate-for-children words in front of a girl whose height was no higher than his waist. Dammit.

Akane hit Shizuo's leg (because that's as far as she could hit) with her frowned face. "You're fighting with Izaya onii-chan again! I knew I should have taught that song to you."

Shizuo widened his eyes. "Song? What song?"

"I said it to you, didn't I?" Akane tried to remind the tall blond. "The song that will make you never fight with each other again and will always on good terms."

"Aah yeah, I guess I remember now." Shizuo scratched his head a little as he began to remember. Yesterday she told him that after he broke himself free from the ruined apartment. He kinda forgot it because he was furious to kill Izaya that time. He didn't really want to hear it, of course because he didn't have any interest to make up with that bastard, but seeing Akane's eagerness to tell Shizuo about the song, Shizuo sweated. He didn't want to crush this girl's hope.

"Err… how's it work?" Shizuo finally said half heartedly and Akane 'yay'-ed with a cheerful smile. "bend over a little, will you? You're too tall for me."

Tom chuckled as he saw Shizuo who couldn't refuse Akane. It was rare to see the most strongest and feared man in Ikebukuro complied to a child after all. Tom tried to stay cool as he opened his can of coffee he had been keeping.

"You must sing it in front of the person you want to have peace with in order for the song to have effect—in this case, Izaya onii-chan." Akane explained with an innocent smile. A spit of coffee hit the road inelegantly from Tom's mouth.

_HELL NO_. "Of course Akane-chan." Shizuo smiled to her before he glared to his sempai who was trying with all his might not to laugh. "And then?"

Akane smiled shyly. "Don't laugh if my voice is bad, kay? Here I go." And she began to sing.

Surprising enough for both Shizuo and Tom, her voice wasn't all that bad. In fact, she's very good at singing for children her age.

"_Faithful, faithful friend, I shall not betray you, for I am your friend who thinks of you the most…"_

Tom drank his coffee as he hummed the song Akane sang, while Shizuo was still stunned in amaze at Akane's beautiful voice.

"_Please don't let you be a dream. There aren't many people…"_

Shizuo didn't realize something was wrong because he was enjoying Akane's voice too much until her face was now just merely inches from his. His eyes widened in surprise when Akane's hand cupped Shizuo's face.

"…_as special as you."_

And she kissed him in the lips.

Tom dropped his coffee with his eyes almost dropped out from their places, while Shizuo felt his jaw dropped to the cement of the road, as Akane pulled out from his lips. His head was trying to disgest what the hell had just happened. A girl whose height was no higher than his waist and age was no way more than 12, just kissed him. ON THE LIPS to be exact.

"Akane-chan." He didn't know how long it took to be able to get his voice out from his mouth. Akane tilted her head innocently. "Yes?"

"You just kissed me," Shizuo felt his lips moved. He didn't dare to imagine what kind of expression he wore to Akane right now. He felt a shiver ran into his spine and sweat wet his entire body. "On lips."

Akane blushed a little. "Ah, well… you see, you must end the song like that, if you don't do it, the song won't have any effect."

There was a loud crack in Shizuo's brain and he was stunned in silence. His brain was processing what Akane had just said to him.

_You mean, I must sing that damn song and end it with kissing that bastard flea—_

Smokes came out from Shizuo and Akane panicked. "Shi, Shizuo-oniichan? What's wro—"

"He's broken," Tom pat Akane's shoulder with a sigh. "Akane, can you tell me who taught you that song?"

The girl was confused. "My friend taught me. It's pretty popular in my school… I wonder what's wrong with Shizuo onii-chan… The smokes keep coming from his head!"

Tom's eyebrows raised a little. So it wasn't Izaya who taught that song to this poor girl? He face palmed. "Akane-chan… you see, kiss on lips was only for lovers, so Shizuo couldn't do it with Izaya. They're both guys. I think you misunderstood something about this song."

"Eeeeeeeeeh? So it's wrong?" Akane looked sad and more panicked. "I'm sorry Shizuo onii-chan! I don't know about that! Please be awake!" She shook Shizuo's shoulder with no result. Tom slapped his own forehead. Hard.

"Shizuo, wake up, won't you?" Tom hit Shizuo's back a little. "I have some business here."

Senses finally come to Shizuo and he blinked. "Huh? Oh, sorry. I was… shocked."

"Shizuo onii-chan!" Akane began to cry. "I'm so sorry! I don't know if you can't kiss Izaya onii-chan! Just forget what I said!" She hugged his leg while she sobbed, and Shizuo was taken aback, flustered and confused of what he should do to calm the little girl.

_Even without her telling that, he will definitely try to forget it as hard as he could. _Tom laughed half heartedly. Then he remembered of something.

"Shizuo, here." Tom handed an envelope to Shizuo and the bartender blinked in confuse.

"What's this?"

"I dunno. Someone asked me to give it to you. I don't even know the man."

Shizuo opened the envelope and he only found a letter there. He read it confusedly, and his eyes widened in surprise. Veins popped in his forehead, and he gritted his teeth. "Tom-san, I'm going to be late tonight. You can eat first and go to sleep first, don't wait for me."

Tom narrowed his eyes in suspicious. "Who is it from? Is it Izaya?"

The tall blonde shook his head while Akane looked at the other two confusedly. "Shizuo onii-chan what's wrong?" The blonde patted Akane's head, but he didn't return her gaze.

"It's the sender of the bomb." Shizuo said as he crumbled the letter in anger. "I'll make him pay for what he did to Kasuka."

_***DRRR!***_

Shinjuku, 10.30 PM

Namie heard the door was opened and she saw the informant broker came in with an annoying smile on his face. She 'greeted' him as he made his way to his lovely spinning chair.

"Aah, I'm so tired!" Izaya sang, and Namie blinked. "Really, Shizu-chan is so annoying. He kept chasing me, not caring of my poor condition. It's a good thing I'm clever at running away. Namie, Coffee please."

Namie felt her eyes twitched in annoyance, but complied anyway. She stared at Izaya for a while as Izaya drunk his coffee. Upon meeting her gaze, Izaya smirked. "What is it? Don't tell me you've fallen in love for me? I'm so happy!"

"It's not that you bastard," Namie hissed in annoyance. "You're just… so weird right now."

"Hee~" Izaya hummed. "What makes you think so?"

"You look happy for being chased by that Heiwajima Shizuo."

Izaya burst his drink, to Namie's surprise and he was looked a little horrified now. Namie tried to hold her smirk.

"Y-you think so?" Izaya laughed. Namie wasn't convinced. The younger brunette sweated.

RING-RING

_Saved by the bell!_ Izaya sighed in relief and he opened his cell phone while Namie grumbled in annoynce. When he was about to answer the call, though, his eyes frowned.

It was private number.

Smirking, Izaya answered the call as he leaned to his chair. "Hello?"

"_Why hello, Orihara-san?"_

"Yadogiri-san… I presume?" Izaya swirled his chair. He needed to be calm. He needed to stay calm, he reminded himself as he changed his position to the more comfortable one.

The voice on the other line chuckled. _"You are rather calm this time. I guess you have some plans in your mind already right now huh?"_

"Weeeeeeeell who knows?" Izaya sang. "What business do you have with me this time?"

"_I don't have any actually,"_ the voice replied as Izaya stop his swirling. His head began to dizzy. _"But I do want to tell you something."_

"And what is it?"

"_I sent a letter to Heiwajima Shizuo-san to come alone at 11.00 PM to the rooftop of Nebula Corporation. Complete with 'from the sender of the bomb' written in it. I wonder if he will come?"_

Izaya's body tensed. "You _what_?"

Yadogiri laughed this time. _"Ah, you're panicked! So you do care about him!"_

"No I'm not," Izaya tried to calm himself, as he made his voice heard more confident. "Do whatever you want with him. Why are you telling me about this? What 's happening with Shizu-chan is out of my concern."

Namie's ears perked out at the mention of Heiwajima Shizuo's name and narrowed her eyes.

"_I just want to tell you about this,"_ Yadogiri was clearly mocking Izaya by telling this. Izaya was aware of that and he clenched his fist in annoyance. _"If you don't care, well that's okay. I just want to tell you that I'm going to kill him. But you hate him right? So you won't care about something like this, right?"_

Izaya's eyes widened in surprise, and he could feel his heart thumped uneasily. He was shivering and shaking in anger. This person… he was toying with him. "Yadogiri!"

"_Well, I just wanted to tell you that! If you hate him, then it's okay for me to kill him right? It may be hard to kill him, but human is a human right? Even if I shot his heart or his head, you won't come to the rescue right, Orihara Izaya? Ahahahaha!"_

"YADOGIRI YOU—!"

Yadogiri hung up. Izaya slammed his cell phone to the floor and cursed in frustration. The older woman looked at him with narrowed eyes. She had never even once seen the red eyed man like this.

"Dammit…" Izaya muttered.

_Shizu-chan…_

"DAMMIT!"

**Guys, I love reviews, so much 3**

**Btw, probably Yadogiri Jinnai is OOC, since I only read so little about him, and I don't even know what his face looked like. I just made up his character so it fit the story.**


	6. Half Realization and Half of Confession

**Forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. Sorry I took a long time to update. I've many things to do too X3 Plz forgive? And Thanks for many reviews once again guys!**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__6. Half Realization and Half of Confession_

_First time he met him, Orihara Izaya had already interested in him._

_Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't like the others human he loved. He was different, both his feelings and his body. He had a power of a monster and a very short temper, yet in the same time, he had a soft heart and cared for anyone he fond of. And just like he was different with the other humans, Izaya was different by the other humans too. Though Izaya had the same weak, fragile body like the other humans, mentally he was different, as he chose the way to be a God. To see another person who was also different by the others, he couldn't be happier._

_He hadn't realized that he had fallen in love with Heiwajima Shizuo, the same way he loved humans, back then._

Shinjuku, 10.35 PM

_Tic toc tic toc tic toc…_

"Time is cruel. No matter how you want it to wait for you, it will never stop. It will keep walking and walking, leaving you all alone behind. It will never wait. Are you aware of that?"

10.36 PM

_Tic toc tic toc tic toc…_

"Of course I'm aware of that. In fact, I know very much that even if I break this clock, or change the time of the clock, or even if I beg the God to stop the time, the time will keep walking, and walking… never stop for me."

10.37 PM

_Tic toc tic toc tic toc…_

"Well then," Namie's eyes twitched hard in annoyance, "If you know it that much, then why the hell are you still playing with that clock? What's wrong with you?"

Izaya turned his gaze from the clock he held to his secretary who was now standing in front of his desk, veins popping in her forehead and arms crossing in her chest. Sighing, the raven haired young man put the clock back to his desk and threw his body to his whirling chair. He frowned in frustration as he closed his red eyes. He didn't know what to do right now.

He took a peek at Namie's watch. It was 10.45. Izaya groaned. The time was running out, but he didn't know what the hell he must do. No, actually, _he knew that he didn't need to do anything_. Torn by choices and confuse he kept himself there, unmoving and sweating in feelings he had never once felt before. It was kind mix of anger, confused, fear, humiliated and… worries. He hated it. He hated to be so confused like this. He hated to be toyed like this. And… he hated to be so concerned about the man he shared mutual hatred with.

The older woman on the other hand, justified her glasses as she stared at her boss with a frown. It was night, without any light being turned on. But the big transparent window behind the younger man showed enough light from the moon to show his expression clearly. Had he look calmer, the scene would have looked more charming, as the moonlight illuminated his pale skin and slender body clearly, showing his beauty even more. But Namie wasn't interested of him. She acknowledged his appeal, but she knew that she didn't love anyone except for her brother, Yagiri Seiji. Namie was kinda intrigued by the scene in front of her, in fact.

Namie always had fun if she saw that arrogant man's plans sometimes backfired on himself. She always liked to see him flustered and annoyed—it served him right for being such a total asshole and an uncaring person. But this time, it was kinda different. Not even once she saw Izaya lose his calm and temper even though he'd been punched by that Russian guy Simon or he'd been stabbed or if his plan was ruined. Though sometimes she saw him flinched in annoyance, but Namie knew Izaya always enjoyed his own game thoroughly. He knew himself every evil things had he done to the others would eventually came back at himself. That being said, to see him lose his temper and calm… to see Orihara Izaya was desperately angry and lost like this felt kinda unreal for her. Though she wanted to laugh at him and mock him, she found herself unable to do so.

And it's all just because of one call that included Heiwajima Shizuo's name—that protozoic brained monster in human skin. Namie narrowed her eyes even more at the man in front of her.

"It was that call, wasn't it?" She said loudly to catch the raven haired man's attention in front of her. The woman with the glasses on her knew it was right when she saw Izaya's hand startled a little, and his ruby colored eyes widened slightly. "You… mentioned Heiwajima Shizuo. What's wrong with him? What was that call about?"

Izaya didn't answer her. Instead he narrowed his eyes and turned his gaze from the older woman purposefully. Namie clenched her fist and gritted her teeth in anger. She had a very big urge to slap him hard right now.

"IZAYA!"

At that, Izaya's body startled and his eyes widened fully in shock. His shocked gaze slowly met Namie's angry stare. He was surprised to see that… even inside her angry blackish brown eyes, he could see concern inside.

"I know it's not my business," She said, her voice was calmer, and her gaze softened, though still showing her anger clearly. "And I don't know why the hell I should care about this, but I do. I care about you, bastard. And don't ever mention it as love. You look so lost right now, and it intrigues me so much."

Izaya knew, staring at someone with mouth hanging open was rude, but he couldn't help it. He stared with widened shock eyes, couldn't believe he would ever heard those words from humans, especially from Yagiri Namie. Had the situation been different, he would have laughed mockingly and teased her for her 'love' to him. To his own surprise, Izaya found his self was a little happy to hear those words, as if he had been longed to hear those words from anyone.

Izaya finally softened his gaze and sighed. He and Namie had never been close, but working together for such a long time, he realized that even their relationship changed. Izaya maybe a bastard who didn't care about other's lives and feelings, but he actually realized that even for just a bit, he still cared for those he acquaintance with. Izaya not only cared about Namie, but also Shinra, Celty, that Mikado kid, his sisters, Saki and even Kida, though he sometimes used them for his plan and cruelly toying with their feelings, but he found himself wanted to be called a 'friend' by them too. He found himself wanted to be in the same circle of life with them, though he didn't want to let go his path of being God. Probably, Namie felt the same thing with him.

"You've been very weird lately," Namie said again. There was no doubt that there was concern in her tone this time. "What the hell is wrong with you? What was that call about? What happened with Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"You… are a smart woman." Izaya finally spoke softly, finally gave in and tried to give her his trust. "Try to guess. The clue is the person that just called me was the same person who stabbed me and the same person who sent the bomb to Shizu-chan's apartment."

Namie raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Then, he knows that Heiwajima Shizuo is still alive, and he wants to kill him?" Namie guessed and received applause from Izaya who smiled cheerfully.

"Exactly."

"But…" Namie frowned in confusion. "Why the hell did he call you to tell that? You have nothing to do with his plan and Heiwajima Shizuo…"

The younger man's smile dropped and Namie blinked.

"… don't you?" She pushed. Izaya clicked his tongue in annoyance and stood from his chair, but still did nothing. Namie could see him trembling in anger and confusion.

"_That's Orihara Izaya, he went to our middle school." Shinra introduced calmly with a big grin on his face, as Izaya gave applause to the blonde's enormous strength. There he was, Heiwajima Shizuo, stood alone in the middle of injured bodies of the unlucky people who accidentally or purposefully piss him off. Shizuo glared at the smirking Izaya and Shinra annoyingly who'd been watching him beating up those people. "He's not a good guy… Actually, he's kind of an asshole." Shinra added again, grin still plastered at his face. _

"_That's awful, Shinra." Izaya gave a little fake disappointed sigh, though he was still smirking. Shinra chuckled then. "No, no. I didn't mean it in a negative way."_

"_You piss me off."_

_Izaya felt something in his heart ache in surprise. That was an unpleasant feeling. And he definitely didn't like it. What was that word again? Ah… 'rejected' was it?_

"_Oh?" The raven haired man winked playfully to the Shizuo, still smirking, as he hided his real emotion behind that mask._

"I… honestly don't know." The raven haired man confessed. He felt his heart ached, so much that it felt uneasy and annoying. He didn't like this feeling at all. "I hated Shizu-chan so much. If It was me in the past, I would definitely not care of what happened to him. Seriously, I wanted him dead. But now… it's different."

Namie was surprised by this. At the same time, some realization hit her head hard. She stared at the information broker who now was clenching his fist in anger. _This man is…_

"I mean, seriously… It's not like Shizu-chan could be killed that easy… That Yadogiri bastard just told me to provoke me by killing Shizu-chan first! Like he wants to show off that he could do better things from me, and he's toying with me by Shizu-chan!" Izaya's voice was getting louder and louder and Namie could hear desperate tone in his voice. "I am supposed to hate him, not caring of what will happen to him! It has always been like that until you and Celty said all those weird things about me not hating him! Even now, I know I can pretend like nothing happened. I can pretend like I didn't hear anything, just let that Yadogiri kills him, I don't care. It's not like he can kill Shizu-chan easily anyway, and it should be a good thing for me since I want Shizu-chan dead… probably Yadogiri will be lucky and is able to kill him… But… even so, why…"

Izaya shut his eyes as hard as he could and he took a deep breath. And then the raven haired man opened his red eyes and smiled. The smile was kinda heartwarming, but because it was Izaya who smiled that smile, Namie found that smile is intriguing. It was a fake smile, she realized, and she realized he hide his real feelings with that smile too.

"Ne, Namie, I figured you should be an expert at things like this…" Izaya spoke softly. "Then tell me, why the hell I feel this uneasiness of the thought of Shizu-chan being killed? Why the hell even though I want to ignore him, I can't? Why even though I hate him and want him dead, I can't shake the ache that now built in my heart?"

"Why…" Izaya was no longer hide his desperate now as his voice shaking. "Why though I know that he won't be killed that easily, I am still afraid of… losing him?"

Namie's eyes softened and she let out a little sigh. She couldn't do anything for him and his feelings. All she could do just listening for him.

"I hate him so much, that's why…" Izaya looked like he was begging now. His gaze desperately sought for an answer from Namie, who looked at him sadly. "This… this can't be love, right?"

The older woman's eyes saddened as she closed her eyes.

10.40 PM

_Tic toc tic toc tic toc…_

"…Izaya," Namie adjusted her glasses and she said softly. "Do you want Heiwajima Shizuo to die?"

Izaya's eyes widened in surprise and his body trembled slightly at the mention of the name, but then he laughed. "What are you talking about? You know that I hate him the most Namie-san. Of course I want him dead." He played at her name in which Namie gritted her teeth in annoyance.

"Answer me, honestly." She crossed her arms and glared at Izaya.

"I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!" Izaya yelled and Namie startled in shock. The raven haired man was showing his expression fully now. Anger, pain, denying, and confuse was overwhelming in his eyes, his voice and his face. "I hate him! I hate him, that's why… I certainly want him dead! I SHOULD want him dead! It must be that! Because I hate… I hate…"

Izaya gritted his teeth and his expression changed. _He looks so… desperate_, Namie cringed.

"No… I don't want him to die… I can't let him die… dammit, why…"

Before she realized it, despite her own dislike and little fear to the younger man, she approached him, placing one of her and to his shoulder. He looked so vulnerable, she couldn't help it. Izaya was startled at the touch and his eyes widened in surprise, but he relaxed at her touch and leaned in, seeking for more comfort.

"You're so idiot," Namie spoke softly. "How could you hate him if you realized that you don't want him to die? You should have been cleverer than that rather than denying your feelings."

Izaya shut his eyes hard andb turned his expression from Namie so she couldn't see it. He didn't want to admit what she had just said, though he knew… she was right.

"I don't know if you love him or not, because of your sick mind, but…" Namie said again. "But you don't hate him."

"_Too bad, I thought you and I could have some fun." Izaya smirked as he stared at the glaring blonde in front of him. The veins had already popped out from his forehead. _

"_Shut up." He turned his face from Izaya. A true rejection, it was, and Izaya began to feel annoyed. Was that what he wanted? So Heiwajima Shizuo didn't want to have any relation with him? Just like that, and they were not going to know each other? Fist meeting, and then just forgetting each other?_

_Well Izaya didn't want that._

"_Don't be like that, Shizuo-kun." Izaya smirked and he knew he had pushed the button he wanted to when Shizuo turned his face again to him, eyes twitching and made a run towards him with a raging yell to punch him. Izaya just ducked him easily and flicked his switchblade as Shizuo destroyed the desk the raven haired man had been sitting on. Shinra gave a little gasp as Izaya swung his switchblade behing Shizuo's back. Shizuo was a little late to turned around and ducked as the blade carved his chest—not too deep, but enough to give a scar—and ripped his uniform. Shizuo gritted his teeth as Izaya smirked maliciously._

_If he was going to be hated in the end, if he was going to be hated by the person he loved, then he decided to be the first to hate before that happened._

"_See?" Izaya gave him a mocking smile. "Its fun, isn't it?"_

The younger man let his head fell to Namie's shoulder, to the woman's surprise. He was processing everything Namie had just said to him. It was no use denying. If he was denying this any longer, he wouldn't be able to accept his own self, thus he wouldn't be able to control his own life, let alone humans.

Angrily he accepted, that all those trolling he had done, all those framing and setting up to the police, getting him fired from his job and their little dangerous game they had been playing… it wasn't because of hatred. It was because he was desperate to have Shizuo in his life and made himself an important object in Shizuo's life, though he was only an object of hatred. He maybe also jealous because Shizuo could have real friends in his life, when Izaya himself couldn't get the love he longed from humans that he loved so much. But angrily, and unwillingly, Izaya had to admit it.

Izaya loved him. Even back then. Even now.

The younger brunette released himself from Namie's hug and the older woman blinked in confuse. "Izaya?"

"I… I gotta go now." Izaya smiled his usual smirk, which somehow made Namie relieved, though she didn't show it. Instead, she gave him an annoyed sigh and gave him his cellphone that he had slammed before. Izaya raised his eyebrows.

"I'm going to stay tonight." Namie said with an expressionless face, despite her concerning words. "Be back as soon as you can."

Izaya looked at his cellphone, and then at Namie, and then he smirked again and took his cellphone. "Thanks. I should have known that you really love me."

"Oh, in case you don't know, I demand for bonus salary if you ever make me comfort you again. It's not free you know. I only supposedly do this without charge to Seiji and Seiji only." Namie said coldly with an arrogant pose and Izaya chuckled.

"Ouch, that hurts." He pretended to be hurt, but still smiling playfully and took his jacket before he left his apartment.

_***DRRR!***_

10.48 PM, somewhere in the streets of Shinjuku towards Nebula.

He didn't care that some people were looking at him with weird gaze for running at such late night. He didn't care that probably Yadogiri was watching him from somewhere, laughing at his foolishness. He didn't care that he knew Yadogiri was mind provoking him—he knew that to win this battle with Yadogiri, he shouldn't have come to Nebula.

He didn't want to win this battle by risking Shizuo's life after all.

He cursed himself, how could he let everything screwed up like this? How could he let himself drowned by Yadogiri's plan, purposefully? How could he fall in love to that brute bastard, just like he loved the humans?

"Why… so unpredictable… even you screw my feelings Shizu-chan," Izaya breathed to no one as he ran.

"That's why I hate you so much."

Izaya finally slowed down and tried to catch his breath when he saw the big building of Nebula Corporation in front of him. It wasn't for public, of course, but Izaya could manage to get in. He was Orihara Izaya after all. He was the master of parkour and all. He carefully slipped to the building. And get in to the elevator as fast as he could. Luckily for him, no one caught him. The last thing he wanted right now was being caught by anyone here. Even though Izaya could pull some strings if he was being caught now, it would eat up some his precious time. And the time was running out.

He needed to reach Shizuo first before Yadogiri Jinnai did.

The raven haired man looked at the last stairs that lead to the rooftop. He ascended it, breathing harshly and grabbed the handle of the door. He took a deep breath before he made his mind (_Ugh, I'm so going to regret this_) and opened the door.

The wind blew hard to his face and he shut his eyes in reflects as his body responded to the coldness of the night, shivering badly. He slowly opened his red eyes and examined the place. The rooftop was pretty large and wide, but there was no one there. Izaya blinked. He checked his cellphone and looked at the time. It was 11.08 PM.

Izaya felt uneasiness built in his chest and hesitantly walked to the center of the building's top. He was shivering, annoyed, and though he didn't want to think about it, he was actually a bit scared.

"Shizu-chan?" He whispered, uncertain to whom. The gushing of cold wind's voice was his only reply.

Izaya felt his eyes twitched in annoyance. What the hell? Did Yadogiri trick him? Did Yadogiri just lie to him and toy with him, just like he had always done? Did he come all the way to here for nothing? Or did Shizuo ignore the letter and decide not to come here? But with Shizuo's short temper and what had happened with Kasuka, there's no way Shizuo wouldn't come. So it was just a fluke by Yadogiri then? So that bastard was trolling with him, playing with his feelings, and probably laughing at him from somewhere?

All those thought was fortunately (or unfortunately) dismissed from his mind as he felt something hit him very hard from his back, sending him flying to the cement of the rooftop repeatedly. Izaya groaned in pain as he tasted that coppery sweet taste of his blood in his mouth. He cursed as he tried to get up, but a kick sent him back to the floor again and this time, he coughed blood. His head was spinning and he tilted his head above to see who did this to him.

Izaya's red eyes widened in shock as they met with a familiar pair of brownish, honey colored eyes that filled with anger and fury.

It was Heiwajima Shizuo, stood in front of him, looking down at him with a very cold expression. Izaya didn't like that expression at all. That expression didn't fit him. Even though filled with anger, Shizuo should be showing more expression, as he was honest with his feelings. But this time, he just looked like a cold, heartless monster that didn't care with the others.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya breathed, still in confuse and shock of what had just happened. He tried to get a clearer image of Shizuo, but his efforts were fruitless. Dammit, Shizuo had kicked him very hard. "What the hell…?"

"Shut up." Shizuo growled. He pulled Izaya's collar and stared at those widened red eyes that contrasting the ethereal blue glowing of the moonlight. "I can't believe I was fooled by you. It is you who sent the bomb after all. You sent that letter right?"

Izaya was stunned. He couldn't believe what he had just heard from the-bartender-suited-bodyguard-debt-collector-of-monster. What the hell? Izaya felt his eyes twitched. How could this protozoic brained monster think that HE was the one who bombed his apartment? That bastard knew that he was trying to reveal the real bomb sender!

"The hell, Shizu-chan? Okay… I think there is a misunder—GUH!" Izaya's words were cut as he felt his stomach being punched hard by the bodyguard in front of him. The younger man coughed more blood and grabbed Shizuo's shirt to keep his balance, trying to stand still. Shizuo let him, though he still wore that cold eyes that made Izaya cringed.

"I trusted you," Shizuo spat, and Izaya's eyes widened. "Even though I hate you so much, I trusted you. I thought you really were not the sender. I even fucking felt guilt for what I had done to you," The blonde's hand roamed to Izaya's neck, rubbing the marks he left from strangled Izaya before and the younger man gave a small moan. "But turned out you are sick person just as I thought. I still couldn't believe you sacrificed all those humans just to kill me, even Kasuka… I should have killed you back then you fucking flea! What's with all those love confession for the humans you'd been blabbering about? You tricked me, and lied to me. I won't let you get away this time!"

Shizuo strangled him again, and Izaya groaned, screaming in pain.

Countless time. Countless time Heiwajima Shizuo had imagined this scene. Countless time he had imagined Izaya in front of him like this—weak, pathetic, unable to fight back and helpless. Countless time he had thought of this, he had been hoping of this, wishing it would finally made him satisfied, wishing it would finally made his life calmer.

But it didn't. He was still furious in hatred. And though he didn't want to admit it, he was disappointed at Orihara Izaya for lying to him.

"I'm going to kill you for messing up with my life…" Shizuo whispered in a very low, deadly cold tone at Izaya's ear, which made the raven haired man shivered. "I'm going to kill you for what you have done to Kasuka, my home, and all those innocent people you killed."

Something hit Izaya hard. _THIS is what Yadogiri Jinnai has been planning. He wants to see me lose to my own feelings, and he wants me to be broken by being killed by the person I love._

_And I'm losing his game._

Shizuo could feel Izaya's hand shakily gripped his bartender shirt and his eyes looking at him with a weak, yet intimidating look. Tears were built in his eyes as the result of the pain he had been holding as he spat his blood to the cement below him. He hated this. Twice he had to show his weakness to the person whom he shared mutual hatred—and at the same time, love—with. That's right, in front of this person… everything never go smoothly. "Shizu-chan…" he breathed. Shizuo's hand at his neck trembled a little by the sight, but his expression remained cold and uncaring.

"I don't care if you are begging for your life now."

"Shizu…"

Shizuo's eyes widened open as the scene when he almost killed Izaya in Shinra's house replayed in his mind. A thought of him killing someone shook him badly and he screamed.

"Shut up, flea!" Shizuo yelled in anger and threw Izaya to the floor hard. Izaya's body was slammed roughly and he groaned in agony. Izaya gritted his teeth, trying to hold the electricity of the pain at his abdomen, back and chest. He was pretty sure some of his ribs were broken by now. "Don't…" The bartender suited bodyguard growled. "Don't fucking look like that when I am going to kill you!"

Shizuo hated himself. He hated to pity the flea, but there he was—stood in anger, eyes refusing to see the man he hated so much just because he couldn't bring himself to kill him by the sight of the Izaya lying on the ground, coughing and helpless. This man almost killed his brother, the blonde tried to remind himself. They had tried to kill each other. This flea killed so many people in order just to kill him. He didn't need to pity him. Yet before he could kill that flea, the bodyguard threw him so that he didn't kill him. And the guilt and ache in his heart just stayed still, for his annoyance. Dammit, he softened too much for this flea. DAMMIT!

Izaya, in the other hand, was stunned by the idea of Shizuo pitying him. Because of his words, Izaya realized that Shizuo had thrown him to avoid killing him. The thought was proven by Shizuo refusing to meet his eyes. Izaya gritted his teeth angrily. He didn't want to be pitied… and by Heiwajima Shizuo from all people! But the thought of Shizuo didn't want to kill him annoyingly, disturbingly warm his heart.

_Dammit. Dammit all._

As the both of them were still cursing their selves in their head there suddenly there were clapping sounds, followed by laughter. Both Shizuo and Izaya turned their gaze to the sound source, and found a man that wasn't young, but pretty much wasn't old enough to be called an old man, standing o the top of a taller building near the rooftop of Nebula Corporation. He maybe was at his thirties, around Shiki's age, Izaya squinted.

The intruder smiled warmly, but Shizuo couldn't help but to hate that smile. It reminded him too much of Izaya's fake, evil grin. And somehow, that man radiated an unpleasant aura, like how he first met Izaya.

"Aah, this is so interesting! I half expect you wouldn't come and ignore my call, but you really came, Orihara-san! I'm impressed!" The man laughed and clapped again. "This is so interesting! Even you can risk your life for someone's sake huh? And to Heiwajima Shizuo from all people!"

Izaya's eyes widen in shock. He tried to stand up from his poor condition. "You are… Yadogiri Jinnai?" Shizuo's gaze turned to Izaya with widened eyes. So the flea knew this person?

Yadogiri jumped from his place to the rooftop of Nebula where Shizuo and Izaya were and approached them, though he still kept his distance from them. A smart move, Izaya thought. Shizuo looked like he wanted to break something into pieces right now. Yadogiri smiled as he saw Izaya's beaten body. "Ah… my God, Orihara-san, how pitiful…just for saving this person's life you went all the way and troubles to come here… and now you are beaten up by him…" The oldest man of the three shook his head and sighed. "I can't believe that manipulative Orihara Izaya did something as stupid as this to save the person he hates so much! And I am the one who make that Orihara like this! Blasphemy!"

Shizuo felt something hit him hard in shock. _What?_

Izaya glared at Yadogiri and stood up, though he was still unbalanced. "You… bastard…" Shizuo was still confused and shocked to do anything after he heard all those… ridiculous things. His head was hurt and he looked at Izaya's beaten body. He clenched his fist and gritted his teeth.

"What the hell… did you just say?" Shizuo spat angrily to Yadogiri, in which the older man smirked. "Aah, you don't know anything at all? And yet you beat this man like this… Short tempered indeed, hm? Ah! I forgot that you hate him. Of course you beat him up!"

"Just answer the fucking question!" Shizuo yelled in anger. His body sweated as he was trying to deny the fact of what that intruder had just said. He hoped it won't be what he had thought. He definitely didn't want Yadogiri's reply would be the same as he thought. It would be the worst.

Reality was cruel, in fact. Yadogiri smirked.

"I called Orihara-san half an hour ago, telling him that I would kill you in this place, and he rushed aaaaaaall the way here dramatically, though he said he hates you. Isn't that touching?" Yadogiri explained cheerfully. The blond was stunned in shock and Shizuo almost felt his heart stopped. "Though he should have known that you are the strongest person in Ikebukuro and it's not easy to kill you, he still came here, despite his hatred for you. I wonder, why~?"

Shizuo was stunned, in shock, and fear. Shock of what he had just heard. Fear of what he had done. He suddenly felt a nauseating feeling from his stomach, and he started to get a headache. He turned his gaze to Izaya, still with that shocked, guilty expression. Izaya was taken aback by that expression, and he frowned as he turned his gaze away from the blonde.

"Oh, yes, and I am the sender of the bomb and the letter," Yadogiri added as he winked. At that, Shizuo's eyes snapped open. "I just want to play with you guys a little, turned out that Orihara Izaya cares about you, funny huh? And actually I kinda expected you to kill him before. I was surprised you threw him before you finally could kill him. Did you pity him? Oh, don't tell me you actually care about him too? My, this is becoming much much interesting!"

Veins popped out from Shizuo's head and he clenched his fist in anger. "You… freaking… bastard…"

_This guy almost killed Kasuka. This guy wrecked my home and apartment, killing so many people. This guy was the one who had been messing with my life. And this guy wants me to take my anger to Izaya, using my hatred towards him… so that he could escape from my wrath… And he said this is interesting…_

_He said THIS is INTERESTING!_

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Shizuo screamed angrily as he made a run towards Yadogiri, fist ready to punch him as hard as he could. Yadogiri easily dodged, just like Izaya the first time the blonde met him. Yadogiri laughed and jumped, but the bartender chased him. Yadogiri dodged again from his punch in which Shizuo's punch hit the cement of the rooftop instead, made a big loud crack on it as far as 8 meters. Yadogiri whistled. "Whoo… as expected from the strongest person in Ikebukuro…"

Yadogiri knew being in the same floor with Shizuo would just tire himself out from exhaustion of being chased. That's why he jumped back to the high building he'd been there before, smirking mockingly at Shizuo as the bartender suited bodyguard yelled and shouted in anger, telling him to "GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!"

Izaya tch-ed and glared at Yadogiri. "Looks like he is a master at parkour too." Izaya grabbed his switchblade in his fluffy jacket and tried to move, but due to the injury he felt himself stumbled and he gasped when Shizuo's arms caught him. Izaya's eyes widened, but quickly he frowned and turned his gaze from Shizuo. "Shizu-chan, release me."

Shizuo didn't move nor did he release Izaya as he stared at those red eyes that refusing to meet his. The blonde looked calm and his coldness had completely gone. His expression didn't show it, but Izaya knew Shizuo was feeling guilty as his arms held Izaya protectively and he sighed softly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Shizuo asked. His tone was surprisingly calm.

"Like hell you would believe me." Izaya spat mockingly, eyes still refusing to meet the blonde's. "Besides, did you give me any chance to?"

Shizuo realized then that indeed, he didn't give Izaya any chance to explain why he came there. And Shizuo wouldn't believe him even if he told the truth anyway. Instead, he blindly beat him up the time he saw Izaya—accusing him as the one who wrote the letter, as the letter said that the sender would be waiting for the blonde there—when it turned out that Izaya was trying to save him. Shizuo felt those feelings swam in his heart again—guilt, regret, anger, and sadness. Twice he had nearly killed Izaya—and for the same fucking mistake.

Izaya struggled from his hold, and this time Shizuo released him. He examined Izaya's body once again. The bruises in the younger man were still there. Shizuo could see a trace of blood from Izaya's lips too. The raven haired man had been walking a little funny, probably because of his kicks. His fur fringed jacket looked dirty, the result of being slammed to the floor repeatedly. Shizuo gritted his teeth angrily. Had the situation been different, he would have been laughed happily. Had Izaya been laughing crazily like his usual self, Shizuo wouldn't feel any regret like this.

"Why did you come to save me then?" Shizuo said again with that calm expression, and Izaya's body startled.

"Don't get me wrong, I still hate you," Izaya said again and wore his usual smirk, though it didn't look as intimidating as it used to be since he was looking so pathetically weak and beaten up right now. "It's just that… maybe that hatred didn't as deep as I thought. Don't be surprised, I myself don't even know why I want to save you. I would prefer it's because I don't want to lose to that sick person there—" Izaya pointed at Yadogiri and Yadogiri pouted at him for being called a 'sick person'. "—or because I still want to mess with you. But I just… do. Want to save you, I mean."

At that, Shizuo's eyes widened. To hear those words from the enemy he hated so much for a long time… he found himself unable to respond and confused of what to say, even confused at his own feelings.

_They said that the line between love and hate is very thin._

"… and I do realize that probably 'hate' is not the right word… It's maybe just… jealousness? Possessiveness? " Izaya then encouraged himself to look at Shizuo's eyes directly now, and Shizuo felt a little relieved at that. "You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. In fact, maybe I—"

A loud bang cut Izaya's words. And Shizuo felt his heart stopped.

The moonlight glowed an ethereal blue color, shining beautifully in contrast of the splattering blood's redness.

It was as red as Izaya's red eyes.

Even though he had not fully realized what had happened, Shizuo caught Izaya's limp body before he hit the floor. There was so much redness gushing out from the younger man's body, and Shizuo could only watch in shock as he held Izaya's body close.

"Izaya?"

Izaya coughed, and something splattered to Shizuo's glasses and cheeks. Shizuo touched his cheek carefully. It was liquid. It was sticky. It was red. His eyes widened in shock.

It was blood.

"Aah, enough drama." Yadogiri said as he yawned, watching at the scene with a cruel smirk. "You guys finally realized each other's feelings, yadda yadda. But I need to end this, you know. I need to kill him after all."

Shizuo realized what had just happened then. Izaya was shot by Yadogiri. Shizuo suddenly felt his body trembling in an unpleasant feeling. He felt his breath hitched as he panted harsher, and he felt his body sweated badly. He felt this scene was unreal—no, he wanted to believe that this was unreal.

Heiwajima Shizuo realized then that what he was feeling was called fear.

Shizuo stared at Izaya's red eyes. Izaya stared back at those brown angry eyes weakly. Izaya examined Shizuo's expression, and then he chuckled.

"Ah, even you can show that expression on your face, eh… Shizu-chan?" Izaya whispered. "So, you're still a human, after… all…"

His body was turning cold, Shizuo realized. "Don't." He said angrily to Izaya, holding his body closer instinctively. "Don't you fucking dare dying on me. Not by him." Izaya still managed to smile mockingly to the desperate bodyguard in front of him, but his half lidded eyes and his weak expression made him look pathetic instead.

"Aah, what a touching friendship." Yadogiri said again. "I told you what will happen if you keep interfering my plans… I warned you before right? I was going to let you killed a humiliating death by Heiwajima Shizuo, turned out you guys are hopelessly care for each other. At least be grateful that I give you a chance to be with him on your last time Orihara-san! I gotta go now, thought I still want to watch this scene a little longer…" His words were followed by a laughter.

Heiwajima Shizuo clenched his fist as he felt a very big urge to kill someone. He turned his gaze to Yadogiri angrily, but Yadogiri was already gone. "DAMMIT!" He yelled angrily.

"Shizu-chan…"

Shizuo turned his glare to the younger man. "Don't talk." His words was low and venomous in anger or desperate, Izaya didn't know.

"I'm sorry…" Izaya ignored him and smiled warmly. It looked very unlike Izaya to smile like that, that's why for Shizuo, that smile looked so much like a fake smile.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING TALK!" Shizuo screamed to him as he lifted Izaya's limp body (he wasn't surprised at how light Izaya's body was) bridal style—afraid that Izaya would lost much more blood from his body if he lifted Izaya by his back—and started to run. Izaya didn't need to ask the blonde—he knew that Shizuo was going to Shinra's place.

_Aah, I knew I should not have come_.

Despite of what he had thought, Orihara Izaya felt a warm feeling in his heart and he smiled a little in relieve as unconsciousness drifted him away once again.

**I need to write a little Izaya/Namie scene, teehe XDD They are also my favorite pairing after all, but REST ASSURED! In this fic, Namie doesn't love Izaya at all. She dislikes him, but yeah, I want their friendship to grow a little?**

**As for Yadogiri Jinnai… Oh I'm sorry, I turned him into a total asshole. I told you he is going to be OOC for the sake of the fic. And… *sream in agony* OOC IZAYA AND SHIZUO! I'm sorry, it's hard to keep them IC at the time like this ;A;**

**And GUYS, your reviews really MAKE ME WANT TO WRITE MOAR. So yeah, review plz so I will be motivated to write the next chapterXDD I am motivated to write easily by reviews XD. Oh, I remembered I only got 3 reviews at the first chapter, and to know how much people love my fic now… *sniffle in happiness***

**A-anyway reviews are really appreciated^^**


	7. Half Confusion and Half Agony

**Forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. Sorry I took a long time to update. I am going to have midsemester tests on Monday that's why I've been so busy with school!**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__7. Half Confusion and Half Agony_

Somewhere in Shinjuku, 01.00 AM

_Tic toc tic toc tic toc…_

Yagiri Namie yawned as she looked at her watch. She sighed at the time and she threw herself to the nearest sofa (there was no need to act all polite when the owner of the house was not presence after all, she smirked). She felt tired and bored, and she wanted to go home, but she made a promise. And no matter how much she hated that person, how much she wanted to go home and see her beloved brother's sleeping face, she was going to keep her promise to him.

"That stupid bastard…" Namie muttered tiredly. "Come back, quickly…"

_***DRRR!***_

At the same time, Shinra's apartment

"Celty, You're still awake?" Shinra asked confusedly and the dullahan turned her body towards him, somehow looked surprised.

One AM in morning was not a normal time for anyone to wake up. That—applied to Shinra too, somehow. Well, he was not a normal person. But as a doctor, he knew pretty much that his body needed a plenty of energy to do many activities—_especially_ when your job was a doctor (It's not funny when a doctor who is supposedly take care of sick people is getting sick himself). It was rare even for Shinra himself to be awake at such hour. He didn't like to be awake so early. He actually hated it, in fact. The young doctor had really hard times to be able to sleep again after he woke up, that's why.

Well, maybe he wouldn't complain too much if he could see his beloved dullahan on his early waking.

Celty was wearing Shinra's long pajama, to Shinra's surprise (and happiness). Unlike her usual black leather working clothes, the pajama was white and the size was bigger than her body size. The buttons were buttoned messily, and she didn't wear the pants of the pajama, showing her nice white legs fully, not to mention the fact that Shinra could almost see her breasts due to the messily usage of the pajama. Despite her being headless, Shinra couldn't help but to think how cute and… _erotic_ the scene in front of him right now. God, he was going to nosebleed.

Maybe because she was still sleepy (though Shinra wasn't sure if dullahan could be sleepy), Celty seemed not realizing Shinra's pervert gaze on her. Upon hearing his voice, she pulled her PDA and typed before she showed it to Shinra. "I couldn't sleep, though I am very tired."

Shinra chuckled. "What a coincidence. Me too! I usually don't like to be awake at this hour, but I don't mind if I can see you like this sometimes. It's rare to see you in a sexy outfit like that!"

The doctor could tell without seeing her expression that Celty was confused. THAT, before she realized what she was wearing, processing what Shinra had actually said to her, flabbergasted in embarrassment and punched him fully and hard in his stomach.

"KHU—! That HURTS Celty!" Shinra cried as his face was shoved by a PDA. "That's your own fault, pervert!"

Shinra gaped at her. "How could you say it was my fault when you were the one who wore my pajama in such an erotic way like that! Unintentionally or not, I-I couldn't help it!"

Celty turned her back from Shinra in an abrupt way, as if she was trying to hide her embarrassment, despite the fact that she had no head to show that expression. She typed a half way "I'll go change", but before she had any chance to do so, Shinra's arm pulled her back to him, hugging the dullahan from behind.

The doctor chuckled. "I told you that you're so cute when you're embarrassed, remember?" He whispered to her neck, purposefully seducing her, though he knew he was risking his own life by doing so. "Why don't you just wear this everyday in front of me—UGH!"

And just like what he had thought, another punch hit him on his face.

"Geez, you know I was just kidding…" Shinra pouted and he rubbed his nose. But when he heard no response from the headless girl, he knew something was wrong. Shinra looked at Celty confusedly, and she seemed a little… nervous?

She typed something to her PDA before she showed it to the doctor, somehow hesitantly. "Why are you always saying weird and embarrassing things nowadays?" Shinra's eyes widen in surprise as she pulled her PDA back and added more things before showed it back to Shinra. "I know you're a pervert, but lately, you've been so aggressive…"

Celty was surprised when she saw Shinra's cheeks pinked a little, blushing and quickly looked at the other gaze. Usually Shinra would tease her back with his sweet words. Seriously, he had never once seemed to be embarrassed with her. Never even once Shinra feel embarrassed to confess his love, purposefully peeping at her when she was in bath, and to show his comfort. Then what's with the awkward attitude now?

"Ahahaha… Is that so? I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable."

It felt so weird suddenly, and Celty panicked as they were stood in uncomfortable silence. She was confused. Why did Shinra apologize to her? Was she wrong to ask him something like that boldly? But Shinra was acting weird too!

"…I'm worried about Shizuo," Shinra suddenly changed the topic, trying to brighten the atmosphere as pang of sadness hit Celty's heart. "He doesn't have a home anymore right? Knowing him, he won't stay at his senpai's house for too long right? I believe Shizuo doesn't want to keep bugging him and will go out from his house soon."

Celty's was taken aback from the doctor's statement. Now that she thought about it, Shinra was right. Shizuo wasn't the type to bug someone he trusted. He, soon or not, would definitely leave his friend's house. But then again, where would he live?

Their conversation was cut abruptly by sudden loud knocks from their front door. Shinra groaned in annoyance. "Oh, man! Who the hell is still up at this kind of hour and bugging another people like this—" Shinra quickly shut his mouth. People who were able to still up at this kind of hour and disturb his peaceful moments were only two…

The knocks were becoming much louder and weirdly enough, desperate, for both Shinra and Celty's confuse. It was so noisy that Shinra couldn't help but to think if this kept going his door would break in any second. Of course, what he and Celty heard next made them even more surprised.

"Shinra! Oy, SHINRA!"

They knew who's that voice belonged to.

"…Shizuo?"

"Shinra! Open the door, quickly!" The voice was demanding and a little panicked, Shinra noticed.

Shinra clicked his tongue and ran towards his apartment door with Celty following him—already changed her pajama into her usual shadow black suit. Shinra reached the handle, but the door wouldn't open. The doctor groaned again when he realized that the door was still locked.

"Shinra, QUICK!"

"I know! Just be quiet!" Shinra yelled back in panic. He abruptly unlocked the door, and finally it swung open. "Shizuo! Do you know what time is—Izaya?"

Both Shinra and Celty gaped in shock at the scene in front of them. They didn't know what was more surprising for them: the fact that Shizuo was disturbing them at the hour where people should rest with blood at his face and unconscious Izaya in his arms—whose face was pale as white, sweating badly and barely breathing with blood so much poured from his stomach—or the fact that it was Shizuo from all of people who brought the dying information broker here, saving his life. Shinra quickly checked Izaya's pulse, despite of his shock and confuse of what the hell had happened. Izaya was still alive, Shinra breathed in relief. But it was only a matter of time until he died of blood lost if he didn't get any treatment soon.

"What happened to him?" Celty typed panickly and showed it to Shizuo, but Shizuo didn't answer her. The ex bartender only tighten his grip on the unconscious informant and grit his teeth. "Save him…"

"Eh…?"

"SAVE HIM!" Shizuo yelled angrily, and somehow, desperately.

_***DRRR!***_

Underground Laboratory, Shinra's apartment, 04.00 AM

Three hours.

It had been 3 hours, since the Izaya was brought here. It had been three-fucking-long hours since Shinra asked Shizuo to bring Izaya to his secret underground laboratory and began his operation. It also had been 3 hours since Celty had insisted to help Shinra with the operation, though Shinra refused it politely, saying she should stayed by Shizuo's side and calmed him down. Celty realized it that the doctor was right, because no matter how much she wanted to help Shinra with the operation, looking after Shizuo was more important since he was pretty much unpredictable with his feelings. The dullahan doubted that Shizuo would be in a bad emotional state and worrying about Izaya's health condition, but again—this was Shizuo what we were talking about. It had been a shock for Celty that he was the one who saved Izaya's life—she wouldn't be too surprised if he was going to lose temper in Shinra's laboratory and wrecked everything if he was left alone. So she stayed with the blonde, waiting for Shinra to finish his job in an awkward, uncomfortable silence.

Celty turned her neck to the blonde. She was confused of what had happened to Izaya, why Shizuo saved Izaya, how's Shizuo related with Izaya's injury and of course… she was worried of Shizuo. Shizuo looked pretty calm, despite the fact that Izaya was in a brink of life and death right now. Then again, he hated Izaya. Wouldn't it be weirder if Shizuo was looking more worried and desperate? But, even though Celty didn't like the information broker, she was really grateful that rather than taking an advantage of his injury or ignoring him in his state, Shizuo had decided to save him and bring him here. Of course, Shinra felt the same thing, as no matter of how much an asshole he was, Izaya was still his friend.

Celty had a big urge to ask Shizuo of what happened with Izaya, but she realized that now wasn't the right time, and couldn't bring herself to do so. Even though Shizuo was much more able to control his temper in front of Kadota Ryohei, Tom Tanaka and her, she still didn't want to bug him right now. Celty was sure that many things had happened to him too, and probably he was tired too. She wondered if Shizuo was the one who injured Izaya badly like that (he had been attempting to kill him since the first time they had met, right?) and then he was shocked upon realizing he had almost killed someone and decided to bring Izaya here before the raven haired man lost too much blood. The chance was pretty much low, knowing that Shizuo was actually a nice man. Nonetheless, it was still possible. But looking at the injury, it looked like Izaya had been shot. Celty doubted Shizuo would use a gun to kill Izaya. Celty was sure that the blonde had never killed someone with his own fist—or a vending machine—or a street signs, despite his monstrous strength— let alone with guns.

_Then what happened?_

_Why is Izaya injured?_

_Why Shizuo was there when Izaya was injured?_

_And why did Shizuo save him?_

"Just ask if you want to." Shizuo's sudden words startled the dullahan and she turned her neck at the taller man. "I know you are confused of what happened. Hell, even I myself don't really understand what happened." Shizuo let out a little chuckle, though it seemed a little hollow.

Celty was silence for a while. She examined Shizuo's expression. He didn't look angry, nor did he look depressed, which could be a good or bad thing. The blonde looked a little dispirited, though. Shizuo didn't seem he would be angry if she asked him, so she pulled her PDA and typed before she showed it to him. "Then what happened?"

Shizuo's eyes softened a little as he lit his cigarette. "Except the shot, I did all the beating."

Celty's body tensed in surprise. So what she had thought was right? But why? Even though he hated him, Shizuo didn't seem to be the type to have pleasure in beating someone up like that, even if it was Izaya. Not to mention that he seemed guilty for suspecting him as the bomb sender of his apartment. The dullahan realized that something was still missing, like who Izaya got the shot from. She typed at her PDA again. "Why?"

The ex-bartender exhaled a gray smoke from his cigarette and closed his eyes as Celty relaxed her shoulder and waited for his answer.

"I got the letter from the bomb sender," Shizuo spoke softly, and Celty was surprised— which could be seen by her jolted shoulder. "He asked me to meet him in that Nebula whatever rooftop when it was about midnight. I was furious, of course. I mean, the person who hurt my brother asked me to meet him! I was planning to kill him the time I see him, and guess what I found there…"

Celty was saddened, as she realized what Shizuo was trying to say. She suddenly understood what had happenedby his words, and she slumped her shoulder tiredly. The dullahan knew what would come next from Shizuo's trembling lips.

"Yes, I found Izaya there," Shizuo said bitterly. "I didn't care why he was there and what the reason was. The time I saw him, I felt anger and disappointment burst out from my body, thinking he was the sender of the bomb, and I…"

Shizuo didn't continue his words, and Celty put her hand on his shoulder, comforting him. It worked, as the blonde smiled a little at her and relaxed at her touch.

"It felt weird, you know?" Shizuo said again and chuckled. "I've been longing to catch him and beat him up. We share an intense hatred with each other for a long time. And when I finally able to beat the shit out of him, I didn't feel satisfied. I felt anger, and guilty. I hate it. I hate to feel pity for that flea, who I thought had hurt Kasuka. I wanted to be angry at him. I wanted to be able to kill him at the time… but no. I was angry because I couldn't kill him. I was angry because I couldn't bring myself to face the truth that he was the one who hurt Kasuka. I was so disappointed at him. I still almost killed him though, before the real bomb sender came."

_Shizuo… _Celty's heart clenched when she heard a sad tone of the blonde's voice. If only she could do something to help her friend, to ease his pain and guilty. But all she could do at the moment was listening to him, so she listened still.

"Dammit, Celty. That flea is not the bomb sender. Izaya is not the one who hurt Kasuka! That Yado person did!" Shizuo finally yelled and felt his anger bubble again in his heart, as Celty was trying to calm him down in panic. Shizuo didn't want to scare Celty, but he couldn't help his anger anymore the time he remembered that Yado—whatever his name was—person. He curled his fist and gritted his teeth. "His main goal is not me. His real goal is to kill Izaya! And guess what, he bombed my apartment for that purpose! He used my hatred for Izaya so I would blindly take my anger to him! So that he could escape my wrath and had Izaya killed by my HANDS! And HE SAID IT WAS INTERESTING TO WATCH!"

The dullahan was shocked, confused and panicked of what she just heard and with the furious debt collector in front of her. To think that there was a person who was as insane as Izaya, AND not to mention able to toy with Izaya—THAT Izaya in his plan… But now, she needed to put that thought aside. Her main priority was to calm Shizuo down right now, but she felt herself was still shocked and didn't know what to do. She reached her PDA, typed something and then showed it to Shizuo. Shizuo's eyes widened a little, and somehow, his fury was gone, as his gaze was softened.

"Even so, why was Izaya there on the place where you were supposed to meet this bomb sender?"

Shizuo's face looked a little troubled and sad as he read that. He was hesitant to tell Celty, but the dullahan insisted him and he sighed. Confuse, anger, pain, and sadness were clearly shown by his troubled expression.

"That bomb sender told him about the letter he sent to me. That bastard told the flea that he was… going to kill me. Izaya… he came to save me."

That, was the most surprising thing she had ever heard from all weird things that had happened up until now. The dullahan would have her eyes widened in shock if she had her head to show her surprised expression. It couldn't be… She had thought of this before, but this still surprised her of how true she was.

To think Orihara Izaya didn't hate Heiwajima Shizuo, but cared about him.

Shizuo rubbed his temple, sighed tiredly and shut his eyes. His feelings were so confusing at the moment. He didn't know what the feeling was called, but surely it was an uncomfortable feeling. It felt hurt in his chest, and in the same time, he felt anger. But it was not hatred he usually felt. The thought of Izaya saving him greatly shook him that Shizuo could no longer feel the same feeling he felt toward him. Each time he remembered Izaya was being shot in front of him, his heart would clench in pain. Each time he remembered Izaya's last expression before he felt unconscious, fear of losing the brunette haunted him. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to feel joy and sweet taste of revenge of what happened to Izaya, but what he felt… it was different. It was the exact opposite of what the blonde had thought.

_You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. In fact, maybe I—_

_Maybe you what? _Shizuo asked desperately in his own thought, seeking for answers that could be found nowhere but from the informant himself. _What were you trying to say? What did you want me to react? What did you expect me to feel? Why did you save me? Why did you say those words? Why you? Why…_

_Why now?_

"Dammit…" Shizuo hissed angrily. "There's no way I can still hate him the same way like before…"

Celty turned her neck to him, again surprised, and then her posture relaxed, showing her sadness to see her friend in such guilt. This person, could he…?

_Shizuo, you…._

_***DRRR!***_

Meanwhile, in the operation room

"Ngggh…"

Izaya felt a sudden throbbing in his stomach and his head (and in fact, all his entire body) as he tried to wake up. At first, he was confused and slightly dazed, but the time he smelled the smells of drug, he remembered what had happened. So, he made it alive, huh… His red eyes winced in pain as he recalled what had occurred to him and what he had done. It was like almost everything rushed to his head—Midnight meeting, the letter, Nebula, Yadogiri Jinnai's plan…

…and Heiwajima Shizuo.

Izaya felt his body jolted at the last name and he groaned. He didn't want to think of him. He didn't want to think how much he wanted to know where Shizuo was. He didn't want to know how much he wanted to see him, to see if he was alright. He didn't want to remember how he finally realized his love for him, in such a wrong time.

Love. Izaya laughed bitterly. For the first time, he felt uneasiness to say that word out loud. To fall in love with someone who hated you…

Dammit, how could everything turned out like this?

A sudden ring of his phone startled him. Izaya turned his head towards the table beside his bed. His phone was ringing inside his coat. Fear and nervousness came to his system, but he reached for his coat. His body was hurt—all his entire body was. Gritting his teeth and trying to hold his pain, he snatched his cell phone, and looked at the number.

Private number. Izaya snorted. He had expected this, but fear still lingered in his mind. His hand was shaking as he answered the call.

"…hello?"

"_So you're still alive." _The voice chuckled sinisterly.

Izaya gripped the bed sheet tight and he felt anger began to build in his heart. "What do you want?"

"_What do I want? You should have known that right, with everything that had happened?"_ Yadogiri replied casually, like nothing happened. _"You really are an annoying stubborn one, you know? I told you to mind your own business and you kept disturb my plan. I want to kill you, but maybe it was still too good for you… You need to suffer more."_

"Aww, Yadogiri-san is so cruel!" Izaya replied playfully and sarcastically, hiding his anger. "Even though you said you love me before… don't you think I have suffered enough?

"_Duh, didn't I tell you that I love you when you're in misery?"_ The other voice chuckled. _"Let's see… Orihara-san, listen to this."_

Izaya's eyes widen in shock when he heard a voice that looked like an explosion. There were so many yellings and screams right after that.

He felt a very bad feeling about this. A figure of a long haired woman appeared in his mind, and he began to panic.

_No, it couldn't be…_

"_Do you know what that sound was, Orihara-san?"_

Sweat trailed to his back and his hands. He gritted his teeth hard and he felt his eyes began to feel hot. This wasn't happening."You, bastard…"

"_It was a bomb."_ Izaya could almost feel him smirked. _"Do you know where did I place the bomb, Orihara-san?"_

"YADOGIRI!" Izaya yelled angrily and the other voice laughed.

"_That's right! I placed it in your apartment! Now you have no home!"_ Yadogiri seemed to enjoy every second of Izaya's suffering. Izaya couldn't believe this. Tears of anger trailed down to his cheeks. It wasn't the home and the information that he was concerned of. Even though he had no home, he still had all his money stored in the bank. He had all the copies of his information in his flash disc, so he wasn't worried about that. As for Celty's head, he had already moved it from his apartment to his sisters' house silently the first time Yadogiri began to play with him, knowing that Yadogiri probably would keep watching over him, so it was dangerous to have it on his apartment for any longer. What he was worried of was...

_I'm going to stay tonight. Be back as soon as you can._

"Namie…" Izaya breathed, his shoulder slumped back to the bed in sorrow.

"_I have been watching you," _Yadogiri said again, undoubtedly taunting him with a mocking tone. _"I know that there was a woman and a boy that work for you. I'm surprised that you seemed to care about them, despite your love of human's misery. Now that the woman is gone… should the next be the boy?"_

Izaya's body tensed. Was he talking about Kida? "You're not going to do that." Izaya spoke with a low, deadly tone. But Yadogiri just chuckled. _"I'm just kidding. I don't really like violence too, you see. But sometimes it is needed when it is necessary." _

Though he had heard it from Shizuo several times, hearing that from him made Izaya sick. _Don't like violence my ass_. He had killed so many people, including Namie… the first person he gave her his trust. Izaya gritted his teeth as he felt the pain and guilt consuming his heart. It was easy to make someone trust him, but Izaya had never trust anyone and always backstabbing someone from behind. The fact that it was Namie the first person he believed in intrigued him, as Namie too sometimes backstabbing him from behind. But he couldn't believe it was much hurter to lose her this way.

"_Ne, how does it feel to be played now? You have always been the player. It feels humiliating to be reserved like this, right?"_ There was a silence before Yadogiri continued. "_That was just another warning. I probably am going to forgive you if you beg for forgiveness and never disturb my plan anymore, but you probably would always disturb me, unintentionally or not. Well, you happened to be much more interesting by the other humans too, so I will take my time slowly to play with you. Good night!"_

The call ended. Izaya threw his cell phone angrily and cursed, pulling his knees and letting his tears of desperate out. He hated this. He hated to be so weak. He needed to think, fast. He couldn't let Yadogiri hurt any of his friends anymore. First Shizuo and Kasuka, and then it was Namie. Kida, Shinra, Celty, Saki… anyone could be his next target. Izaya needed to do something that would make Yadogiri's plan not working. Yadogiri was planning on breaking Izaya and made him suffer, so Izaya needed to do something that no matter what happened with another people, he wouldn't break. That way, Yadogiri would thought it was unnecessary for him to target his acquaintances.

_But what should I do?_ Izaya shut his eyes hard. _Think, Izaya. There must be a way. I need to make him target only me. My beloved humans can't be involved with this._

Izaya groaned. Damn, if only he didn't feel so attached with this so called 'love' feeling, he wouldn't care of something like this

_A way that no matter what happened, he wouldn't hurt anyone but me…_

Izaya's eyes widened as he remembered something when he was having a conversation with Namie. Namie had said something about this once. What was that again?

"Izaya?"

Izaya's thought was interrupted by a high pitched voice that he knew pretty damn well. Izaya turned his gaze to a doctor that just yawned and stretching his arms. The informant quickly wiped his tears, afraid the doctor would catch any sign of his weakness. It looked like Shinra had fallen asleep after operated him and now just woke up. Izaya was secretly glad that Shinra didn't hear all those conversation he had with Yadogiri. Shinra adjusted his glasses as he stared at those red eyes, and then he smiled in relief. "Thank goodness, you made it. I was worried it would be too late…"

Izaya grinned at his friend, a little guilty for all the trouble he had caused to him. Though Shinra sometimes was annoying and noisy, Shinra was the only one who really cared for Izaya so far. He knew how much of an asshole the brunette was, yet the doctor still stick to him and treated him, though sometimes Izaya gave him some hard times purposefully too. "Yo, Shinra. Looks like I owe you again, eh?"

"You owe me one helluva explanation," Shinra sighed and crossed his arms, looking a little annoyed now. Shinra was surprised when he saw the raven haired man's expression saddened a little and turned his gaze from him. Realizing Izaya's weird attitude, Shinra knew something serious had happened. Maybe karma finally kicked hi, for his evil plan, but whatever it was, to see Izaya was down like this, something was definitely wrong.

"You're going to tell me whether you like it or not," Shinra said in a stern voice and Izaya groaned. Good God, he hated Shinra when he was in the serious mode. "You never had any injury worse than this. Do you know that you could have lost your life if Shizuo had been late? Izaya, this is serious."

The time Izaya heard Shizuo's name, he felt warmth flooded in his chest and he 'tche-ed'. He was surprised that Shizuo had really saved him, and didn't like the fact that he was happy because of that. This feeling… he needed to get rid of it before Yadogiri took advantage of this… so called love.

The thing Namie had said to him…. Dammit, he needed to remember it!

_Say, at this rate I won't be able to recognize my own feelings. Therefore I won't be able to observe my feelings and his. What do you think I should do?_

_Hum, It's so hard to observing yourself since you are so stubborn with your own feelings, it would be a different case if you had memory loss, but being amnesia you would forget everything about all the troubles and messes you caused in Ikebukuro and it would be a trouble to me, since you are the one who pay my salary…_

Izaya's eyes widened open.

"Shinra," the younger man slowly said, and Shinra was waiting for him to continue his words. "I have a favor to ask…"

This was for the best. This way, he wouldn't feel any feelings that bound him to be trapped in Yadogiri's plan. This way, Yadogiri's plan to break him wouldn't work. Yadogiri wouldn't touch his friends this way, and…

He wouldn't be hurt by loving someone that hated him.

Izaya smirked. This, would be his first and last observation on a man's feelings whose name was Orihara Izaya.

_Shizu-chan, I love humans._

_But for me, you are a monster._

_You're not a human._

_And you hate me, so…_

Shinra didn't expect the words he would hear the next second.

"I… need to lose my memory."

_So I need to get rid of this feeling_.

**EDITED: Plot twist XDD and OH GUYS, YOUR REVIEWS *crying in happiness* I LOVE U GUYS SO MUCH! Plz keep on reviewing! I may take a long time to update but I still holding on this fic! That's why encourage me if u like this story asdf XDD**

**;A; It looks like my story is not as good as before, eh? The reviews decreased gradually ;A; I edited some mistakes of my English though. Uhhm soo… even though you may not like the story, review please? I will be very glad if someone want to pint where my mistakes are? (especially the grammar and the oocness .)**


	8. Half Choices and Half Forgetting

**As always, forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. Sorry I took a long time to update. **

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__8. Half Choices and Half Forgetting_

"You… you need to _what_?" Shinra stuttered, shocked, and not believing what he had just heard.

"I need to lose my memory. My memories. All of it." Izaya replied with a stern and serious voice, and Shinra gaped even more at him. Shinra really hoped that Izaya was just messing with him. He really hoped that Izaya would laugh at him after this, telling him that it was just a joke and mocking him for fell for it. Shinra examined the informant's expression, and he frowned in dismay to find the brunette stayed still, with a serious expression Shinra had never seen before and without any mischievous smirk the young man always wore.

Izaya was fucking serious.

"What are you blabbering about?" Shinra almost yelled. Confusion was swirling in his head and desperation could be heard from his tone. Desperation to know what was going on. "Izaya, I know you are kind of insane, but this is really ridiculous and not mention stupid. DON'T tell me this is needed for your observation on humans. I'm not going to believe it. C'mon, Izaya. Losing your memories? Don't you have any more believable reason to keep escaping the truth?"

"Well, _don't believe_ it," Izaya hissed, annoyed. "Like hell I want my memories of my beloved people gone." The ruby eyed man gritted his teeth. By the time he forgot everything, he would have gotten into so many troubles. Shiki would be searching for him, and many gangs would try to kill him. All the efforts he had done to mend good connections with all those mafias, yakuzas and those illegal organizations from aboard would perish into nothing. And then, he would forget about his beloved valkyrie's head… forgetting his true mission to search for Valhalla. He would forget so many important things, and Izaya didn't want that.

But he didn't have any choice. It was losing your memories, or losing everything.

Izaya sighed. Why was he the one who attached to humans? It was supposed to be humans the one who attached to him. But instead he was the one who must lose something in order for their sake. Izaya loved humans, and humans hated him.

There were only two reasons why Izaya felt that he needed to do this.

Yadogiri wanted to put Izaya on misery. And by now, it was an easy thing to do as Yadogiri had already known of Izaya's real feelings. He could easily crush Izaya by touching his beloved humans. But if Izaya just forgot everything, no matter what Yadogiri did to his people, it wouldn't break Izaya. Furthermore, Yadogiri would think it was useless to harm any of his friends as Izaya didn't even remember who they were, and he would leave them be.

Second, even though Izaya had admitted that all what he had done to Heiwajima Shizuo was his form of his desperate love, he still wouldn't admit the fact that he had fallen for him, and he _never, ever_ wanted Shizuo to know about his feelings for him. The ex-bartender hated him for all he had done to him. There was no way Shizuo would return his feelings, and Izaya wouldn't let himself to be broken and rejected by Shizuo. He preferred to forget everything he had for Shizuo, escaping from Yadogiri's plan and went on with his life.

"You are just running away." Shinra said again, Izaya noticed his angry tone. "You have always been like that, Izaya. You put everyone into troubles and keep running away from your own mistakes. Don't be such a coward."

Ouch. Even though Izaya knew it already himself, hearing that from Shinra hurt his pride deeply, really.

"You don't understand anything, Shinra." Izaya sighed, and his eyes softened a little. "You, Celty, or anyone I know could be the next victim. You need to stay away from this."

"How the heck I could stay away from this after what happened with you and after hearing that?" Shinra exclaimed angrily, and Izaya was amazed of how he could still hold himself not to punch him on his face. He had never seen Shinra angry like this before. "And since when you care about the others anyway?"

At that, the informant's ruby eyes widened a little, and his face fell, purposefully breaking the eye contact with the doctor, ashamed with what he had just heard. And it was all true. As an informant who is a master at mind breaking he had a big weakness, and that was his own feelings—his care for the others.

_He's right, since when I care about… them?_

Looking at Izaya, Shinra's eyes saddened and he sighed. "Look, Izaya, I didn't mean it in the bad way. Normally I'd prefer you like this. But I know that'd be impossible, and having you out from all people caring about me is the last thing I would ever expect from you. For you, to be concerned about me like this and looking what happened with you… I know something bad really happened, and I need you to tell me what happened. That's why, please… be serious."

Izaya clenched his eyes shut. He realized that Shinra was really concerned of him, and he could sense his care for him. Izaya realized that he was being such an ass. But he couldn't tell Shinra of what had happened, or else Shinra would be involved in this. He needed Shinra's help for making him forgot about his memories, but he couldn't tell Shinra anything. Yeah, the informant realized that he was being selfish, but he was Orihara Izaya. Had Orihara Izaya ever not being selfish?

The brunette's grip on his coat tightened. He was exhausted, physically and mentally. "I'm being serious Shinra."

"No, you're not."

"Shinra, listen…"

"No, you listen to me." Shinra forced Izaya's face to face him, so the younger man could concentrate of what he would say. "Nothing good will come out by forgetting everything. It was just the same by running away, and running away is not finishing your problems. Instead, you will lose something precious."

"Nothing in my memories is too precious to be kept." Izaya laughed, half lying and half being honest. He certainly didn't want to forget everything, but in the same time, he wanted to forget those painful feelings for a certain blonde with the bartender clothes. Izaya cringed each time he remembered about that.

"Iz…" Shinra's voice almost sounded like begging.

"That's why I told you that you don't understand anything."

"And that's why I told you to fucking explain!"

There was a silence after their argument of words. Both of the men stared at each other, glaring, and not willing to lose with their stubbornness. Later, Izaya sighed. "We're not going anywhere like this."

"And you're still not going to tell me what happened, are you?" Shinra tried to ask, not breaking the eye contact. Izaya smiled sadly at him and shook his head.

"No."

Shinra examined Izaya's expression carefully, and then let out a long sigh. Izaya snickered a little at that, feeling a little guilty for his selfishness but couldn't help but to chuckle at the doctor who looked very mentally exhausted for his stubbornness. The doctor adjusted his glasses, before he gave a smirk that made Izaya cringe a little. Izaya didn't like that smile. It didn't fit Shinra, really. It was a smirk you usually use to threaten other people; it was a smirk Izaya usually use. And it was bothering Izaya of how could the doctor smiled that smirk calmly in a time like this.

"Shizuo and my lovely wife are outside, waiting for me to finish my operation on you," Shinra spoke, and Izaya's body jolted a little the time he mentioned Shizuo's name. "If you don't want to tell me, weell~ suit yourself! I'm going to ask Shizuo. He definitely is going to tell me everything."

For once, Izaya gaped at his friend—his eyes widened in horror and his jaw dropped rudely to Shinra, whose smirk got wider in return. Izaya couldn't believe this—being played by Yadogiri was one thing, but being threatened by Shinra, out from all people, was very humiliating. But the raven haired man couldn't think about that and was stuttered in panic when he saw the doctor was going towards the emergency door, definitely planning to reach Shizuo. He wanted to say something—anything—to halt Shinra's destination, but no words came out from his lips; everything was stuck in his throat.

"Stop," finally Izaya managed to spat in a low tone, afraid that it would make Shizuo and Celty came to this room instead realizing that Izaya had awakened if it was too loud. It did stop Shinra though, who turned his face to Izaya with a very smug smirk. Izaya was annoyed by that expression.

"Want to spill something, finally?" Shinra asked. A very amused expression glued on his face.

"Like hell," Izaya showed his victorious smirk now, clutching on his coat tighter and Shinra's eyes widened at the realization. "You're a fool to let my coat hanging near me when you realized that I always bring my protection weapon every time."

Izaya quickly reached into his coat pocket, and His ruby eyes widened in shock as he found nothing.

_The hell? Where's my—_

"Searching for this?"

Izaya's eyes quickly turned to Shinra and widened even more. There was Shinra, smirked smugly against him, and in his hand, there was Izaya's switchblade. Izaya cursed. Damn Shinra for being such a nice doctor.

"Don't threaten me by this," Shinra laughed. "I have much more dangerous liquids around here."

Izaya pouted. "I wasn't going to threaten you by that."

"And what were you going to do?" Shinra asked confusedly, though his grin was still plastered at his face.

"I was going to threaten you by cutting my wrist."

Shinra laughed even harder and Izaya was becoming more annoyed. "Why should I be afraid when I know that you are afraid of death more than anyone else?" Shinra managed to choke out in his laughter, and Izaya felt his cheeks blushing in embarrassment.

"Fine, I'm going to help you."

Izaya _almost_ sure he had heard wrong. He turned his gaze to Shinra, still with his surprised expression. Shinra chuckled at him before gave the younger brunette a sad smile. Izaya was still confused.

"You, err… what?"

"I'm going to help you lose your memories," Shinra said again and his expression softened as Izaya's expression changing into the shocked one. "No matter what, you're still going to threaten me until you get what you want anyway."

Izaya sighed in relief. He definitely felt guilty and owed Shinra a lot, but Shinra agreeing to this really eased some of his work. "I'm sorry…" He muttered a little.

"But I demand your explanation on this," Shinra said with stern voice, crossing his arms and looked at Izaya with a serious gaze. "It's only fair like that."

Izaya wanted to protest—he really didn't want to drag Shinra to his dangerous problem, but looking at Shinra's expression, Izaya realized that he wasn't going to get any help from Shinra unless he told Shinra everything. And Izaya also realized that Shinra wouldn't change his decision. It was this, or not. Izaya was only given two choices. The brunette groaned.

"Fine," Izaya muttered, not looking too pleased by what Shinra had offered. "But are you sure you can make me forget everything?"

"Technically there is no operation or drugs to make someone amnesia, but it's not impossible with the drugs we have right now. Like you can just overdose some pills to mess your brain up," Shinra explained with a frown. "But it's dangerous for your life, not to mention the percentage is less than 50%. That's why I prefer you just tell me everything without having to do this."

"I'm not going to tell you anything without being amnesia later." Izaya crossed his arms, showing his annoyed expression. "You're a man. Don't go back on your words."

Shinra stared at his friend before he sighed and smiled sadly. "There's really no other way, huh?"

"Nope."

"Well then," Shinra pulled a chair near Izaya's bed and then sat near him. "Spill."

Izaya's body tensed. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell Shinra about this. But he didn't have any choice, right? He let out a long sigh once again before he relaxed his muscles. This was going to be a very long story.

"First, promise me that you're not going to tell anyone about this. Not even Celty. Not a single soul, ever. Especially Shizu-chan." Izaya said, and Shinra's eyes widened at the ex-bartender name.

"Why Shizuo—"

"Don't ask any questions and _promise me_."

Shinra frowned at Izaya. Nonetheless, he nodded. "I promise."

Izaya looked at the doctor before he continued. "And you must do everything I want you to do after this. After losing my memories, I'm practically will forget about you and everything. Before that though, I need your help to prepare some things, like a new apartment in Shibuya. That will be the place where I'm going to live. Of course, the money is from my cards, you don't need to worry."

Shinra was confused. "Why Shibuya? How about your apartment in Shinjuku?"

Izaya's face fell. "It was bombed."

Shinra thought he heard wrong. _"What?"_

"I have no home in Shinjuku now. It was bombed," Izaya groaned. "Namie… she was in there when it was bombed." His face fell, and Shinra's eyes widened in shock, before his eyes saddened and turned his gaze from Izaya. Namie had worked with him too, so Shinra knew her, though not much. But still he could feel the pain of losing her. "…I see."

Not long, Shinra realized the similarity of this story with Shizuo's. "Wait, Izaya, your apartment was bombed? So then Shizuo's apartment was—"

"—bombed by the same person? Yeah," Izaya scoffed, and Shinra was surprised. "And this Yadogiri Jinnai person is a little twisted, you see. He wants to put me into misery before he killed me."

"Says the one who likes to put his beloved humans into misery," Shinra smirked, a little amused of how Izaya's evil plans finally back fired while the informant glared at him.

"You don't understand Shinra. The way he put me in the misery is by putting anyone I know in danger," Izaya hissed, and Shinra raised his eyebrows. "He knows… of my real feelings and use it to break me. He wants me to be killed by the person I… love. He wants me to be broken by bombing my apartment, killing Namie inside. He could kill you, or Celty, or anyone that is associated with me, only to break my feelings. That's why I want to forget… those bonds I formed with you, so he couldn't break me."

Shinra wanted to voice his confusion of how Izaya's feelings could be any relation with the other people's lives, because he had always thought that Izaya was an asshole who never cared of the others. But remembering a time when Izaya ran all the way from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro just for telling Shinra and Celty about what happened to Shizuo, Shinra realized then that Izaya was actually care about the others. He knew that Izaya's life was endangered because of this, but Shinra couldn't help but to be happy a little to know that Izaya wasn't as an asshole as he had thought, as he could care for the others too.

"That's selfish, you know." Shinra gave him a warm expression, despite his harsh words. "You want to forget about us so that you won't be hurt by the thought of us being harmed? That is so like you though."

Izaya chuckled and gave him a weak smile in response. "That's my biggest weakness."

Shinra realized there were still holes on Izaya's story though. And he wouldn't let Izaya finished the story yet. "And what's with this you being killed by the person you love? Is that why you are beaten up?"

Izaya nodded a little. Shinra tilted his head in confusion. "You love all people. Does that mean you were beaten up by many people?"

Izaya shook his head, and Shinra was even more confused.

"What about the gunshot in your stomach?"

"Ah…" Izaya touched his bandaged stomach. "I kinda forget… but it looks like I was shot by that Yadogiri."

"How about Shizuo?"

Izaya's body jolted and felt those colors of embarrassment rose in his cheeks. Shinra, of course noticed this and his eyes glared in suspicion. "What about him?" Izaya asked, trying to be as calm as possible.

"Everyone in Ikebukuro knows you hate each other. Why attempting to kill Shizuo will break you?" Shinra asked in confusion. His eyes widened a little when he saw Izaya's face fell and pinked, purposefully breaking the doctor's gaze. "Izaya? Are you alright? Your face is kinda red—"

Then it hit Shinra. Hard. And then he smirked. And his smirk got wider and wider. "I see~"

"Wh-what?" Izaya cursed himself for his voice being so shaking. He was annoyed to Shinra's goofy smile.

"I kinda expected it before, but to see you flustered like this… Izaya, you love Shizuo don't you?"

_DAMN SHINRA FOR BEING SO BLUNT! _And no, Izaya cursed not because of that. He cursed because he knew his face was being more honest than he wanted it to be. The color in his cheeks doubled with even more deep shade of red. And Shinra didn't let that go unnoticed, of course. He exclaimed happily like a child.

"I knew it! I was suspicious when you barge into our house before, telling me about the bombardment in Shizuo's apartment, thinking Shizuo had died and even saying that you will catch the person who bombed Shizuo's apartment! I knew it instantly that you actually care about him! But to think you love him… how could I be so dense?" Shinra looked so extremely—weirdly— happy, for Izaya's annoyance and confusion. What's so good about him falling for a monster?

Shinra stopped himself suddenly, and his expression changed.

"But, then the one who beat you up is…"

Izaya gave him a weak smile. Shinra's gaze saddened. Izaya's expression just confirmed it. His gaze saddened. "…how?"

"It looks like that person had stalked me for a pretty much long time. Somehow, he realized my feelings for Shizu-chan before even myself realized it." Izaya explained as he threw himself back to the bed. "He bombed Shizu-chan's apartment to unstable my emotion, and it worked. And somehow, he made me look like the one who bombed Shizu-chan's apartment. So…. You know Shizu-chan's temper. Yadogiri used his hatred for me to make him enraged to kill me. And he beat me up."

Shinra's eyes was still widened the time Izaya finished. "It was a miracle he didn't kill you. So when he brought you here before, he had realized that you aren't…?"

Izaya nodded. "Yadogiri came at such a good time. He mocked Shizu-chan for accusing me as the bomber without hearing my explanation. Shizu-chan's expression was priceless back then," Izaya snickered but then his gaze softened. "But that was the time I realized that my love won't be returned."

Shinra's raised his eyebrows; clearly not agree with what the informant had just said. "Why?"

Izaya looked at Shinra with a WTF expression plastered on his face. "Hello, Shinra? He beat me up, not giving me any chance to explain. He clearly hates me. I won't blame him though. From what I have done to him, I'm not surprised if he hates me."

"No," Shinra said with a frown, and Izaya was even more confused. "You don't know Izaya. When he brought you here, he was desperate. He asked me to save your life. He begged me to."

At that, Izaya was shocked.

_He what?_

"You're lying," Izaya turned his gaze from Shinra, and Shinra almost slapped Izaya from that.

"I'm not!" Shinra shouted, annoyed because Izaya didn't believe him. "I have never seen him like that towards you. I believed he actually care about you too, if you're not such an ass!"

Izaya just stayed silence at that. Shizuo was desperate for him. Dammit, he was…

He was happy.

"You can't lose your memories." Shinra spoke again; determination could be seen within his eyes. "You gotta tell him—"

"No!" Izaya screamed at him, and Shinra's eyes widened in shock at the sudden yell. "You promised, Shinra! Even if you're okay with that, I'm not! I'm not falling to that monster! Shizuo is different with Celty! So don't make me confess to him! You do realize that his life could also be in danger—no matter how strong he is—if our relationship changed! Yadogiri could use that too to break me!"

Shinra stared at the raven haired man in front of him, who was panting harshly, but still angrily glared to him. Shinra's expression softened, but became more serious. "I understand. I'm sorry, Izaya."

"You better be." Izaya hissed and snuggled into his coat. He was tired dammit. But he still needed to do something. "Now it's your turn."

Shinra's eyes widened as he saw Izaya sat up and searching for something in the coat's pocket. The informant took out some cards then, before he shoved them to Shinra.

"The password is kanraorihara. You're now a rich man. Just prepare a new good apartment far from Ikebukuro and Shinjuku for me, and pay the bills for me every month."

Shinra frowned. "You're going to live alone?"

Izaya raised his eyebrows at him. "Well, do I have any other choice?"

"You will forget about me. And Celty, and Shizuo…"

Izaya's gaze saddened. "Do I have any other choice?"

Shinra stared at Izaya, almost looked like begging. "Look, you can just tell Celty and Shizuo, and we're going to beat this Yadogiri guy—"

"No." Izaya said with a stern voice, and Shinra's hope crushed into pieces.

"Why do you have to do everything all alone? You're just running away,"

"I know," Izaya sighed. "I know I'm just a coward."

"And it's not like Yadogiri would release you after you forgot everything…" The doctor muttered weakly.

"I know…" Izaya's eyes saddened. "I know."

Silence occurred a little. Both of them didn't dare to look at each other, didn't dare to voice their farewell to each other.

"You still want to do this?"

"Yeah."

"It's dangerous. And the success rate is below 50%."

"I'm going to be alright," Izaya said to Shinra. "Life is just a gamble after all."

Shinra stared at Izaya weakly, but Izaya just smiled at him. The doctor sighed before he adjusted his glasses and stood up from his chair.

"Well then," Shinra said with a serious face. "Let's gamble."

_***DRRR!***_

There was blood everywhere.

No matter how far he ran, he could only see blood in every place. He didn't like this place. He needed to get out from here. So he ran and ran, but he couldn't see any exit. It was all only blood surrounding him. He cursed and broke his cigarette in two. "Fuck… Where's the exit?"

"Shizu-chan."

Shizuo's body flinched a little at the voice, and slowly he turned his head to the voice behind him. And then he saw that flea, staring back at him with an unreadable expression.

It was weird. For once he didn't feel angry upon seeing Izaya. He just stared at the younger man with confusion swirling in his head. Izaya stepped forward, slowly made his way until he was in front of Shizuo. Shizuo's eyes widened when he felt a warm hand suddenly touched his cheek. He stared at Izaya confusedly, while Izaya just smiled sadly at him.

"You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. In fact, maybe I—"

Shizuo's eyes widened in shock as he suddenly heard a loud of gunshot voice. Before he realized it, Izaya had already fallen in his arms, with blood gushing out from his stomach. Lying limp. Not breathing.

Lifeless.

"Oy, flea?" Shizuo shook Izaya's body. He felt sick. He felt pain. That hand that was just touching him felt cold now. He felt his heart thumped in an uneasy rhythmic of beating, and he sweated. What was this feeling? What it was called?

Was it fear?

"Oy, louse!" Shizuo shook Izaya's limp body harder. It felt so hard to breathe, suddenly. No, this wasn't happening. No matter how much he hated this bastard flea, he couldn't shake away the fear of losing him. Why? The blonde could only tighten his grip on the lifeless body before he screamed. "IZAYA!"

"You, killed him…"

Shizuo's eyes widened in shock and he turned his head to Yadogiri—who suddenly showed up. _What? _

"You killed him… even though he came for you…" And then Yadogiri laughed at Shizuo. "Because you hate him!"

"That's not true!" Shizuo roared angrily and clenched his fist in anger. He had never thought there would be a time where he hated someone more than he hated Izaya. And that person was in front of his eyes, waiting to be punched. "You bastard!"

Just before he moved thought, he heard a familiar voice.

"Shizuo-oniichan…"

Shizuo halted his move and stared at the source of the voice. And yeah, there was Akane, looking at him with a sad look.

"Akane? Why are you here—" Shizuo stopped his words as he realized that Akane wasn't alone. Behind her were his brother and his girlfriend. There were Kasuka and Ruri, holding hands as they stared at Shizuo with unreadable expressions. "Kasuka… and you… Ruri?"

"Shizuo…"

Another familiar voice startled him, and the blonde turned his face to the other side. He was surprised to see his senpai and his kouhai, looking at him with sad looks as well.

"Sempai…" Vorona's voice was soft, yet sounded very sad.

"Tom-sempai? Vorona? Why are you guys here?"

Shizuo turned his face to the other side. And there he could see Shinra and Celty, stared at him too. If he wasn't mistaken, he could see that Ryugamine boy too… with his friend with the blond hair… and who was that girl with the glasses again? And on the other side, Kadota and his gang was stared at him too. Shizuo's head began to feel dizzy.

"What's going on?"

"Could you hurt me?" The blonde's eyes snapped open as he heard Yadogiri's voice. He snarled at the man who smiled sinisterly at him. "Could you hurt me in front of your friends? Will you show them your dark side? You monster."

Shizuo felt anger began to build up in his heart as he gritted his teeth. Yadogiri come closer to him and whitout any fear and whispered something to the blonde.

"You wish to protect them, yet you could only hurt someone with your power…"

Shizuo's eyes widened in surprise as he felt a weak tug at his bartender vest and stared back at those ruby eyes. Izaya was still lying in his arms, and blood still gushing out from his stomach. And there was nothing Shizuo could do about that.

"Shizu…"

Shizuo hadn't heard the rest, but light suddenly blinded him and before he realized it, everyone was already gone. The light felt so warm, washing all his anger away, and he felt so sleepy. For once, he just wanted to sleep.

"_Shizu…"_

A ray of light disrupted the moment as it blanketed Shizuo's eyelids. Giving in to the disturbance the blonde unveiled his hazel eyes slowly, giving time to adjust to the sudden change. The time the ex-bartender opened his eyes fully, he realized that he had just awakened from his sleep. He groaned as he remembered his dream. It was weird and creepy. And not to mention… it was kinda scary. The debt collector turned his head to his side, and a soft smile plastered at his face when he saw the dullahan sleeping calmly with her helmet rested on his shoulder. He positioned her so that she got more comfortable when he heard a cough from behind him.

"You know, even though I believe you won't do anything to her, for a moment you look like you wanted to ravish her or something." Shinra said half joking, half showing his jealousness.

Shizuo laughed upon hearing that. "Shinra. I don't even know that she's a girl until you told me back then."

"Well, whatever." Shinra humph-ed and crossed his arms. But then he smiled at the blonde. "You must be tired waiting for me. I'm sorry. It took much more time than I had expected. And after I finished the operation, I kinda fell asleep," Somehow, Shinra looked a little embarrassed as he told the last part.

Shizuo tilted his head in confusion until he remembered what had happened last night and why he was here now in Shinra's underground laboratory. He looked at the clock near him. It was 06.15 AM.

Shizuo felt guilty consuming his mind once again as he remembered of what he had done to Izaya. His face fell and he turned his gaze from the doctor. "Uhh, how's he?"

Shinra just smiled sadly at him, and Shizuo didn't understand what that smile meant.

"The good news is, he made it. He lost so much blood, but you brought him here on time. He was still weak, but he made it." Shizuo let out a relieved sigh. Izaya was still alive. He didn't kill him. He felt a little relieved before he realized the way Shinra talked to him. The debt collector furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he stared at the doctor. "The bad thing is…?"

Shinra's smile was gone. And Shizuo didn't like it.

"Shinra."

"He has awakened." Shinra spoke, but his lips were shaking. "But he…"

Shizuo didn't like how his heart thumped in panic, waiting for Shinra to finish his words… and knowing it wouldn't be a good thing to be heard. Shizuo couldn't stand it.

"Shinra!"

"He forgets."

Shizuo's eyes shot opened. "What?"

"He forgets about me. About you. About everything." Shinra finally said. His eyes clenched shut. "To put it simply, it's amnesia—"

Shinra's eyes widened open when he heard the operation door was being opened by Shizuo. "Shizuo, wait! You can't just go in like that!" The doctor yelled a little late as he followed the blonde; Shizuo had already got into the operation room, staring at the brunette who looked at him with those ruby eyes. Shizuo's heart thumped uneasily, as he stared at those ruby eyes ha had always despised before. Izaya stared back at him from his bedroom, not showing any expression.

Shizuo took a step forward. And he took a deep breath as he moved closer and closer to Izaya's bedroom. Shinra's expression saddened as he watched Shizuo from behind and he closed his eyes.

When the blonde was finally stood besides the bed Izaya sat right now, he lifted his hand slowly before he touched the younger man's neck. Shizuo leaned in to see if the marks he had put to the raven haired man was still there. And it was still there—the red marks of his fingerprints—prove that he had amost killed Izaya. He then stared back at those red eyes, who stared back at him intimidatingly.

Shizuo could hear his own heart beating, thumping in fear. He was hoping for what Shinra had said was not true. He was hoping that Izaya would laugh and tell him that he was just bluffing with Shinra to annoy Shizuo. He was hoping Izaya would answer his question, why he had come to save him, and to continue what he wanted to say to Shizuo before.

"Izaya," He felt his lips moved. His hand moved to Izaya's cheek, cupping his face. Then Shizuo lowered his head, so he could see those red eyes better. Their faces were in front of each other now, where they could feel each other's breathing on their faces.

"Izaya. Call me," Shizuo pleaded. "Call my name."

Silence was the only reply. Izaya's eyebrows furrowed as he pushed Shizuo back. Shizuo felt a little rejected and confusion swirled in his head as Izaya's face fell, breaking the eye contact.

"I'm sorry…" The raven haired man said softly. And Shizuo knew then, as his hopes crushed into pieces… as his heart clenched in pain… as his hatred began to withering slowly, replaced by a new whole feelings even before he realized it…

Izaya had forgotten about him. About everything he had done to him. About their mutual bonds of hatred with each other. And about his own feelings he had yet to say to him.

_"You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. In fact, maybe I—"_

He what? Shizuo didn't know. Would he ever know?

**Guys, please review. Please, I beg you. For the sake of next chapter! ;A; (Practically is mopping because hoping for your pity to review this crap)**


	9. Half Cafe and Half Surprise

**For the umpteenth time, forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. Really REALLY sorry I took a long time to update. I have semester test on this month, and preparing for graduating next year.**

**AND OH GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS! I'm crying because of the happiness oh GOD! I have never received reviews these much in a single chapter! I treasure them all, anonymous or not. I can only give you guys my love by this update~**

**From Izaya's story to Shizuo's story—the second arc, the lost memory part, begin!**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__9. Half Café and Half Surprise_

Few days later, in a hospital near Ikebukuro, 09.00 AM

"C'mon Yuuhei-san, open your mouth."

"I don't feel I can eat any more than this…"

"You barely touch your food. C'mon, you need to eat more so you can be healthy again."

Hanjemia Yuuhei—or Heiwajima Kasuka sighed and his girlfriend couldn't help but to chuckle upon seeing that reaction from the expressionless young man. Ruri gave Kasuka another spoonful of porridge and Kasuka stared at it hesitantly for another few seconds before he sighed again and ate it.

It had been 2 weeks since the bombardment in Heiwajima Shizuo—Kasuka's brother's apartment. That meant it had been 2 weeks since Kasuka was sent to the hospital. And in those weeks, the young actor got all the best was prepared for him from the hospital by his agency's request. Despite all of that, Kasuka didn't really enjoy his days in hospital. He wanted to get out from the hospital quickly and back to perform in his delayed work as an actor. The only things that could make him wait patiently in hospital until he was released were his girlfriend's accompany and his brother's visits on him.

"You surely recovered fast," Kasuka said bluntly, and Ruri wondered if Kasuka was voicing his envy (since she couldn't read his expressionless face that well, but she's learning to!).

"You know that my body… is not normal, Yuuhei-san." Ruri gave a little chuckle in the end. "Besides, we are still considered to be lucky to be still alive despite being the closest one to the bomb."

Kasuka was silent before he nodded a little. Despite all of his boredom in his hospital, he realized that he was still very lucky to be still alive after all that had happened. The young actor stared at his weakened body and he sighed when he realized that there were so many people died and lost everything on that horrifying incident and here he was, without missing any limbs or any precious persons. Though he ended up to be stuck in a hospital for weeks, but he was still here, alive. Ruri was here. His brother was here too. And _they_ had been the closest one to the bomb. Was it miracle?

Kasuka rested his head on his bed and tilted his head and stared at his lover before he realized something. _No…_

Ruri lifted another spoonful of porridge and gave Kasuka a little smile. "C'mon, Yuuhei-san. Heiwajima-san will be here anytime soon. You should at least have finished eating."

But instead of continuing eating, Kasuka forced his weak body to get up from the bed, and pulled the Hollywood into a tight embrace. Ruri gave a little yelp and blushed, surprised with the sudden aggressiveness her boyfriend rarely gave. The Hanejima Yuuhei she knew was never been so possessive with rough acts and always acted politely, despite being expressionless.

"Yu… Yuuhei-san?"

Kasuka didn't give her any reply and kept his hand on Ruri's back, pushing their bodies into each other even more. The young man realized that Ruri's face was very red out of embarrassment, and he found it was very cute.

"Y-Yuuhei-san, Heiwajima-san or any nurses can walk on us anytime…" Ruri mumbled shyly as she lowered her head to hide her embarrassment, but Kasuka ignore her statement.

"You protected me, didn't you?" Kasuka said into Ruri's ear softly, and Ruri's hazel eyes widened. Kasuka released his hug and stared into his lover's eyes deeply. His face was still expressionless, despite what he just did, but it didn't change the fact that Ruri's heart was still thumping rapidly and uncomfortably.

"You protected me back then with your body." Kasuka repeated and Ruri knew that he wanted Ruri to focus on what he was saying. "That's why I'm still alive."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement, Ruri realized.

Ruri's eyes saddened. "I didn't want to lose you. I _don't_ want to lose you."

"Nor do I want to lose you," Kasuka placed his hands firmly on Ruri's shoulders and touching their foreheads together. "But what if something happened to you because of that? Weren't you thinking of yourself?"

It was hard to notice it because of his expressionless face, but now Ruri realized that Kasuka was scolding her. The idol's eyebrows furrowed a little. "Yuuhei-san, I think that was unnecessary to be talked, since it has already passed."

"Even so, please don't you throw yourself away just for my sake," Kasuka whispered, and his voice sounded like a little beg, for Ruri's surprise. "If it was because of me that anything happened to you, I won't forgive myself, ever. You promised me to stay alive. That's why… please keep trying to do that, together with me…"

Ruri's eyes widened. "Yuuhei-san…"

Even though he said all those sweet words, his face was expressionless. It was so cruel that Ruri felt all those warm feelings of happiness flowing from her heart, as her face blushed even more. Even though she knew that part of her was monster, she found that she was far more human than Heiwajima brothers. For one who wanted to have a calm normal life when his strength and temper were not helping—and for one who wanted to show his feelings to those he cared for when he couldn't express it well—Ruri was selfish to almost think about suicide when she still had something that they longed for. And the fact that the younger Heiwajima was trying his hard to tell how precious she was for him, despite he wasn't able to show his feelings with any expressions but words… it just made her heart clenched even more.

_Monster, human… it doesn't matter._

Ruri smiled shyly, her face was flushed and she placed her hands on Kasuka's cheeks, stroking them gently.

"Yuuhei-san, can I ask you a favor?"

"What is it?"

"Can I call you… 'Kasuka'?"

Kasuka's expression didn't change at all, still cold and expressionless. But Ruri noted that his grip on her shoulders tightened.

"Of course."

They looked at each other's eyes, realizing each other's heartbeat thumped in the same rhythm. Ruri lowered her head again—too shy to keep continuing—but the young actor moved his hands to her cheeks to make her stayed on facing him.

"Ehem."

There was a polite cough from the door, and the couple quickly released each other in an abrupt way. Heiwajima Shizuo laughed at the scene, in which made Ruri blushed furiously—though Kasuka's face remained expressionless. Their gazes moved to the people behind him—the smiling man who looked a little older than Shizuo and a certain beautiful girl with blonde hair. The ex-bartender walked in, bringing some sponge cakes and placed them on the table near Kasuka's bed, while the others took a seat and greeted the Hollywood.

"Way to go, eh Kasuka?" Shizuo smirked and Kasuka stared at him indifferently before the young actor sighed.

"Don't embarrass me, Brother." But his face was still the same, despite his words. Kasuka then stared at the girl with the blonde hair who sat near Ruri. "And shouldn't you introduce her before make any comments on us? We've seen Tom-san, but her…"

"Ah," Shizuo scratched his head. "Sorry, I forgot. Kasuka, this is Vorona."

Vorona bowed her head. "It's really nice to meet you." Both Kasuka and Ruri bowed back to her.

"I told her and Tom-sempai that I'm visiting you, and somehow they come along… We're not disturbing aren't we?" Shizuo said and Tom elbowed him for his unintentional impolite words, but Ruri shook her head furiously. "N-no! No at all."

"This is Hanejima Yuuhei, Shizuo's brother. And she's Hijiribe Ruri." Tom smiled as he introduced Vorona to the couple. "Normally we aren't allowed to see them, but because Shizuo is Yuuhei-san's brother, we're able to see a famous actor and idol in the same time."

Vorona's eyes widened slightly, before she bowed again. "I feel honored to see you."

They talked a bit, laughed together, and Ruri blushed again each time Tom teased Kasuka and her relationship. Shizuo smiled at the warm scene, enjoying the family aura he'd been missing for this few last days before his eyes saddened. The scene was too peaceful, to cruelly peaceful for him who had snatched someone's precious thing.

Shizuo had always wanted to have a peaceful life without any violence. He wished he had much more better temper to avoid violence he hated so much. He wished he could protect someone with his strength, not hurt them. He wished that fucking flea wouldn't disturb him each time he had a chance to enjoy his life. And here he was, with everything he had been wanting up until now. No violence, no Izaya. Just a peaceful moment with his friends…

Yet his heart was hurt. Hurt in guilty for feeling such happiness. For feeling such happiness when he had just destroyed another person's life. And hurt in many ways he didn't understand himself towards that person he was supposed to hate.

Since that day, Orihara Izaya had been haunting him—in his dreams, in his mind, and in his sanity. But weirdly for Shizuo, the particular feelings were far from that called as hatred. There was no longer anger and wrath. Those that remained in Shizuo's heart were guilt, sadness, and something he couldn't describe. The blonde with the sunglasses sighed.

Deciding to take a smoke, Shizuo slipped out from the room silently and carefully, but not before Vorona noticed it.

_***DRRR!***_

"…Shizuo-sempai?"

The ex-bartender's honey eyes widened slightly when a womanly, soft voice called him from his behind. Slowly he turned his back to his kouhai who stared at him with concerned eyes, though she didn't really show it. Shizuo was surprised to see that Vorona caught him slipping away from Kasuka's room and smoking in one of Hospital's balcony near Kasuka's room, hiding himself from the others.

"Vorona…" 

"I'm sorry. Am I disturbing your time? I think some adults want to spend their time alone sometimes by doing what they like, as an example smoking, like what you're doing right now." Vorona said flatly, as Shizuo furrowed his eyebrows on Vorona's choose of vocabulary. "If Sempai find my presence is intruding your privacy, I shall go back to Hanejima Yuuhei-kun's room."

"N-no, it's okay." Shizuo stuttered, catching the point of Vorona's words though not entirely understand what did his kouhai had just said. "I just want to have a smoke. It's not allowed in a hospital, right? So I came to the outdoor place. You can stay if you want."

Vorona stared at her sempai before she walked to Shizuo's side near the balcony. "…thank you very much."

They were silent for a while, looking at Ikebukuro's daily activities from the balcony of a hospital. It was a sunny day, and the sky was perfectly beautiful—as blue as Vorona's eyes. But the girl realized that Shizuo wasn't as bright as the daylight, so she broke the silence.

"Sempai looks thinner."

Shizuo tilted his head in surprise. "Really? I didn't notice."

"Not only that," Vorona continued. "You have been more silent lately, and much calmer than usual for these last few days. Tom-san realizes it too, I think. And lately Sempai's eyes… look sad in many particular ways too."

At that, Shizuo's eyes widened. Did his feelings really look that obvious to the others for Vorona to describe him like that? The taller blonde's eyes saddened and broke the eye contact with Vorona.

"Did something happen to Sempai for you to act this way?" Vorona asked politely as the sound of the wind blew in their ears. Shizuo remained silent at that. He wanted to have someone to listen for him. He wanted to tell someone everything what happened, pouring every feelings he had been holding back and expressing his desperation of what had happened. In the same time, he was unsure if he should tell anyone about this incident that had happened.

But he needed someone right now. And Vorona seemed to be a perfect person for him to listen.

"Vorona, wanna grab some cakes?"

The girl's blue eyes widened slightly, clearly showing confusion. "As immature as it sounds, I do like cakes. Though if Sempai likes cake, I can't really describe it as immature and juvenile… but aren't we visiting your brother right now? Wouldn't it be impolite to leave so suddenly when Tom-san was still in his room, waiting for us?"

Shizuo chuckled. "We will be right back. Just text him we're going to have some lunch. I'm going to text Kasuka. And there's… something I want to tell you too." His tone became sadder at the end.

Looking at Shizuo's saddened gaze, Vorona decided to follow him and nodded. "I understand. I'm texting him right away."

_***DRRR!***_

Certain café in Ikebukuro, 11.30 AM

"Two cheese castellas coming up!"

Shizuo and Vorona sat on the corner of the café, the nearest to the glass wall that made you would be able to see clearly everything that happened outside. Shizuo chose the place they sat, and Vorona realized that from the spot he chose, something her sempai want to talk about was something private.

Shizuo drank his milk as his eyes set on the outside, gazing off with those saddened honey eyes again. Noticing his behavior, Vorona knew she must start the conversation or Shizuo would keep on staring off like that.

"So… what did you want to talk to me about?"

Shizuo was startled a bit before set his gaze back to his kouhai, embarrassed for ignoring her. "Ah, yeah…"

"It's okay if Sempai don't want to talk about it. You don't need to force yourself to tell me something you don't want to." Vorona added and Shizuo scratched his head.

"No. I do want to tell you, that's why I asked you out right?" Shizuo laughed. "Sorry for before."

Vorona nodded. "It's okay… My ears are all up."

Shizuo gave a little chuckle and Vorona sighed in relief to see that. Shizuo threw his back to the comfortable chair as he stared at the ceiling. "Ne, Vorona…"

"I've been having nightmares lately."

Vorona's eyes widened. She thought something worse happened to her sempai since he was really down lately. Despite that, some nightmares may be able to make someone mentally hurt, though it sounded a little childish. "What kind of nightmare?" She asked.

"Before the nightmares came, something bad happened to lead the nightmare. I've been having that nightmare since that incident," Shizuo explained, choosing his words carefully.

Vorona nodded as she took a sip of her tea. "Please continue."

Shizuo gulped.

"I have this _friend_… who got a troublesome incident."

Vorona coughed hard at her tea, spilling some of the tea back to the cup. Politely she apologized to Shizuo before he asked Shizuo to continue his story. She didn't want to speak ill of her sempai, but really, that was the worst way to start of something if _you_ didn't want to tell anyone what happened to you…

"My friend really… really hates a certain bastard, you see. This certain someone always annoy my friend in every chance. They hate each other and have tried to kill each other many times…" Shizuo scratched his head and talked carefully, afraid that his kouhai realized that he was talking about _himself_.

…except that Vorona already knew. And the rumor about Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya's hate relationship always brought disasters in Ikebukuro was not helping at all.

"One day, some incident happened to my friend," Shizuo sighed, and he showed that sad face again. "And obviously he thought that the certain someone I told you before was the one behind that. So he searched for him, found him, and also almost killed him from that. But turned out it wasn't him."

Vorona realized that this incident may sound more serious than what Shizuo told him. Shizuo was silent after that. After Vorona gave him an indication to continue, he continued.

"Since my friend hated that person, he didn't really care about it, though he did feel a little guilty… The next day, he received a letter from the real suspect to meet him. My friend was really angry and went to meet him. But on the promised place, he met that person he hated again. So, my friend thought he was really the suspect and was toying with him. My friend was disappointed and beat him up. He beat him up, again, and again… and…"

"Sempai, don't force yourself." Vorona quickly said in worry tone when she saw Shizuo's fist curled, but the taller blonde ignored her and continued.

"Guess what? The real suspect came later. He told my friend that the reason why the person he hated was there was because he told him that he was going to kill my friend. That's why that person came to save my friend, despite the hatred they share." Shizuo laughed, though it was hollow.

Vorona's eyebrows furrowed confusedly. "Why did Oriha—I mean the person you hate come to save your friend when he hated your friend so?"

Shizuo's eyes saddened. "I don't know. That's why I—I mean my friend is so confused."

Silence occurred for a while.

"The real suspect then shot the person my friend hated in front of his eyes, and mocking my friend for beating him up, despite his effort for saving me—my friend." The ex-bartender closed his eyes, throwing all those uneasiness that began to build in his heart again. "That bastard didn't die, yeah. But after my friend brought him to his doctor friend—I don't know how, but maybe because of the injuries my friend caused and the shotgun were too much, he kinda lose his memories. He forgets everything… and my friend felt guilty since then."

Vorona's eyes saddened, though actually it was only because she was in a deep thought. "And since then, you have those nightmares?"

Shizuo nodded weakly. "It always replayed again and again. Blood everywhere… He was being beaten up… He was being shot… His last words that he never finished… " Shizuo lowered his head so his eyes couldn't being seen. "And all those annoying feelings that hurts so much…"

_And why did he save me…_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why, Izaya?_

_This must be part of your plan… You must be trolling me, right? You want to make me feel guilty, right? That's why I am feeling this shit…_

_Still, why?_

_Answer me, dammit…_

Vorona examined the taller blond carefully. She had never once see Shizuo this down, especially after beating someone he hated. Despite his monstrous strength that she loved and his temper when he was angry, she realized by hanging out with him that Shizuo was actually soft on his heart and kinda fond of children (Akane was a good example of that). It was kinda weird to see the strongest one in Ikebukuro to be mentally down like this, but Vorona had a big urge to know about his sempai deeper—about his feelings, about his insecurities—all of it—as that was everything she needed to destroy him, though being with him sometimes made her forget what her real purpose of staying by his side was.

"They probably don't really hate each other," Vorona finally said, and Shizuo stared at his kouhai with his eyes widened. "Both hatred and love have confusing definitions, because everyone's view of point of them is different. The definitions maybe are the opposite of each other, but some say line between them is very thin. From what you just told me, I consider that the person your friend hates may not return back the feelings with hatred, but care. As for Sempai's friend himself, I also think that he may not hate that person, though they may really dislike each other. Or, Sempai's friend could really hate him, but slowly his hatred melts down because of what have happened."

Shizuo's eyes widened, shocked. He didn't really catch every word Vorona had just said to him, but he understood what she was trying to say. It wasn't possible. They had hated each other since the first time they met! They had tried to kill each other numerous times, loving every pain each other suffered and hating each other even more every day passed. But all those pain and guilt feelings swirled in his heart said the opposite too. It was only hurt, guilt and sadness remained in his heart. Then did he… did he really lose all his hatred towards that flea? Did he…

Did he really… care about Izaya?

Shizuo shook his head. There was no way he cared about that flea. He was only feeling guilty because he accused Izaya for being the bomb sender of his apartment and beat him up. He had learned from his past not to trust Izaya—so it must be Izaya mind screwing him to make him feel guilty and hurt.

But he also learned that he had crushed Izaya's life by not trusting him. And it happened twice.

Even though it was Izaya—even though it was the person he hated the most—even though it may really was just Izaya's plan—it didn't change the fact that Shizuo was still crushed by the guilt that consumed his heart. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, he couldn't deny the fact that he would do everything—anything—if he could go back to the past and fix everything he had broken. He wished he could do something—just to make everything go back to normal, just to make Izaya remember about him, everything they shared, everything about their relationship, everything about him. Shizuo didn't know why he felt those why toward the flea. Nor did he want to think why he was desperate of wanting Izaya to remember about their hate relationship. All he knew was, he wanted one thing from Izaya

He wanted an answer from Izaya. The truth of his feelings he wasn't able to deliver back then.

_Don't get me wrong, I still hate you, It's just that… maybe that hatred didn't as deep as I thought. Don't be surprised, I myself don't even know why I want to save you. I would prefer it's because I don't want to lose to that sick person there, or because I still want to mess with you. But I just… do. Want to save you, I mean._

…_and I do realize that probably 'hate' is not the right word… It's maybe just… jealousness? Possessiveness? You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all._

_In fact, maybe I—_

Shizuo sighed. Two weeks had passed since the time he received the box with the bomb inside. And in those two weeks, everything had changed so much. He was afraid to see Izaya since he lost his memories. Shizuo called Shinra sometimes to ask how the flea's doing, but each time Shinra asked him to come, Shizuo always refused. He realized that he was afraid to face the person he had broken. Shizuo was afraid to know that he had hurt another person with his strength. He tried to escape from his mistake—he tried to live his life like the usual, as a debt collector. He tried to use the chance to have a calm life with his friends, trying to use Izaya's amnesia as an excuse for finally have a normal, peaceful life.

But suddenly, the nightmares come. There was blood everywhere. And as much he wanted to get out from the bloody prison, he couldn't. Then Izaya showed up, confessing his feelings Shizuo wasn't able to hear until finished, because after that Izaya was killed in front of his eyes. The scene was repeated, over and over again, with all his friends witnessing what he had done to Izaya. And then, those words keep coming to his mind, haunting his life, preventing him to have a peaceful life he had been longing with guilt.

_You killed him… even though he came for you. Because you hate him!_

_You monster._

"Shizuo-sempai," Vorona's voice saved Shizuo from his own thought. The ex-bartender stared at his kouhai who stared back with an expressionless face, though as not as expressionless as Kasuka. "I don't know why it's you who is having the nightmares instead of your friend. But for you to think about him this much, you're too kind."

Shizuo blushed, noticing that Vorona had known that he was talking about himself since the beginning. He scratched his head, before he smiled warmly to another blonde in front of him, feeling relieved to be able to tell her all his hidden feelings. "Thank you, Vorona. For hearing me out."

"It is not a problem," Vorona said. Her blue eyes glued deeply to the brownish, honey colored eyes. "I'm glad that Sempai able to smile again."

Shizuo flushed slightly, feeling happy to have someone concerned for him. "Wanna go back to the hospital now?"

Vorona nodded. "That would be necessary."

_***DRRR!***_

The time Shizuo and Vorona came out from the café, they met Celty. Vorona knew Celty as the legendary black motorbike, but Celty didn't recognize Vorona as she was wearing casual clothes instead of her usual reider suit. Celty only knew Vorona as a girl Shizuo had been hanging out with lately. Celty asked Shizuo if he could come with her, so Shizuo apologized to Vorona and asked his kouhai to come back to the hospital alone, and asked her to deliver his regards to Kasuka, Tom and the others. Vorona simply nodded and bowed before she made her way back to the hospital.

After Vorona was gone, Celty typed to her PDA and showed it to Shizuo. "Is she your girlfriend?"

Shizuo blushed and scratched his head. "No. She's my kouhai. Anyway, what is it you want to talk about?"

Celty looked a little hesitant, Shizuo noted. Celty typed again before she showed it to Shizuo. "Don't get angry, okay?"

The ex-bartender was confused, of course. Celty had never been so timid with him. Why was she suddenly afraid of him losing his temper now? "What is it?"

Shizuo's body tensed as he remembered about some certain louse that had been living with her and Shinra. _Did something happen to Izaya?_ He wanted to ask, but didn't have the heart to do so.

Celty carefully chose her words before she finally typed something to her PDA and showed it to Shizuo. The ex-bartender confusedly read what was written on the headless woman's PDA before he felt veins popped in his head and the road where he stood cracked loudly.

"WHAT. THE. HELL?"

_***DRRR!***_

Kishitani household, 01.00 PM

"_The bombardment in one of Shinjuku's apartment few days ago resulting in 55 people seriously injured, 8 missing bodies and 35 people died. A similar thing happened in Ikebukuro few days before it happened here. According to Kinnosuke Kuzuhara, one of the police, these bombardments may have any relation with one and another…"_

Kishitani Shinra stared at the TV with a bored expression. Every channel was showing the same news—the bombardment in Shinjuku. He wasn't surprised though (He had already known!). The fact that there was a bombardment in Ikebukuro followed soon by another one in Shinjuku definitely had something suspicious for some reasons. The police must have realized it too.

The doctor sighed before he smirked. After what happened with Izaya, Shizuo had never showed up in this place againIt meant Shizuo felt guilty of everything that had happened to Izaya, which made his suspicion about Shizuo caring for Izaya was proven true. If he had everything under control according to his plan, Shinra could still prove Izaya that he was dead wrong to lose all his memories.

Shinra never wanted Izaya to lose his memories. The young doctor disliked the arrogant informant, yeah, but still, he cared for him. Like hell he would to let Izaya ran away that easily from his feelings. Like hell he would let Izaya endured the danger from the person who targeted him all alone. Like hell he would let Izaya remained amnesiac for the rest of his life.

"I did promise not to tell a soul about what you have told me," Shinra sang in his playful tone. "But I don't remember I ever promised you to do everything you wanted me to~"

Not too long after that, he heard a familiar scream from the outside of his home. "SHINRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU BASTAAAAAAAAAARRD! OPEN THE DOOR YOU DAMN FREAK!"

Shinra sweated. _Here he comes._

Putting his life on the line, the doctor opened the door, and just as he thought, there was Heiwajima Shizuo—who looked like he wanted to throw a refrigerator on Shinra's dorky face, but hold himself because of Celty's presence behind that panickly trying to calm the blonde down . Shinra was very, _very_ glad to have Celty the one delivered his message instead. He sure would be dead if he told the message to the debt collector himself.

"What pleasure do I have to have you in my house, Shizuo?"

"Shut up you freak! You KNOW what the hell I came here for!" Shizuo screamed at him and yanked Shinra's coat, in which Shinra began to pray he wasn't going to be killed anytime soon while Celty grabbed Shizuo's vest in panic, trying to tell Shizuo to stop.

"Err… I really don't understand what you mean?"

"WHAT the HELL do you mean by PUTTING ME and THE FLEA under THE SAME ROOF?"

Shinra gave Shizuo a half hearted laugh and Shizuo glared at him even more. "Oh that! Put me down and I'll explain…"

"Then EXPLAIN HOW CAN YOU MOVED ALL MY FUCKING THINGS TO A NEW APARTMENT WITHOUT INFORMING ME FIRST?" Shizuo needed to crush something. He REALLY needed to crush something before he crushed Shinra instead. He gritted his teeth and curled his fist in anger. And when did he move all his things? As far as he remembered, since the explosion in his apartment, he moved to Tom's apartment. Of course, he didn't have many things to begin with—as most of them was burnt in the explosion. He was also planning to afford a new apartment himself, not wanting to disturb his sempai any longer, but still! _Does this person know something called privacy?_

Shinra began to think that this plan was a bad idea. "Ahahaha… Shizuo, please put me down first! I really have a good explanation for this, just let me explain—"

"—And HOW COME you make ME LIVE WITH THAT LOUSE? Do you WANT TO BE DEAD THAT BADLY, AAAARH?" And yes, that part. What the hell that fucking doctor was thinking to paired him up with a certain amnesiac informant in a new apartment when his feelings toward that flea were still unsettled! Shizuo couldn't even think of what kind of respond he should give to Izaya if he met him again, let alone to live with him! And that damn Shinra had registered him and Izaya a new apartment without INFORMING him!

"Aaah, so noisy… what's with this ruckus, Kishitani-sensei?"

Shizuo froze at the voice. He unconsciously released the doctor's coat, and he felt a shiver ran down in his spine when he felt that presence in the same room. His heart thumped uncomfortably, and a certain feeling similar to guilt and fear began to flow in his entire blood. Shinra and Celty, noticing the sudden awkward behavior from Shizuo, could only stay in silence as they watched the scene. Slowly, Shizuo lifted his face from the doctor to his left side, staring with a pair of ruby eyes he had always hated before.

Honey met Ruby. Ruby met Honey.

In front of his eyes, there stood Orihara Izaya, a man he hated and he had broken, a man who had been haunting his mind and life with nightmares and guilt. The one he hated so much, yet he wanted to fix so much.

Upon seeing the blonde, Izaya's ruby eyes widened slightly, before he smirked and made his way toward the ex-bartender. Shizuo's body startled a little, as he saw the younger man walked toward him with such ease when even he was having difficulties on looking at his eyes.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Orihara Izaya." Izaya smiled and Shizuo's body jolted uncomfortably as those words sunk to his head. "I'm sorry. Due to my memory loss, I don't recognize you even if you may know me. But Kishitani-sensei has told me many things about you. You're the one who is going to be my new roommate on the new apartment, right?"

Shizuo remained silent while the pain in his chest began to flow. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to see the person he had broken to act like this toward him. He didn't want to hear those words from his lips. He didn't want to admit how that flea had cruelly forgotten about him, when he on the opposite couldn't stop thinking about him, with guilt consuming him up and desperation to have him remember everything killing him inside.

This person was Orihara Izaya. Yet he wasn't entirely Orihara Izaya for Heiwajima Shizuo.

The blonde's eyeshot opened; surprised when suddenly Izaya took his hand. Shizuo felt himself blushing awkwardly, but his eyes saddened and his heart hurt even more as Izaya held his hand with both of his hands.

_Don't._

_Don't hold my hand when you don't even understand what it means for us._

_Don't speak to me when you don't even know how painful it is for me to hear all those words from you._

_Don't smile when you don't even remember what kind of bond we shared before._

_Don't stare at me like you know me when you don't know how much I want you to tell me your real feelings toward me._

_Don't act all nice and polite when you don't even know what I have done to you…_

Shizuo screamed in his head over and over, but of course Izaya couldn't hear it at all. The ex-bartender's hand was shaking, and he was trying his hard not to snatch his hand and leave the place at once. The young brunette just simply smiled at him, not knowing nor understanding his pain at all.

"I hope we can be good friends, Heiwajima-san." He said cheerfully in an Izaya-manner Shizuo knew so much, yet he flinched of how different it felt to hear that name came out from Izaya's lips.

_And don't call me that when you are supposed to toy with my name… _

**I need to tell you guys that it may take a week or more to update, but please stay tuned! It's because I'm busy, not because I'm neglecting the story! I wish I have more time to type, but school really is annoying!**

**I'm so thankful for those who alerts and faves and reviews this story. I'm glad that this story is not as bad as I thought. But even though I'm busy in school, I would be happy if I found your reviews right after my tiring lessons, cuz you know, Your reviews are what support me the most, it makes me feel this story is important and I must continue it fast. I'm not joking, you don't KNOW how happy I was to read each review you gave me on the last chapter. That's why please keep on reviewing guys! XDD *chu***


	10. Half Nightmare and Half Comfort

**For the umpteenth time, forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. And I'm really REALLY sorry I took a long time to update. AND YAY HOLIDAY! LET'S ALL BE HAPPY AND EXCHANGE GIFTS ON CHRISTMAS (aka fanfics and fanarts lolz)!**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__10. Half Nightmare and Half Comfort_

_This is ridiculous._

Shizuo stared at the luxurious white ceiing above him with his back on the soft, comfortable king size bed. He sighed as he rethought everything that had happened in these last three weeks.

_This is really, really ridiculous._

Never even once the ex-bartender had ever thought that he would have his apartment bombed by some sick stranger (well, he wasn't too surprised to know that the sick fella was related with Izaya), moved to a big, luxurious apartment with bills were all covered by his friend, and had the biggest confusion of what had happened in his life so far.

_This is really, REALLY beyond fucking ridiculous._

Never even once he had ever thought there would be a time when he would be living with the person he had hated the most, with the said person lost all of his memories, which made their already weird relationship turned into something much more awkward. Remembering that flea's face once again, Shizuo felt all his uneasiness swirling back to his mind. He furrowed his eyebrows before he closed his honey colored eyes tightly, not wanting to even think where this relationship would go.

_This is really…_

The blonde didn't want to think about it. Shizuo was the person who was honest with his feelings. If he felt guilty, he would apologize. If he was angry he would try to hold his anger, but with no much luck. He was a simple minded man, but his honesty made his friends around him attracted to him, despite his strength causing fear for most people.

But that's why he didn't want to think about it. Never even once he had ever thought he would have any other feelings for that bastard, except hatred. To know he may have any other feelings for that flea that he may regret later, Shizuo didn't want to think about it. Especially when he himself wasn't even sure what those feelings were.

It wasn't exactly care, he told himself. Because though Shizuo knew that his hatred was slowly disappearing, Shizuo still disliked the raven haired man. He still hated the brunette to forget about their relationship like that, and it was unfair for him to make him felt like such a bad person back there.

It was unfair for Orihara Izaya to let Shizuo think, that maybe—even for just a little—the flea had any feelings for him, before he forgot everything.

He was confused. This guilty feeling that had been swirling in his heart since that incident couldn't be because of love, right? Because no matter what, Izaya was a guy! Wait, scratch that. It wasn't because he was a guy. It was because he was Izaya! To even think that he could care to this bastard made him sick. Still, what was this feeling?

This feeling, was not the same feeling he had towards Celty, Shinra, Akanne, Tom, and Vorona. It was different. It was more painful, and it reminded him of how much he hated Izaya. But it the same time, he was afraid to hurt him.

_Maybe Vorona's right_. Shizuo thought to himself. _Maybe I don't hate him as much as I thought I hate him. Maybe I feel guilty because of that. I make him lose his memories after all._

_So, if he regain his memories back… this ache will disappear right? We will go back to our normal relationship, just like how it used to be. This way, everything will be back normal._

Shizuo felt a little smile tugged up a little on his face, thinking that this was the best and what he had been wanting, until one thing crossed his mind. His smile disappeared.

_But then… will he still remembers about… what he wanted to say?_

"This is annoying!" Shizuo groaned and threw his head back to the soft mattress beneath him. He was a simple minded person, so thinking too much won't do anything good for him. He thought he wanted he and Izaya to be back normal to their former relationship, but he found out he actually didn't really want that. Thinking that he could have a nice relationship with Izaya, he didn't actually want that too. He was even confused of what he really wanted. Shizuo was torn with his feelings between wanting everything went back normal just like before, or actually wanting something to change between him and the louse.

One thing for sure though, he really wanted to know what Izaya was trying to say to him back then.

The blonde ex-bartender gritted his teeth. Was he blinding himself with his own thinking? His friends could be wrong too. Maybe he was right from the start. Maybe he was only feeling guilty for what he had done. Maybe he actually still hated that bastard and he only felt responsible for what have happened with this man; the flea he hated—this louse he wanted to kill…

…this person he wanted to fix.

"Heiwajima-san." A playful, familiar voice called.

Shizuo's eyes snapped open in surprise when he felt a hot breath touched his skin and he found a pair of ruby eyes that was staring into his—only within few inches from his face.

"Wh-WHAT ARE YOU—"

"W-wait! Don't move—Whoaaa!"

Shocked, Shizuo yelled in panic and unconsciously pushed the brunette off the bed to have some space, only to lose his balance and both of the men yelped as their bodies fell from the bed.

"Ouch ouch ouch…" Shizuo gritted his teeth as he tried to holdthe electricity of pain in his head (Dammit! From all places, why should it be his head to hit the floor first?). The ex-bartenderr turned his glare to Izaya—annoyed to be disturbed in his reverie. "Oy! What the hell fle—"

Shizuo stopped his words when he realized the awkward position they were in right now.

Their bodies were against each other, with Shizuo's back on the floor and Izaya above him. The younger man seemed to be surprised too, with his red eyes widened and cheeks tinted with pink that Shizuo couldn't help but to admit that this new expression of Izaya he'd never seen before… was kind of cute.

He thought of that, before he himself felt the colors of embarrassment ascended to his cheeks.

"G-get up!" Shizuo half yelled and half stuttered, and Izaya quickly got up—his face was scarlet red. Shizuo stood up right after Izaya moved from his lap and glared to the ruby eyed man.

"What do you want?" Shizuo growled, annoyed to see the man who oh-so-innocently stared at him. Izaya, who was no longer blushing, simply smiled.

"I'm bored." The brunette whined, and a vein popped in Shizuo's forehead. No, he needed to hold himself. The man in front of him right now wasn't the same flea he had been fighting and trying to kill.

"So? Go fuck yourself. Does that have anything to do with me?" Shizuo snapped and Izaya pouted.

"Heiwajima-san is so cruel." Izaya sang in his playful tone. Izaya smirked and Shizuo glared at this man even more. It had been a week. It had been a fucking week he lived with this bastard, and this person—with or without his memories—was still as annoying as hell.

Who the hell was he thinking? He was Orihara Izaya, dammit.

Shizuo hated it. He hated Izaya for wearing that smirk with such ease. That smirk contained arrogance and pride, the expression that had always irked Shizuo before. And the Izaya right now didn't understand anything of what that expression meant for the ex-bartender… even for himself. He had no memories of everything that had happened. He could cruelly crushed Shizuo with guilt, without even he himself realized it. And Shizuo couldn't blame him.

They had hated each other. And now…

_Dammit… why it have to turn out like this?_

"Shut up." Shizuo stood up to take a drink and soon Izaya followed like a little kid following his mother. "Ne, Heiwajima-san, I want to go out."

The blonde stopped abruptly, and his face hardened.

"No." The sudden change of Shizuo's tone confused Izaya. It seemed strict, but also contained fear.

Izaya's smirk disappeared. "Why? It has been a week and you never allowed me to go out even once."

The blonde turned his face to Izaya. To Izaya's surprise, despite the taller man's threatening expression, the brunette could see worry behind those honeyish brown eyes.

"Just… don't." Shizuo sighed at the last word and quickly left Izaya all alone and confused in the big apartment. The ex-bartender slammed the door and rested his head on the door, closing his eyes as he light his cigarette. He wanted to go to work—meet with Tom, or with Celty—anything to avoid that flea.

Anything to make this feeling go away from his heart.

***Flashback, a week ago***

"Okay, Shinra… explain."

Shinra gave Shizuo a half hearted laugh, in which Shizuo glared to the doctor. They were in Shinra's living room, sitting on the sofa face to face right after Celty sent Izaya to his room—considering this tense, awkward conversation would be about him. The headless woman in the other hand stood up in the corner of the living room, waiting to stop Shizuo in case the blonde's rage burst.

"Ahahaha, well… where should I start?" Shinra kept his smile on, hoping at least it would calm Shizuo down. Too bad, it actually annoyed Shizuo even more. Realizing Shizuo's death glare, the doctor gulped and decided to be serious, though he must be careful not to let any sign of the real reason why Izaya lost his memories slip from his mouth.

"You can start from WHY you bought me a new apartment." Shizuo spat.

"Ah, well… I just can't stand you keep staying with Tom-san. Knowing you, I believe you won't want to keep bothering your sempai's life right?" Shinra said with a sweet smile, carefully not to make Shizuo's anger lit. "We know you will move from Tom-san's house sooner or later, so Celty and I decided to buy a new apartment for you. We told Tom-san about this, and he agreed to help us move your stuffs to the new apartment."

Shizuo's eyes widened, and he blushed. He seemed to look calmer later, knowing that Shinra and Celty were actually doing it for him. "You don't need to do that, you know. I have my own savings. I was about to buy my own apartment."

"I know you would say something like that, that's why we kept it a secret."

Shizuo stared at the doctor's grey eyes before he sighed and threw his head back to the sofa. "Even so… why at Nakano? And why with… Izaya?" Shizuo's voice got smaller at the last word.

Shinra was surprised that Shizuo didn't go on rampage when they finally went to Izaya problem. Shinra's face turned serious on this.

"Shizuo, do you know that Izaya's apartment was bombed?"

Shizuo's eyes shot opened, and he quickly turned his face to Shinra with a shocked expression plastered on his face. Shinra sighed. Figures.

"What? When?" Shizuo's tone rose up.

"Around the time you brought him here before," The doctor shook his head. "Honestly, Shizuo. I know you're not really the thoughtful person, but it had been on news for about a week! Didn't you watch TV on Tom-san's house?"

The blonde's face paled and his shoulder slumped. He couldn't believe that Izaya's apartment was bombed, just like his. And for God's sake_, a week_? Had he been that down to not realize everything that happened around him? No… now that he thought about it, Tom did mention about an apartment being bombed in Shinjuku, but Shizuo didn't give it a thought too much.

And why it was bombed? Why? And who did—

Shizuo's eyes snapped open as a certain crazy man came into his mind. He gritted his teeth.

"That… Yado bastard…"

Shinra's eyes furrowed a little. "I'm sorry? I can't hear you Shizuo. Speak louder—"

"Yadogiri." Shizuo spat, feeling a little weird for being able to remember the name now from all time he had been forgetting. "He is the one who shot Izaya that time."

Shinra knew it. Izaya had told him. "Yadogiri Jinnai, huh… Well, we all know Izaya is a bastard and he has many enemies. But this one seems very smart to be able to get Izaya like this…" Shinra hummed. "So you think this person is the one who bombed Izaya's apartment?"

"Definitely. This psycho said he wanted to see Izaya suffer." Shizuo said. His eyes flickered dangerously. Yadogiri… what was his true purpose, seriously? Was he seriously just fooling around? Did he even really want to kill Izaya from the first place?

"So given that Izaya's apartment is bombed, he is almost killed and his life is endangered by some psycho, I can't let Izaya stay in my house any longer." Shinra explained. He stared at Shizuo with a serious face. "It's too dangerous. Let me ask you, is your apartment bombed by the same person?"

Shizuo curled his fist. "Yeah."

"Okay, that makes it even more dangerous for Izaya to stay in Ikebukuro any longer. I don't know why this Yadogiri bombed your apartment if he wanted to make Izaya suffer, but by these acts he has done I know that he knows Izaya pretty well." The doctor said again, and Shizuo paid attention of his every words. "He must be knows that Izaya loves to visit Ikebukuro sometimes. It's too dangerous in here or Shinjuku, that's why I think Nakano is the right place for Izaya to live. Shibuya is too far for me, but Nakano is not too far from Ikebukuro, so I can still check Izaya's condition, and you can still go to work. And given that neither you nor Izaya familiar with this place, I think at least it's a safe place from this Yadogiri person."

Though Shizuo finally understood some of Shinra's act was for Izaya's safety, Shizuo was still confused of something.

"But WHY put me on the same apartment with HIM?" Shizuo asked almost desperately. "You know that we…"

Shizuo stopped himself, no longer sure if 'hate each other' was the right words to say. The ex-bartender gritted his teeth. _Dammit!_

Shinra's eyes saddened. "Look, even though no one in Nakano knows Izaya, that reason alone is not enough. It's still too dangerous for Izaya to live all alone in his amnesiac state. That Yadogiri person is dangerous. If you let your guard down, he may catch Izaya once again. If Izaya goes out even just once… who knows if Yadogiri can track him down?"

Shizuo furrowed his eyebrows, processing what Shinra had actually trying to say to him, while both Shinra and Celty waited for his reply.

The ex-bartender's eyes widened in realization when he finally understood what Shinra was actually trying to say to him.

"You make me live with him because you want someone to watch over him." Shizuo spoke, though he himself still couldn't believe every word he had just said. "You want me to keep him from getting outside—you want me _to protect him_."

Silence was the only reply. And Shizuo knew by then, that he was right.

"Are you crazy?" Shizuo's voice began to get louder, and Shinra began to sweat. That couldn't be a good sign. "C'mon, Shinra. We… we _hate each other!_ I may kill him!"

"Shizuo, I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I… I'm afraid that you won't help him if I asked you first." Shinra said with a sad smile. "But I can't really let Izaya die, no matter how much an asshole he is."

Shinra closed his eyes, waiting for any insult or angry words that were going to be spat on him, only to find it wasn't going to happen. Shinra opened his eyes and find Shizuo slumped on his sofa, confused and tired.

"Shizuo, if you don't want to do it, we can try finding another—"

"I'll do it."

Both Shinra and Celty couldn't believe what they had actually heard.

_Eh?_

"Are you serious?" Shinra's heart began to bloom with hope. "You're going to live with Izaya?"

"I don't think this is a good idea though," Shizuo added as he scratched his head. Yeah, this wasn't a good idea. He wasn't sure about his feelings for Izaya. Izaya was amnesiac. They living together would make an awkward situation together. And most of all, he could hurt Izaya again. He was afraid that he would hurt Izaya again without him realizing it, just like before. And he didn't want to make more mess of what he had already broken.

But the guilt that lingered in his heart told him to protect Izaya. And he wanted to protect him.

He was certain, that had Shinra asked him before all these incidents, he would definitely have rejected it. But now that everything changed, he couldn't ignore it anymore.

Shizuo was one of the people who were honest their feelings. If he hated something, he loathed it. If he treasured something, he would take a good care of it.

So, if he wanted to protect something, he would protect it—no matter what his feelings he had towards that thing.

Besides, Izaya lost his memories. It shouldn't be that bad right?

***End of flashback***

"It's bad…" Shizuo muttered, began to regret his own decision on living with Izaya. Izaya was still the same annoying flea even without his memories, and he would accidentally hurt Shizuo by his words without realizing it. It was only matter of time before either the ex-bartender crushed by the guilt first or he hurt the brunette again. A puff of smoke came out from his lips and he closed his eyes. After a few minutes, he decided to forget all of it and go to work. Tom must be waiting for him.

_***DRRR!***_

A certain apartment in Nakano, 03.00 AM

He screamed again.

He screamed again, and he woke up, only to realize that it was only one of his routine nightmares. He panted, as he stared at his hand. It felt so real. It was like it really happened. He curled his fist. He was tired to have the same dream haunting him every night.

A sudden light blinded Shizuo's eyes for a while, before he realized it was Izaya turned on the light.

"Are you okay?" Izaya asked with a worried face. He brought a drink and placed it to the table beside the blonde's head before checked on Shizuo's condition. "You screamed really hard today. It's been a week. Are you sure you don't want to go to Kishitani-sensei's house?"

Shizuo's gaze turned to Izaya, staring into those ruby eyes deeply. It felt even more unreal in reality, to have someone who hated you and someone you sworn to kill worried about you. Shizuo turned his face from Izaya, not wanting to show any sign of weakness in front of the person who supposed to hate him at this moment.

"Get out from my room." Shizuo's voice was low, and venomous. Izaya raised his eyebrows.

"What? I just—"

"GET OUT!" Shizuo grabbed Izaya's black sleeves and shoved him from his room before he slammed the door in front of the brunette's face. The blonde panted as he locked his door.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I'm just worried about you!" Shizuo could hear that angry voice from behind his door. "Fine! Take care of your own problems! Just don't disturb me every morning with your annoying voice!"

Shizuo could hear the sound of Izaya's footsteps began to fade. His honey colored eyes saddened, and he brought his hand up again. It felt so real—blood in his hand, dying Izaya in his arms, calling for his name again and again, while Yadogiri laughed at him for killing the person who only wanted to save him.

"What's wrong with me, eh…?" Shizuo let out a tired laugh. Backing up on the wooden door, he slid down the door until he collided with the tiled floor. He was desperate, frustrated, and tired. He didn't mean to yell like that at Izaya, but he couldn't take Izaya's worry. He was afraid to take Izaya's kindness because he knew, it was fake kindness. The Izaya Shizuo knew wouldn't worry about him. He wouldn't check on him like what he just did. If Izaya regained his memories, there was no way he would do such things. Shizuo was afraid that if he let this Izaya come to his mind, he would give himself a fake illusion he made himself. And when Izaya finally regained his memories, Shizuo was afraid that those illusions would crush him and hurt him. He was surprised though that even though this Izaya was still the same annoying flea he'd been trying to kill before, he was also a different person by worrying about him.

"_I don't know either." Shizuo spoke softly, answering his own question._

_Damn that flea. Damn those nightmares. Damn that Shinra._

_Dammit all._

_***DRRR!***_

The next day, 10.00 AM.

It was boring.

Izaya walked from his room to another room. He had explored the big apartment for many times in this one long week he had been living with Shizuo. He even had sneakily barge into the ex-bartender's room, only to find pieces of bartender clothes and pairs of PJs and boxers. Nothing much.

The raven haired man gritted his teeth whenever he remembered about that blond haired man.

"What the hell is wrong with him? Did I make him fired from his jobs or send gangs after gangs to kill him in the past?" Izaya mumbled angrily to himself. "But if he hates me then why does he live with me? I'm not allowed to go out… I was yelled for worrying about him… what does that bastard want?"

A ring on the apartment door broke his reverie. Izaya sighed as he opened the door. His eyes widened in realization when he saw the guest.

"Miss Sturluson! What a surprise!" Izaya smiled and let Celty come in. For a week he had been living with Shinra and Celty, he found the woman was very interesting. Izaya knew that there was no head beneath that helmet, but he wasn't afraid of the dullahan. Celty acted just normally like humans. It was Shinra who freaked him out, actually.

Celty examined Izaya. He looked just fine, despite being amnesia and not allowed to go out. She wondered how both he and Shizuo survived living with each other for a week. For a week she had been living with Izaya, she realized that he was no different with the old Izaya. He was still arrogant and annoying, except that the new Izaya seemed to be nicer and more polite. The headless woman 'stared' at Izaya before she typed in her PDA. "Is Shizuo here?"

"Nope, he's working," Izaya replied, before he added with a soft mumble. "… Though I don't know if a bartender can go work at 9 and go home at 8. Don't bars supposed to be closed at 12 AM or something?"

Celty tilted her helmet in confusion, before she realized what Izaya meant. She typed and showed it to Izaya. "He worked as a debt collector, not a bartender."

Izaya's eyes widened, surprised. "What? But his clothes were all bartender, if not pajamas!"

The dullahan chuckled, which could be seen by her shaking shoulder. "It was gift from his brother when he was still a bartender. He doesn't want it to be a waste and wears it every day." She typed. Izaya let out an "Ooooh" from his lips. So that cold hearted person could still appreciate something, huh?

"But he is still an annoying person." The brunette pouted, and Celty turned her helmet to Izaya, showing her confusion. Izaya groaned and voiced all his frustration toward the blonde. "I mean, c'mon! I don't know what I have done to him in the past, nor I can remember them, but can't he be a little nicer to me? I just worried a little for him having all those nightmares every night and keep screaming in the morning like crazy, but he yelled at me and shoved me out of his door! I'm not even allowed to go out! Why did he agree want to live with me if he hates me anyway?"

Celty felt her nonexistent forehead twitch hearing Izaya, from all people saying those kind of things to her. It was weird. What an irony.

_If only he knew what he has actually done to Shizuo in the past…_ She couldn't help but to find this Izaya was a kinda funny. And the headless woman would have smiled if she had her head, knowing that even that Izaya could worry about Shizuo having nightmares, though it was only because of memory loss.

But then again, Celty felt worried as she realized that those nightmares that had been haunting Shizuo was the form of Shizuo's guilt and frustration of what happened to Izaya. She still remembered the day when Shizuo brought the battered Izaya two weeks ago. Shizuo was desperate and frustrated, and Celty had never seen him that down before. If Shizuo was still having those nightmares, then it meant Shizuo was still stressed and blamed himself for what happened with Izaya. Of course, Izaya didn't know about any of this at all.

"He doesn't hate you, you know." Celty typed, though she wasn't really sure it was true—but she ignored it and showed it to the brunette anyway. "It's just that he has been very stressed out lately. You will know if you do something nice for him. He may a little harsh on outside, but he is actually kind hearted inside."

Izaya scowled. "I doubt that. He slammed his door in front of my face the last time I tried to be nice with him."

Somehow, even though Izaya couldn't see it, he knew that Celty was smiling. Izaya pouted—he didn't like being looked like a little kid. Sure, Celty acted like a mother for him, but still…

"You should try harder." She typed again. "Try harder on being nice with him. I know him for a pretty long time; I'm sure he will open up to you sooner or later."

Celty wanted to laugh—she really did. She was giving Izaya—_that Izaya_—advices to be closer with Shizuo! It was weird, but she wanted to make sure of something.

She wanted to make sure of Shizuo's feelings towards Izaya.

"Oh, look at the time. I must go now." Celty gave Izaya some cake souvenirs and some pills from Shinra she had been holding. Before she went out though, Izaya said something that made her shocked.

"Thank you… for hearing me out."

Celty turned her helmet to Izaya, clearly surprised. Izaya turned his head from the headless woman, and tint of pink could be seen in his cheeks. This Izaya was the same annoying Izaya she knew. This Izaya hated boredom and arrogant. The only difference this Izaya had with the old Izaya were not about his politeness or his nicer attitude, Celty realized it.

Izaya without his memories was far more honest than Izaya with his memories. That was the only difference.

The dullahan 'smiled' at Izaya.

"You're welcome."

_***DRRR!***_

Later, around 00.00 AM.

There was blood everywhere.

_No… Not this place again…_

No matter how far he ran, he could only see blood in every place. He didn't like this place. He needed to get out from here. So he ran and ran, but he couldn't see any exit. It was all only blood surrounding him. He cursed and broke his cigarette in two. "Fuck… Where's the exit?"

"Shizu-chan."

Shizuo's body flinched a little at the voice, and slowly he turned his head to the voice behind him. And then he saw that flea, staring back at him with an unreadable expression.

_No._

It was weird. For once he didn't feel angry upon seeing Izaya. He just stared at the younger man with confusion swirling in his head. Izaya stepped forward, slowly made his way until he was in front of Shizuo. Shizuo's eyes widened when he felt a warm hand suddenly touched his cheek. He stared at Izaya confusedly, while Izaya just smiled sadly at him.

_Don't say those words._

"You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. In fact, maybe I—"

Shizuo's eyes widened in shock as he suddenly heard a loud of gunshot voice. Before he realized it, Izaya had already fallen in his arms, with blood gushing out from his stomach. Lying limp. Not breathing.

Lifeless.

_Stop it…_

"Oy, flea?" Shizuo shook Izaya's body. He felt sick. He felt pain. That hand that was just touching him felt cold now. He felt his heart thumped in an uneasy rhythmic of beating, and he sweated. What was this feeling? What it was called?

Was it fear?

_Someone help me! Stop this fucking nightmare!_

"Oy, louse!" Shizuo shook Izaya's limp body harder. It felt so hard to breathe, suddenly. No, this wasn't happening. No matter how much he hated this bastard flea, he couldn't shake away the fear of losing him. Why? The blonde could only tighten his grip on the lifeless body before he screamed. "IZAYA!"

"You, killed him…"

Shizuo's eyes widened in shock and he turned his head to Yadogiri—who suddenly showed up. _What? _

"You killed him… even though he came for you…" And then Yadogiri laughed at Shizuo. "Because you hate him!"

"That's not true!" Shizuo yelled back. In rage. In desperate. He was tired. He wanted to cry. He wanted to get out from this place.

"You killed him, Heiwajima Shizuo! Because you hate him!"

_STOP IT! STOP! STOP! STOO—_

"Heiwajima-san!"

Shizuo's eyes opened and let out a hard gasp before he woke up from his nightmare in a sitting position. He panted and panted—thirsty for oxygen. Sweats were all over his body and his clothes were damp wet because of it.

It was only a nightmare, he told himself as he closed his eyes. Just like the usual nightmare.

A cold towel carefully touched Shizuo's forehead and Shizuo's eyes snapped open. He batted out the pale hand that tried to wipe his forehead. "What are you doing?" Shizuo spat, harsher than he intended to. Izaya simply raised his eyebrows.

"Don't be such a jerk, I'm trying to help you." Izaya huffed, and Shizuo's eyes widened slightly. The blonde's eyes saddened, feeling awkward with the kindness this Orihara Izaya offered to him. "You're sweating a lot. Is it the nightmare again?"

"I don't need your help and it's not of your business." Shizuo said again, but Izaya carefully placed the towel back to his forehead, totally ignoring the blonde. Shizuo felt a vein popped in his forehead. "Did you hear me or not?"

"Look," Izaya sighed, and Shizuo could hear annoyance in the younger man's tone. "I don't know why the hell you keep pushing me away, but can you just shut up already? I'm helping you because you keep screaming every night, and I can't sleep if I let you be. And that's that."

Shizuo's honey colored eyes widened in surprise. This bastard… he hadn't changed. He was still the same annoying, selfish, and arrogant bastard he knew.

He was still Orihara Izaya.

"Stop it already," Shizuo spoke softly as he flushed, noticing how awkward the situation they were in, but again, Izaya ignored it. It wasn't supposed to be like this, right? Even though Shizuo didn't hate him as much as he hated him before, but he still felt uncomfortable with all that happened with him and Izaya. He wasn't sure if he really should let Izaya did this to him. After all, he was still confused of what he felt towards the brunette. He wondered what Izaya felt towards him after he forgot their relationship. Shizuo had been a jerk since the first day they lived together. He wondered if Izaya would hate him, just like before.

Suddenly, Izaya then leaned in and cupped the blonde's face for Shizuo's surprise.

"Wha—"

And then Izaya kissed his forehead. Brief, but it was real. Shizuo's eyes widened. He was too shocked and too embarrassed to be angry. The next thing he knew, Izaya wrapped his arms on Shizuo's back, hugging him gently.

"It's okay, it's just a nightmare." Izaya softly hummed. "Go back to sleep."

Shizuo didn't know where his voice went. He tried to be angry—or at least to do something, but he couldn't. He was still shocked of what had just happened. It was weird, embarrassing, annoying…

But it felt nice, for Shizuo's annoyance and confuse.

"What, do you think I'm a kid, or something?" Shizuo spat when he finally found his voice. And his tone was far too soft than he intended it to be. He was embarrassed. Dammit, it's been so long since he felt something like this. It was weird. Weird because it was Izaya the one who kissed him. It was weird because it was Izaya the one who comforted him. It was embarrassing. Weird. Embarrassing. This confusing feeling was too much for Shizuo's simple brain to follow and Shizuo felt like he was going to burst.

_Goddammit what the hell is wrong with my mind?_

Izaya chuckled upon seeing the blonde blushed. Nonetheless he hugged the blonde tighter. "You act like one. Now, go to sleep."

Shizuo still want to say something. He wanted to curse Izaya for what he did. He wanted to yell Izaya to act like this. He wanted Izaya to know how he couldn't even sleep in peace because Izaya was haunting him in every nightmare. He wanted to voice how desperate and frustrated he was, and it was all because of him. But instead to do so, he felt his sleepiness took over his mind and he yawned. Unconsciously, he hugged Izaya back, and fell back into his slumber.

"I… zaya…"

Izaya's red eyes widened and he yelped in surprise when Shizuo took him back to his bed while hugging him like a pillow. He felt himself blushing as he tried to break the arm cage, but his strength was not enough to do so. Sighing, Izaya let his head fell to the bed he shared with Shizuo. He stared at Shizuo's sleeping face and chuckled as he did so.

"What, you're actually cute when you're sleeping." Izaya smiled lightly, and his eyes softened.

"And that was the first time you call my name since we live together."

Izaya stared at Shizuo's sleeping face for a little longer, before he felt himself drowned into his own slumber.

That night, there were no more nightmares for Shizuo.

And little did he know that he wouldn't be having anymore of those nightmares on the next day onward.

_***DRRR!***_

Kishitani household, 05.00 AM

_*RING RING*_

"Shut it…" Shinra groaned in his sleep. He hated to be disturbed when he was sleeping. He reached his hand to stop the alarm, but then he realized that it wasn't the alarm that was ringing. It was his cell phone. Shinra groaned. He woke up lazily, put his glasses on. Though still yawning, he picked up the phone.

"Helloowwwh…" Shinra mumbled as he yawned again. Dammit, he was still sleepy!

"_Kishitani-sensei,"_ The voice was womanly, but strong. _"I demand an explanation of what happened with Orihara Izaya, now."_

"Huh?" Shinra rubbed his eyes—mind still not focusing. "Who's this? What happened with who?"

"_You heard me,"_ The voice hissed. _"You must know something about the explosion in Shinjuku two weeks ago! I just left for buying something in 24 hour grocery store. I even considered to just left that bastard and go home to see my brother's cute sleeping face but I promised him to wait so I went back to his apartment and when I got back, it was already bombed! I must hide for about two weeks to make sure that my life is not in danger!"_

Shinra's head began to spinning with the blabbering words. But this voice… he began to suspicious. He felt familiar with this voice… wait. He knew this voice! His eyes snapped open and he woke up fully as he flung himself from the bed brusquely after he realized who was on the other line.

_No way… No way!_

"Na-Namie-san?" Shinra stuttered.

**Yep. Namie is still alive (HURRAY!). Review to know what happened next? Please? :3**


	11. Half Jealously and Half Trust

**Before you say anything:**

**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATENESS .**

**Bad weeks of school, and they're still continuing. But I need to get this chapter finished before another week of exams!Sorry for late updating, now I present you the chapter 11! (Sorry for bad English, still -")**

**Btw, advertising one of Shizaya great fic that lack of readers: Filled To the Brim, by RukawaGF. Guys, it's a very great Shizaya story, and on top of that, smutty too XDD It has some Shikizaya, but nonetheless, the story and characterization are great. And the Shizaya part was amazing 3 Go read it if you haven't!**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__11. Half Jealous__ly__ and Half Trust_

Living with Izaya might have been something Shizuo had never expected before, but Shizuo had actually imagined something worse than this if he was locked with Izaya in a room, even just for few minutes. It was true that the first week he'd been living with the brunette wasn't a good time, but after that 'comfort' incident, they were on—weirdly—good terms.

Of course, the morning following that comfort incident was followed by a screaming Shizuo upon discovering Izaya in his arms after he woke up. Awkward conversation ensued, and both Shizuo and Izaya had to fight blushes creeping on to their faces each time they remembered that incident. But still, after that, they were on better terms with each other. Shizuo still acted like a jerk, but somehow Izaya ignored it like it was nothing. Of course, Izaya ignored Shizuo's jerkiness because he knew that Shizuo was actually jerk with kind heart—though he must have learned it hard way and gotten help from Celty.

Despite Izaya being amnesiac, Shizuo couldn't help but think that Izaya was still the same. Izaya was still just like before: that arrogant attitude, that annoying smirk, that hard-to-understand speech and confusing explanations… but despite all of that, Shizuo noticed he no longer felt that annoyance he had always felt whenever he saw him before—though sometimes he felt veins pop in his forehead whenever he heard Izaya's "I'm bored," whines. But other than that, Izaya's presence now meant more than just a 'former enemy' for him. Izaya now felt more like… a friend?

… Wait. That sounded wrong too.

_Well, whatever._

"Ooi, Izaya. I forgot my phone. Can you bring it to me?"

"Sure, sure. Don't forget it next time."

Izaya brought the phone and handed it to the blond. He heard Shizuo's small "Thanks," mumbled from his smoking lips. Izaya grinned, and the taller blond didn't like that grin at all.

"What?" Shizuo demanded.

"You know, Heiwajima-san, I know you're such a simple minded person, but working as a debt collector, don't you think forgetting your phone is a bit too much?" Izaya said with a smirk, as he handed Shizuo's cell phone to him.

Shizuo could hear the teasing tone in Izaya's words and he frowned. When did he hear that statement last time? "Oh, shut up. I'm going now, thanks for this." Shizuo waved his phone as he made his way to the front door.

"Heiwajima-san is so cruel!" Izaya teased. "You will just go like that without tasting the breakfast I've made? You still have some time, won't you stay a little longer here?"

Shizuo felt himself blush a little. He had not noticed it before, since he had always lived alone. But when he realized that Izaya had been the one doing the chores, he noticed how awkward and embarrassing it was for him to act like nothing happened. Maybe Izaya had done it unintentionally, but cooking, cleaning, preparing a bath for him, Shizuo couldn't help but to think that Izaya was perfect as a housewife, though he doubted the 'real' Izaya could do chores like this.

Shizuo's face paled when he imagined Izaya "Welcome home!"-ing him and untying his tie after he came home.

_Now that's one hell of crazy thing that will never happen._

Now that he thought about it, Izaya's way of comforting him that time was very intimate too (he had to stop himself from blushing whenever he remembered that kiss scene). Shizuo still remembered how freaked out he was after he woke up and found Izaya sleeping in his arms.

"No way, you're just going to bug me." Shizuo quickly said, trying to hide his embarrassment. Izaya pouted.

"But I'm bored!"

A little smile cracked on Shizuo's face. He was glad to know that even in their new relationship, they still had some resemblance with their former relationship. Izaya still loved to bug him and annoy him just like before. And all the changes of this relationship, when Shizuo thought about it, maybe really weren't so bad. Though mostly this was not a good outcome, and they were still hiding from that Yadogiri Jinnai's plans, Shizuo had realized if it weren't for these changes, he would never have seen another side of Orihara Izaya. He had always refused to see any other changes whenever he saw Izaya before, because he was blinded with hatred. But now, Shizuo could see that even inside that annoying, evil flea, he was still a human, and had his cute side too.

…

He DID NOT just think that Izaya was CUTE.

"Heiwajima-san, are you okay?" Izaya asked when he saw Shizuo's face go pale. "Your face is kinda white."

"I-I'm totally okay!" Shizuo stuttered, face turned scarlet red in an instant, replacing the whiteness on his face with embarrassment. Why? Why in the hell did he just think _Izaya was cute_? This was Izaya we're talking about!

Izaya's eyes widened when he saw the debt collector's cheeks turn pink. He chuckled then, which made the taller blond growl in confusion. "W-what?" Shizuo spat.

"No…" The brunette said, still chuckling. "Miss Sturluson is right. You're actually cute if you're not angry."

That doubled the redness in Shizuo's face.

Slowly, Shizuo began to understand the feelings he had towards the new Izaya. Even though this Izaya had no memories of their relationship back then, but the way he acted… the way he spoke… It was just the same with the old Izaya. But what he felt towards this Izaya was completely different. It was no longer the same hatred and anger Shizuo had always felt towards that flea. Now it was…

It was just like butterflies tingling and fluttering in his stomach.

It was painful, because of what he had done to Izaya. He repeatedly thought that it wasn't supposed to be like this. Making Izaya forget about everything was his fault. But on the other hand, he also realized that this wasn't an unpleasant feeling either.

Since when? Shizuo thought. Since when did his feelings begin to change? Was it since Izaya lost his memories?

No, the blond realized. He began to have these painful, tingling weird feelings since that incident.

The night he first encountered Yadogiri. The night Izaya protected him and lost his memories.

"Heiwajima-san," the brunette's voice snapped Shizuo out from his reverie. "Are you really okay?"

"Um, yeah." The blonde said as he turned his gaze to the smaller man. "Sorry."

"Well, it will be a hassle for me if you get sick and I must mother a grown adult like you."

Shizuo let out a laugh. "Bastard."

Izaya smirked.

See? He was still the same. The same person he had been fighting… the same person he had been hating… Just why, did it feel this different…?

Shizuo almost opened the door, but halted and turned himself back to the brunette. The smaller man raised one of his eyebrows.

"… fl—Izaya," The taller man began. His cheeks pinked. "That night… why did you k-kiss me? I'm not some kid who needs to be comforted, you know."

Shizuo must have been too blunt, because it was Izaya's turn to blush. Izaya's red eyes widened and mouth hung cutely, not expecting the sudden question.

"But if I didn't do that, you'd be still whining like a brat," Izaya teased, though his eyes did not meet the blond's own. Shizuo's cheeks went pinker. Izaya was right. If it hadn't been because of that kiss, he would probably still push Izaya away and act like a jerk to him until now.

"… that's off topic," Shizuo said again. Izaya's eyes narrowed at him, but then he sighed.

"I... I've been kissed by my mom each time I have nightmares. Her kisses always calm me down. I think it will calm you down too," Izaya muttered with soft voice, head lowered so that the taller man couldn't see his face.

Shizuo's eyes widened. "You… remember your childhood?"

"A little," Izaya replied. "I don't remember everything. I still don't know myself. I don't know you, or Kishitani-sensei, or Miss Sturluson, but… I remember there were two little girls when I was still a child, annoying pair of twins, though I don't hate them… and there were a couple who seems to be our parents. "

Shizuo's eyes softened, a little relieved that Izaya was gradually regaining his memories. He was a bit disappointed that Izaya still didn't remember him, but the blond smiled a little, a bit surprised Izaya had his brotherly side too, by remembering Mairu and Kururi a bit, though he still didn't remember their names.

A knock on their apartment door snapped them out from their little chat. Izaya quickly rushed to the door. "Coming!"

Looking at Izaya running towards the front door, Shizuo felt a little guilty. He knew Izaya always liked to greet someone who came over because Izaya wanted to go outside. Shizuo couldn't blame him—he knew that Izaya had never gone outside of this apartment since he lost his memories. Shizuo always locked the door from the outside each time he went to work, leaving Izaya all alone in the apartment. He felt guilt succumbing each time he had to lock his door, and Izaya's expression each time he did it was not helping. But he had to do it. He couldn't let him go outside, knowing it would endanger Izaya's life if Shizuo let him go even once—knowing that Yadogiri still out there, waiting for a chance to steal Izaya once again and break him.

Shizuo gritted his teeth at the thought and curled his fist. _No._

_I won't let that happen._

Izaya had protected him before, though Shizuo didn't know what his reasons were, and Izaya probably did it only to mess with him, just like the always.

But this time, Shizuo was going to protect Izaya.

"Miss Sturluson?"

The blond blinked and he followed Izaya to their front door. His honey brown eyes widened in surprise when he saw a certain black rider with her kitty helmet in front of their apartment. And not only that, her condition was a little weird. She held many black bags, and her shoulder was shaking.

"Celty?" Shizuo stared at his headless friend, confused with her sudden arrival in the morning. He knew Celty would check on them regularly every morning, but this was a little earlier than usual. "What—"

Before Shizuo finished his words though, Celty already showed her PDA to Shizuo.

Shizuo gaped. He looked at Celty, then back to the PDA, then back to Celty again. His expression clearly was shocked, asking the dullahan if she was joking.

"I'm going to live with you guys for now." is what written in her PDA.

_***DRRR!***_

If you want to know why Celty decided to move to Nakano, we need to know what happened three days earlier, still in the morning in a certain place in Ikebukuro.

"Na… Namie-san?" Shinra stuttered.

To be more accurate, at Kishitani household, 03.00 AM

"_Took a long time to figure that out huh?"_ Namie's voice hissed from the other line of the phone. _"Let me in. I've been in front of your house for half an hour."_

"You're WHAT?" Shinra practically screamed. He felt no longer sleepy. "Are you crazy? Celty will come home anytime, and what is she going to say when she sees a girl in our love nest at such an hour?"

"_And you're going to let me wait in front of your house?"_ Namie said with a cold tone. _"You're going to let a poor girl waiting __at__ 3 AM in the morning__ in__ this cold weather for hours until—"_

"Okay, Okay! I got it!" Shinra spat, mumbling soft curses as he ran out of his bedroom to his apartment door and quickly unlocked it, half hoping that Namie was screwing with him. But as he opened the door, Shinra both groaned and was relieved at the same time. Groaned that Namie wasn't kidding, and relieved because she was there to show him that she was truly alive. Yes, there she was—a long haired, beautiful woman, with a cold expression plastered on her face.

Yagiri Namie was alive.

"Oh God…" Shinra half whispered. His face looked so relieved. "You're really are alive! I'm so glad Namie-san!"

But Namie ignored him and quickly walked into his house, which made Shinra confused. Namie released her coat and boots before throwing herself on the nearest sofa, and then stared at Shinra with a cold expression.

"Explain." It was short, loud, cold and clear. But given that Shinra had just woken up at three in the morning to see someone he thought was supposed to be dead, the doctor was still too shocked, surprised and confused to grasp anything she said at the moment.

"Wait, what? Explain what?"

"Explain about what happened with Orihara Izaya, of course! You must at least know something about the explosion in Shinjuku and investigate a little about your friend!" Namie almost yelled and Shinra had to put his hands on his ears—his head was still spinning. "Don't you know that I almost died back then? You think I work for him to be his shield and merely lose my life? If he thinks this is a game, it's not funny! Where is he? What happened with that bastard!"

"Namie-san, please calm down!" Shinra felt his headache coming as he listened to Namie's angry blabbering. "Look…" The doctor began, staring at the woman in front of him with a tired expression. "You know him, Namie-san. He is one hell of bastard with many enemies, you should have realized that. The time you decided to work for him is the time you should realize their consequences too. You can quit anytime, if you want. And since Izaya's nowhere to be seen, you can use that chance to quit, ignore whatever happened with Izaya now, and live your own, peaceful life."

Shinra said this not to hurt Namie, but to make Namie stay away from the danger. He was so, so glad that Namie was actually alive, but knowing that Namie was supposedly killed to make Izaya's emotions unstable, Shinra knew better than involving Namie in this. That way, Namie would be safe from this. If that Yadogiri Jinnai knew that Namie was still alive, who knew what would he do to her? Shinra thought it would be easy to convince Namie to stay away from this problem; she was such a cold person, not really caring for other people except her own brother, and she hated Izaya very much.

But he was wrong.

Namie didn't reply, Shinra noticed. The woman was still glaring at the doctor, but Shinra caught something from her expression that resembled fear and worry at the same time. Shinra was confused, until something clicked in his head. Shinra's eyes widened and he brought his eyes to stare at the woman.

"You… you're not worried about him, aren't you?"

Namie seemed to look a little annoyed and glared even more, but Shinra noticed that she didn't deny it. And Shinra was surprised at that. Now that he thought about it… Namie actually could just leave and ignore Izaya after all she had been through—granted, she almost lost her life for her bastard employee's problems, by a bomb, no less. But no, instead, the fact that she hated that bastard informant and that she could hide herself from the danger she could encounter again if she returned for Izaya, she chose to search for him. Yagiri Namie was not an idiot. She should have known all of this and realized that the best choice was to leave Izaya for her own good. But no, she was back for Izaya. For Izaya…

Shinra's eyes softened, feeling a little guilty to think her was such a self centered person when she actually cared for Izaya.

"Namie-san…"

"It's not like I'm worried about him." Namie quickly cut in. She let out a sigh as she closed her saddened eyes. "It's just… weird. I really hate that bastard. I really do hate him. When his apartment was bombed and I realized that I almost got killed, I was the most surprised to find out that instead of not to be involved with him and his dangerous games, I was thinking of what happened to him instead. And then he was just missing like that without any trace… It feels weird to lose him like that."

Namie went silent to take a breath before she continued again, fluttering her blackish, brown eyes. "He is one hell of annoying person, but he is actually just a lonely brat who keeps disturbing other people to get their attention. He knows that he is a jerk. He knows that people hate him. But it's the only way he knows to make people aware of him. It's just… unfair for him if something happened to him before he even tasted what it feels like to be threatened and cornered, because maybe… maybe then he could understand how to interact better with other people."

Shinra let out a big sigh upon hearing all of that, before a small smile cracked on his face. "You really surprised me, Namie-san. You actually do know a lot about him."

Namie 'hmph'-ed with a cold expression. "Don't get the wrong idea. I allowed myself to worry about him because I'm working for him. If he's dead then I need to find another job for my financial daily life, and it's very hard to find the job that has bigger salary than working for him."

Shinra chuckled. Knowing Namie, what she had just said probably was true. But she still wouldn't know and understand Izaya that much if it weren't for her caring for him. Shinra's eyes softened at the thought of Yagiri Namie opening her cold heart for another human being except her brother.

"He's actually still alive," Shinra suddenly said, and Namie's gaze returned on the doctor, eyes widening in surprise. "Many things happened since that bomb incident happened, but… he's still alive."

Namie let out a sigh Shinra suspected was a relieved sigh, but she quickly put a cold expression to mask her face. "Oh, really? That's good to know, so I can still feed myself and he—"

"Oh… I doubt that." Shinra let out a half hearted laugh, and his eyes turned a little sad. "Izaya lost his memories."

The long haired woman quickly fell silent. Her eyes widened in shock, not believing what she had actually just heard. Shinra's simple nod and saddened eyes confirmed her silent question. Namie slumped her shoulder to the sofa. "You're kidding me…"

Shinra felt guilt attacking him from every direction, as he realized fully that he was the one who helped Izaya lose his memories, despite the fact he didn't want it and planned to make Izaya remember everything once again, and the fact that Izaya was actually the one who asked it on the first place. He couldn't tell Namie about this. He had promised Izaya. Besides, if Namie knew the truth and began to be involved at this, it would endanger her life once again. Shinra was confused and practically screwed inside his mind.

_But Namie deserves some answers too!_

"How… how could that even happen?" Namie looked like she wanted to laugh, though actually, she was still shocked. "I mean… It's Izaya!"

Shinra started to sweat. What should he reply? What should he answer?

When Shinra was about to open his mouth, though, he heard a certain motorbike sound he knew far too well.

"Crap! Celty's here! Go hide yourself!" Shinra quickly pulled Namie and shoved her to his bathroom, to which Namie's eyes widened in shock and confusion.

"Huh? Wait! Why do I need to—"

"Just HURRY!"

Celty came into the living room right after Shinra slammed the bathroom's door. This resulted in Celty tilting her helmet in confusion while Shinra let out an awkward laugh and tried to keep the bathroom door closed.

"Ahahaha Celty, welcome home! You came home really late today. Are you tired?"

"Not really…" Celty typed, and then added some to her PDA. "Shinra, what are you doing in front of our bathroom?"

"Eh? No, nothing at all! You see Celty, as much as I want to believe that aliens are only in fictions, after watch some scientific shows I began to feel suspicious that water is the main substance of keeping all living creatures alive! So I suspect that there is a slight chance that aliens are made from water and I felt that I must protect his house from them!"

Dammit, Shinra began to feel like such an idiot. Why in the hell must hide Namie from Celty? He was in such a panic that he couldn't think straight and just decided that Namie couldn't be seen by Celty. The result? Now he was blabbering nonsense and Celty looked so scared and horrified at that nonsense.

But it looked like Celty got over it way too quickly, because even without her head, Shinra could sense some seriousness from the headless woman. Too suddenly, it made the doctor realize that something was wrong.

"Shinra… please don't joke around. I know you're hiding something."

Shinra's eyes widened, and his body quickly tensed. Namie who could also hear everything from the bathroom, felt her body shiver when she could no longer hear anything. She knew that being headless, the black rider couldn't talk… That's why when suddenly there was silence, Namie couldn't help but to be afraid if that she was discovered.

_That stupid doctor…!_

"What are you talking about Celty? I'm not hiding anything…" Shinra masked his 'I'm so going to die' face with his smile. Oh God, please let Celty spare him… He wasn't cheating! He swore that his love was for Celty and Celty only! Please let him explain… please, please…

"You're hiding something… about Izaya." She typed again.

Shinra's eyes widened in shock. His body was no longer trembling, but those words alone sent a cold shiver through Shinra's entire body. He slowly stared at his beloved dullahan with serious eyes, and then he smiled.

"I'm sorry Celty, but I don't quite understand what you are talking about."

Celty's body shook in anger, and her shadows quickly loomed over Shinra. Shinra remained cool of course, knowing that Celty wouldn't harm him. So he just simply smiled.

"Shinra… you've been acting weird," Celty typed again and showed the PDA to Shinra. Her hand was slightly trembling, as if she was in brink of tears or anger. "It's like you know something about the bomb accident in Shinjuku and in Ikebukuro that both Shizuo and I don't know."

"What are you talking about, Celty? Shizuo told us the story." Shinra said again, fear beginning to succumb to his body as Celty's shadow scythe held Shinra in place. "You know that it was Yadogiri Jinnai the one that bombed Izaya's apartment."

Namie's eyes widened as she tried to overhear the conversation from the bathroom. _Yadogiri Jinnai?_

"That's why!" Celty typed again, a little bit more furiously. "Shizuo said it was Yadogiri, but he didn't remember his full name when he told you! How did you know that his full name was Yadogiri Jinnai?"

At this, Shinra's eyes widened, realizing his little mistake from two weeks ago. He didn't realize such simple words that slipped from his lips accidentally would be such a big mistake and lead to this awkward, awful confrontation. And worse, it was with Celty.

"Not only that," Celty added. "You had originally wanted to buy the apartment for Shizuo and Izaya at Shibuya, but because it's too far, you decided to buy the apartment on Nakano. You must have a reason mentioning Shibuya out of nowhere two weeks ago."

Shinra was silence. Celty sure was sharp.

The dullahan felt sad and betrayed at the same time when she saw Shinra turn his gaze from her, completely confirming her suspicion. Shinra knew something. Shinra knew something about Izaya's condition and the bombardment in both Ikebukuro and Shinjuku. But even though it was very important thing… even though Izaya lost his memories and Shizuo almost lost his life… Shinra hid that small secret from her. She couldn't believe it. At this crucial moment where his friends were in such danger, he didn't spill anything that could help finish this problem. But what actually hurt the headless woman the most—albeit it was a bit selfish—was the fact that Shinra didn't tell _her_. She thought Shinra trusted her. She thought at least Shinra, despite being a pervert and kind of a freak, really was an honest man and held complete trust in her. Knowing Shinra didn't trust her hurt her and the black rider felt sadness waving more than anger in her body.

"Shinra… why?"

Shinra didn't answer. Truthfully, he wanted to say something, but afraid that any words that came out from his lips would be a mistake. He was cornered and pushed by choices to break the promise with Izaya and tell her everything or to stay silent. He knew that once he told Celty everything, she would tell Shizuo, and there was a very big, bad chance that Shizuo would both kill him and the informant once the debt collector knew it. No, he couldn't let this slip. Shinra had his own plans, and he really was planning to track Yadogiri Jinnai and save both his friends. Telling the truth to Celty or anyone was not in the plan.

But seeing his beloved dullahan in pain was also killing him.

"Celty…" Shinra said softly as he tried to reach her, but the headless woman took a step backward as she typed some even more.

"Shinra… you don't trust me?"

Shinra's eyes widened quickly—fear quickly consumed him. "No! Celty, you know that I love you and trust you the—"

"Lies!" The PDA was suddenly shoved to Shinra's face, and though Shinra couldn't see her expression, he knew that she actually was crying. "You've been acting weird, Shinra. Since that day, right before Shizuo brought Izaya to this place!"

Shinra's eyes widened in surprise, suddenly not understanding what Celty said.

_Eh…? That night…?_

_How __does__ that even __have __any relation with this situation?_

Celty had typed more assaulting words on her PDA before she sensed Shinra's expression had turned in… very interesting phases. It turned red scarlet from plain shock, before it turned again into pale blue. The dullahan was slightly surprised and confused.

"Celty, I think there's a little misunderstanding here," Shinra scratched his head, and his cheeks were little pink. "This and that are not related at all…"

"Then tell me, what's wrong!" Had Celty had her mouth, she would have screamed at Shinra. "Why didn't you tell me anything if you know something? And why have you been acting weird around me up until now? "

She was confused, disappointed, and sad at the same time. Even though she knew there was no way Shinra would be lying to her, she couldn't help but be angry. Celty herself was surprised to know that she was a bitchy and whiny girl towards Shinra, but she had no idea why it was only toward Shinra…

It must be because of that so called love's fault, Celty concluded.

Because, when she began to realize that she fell for Shinra, slowly the dullahan also realized how hurtful it was to not be trusted by someone you really love, and how scary it was to lose him. The fact that she was being selfish right now must be because she was afraid of the fact Shinra was lying to her, and wanted to make sure that Shinra really was hers.

_How clingy love is._

"I'm not lying, I swear that I still love you Celty, please don't be angry…" Shinra pleaded, afraid that saying wrong words would make him lose her. "It's just that… I really can't explain everything to you now. But I promise that I will tell you later, okay?"

The dullahan was silent. She knew that Shinra was not manipulating and a bastard like Izaya. She knew that Shinra was not that kind of person, that's why if Shinra wanted to keep a secret, he must have his own reasons. Slowly, Celty pulled her shadows from Shinra, and Shinra smiled in relief. "Celty…"

"Then, why have you been acting weird towards me?" Celty typed again, hoping that the weight that had been bugging her would be gone once Shinra answered her. She once called Shinra weird and a pervert, and after that Shinra acted strange. It made her think that maybe Shinra didn't love her as much as she thought, and it made her scared more than anything. It had been bugging her for two weeks, and now she had a chance to tell Shinra about it, since Izaya must live with them back then.

Shinra's cheeks pinked, but he smiled warmly. "Ahaha, how should I put this…" The doctor was about to open his mouth, but accidentally, as he approached Celty, he left the bathroom, and the door where Namie had been eavesdropping had nothing to lean on. Right after Shinra moved, the door opened abruptly and Namie fell to the floor with a girlish yelp.

Awkward silence occurred.

Shinra stared at Namie with a shocked, horrified look, while the long haired woman was about to curse Shinra before her gaze fell to the headless woman. She quickly shut her mouth in fear, noticing the weird silence. Shinra quickly looked back at Celty. Oh God, never in his life he had been more awkward with Celty than now. His heart thumped in uneasiness and fear, as he tried to explain, but Celty beat him to it, with her PDA already showed to him.

"…Yagiri-san?"

Her body was shaking. Shinra quickly shot Celty a pleading look, as his body was succumbed with more fear of losing her. "No! Celty you misunderstand—"

"Then why Yagiri-san is here!" Celty shoved her PDA to Shinra's face with a hard jab. Shinra grimaced in pain. "Is this why you have been acting weird? Is this what you actually have been hiding from me? Yagiri-san is actually still alive, and you two have been together? Shinra, you've been lying to me!"

"NO! Celty!" Shinra shouted desperately. Namie was also trying to tell Celty that it was all a misunderstanding, but when Celty 'glared' at her, for the sake of her life, Namie shut her mouth up.

"I should have known…" Celty typed again, had she had her eyes, she would have cried. "…since you've been so weird after you saw me in your pajamas. No matter how I look like, seeing a headless girl is just such a turn off right? You'd prefer a beautiful woman like Yagiri-sanasdfdhfjk"

Celty couldn't continue her words, because Shinra grabbed her hand that she used to type and pulled her into a really tight embrace, not caring if Namie was there and looking at them with shocked eyes.

"Celty you're wrong!" Celty couldn't see his face because he was hugging her tightly, but his voice was hurtful and there was a pleading tone there. "You don't understand, that really is a different thing!"

Shinra's eyes widened when he felt a punch being delivered by Celty. He was thrown to the nearest wall, and let out a painful cry. Namie wasn't sure whether to help him or keep away and not be killed by the jealous clingy headless girl. She chose the second option.

"Yeah, probably Yagiri-san understands, but not me." She typed before she dashed out from the house.

"Wait, CELTY!"

The dullahan ignored Shinra's begging cry and hopped on her bike, leaving that place quickly, while crying those unshed tears.

_***DRRR!***_

And now, back to present.

Both Shizuo and Izaya gaped at the headless dullahan, while the headless girl playing with her hands nervously. Shizuo felt a headache coming. "Wait… what? You left him?"

The dullahan nodded shyly.

"And for three days, you'd been staying at the hotel and spent all your salary from your latest job?

She nodded again, turning her helmet to her shadowy black bags. She typed some more in the PDA. "You must think that I'm such a clingy jealous person aren't you? Even I'm surprised that I can be such a selfish person…"

Shizuo had to admit that he was surprised that even Celty could be very sensitive when it came to love. She seemed like she didn't care about Shinra's love for her, despite knowing that they were in love with each other. Even so, seeing Celty hurt like this, he brushed away all the thought. Celty had always been the one who cared for him. It was rare he had chance to return her kindness.

Even so, Shizuo found it hard to believe that Shinra could cheat with another woman. Shinra, as annoying as he was, was never once the one to ditch the only one he showed his love for, which was Celty. Actually, Shizuo was sure that Shinra wasn't cheating, but when he saw Celty hurt like this, he couldn't help but feel a little angry at his childhood friend.

"Come in first." Shizuo said softly, letting the door open. "I can't believe that damn freak cheated on you… I'm gonna smash his teeth later—"

Celty quickly shut Shizuo's lips with her shadows. That caught Shizuo off-guard.

"No! I know there's no way Shinra would do that to me! Shinra is an honest person. I believe he has his reasons for this."

Once again, both men stared at the dullahan. Celty, feeling the gaze all over her quickly pulled her shadows and drooped, feeling embarrassed for her childish behavior.

"I'm sorry," She typed again. "It's not Shinra the one at fault. It's me. I didn't want to hear for his explanations, even though I know that there's no way he did that to me. I know that he must have his reasons… It's just that, I kinda can't accept the fact that he's hiding something from me, and to see him with another woman like that…"

Shizuo's eyes softened at her, not knowing what to say. He felt confused at first, but then, he understood what Celty was actually feeling. The feeling where you believed in someone, and despite knowing that he was unlikely to betray you, you were sent into rage because you were blinded by anger, not wanting to believe the truth…

He had experienced this before.

He had experienced this with Izaya, and it made him lost his memories.

Shizuo bit his lip, regretting remembering it. All those awful feelings began to crumble in his chest again. "Celty, you…"

"I know I'm selfish for doing things like this." Celty typed again. Even without her face both Shizuo and Izaya could see that Celty was sad and guilty. "It's just… I don't know. I should be glad that Yagiri-san is actually still alive, but this selfish, dark feeling that grew in my heart when I saw them together makes me angry. Even though I know that Shinra deserves someone better. I guess if he really falls for her it would be for the best, but my heart is aching."

Shizuo felt a twitch when he heard about the someone Shinra 'cheated' with was still alive. He briefly wondered what Celty meant by that and wondered if it was related with the bombardment at his apartment or Izaya's apartment, but he decided to let it slip for now. Celty's feelings what mattered now.

"You're jealous," Izaya said casually, and Shizuo hit his head for his impoliteness. "Ouch! What was that for?"

"You shouldn't say something like that!" Shizuo glared at him, and in turn the raven also glared. But Shizuo realized that what Izaya just said was true. Shizuo may not be an expert in relationships and kind of a simple thinker, but he was not so stupid to not know of such a simple emotion that every human had. Shizuo always hated those kinds of people, but when it was Celty who had that emotion, somehow it was pure and innocent.

Celty seemed surprised with Izaya's statement. Jealous? Was she jealous? Could she even feel that kind of feeling? But to see Shinra get close with any other girl, it made her feel uneasy. And not to mention how he somehow had been avoiding her since that night Shizuo brought that unconscious Izaya made her feel even more nervous.

_What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if there's another girl that caught his eyes? I can't even show him my true expression. I can't laugh or cry. I can't kiss him to show him that I love him. What if there's a beautiful girl that can smile, can do anything I can't…._

She wanted to cry. And she hated herself for not being able to do so. She envied humans.

_I am jealous. Such a dirty, low feeling…_

Shizuo's eyes saddened upon seeing his friend in such state. When he was about to say something though, Izaya once again beat him.

"Don't worry; he's in love with you. Totally." Izaya said again. "Miss Sturluson—"

"Just Celty please. You give me creeps each time you call me that."

"Ah, yes…" Izaya coughed a little. "Celty-san may not realize it, but while I was still living with you guys, Kishitani-sensei always gave you some sad glances. He's kind of freak and always put on a smile, but when you went to work, his eyes saddened and he wasn't as cheerful as when you were there for him."

If Celty had had her eyes, they would have widened. _Shinra…_

Shizuo was shocked as well, but quickly squinted his eyes at Izaya. "How did you know—wait, lemme guess, human observation?"

Izaya grinned. The taller blonde groaned. _He doesn't change_.

On a second thought, Shizuo's heart began to feel warm, and without him noticing it, he smiled softly.

_He doesn't change at all._ Shizuo thought in relief.

"And I think it's okay for Celty-san to feel jealous. Love is never pure and innocent to begin with," Izaya said again. "If you are jealous and acting selfish, it shows that you are truly in love with him. There's nothing wrong with that."

Celty felt warmth enveloping her heart after she heard those words. She had not expected that Izaya would be the one to say something like this. He had been the one who tortured others for his 'love' to humanity. It made Celty wonder if Izaya was actually wanting to be loved too. The dullahan wondered if the amnesiac raven in front of her was the real Izaya that had been hiding before he lost his memories.

Shizuo, on the other hand, was looking at the former informant with a horrified look. Izaya noticed it. "What?" He snarled at the blonde. The smaller man's eyes widened when he saw the blond blush before he turned his face from Izaya. "… it's nothing."

_If you are jealous and acting selfish, it shows that you are truly in love with him. There's nothing wrong with that._

_No way. _Shizuo's face flushed and his mind went ballistic. _No way no way no way._

_I've been acting like a jerk to him, but it doesn't mean that I…_

_It may apply for Celty, but not to me! I definitely am not in love with that flea!_

Celty noticed Shizuo's blushing face, and began to feel suspicious. She had been suspicious about Shizuo's real feelings towards Izaya. She had realized by Shizuo's recent actions that what he had done to the raven was not hatred based, but somehow care. Celty didn't want to believe it, but…

"Anyway," Izaya decided to ignore the debt collector and turned his face to the dullahan. "It won't change anything if you're here. Celty-san is just running away. It will be best if you go back and talk to Kishitani-sensei. You are sure he has his own reasons for hiding that—who was it again—Yagiri-san, don't you?"

Izaya felt weird when that name rolled on his tongue. He felt like he knew that person but couldn't quite remember them. A certain long haired woman came to his mind, but he couldn't remember her face.

Celty's helmet hung again, and her gesture showed that she was sad again. "I know, but I'm embarrassed… after all things I have done, to go back to him and ask for forgiveness like nothing happened is a bit selfish don't you think? And now that I think again, he deserves someone better, anyway. " She typed again before she showed her PDA to Izaya and Shizuo. "Actually, I shouldn't be surprised if he gets bored with me. I know that Shinra is not that kind of person. I trust him, but he is a human too, you know? He can fall in love with someone else who's better than a headless person like me, that's not even a human."

"You're wrong, I'll never do that."

Shizuo, Izaya and Celty quickly turned their face to the front door in surprise. There he was, Kishitani Shinra, gasping and all sweaty, but still with serious face as he stared at the black rider he loved so much.

"Shinra…" Shizuo said softly, eyes still widening in surprise. But Shinra ignored it, and he walked to Celty. Behind him, a long haired woman with a beautiful face followed, in which Shizuo wondered if this was the woman Celty was talking about. Yagiri Namie only stopped to look at Orihara Izaya, in which made the raven haired man confused.

"Do I know you?"

"So you really forget about everything huh?" Namie said softly. She was smiling, but her eyes were sad. Izaya's red eyes softened before he also smiled apologetically.

Looking at Namie and Izaya, Shizuo frowned and turned his face, suddenly felt uneasy of seeing the flea smiled like that to the girl he didn't know, even if he had also forgotten about her too.

Upon seeing Namie, Celty turned her helmet from Shinra. The doctor's gaze softened. "I've been searching for you." Shinra scratched his head, his face was flushed and he was out of breath. "I can't find you anywhere in these 3 days. But when I saw you came here with your bike, I waste no time to follow you."

Celty was still silent. Shinra's eyes saddened. "Celty…"

"I know. I am the one at fault." Celty typed with her shaking fingers and showed her PDA to Shinra. "I know you're not the one at fault. But you shouldn't be with me."

The blond and the brunette gaped at the headless girl. What the hell did she just say?

Shinra's eyes widened. "Celty…"

"You should be with a better girl!" Celty was no longer knew what she's typing anymore. Her mind was screaming, asking Shinra for forgiveness and begging him to take her back. But what she wrote on her PDA was completely different with what she _wanted_ to say. Her fingers were fumbling and she must rewrite the text again and again so it could be read properly. "Shinra, I can't cry for you. Nor I can smile for you. You can't say I'm beautiful. And I can't even kiss you to show my love for you. Why did you fall in love with me anyway? I'm not even a human!"

"Celty—"

"You will grow old, and I can't die with you! You should be with someone that's better with you, who can smile for you, can cry for you, and can sing for you. I can't do that all. I refused to see my weaknesses and I blamed it with being angry with you, even though it's not your fault. I just realized everything after I saw Yagiri-san with you. She's beautiful, and she can smile. I just realized that I actually just envy her for being able to stand for you, and I was angry because of that."

Shinra took a step forward to reach Celty, not caring if Celty was still typing on her PDA. Not caring that Celty was actually crying inside, and suffering because she couldn't let herself to cry.

"Because, Shinra I—"

And Celty couldn't continue to type, because her hand she used to type was stopped by Shinra's hand. Even if Shinra didn't stop her, Celty would be too surprised to continue anyway, because _Shinra was kissing her._

It wasn't exactly a kiss, since what the doctor actually did was just pressing his lips to the cold kitty helmet that Celty was wearing, but of course, for the other gaped three people in the room, it was pretty much a kiss. Shizuo's eyes widened in shock and he blushed. Izaya was trying as hard as he could to hold his smile, while Namie simply huffed, half in annoyance and half in relief.

If Celty had her eyes, they would have widened in shock. And she would be blushing furiously. Even her shadows that flowed from her neck turned pink; though it was trapped bellow her helmet.

Shinra released her a second later, and then he smiled sheepishly. "We kissed."

A big blob pink shadow just came out from Celty's neck. Not even the helmet could hide it now.

Shinra scratched his head, his face pinked as well. "You know Celty, I don't really care why I fell in love with you. As far as I know, I felt my chest warmth only each time I am with you. Not even a single beautiful girl could captivate me more than you. I don't care if you can't cry or smile for me, because I can see you."

Celty tilted her helmet as if she was confused. And for her surprise, Shinra hugged her in a warm embrace.

"Because I can see you smile, Celty." Shinra whispered softly. "I can see you cry. I can see your expressions. I can see you the way people can't see you. It's special, because I am the only one who can see it. And it's special because only me who can see the most beautiful smile in this world."

Celty felt his heart burst in happiness. Everything Shinra said hurt her, but in the same time comforting her. The warmth she was feeling right now was real. Shinra was real. His love, his words, his everything was real. She couldn't cry but Shinra always acted like he knew everything, and Celty couldn't be happier.

"Then…" Celty typed slowly after Shinra released his embrace. "Why have you been acting weird towards me in those two weeks?"

Shinra's face was turned scarlet red, which made Celty, Shizuo and even Namie confused. "Well, I…"

"Actually," Izaya interrupted, he couldn't hold his smile any longer. "It's only just my intuition, but… Kishitani-sensei seems to be a little perverted than you thought."

Shinra quickly tuened his horrified expression to the smirking brunette, his face was still blushing. "Izaya!"

"In that week I've been living with you guys, Kishitani-sensei looks like he wanted to jump on you, but he hold himself, probably not wanting to hurt you," Izaya ignored the doctor, and Shinra promised that with or without his memories, he would kill Izaya later. Namie seemed to look a little disgusted, while Shizuo was still confused, not understanding what the hell they had been talking about. "What do you mean by jump?"

"Heiwajima-san, you're so funny," the raven snickered at the blond, which mad the blond even more confused. "You know what I mean."

The blond with bartender clothes still stared at Izaya with confused face, and Izaya's smirk fell. "… you're kidding me."

Shizuo looked at Shinra and Celty. Celty seemed too shocked and embarrassed to type anything and Shinra's face paled. "Oy, what the hell was that all—"

"I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER, OKAY?" Shinra yelled out, face as red as tomato, and Shizuo had to close his ears with his hands from the sudden change of the voice volume. "The time where she only wore my pajama shirt, it was such a turn on! I can't sleep or work while thinking of her in that kind of clothes! But seeing how it made Celty uncomfortable I distance myself from her! I can't be near her when all I want is to—UMMPH!"

Shinra's sentence was cut by hard blow from flustered Celty. Shizuo, Izaya and Namie's gaze followed the flying Shinra until he hit the nearest wall hard with a loud crash.

"What the hell are you saying idiot!" Celty quickly typed with a flustered gesture. The pink shadow kept flowing from her neck below the helmet, showing how embarrassed she was. "You can't say that in front of another people!"

Despite that though Celty was happy. For knowing that Shinra loved her fully as she was, she was happy.

"Aah, I guess it's safe to say that this problem is solved?" Namie said with a bored look. "I guess I have to find a new job then…"

Before Namie left though, Celty placed a hand on her shoulder. "You can work with Shinra."

Namie's eyes widened. Not expecting the kindness from the black rider, especially after being the third person of her relationship with that freak doctor. "Are you sure?"

"Sure. I'm sorry for my rudeness earlier. I think you actually a very kind person," she typed again. "Don't worry about the salary. My work has a quite big one. I'm sure it's sufficient for your daily needs. Besides… I can't just be living alone with Shinra for now."

Namie had to laugh on the last statement. "Well then. I guess it won't be hurt to try."

Celty put on a smiley. "^_^"

Both Shizuo and Izaya looked at the scene in front of them with shocked looks, but then Izaya laughed hard, in which made Shizuo stared at him in confused, weird look.

"I guess the problem is solved by itself. We don't even do anything!" The raven chuckled as he stared at Shizuo's brown eyes. The blond huffed with an annoyed look, but then, he couldn't hold his smile to see everything ended well. "Yeah."

Something was bugging Shizuo by Celty's explanation. He wanted to ask if Celty knew something new about the bombardment and Yadogiri, but seeing her and Shinra now, he decided to let it slip and to ask it the other time. He didn't want to ruin this happy scene.

_Love, huh…_

Shizuo stared at Celty who now was helping Shinra to get up, before his gaze fell back to the raven haired man besides him. His cheeks pinked upon seeing Izaya smiled at him.

"What is it? Are you falling for me too?" Izaya teased and Shizuo's eyes widened—his cheeks turned red.

"As if! We're both guys!" Shizuo hit his shoulder and Izaya winced. "Ow! I'm just kidding! Stupid brute."

Shizuo sighed as he stared at Izaya who now left for helping Celty help Shinra. Weird, he had been sure that no matter what, he was helping Izaya because of guilt, and there was no way he develop certain feelings toward that flea, He even had hated him, and still didn't like his behavior. He had been sure, that he was not in love with Orihara Izaya.

_If you are jealous and acting selfish, it shows that you are truly in love with him. There's nothing wrong with that._

But now, he wasn't so sure anymore.

**Shinra/Celty fluff is just too cute to resist XDD And guys, I know I'm selfish for asking this after being hiatus for such a long time but please review! I'm glad to know that there are still people who love this story and read it, even though I've been busy with school. I thank everyone who supports this story from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU GUYS! **

**Thanks for MistressKiko for betaing this chapter too (OMG did I mention I am a big fan of your fics?) XDD**

**Please review guys! I would love to know if you still love this story 3**


	12. Half Sickness and Half Selfishness

**Thank you for the reviews guys XDDD I'm so glad that even though I took a veeeeeeeeeeeerry long time to update, you guys still stick with this story, it makes me so incredibly happy! XDDD**

**I'm trying to update faster, hopefully this one will make you happy, because I've been wanting to write this chapter! XD**

**Ah, sorry that I'm late, but Happy Birthday Shizuo! XD**

**I'm not a native speaker. Therefore forgive me if my English bugs you.**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__12. Half Sickness and Half Selfishness_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Faithful, faithful friend, I shall not betray you, for I am your friend who thinks of you the most…_

_Please don't let you be a dream. There aren't many people…_

…_as special as you._

.

.

.

.

.

Shizuo stared at the woman in front of his apartment door with a very… ridiculous look. The said woman was wearing a big scarf, thick coat, and black sunglasses, and her long hair was tied up in a ponytail.

"… who are you?" The blond asked with furrowed eyes. The woman glared at the taller man.

"It's me!" Namie hissed and released her thick coat, her ponytail and her sunglasses. Shizuo's eyes widened and realization dawned at him when he saw Namie let her hair down. _Aah, that woman who now works with Shinra…_

"What's with your clothes?" Shizuo asked with confused eyes as he let the woman came into his house. "It's not winter yet."

Namie stared at Shizuo with annoyed look before she sighed. "I must wear all these coats to disguise myself from being seen. You should have known already!"

Shizuo blinked, and then he understood what she meant. Celty had told him about this woman before. The debt collector's mind began to wander back to the 'love triangle' incident that happened few days ago, and what followed afterwards.

Now that Yagiri Namie worked with Shinra and Celty, Shizuo couldn't help but to ask Celty who she really was, what her relation was with Yadogiri and the explosions, and most of all… her relationship with Izaya. He had been wondering who she really was since he first time had met her, few days ago. He had been living this week in a very peaceful life, which made him forgot that Izaya's life was still in danger. When Celty first time mentioned Namie, she had said something about Namie was supposedly to be dead, and the first thing that flashed into Shizuo's mind was Yadogiri Jinnai. He and Kasuka had almost died by him, and he was wondering if Namie was also a surviving victim from him.

His suspicion was confirmed when Celty told Shizuo that Yagiri Namie supposedly was in Izaya's apartment when the explosion happened. She was lucky that she was on 24 hour grocery store when the bomb exploded. She had been hiding for about two weeks and then got out from her hiding shell to gain information of what happened with her employee. Sadly, Celty mistook her intention and thought Shinra had cheated with her. The dullahan seemed to still be a little embarrassed each time she remembered that shameful incident, but Shizuo's mind registered on one particular thing.

"Why was she in the flea's apartment?"

"You didn't know? She is Izaya's secretary. She works there. Well, 'worked'…"

Now that was a shock.

Shizuo knew that being a nasty informant he was, he should have at least someone worked under him, but hearing it from Celty and seeing the person directly still made him surprised. Realization then dawned on him when he thought that Namie—despite being Izaya's secretary—was probably the closest woman Izaya had ever known, and knowing that she was thought to be in Izaya's apartment in Shinjuku before it was exploded, she probably had lived with him.

It was only a possibility, but the thought of that alone made Shizuo felt really uneasy, and he didn't like that feeling at all, though he was uncertain why.

"I felt like Shinra knows something more about Izaya and the explosions than we know," The dullahan had told him. "I want to ask him, but after what happened few days ago, I can't bring myself to ask him, especially after I misunderstood Yagiri-san and Shinra's relationship..."

After hearing that, Shizuo wasted no time to confront Shinra. Shinra, seeing no other choice except for being beaten to a pulp or to spill, he decided to explained everything to Shizuo, Celty, and Namie, except for how Izaya lost his memories, of course.

After that, no one couldn't hide their shock.

"What..." Shizuo's head had turned into a mess after hearing that. Celty, despite not having any head to show her expression, had a similar reaction. Namie simply widened her eyes, but she definitely couldn't hide her shock.

Yadogiri Jinnai... Shizuo thought he only wanted to mess with Izaya and used the blond in order to break him. Shizuo had already known that Yadogiri wanted to break the flea. But he had never thought that bastard would go as far as _killing anyone Izaya knew and related with in order to do so._

"Why..." Celty typed in shock. "Is that person insane? He wanted to kill _anyone_ Izaya knew just because he wanted to see Izaya suffer?"

"Not only that," Shinra continued. "We all know that Izaya was a bastard and only thought of himself. Actually what Yadogiri did was mocking him by threatening to kill someone he know. He was only playing with Izaya's mind and see if Izaya would be affected by his threatens. As it turned out... Izaya wasn't as asshole as we thought. Izaya was scared of Yadogiri's threatens... and well... He did try to save Shizuo..."

Shizuo's heart clenched upon hearing that. He knew it was his fault that Izaya had to suffer and lose his memories. Well it was not entirely his fault-Izaya was such a bastard, no wonder someone wanted to break him-but knowing that Izaya was not as evil as he had thought, the blond couldn't help but to still feeling guilty. The flea could actually care for the others too.

_And I had been refusing to see his real self..._ Shizuo's eyes turned sad. Feeling guilty had been one of his daily routine nowadays.

Namie spoke up suddenly. "Then, the explosion at Izaya's apartment back then... the apartment was not the target..."

Shinra nodded. "He targeted you, Namie-san. It was meant to break Izaya."

Namie's face looked like she was struck with horror.

It was so lucky of Izaya to had moved Celty's head to Mairu and Kururi's house. And it was very lucky of her for _being alive_ right now.

"That's why, it will be better if you just go back to your life and..."

"No," Namie growled. Though she looked annoyed, but she looked sure with what she was going to say. "It won' be better. He may try to kill me again if he sees me. The best choice I had is to work with you guys for now. When that bastard remembers everything, I'll smack him for everything he had put me through."

"Yagiri-san..."

Shizuo stayed in silence, half feeling glad that she was a strong woman, half not really wanting to drag her to this dangerous, wrecked problem.

"How did you know about all of this...?" Shizuo asked Shinra. Shinra adjusted his glasses before he showed them a cell phone.

"Izaya's cellphone contains so much information. It's a cell phone of an information broker after all." Shinra grinned. It was a lie, of course. But for now, no one would question him.

Shizuo couldn't remember the rest of the conversation. All he knew was now that Namie was working with Shinra and Celty, she must put herself in disguise so that Yadogiri could not track her down that easily. Only God knew what would happen to her if Yadogiri knew she was still alive and following her here.

"So... what brings you here?" Shizuo asked, being careful that his words wouldn't be too impolite to her. Namie gave this weird aura that made you feel uneasy. It showed arrogance, but in different way with Izaya. She looked prideful and firm. Shizuo didn't quite like her, but at least she was better than Izaya was, and unlike most girls she was strong, remembering what happened to her. "Usually Celty is the one checking on us."

"The black rider asked me to, since I have more knowledge about medical things," Namie opened her bag and took a thermometer and some drugs, and then she stared at the debt collector.

"Where's the sick bastard?"

_***DRRR!***_

Earlier that morning, Nakano.

"Damn, where is it?"

"What are you looking for?" The raven haired man asked. He turned his head to see what Shizuo was doing. Ah, there he was. The blond had dressed up and worn his bartender clothes, ready to go work. But he looked like he was still searching for something.

"My cell phone," Shizuo scratched his head. "If it was in my apartment in Ikebukuro, I would not lose it. Damn Nakano!"

_Cell phone again? Heiwajima-san, really?_

Izaya gave him a sigh and half hearted laugh, before he groped his pocket and took out Shizuo's cell phone. The debt collector blinked.

"It was in your pocket pants before I washed it," Izaya said, and Shizuo blushed, feeling embarrassed for being so clumsy.

Shizuo took it and purposefully avoid eye contact, while Izaya just merely smirked. But then Shizuo realized something.

Izaya was flushing, and his breath was a bit ragged. He was sweating, and eyes were a little unfocused. Shizuo quickly knew that something was wrong with the brunette.

"Hey, Izaya. What's wro-"

Before he finished his words though, Izaya had already fallen to the floor. Shizuo was shocked and quickly rushed to the smaller man's side. "Oy, Izaya! Are you okay? What the hell..."

Shizuo put his hand on Izaya's forehead, and his eyes widened.

_His body temperature is so hot!_

Izaya stared at Shizuo weakly. His breathing became more unstable and he was sweating even worse than before. "Heiwajima-san..."

"Don't talk!" Shizuo quickly held Izaya and lifted him to the nearest couch. He put a blanket and quickly threw it on the feverish raven. "Wait here! I'll call Shinra!"

Shizuo picked his phone and dialed Shinra's number. Every second passed with Shizuo being even more panicked than before.

_Why? He looked just okay yesterday! Why suddenly he has that high fever?_

When Shizuo heard the phone was being picked up, he quickly yelled.

"Shinra! Izaya is sick!"

_"Huh? H-hello? Who's this?"_ A stammered, confused voice replied.

"It's Shizuo dammit!" Shizuo tried to calm his self, but no matter what, his heart kept thumping in panic. He didn't even know why he was so panicked. "The flea... Izaya is suddenly sick! I don't understand... he was okay yesterday. But now his temperature is so high!"

_"Whoa, Shizuo? Okay calm down!"_ Shinra tried to calm the blond, though he was still confused by the sudden call. _"What's wrong? Izaya is suddenly sick, you say?"_

"Yes," Seemed like the blond had finally calmed himself a little.

Shinra fell into silence, his head was working fast.

_Dammit... this must be the side effect of forced amnesia... It comes faster than I thought..._

The doctor had to admit he was surprised to see Shizuo so worked up over Izaya, the person he hated so much, but Shinra decided to put that aside and think of Izaya's condition first.

_"Calm down."_ Shinra quickly pulled himself to his doctor mode. _"I can't go check on him now, I have an important operation today, but I will send someone to take care of him. For now, move him to a bedroom, and compress his head with wet, warm towel every ten minutes. Got it?"_

"Got it," Shizuo ended the call and quickly moved to Izaya's side. He looked very weak.

"Heiwajima-san..." The raven breathed.

"Stop talking," Shizuo lifted Izaya easily and carried him to his bedroom. "Damn, you're so light. Have you been eating properly?"

Izaya chuckled. "I did say that I don't want to take care of you when you're sick, but I never thought that I am the one who is going to be pampered by you when I am sick."

"It's called karma," Shizuo smirked, though he was still worried as hell. "Shinra has sent someone to come. Just have some rest now."

Shizuo was about to leave Izaya when a warm hand touched his own softly.

"... stay..."

Shizuo felt his heart was going to burst when he heard that. The blond looked at the raven once again. He was such a mess. Eyes half lidded, and face flushing... and this person was the one Shizuo had hated before. Not only that, this person also in a situation Shizuo had always dreamt before: weak, vulnerable, helpless... And he would never thought that his dream back then would be granted in this kind of situation where now he lost his memories and the blond must live with him.

Shizuo scratched his head, refusing to admit that tingling of happiness he felt upon the weak raven's request. "I must call Tom and tell him I can't make it for the work..."

_***DRRR!***_

Present time, Nakano

"Open your mouth." Namie said and Izaya complied. She took out the thermometer from his lips and carefully Namie blanketed the raven. Izaya smiled weakly. "... Thank you, Namie-san..."

Namie blinked at him. She never thought that Izaya would say 'thank you' sincerely to her, but then she remembered that this Izaya had forgotten about everything. She sighed.

"Don't get too cocky. I did this not because I care for you. I work for Kishitani-sensei, so I must do it. This is really troublesome for me."

Izaya chuckled, but his chuckled turned into a cough. "So cruel~"

Namie sighed. This bastard had not changed at all. She checked at the thermometer, and she raised her eyebrows before she groaned.

"39.5 degrees celcius... You really are troublesome."

Izaya laughed. "... I'm sorry?"

Namie's eyes saddened a little at the pathetic man in front of her. She really hated him, and she hated him even more now that he was like this.

"... so... troublesome..." Namie murmured softly.

"Is he okay?"

Shizuo's sudden voice startled Namie. Ah yes, that brute was also here in the room too, with her and Izaya. She hoped that it was only her feeling, but Namie felt like the blond had been staring at her with skeptical look, as if she was some criminal. And she didn't like it.

"His temperature is very high. He needs to be brought to hospital," Namie lowered her voice so the sick raven couldn't hear her. "But we can't risk him being seen by Yadogiri."

"What should we do?" Shizuo threw a worried glance to the raven who was trying to sleep now.

"I'm afraid all you can do is to keep him warm," Namie explained as she gave Shizuo a pack of medicines and pills. "This is from Kishitani-sensei. That perverted doctor said that one pill should be enough to lower his temperature body, but if the worse came to the worst, make sure that bastard drink it every morning and night."

Shizuo nodded and watched Namie while she was getting ready to leave. "I never thought that the person Shinra sent will be you."

She scoffed a little. "You disappointed that it's not the black rider?"

Shizuo frowned. "It's not that..."

"Then why do you dislike me?"

Shizuo choked upon hearing that. Namie rolled her brownish black eyes. "Don't think I don't know. You've been staring at me like I'm going to kill that bastard or something."

The debt collector blushed. He didn't mean to offend Namie, but it was true. And he felt embarrassed to be caught by her. "I didn't mean that."

"Hm."

An uncomfortable silence occurred between them once again, but Namie didn't seem to care too much. She was all in her disguise coats and high heels, when he heard Shizuo's voice once again.

"Were you... his girlfriend?"

Namie's purse fell from her hand in a comical way. "Excuse me?"

Shizuo scratched his head. He didn't really want to talk about it. He was embarrassed, but he was curious. Just as they said, curiosity killed the cat... or in this case, the bartender. "You seem close with him. And he called you by your first name."

"He always calls me by my first name."

"But he never calls Shinra, Celty, or me by first name since he lost his memories."

"Heiwajima Shizuo-san," Namie hissed, and Shizuo's body became tense when he heard his name mentioned with that cold tone. "I _was not_ his girlfriend. Never will, never be."

Shizuo had to admit he was amazed that this woman had nerve to speak like that to him without being scared at all. Probably she really was offended by his unreasonable accusation. Shizuo felt a little guilty on that.

"I really am curious, Heiwajima-san." Namie's face now was looking towards him. "As far as I know, you hate him. Why is me being his girlfriend bugging you so much? If you want any information about his weaknesses, well too bad,I don'r know. I had tried poisoned him several times and he was still okay. He is a pretty sharp person when he senses danger."

Shizuo had opened his mouth to counter Namie's words, but he closed his mouth, angrily admitted that she was half true. Well half true because she were wrong of him wanting to know Izaya's weaknesses. Not like he wasn't interested with them, but now wasn't the time to say anything about that.

"I'm just asking. I don't care if you were his girlfriend or not. I hate him." The blond lied. Because he knew he no longer hated Izaya, and that fact annoyed Shizuo to no end. Namie simply glared at him.

_What the hell is wrong with him? I don't remember mocking him or doing anything wrong to him! Well I did work for the person he hates the most and I did think of him as an idiot, but that doesn't give him an excuse to annoy me!_

Namie sighed and showed her annoyed expression, before she felt something clicked in her head, and realization dawned on her. Her eyes widened in surprise.

_Oh..._

She groaned hard and then stared at Shizuo with a very annoyed look. "What."

Shizuo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What 'what'?"

"What the hell..." Namie murmured tiredly. How could she be so dense? "You're jealous."

...

The debt collector stared at the woman in front of him with confused look, waiting until the words she had said to sink into his head. After he understood what she meant, Shizuo's cigarette fell from his mouth, and he flushed hard. "I'm not!"

"This is crazy... First I was predicted dead and now I play the third person for some idiot triangle love not only once, but _twice_? Even though I only love Seiji..." Namie sighed dramatically, and Shizuo had to fight the blush that began to creep to his face.

_The hell? Why am I blushing? There's nothing to be embarrassed about... It's the flea!_

"You... we're both guys!" Shizuo stuttered—his face was flaming red. "It's Izaya! _That fucking Izaya_ we're talking about!"

Namie pitied the man who didn't even understand his own feelings. His blushing was all the prove she needed.

"Well, I don't mind if you think you're not jealous," Namie said again, face completely emotionless that reminding Shizuo of Kasuka a bit, though she was much colder. "If you want to think that _interrogating a woman you barely know and asking her if she was your precious sleeping beauty's girlfriend_ doesn't mean jealous..."

The bartender clothed blond had opened his mouth, ready to yell something, to deny something the woman had just said to him... but he was unable to find any words. Instead, what Namie had just said sunk to him slowly, and his eyes widened in realization.

_Am I... jealous?_

As she stared at the brute in front of her, Namie realized that Heiwajima Shizuo, despite having a monstrous power and uncontrollable temper, he was insecure with his own feelings and had a very low skills of socializing. He didn't even understand what feelings he had towards the people he cared of. Now that she thought about it, why the hell Heiwajima Shizuo would want to take care of Orihara Izaya he hated so much, agree to live with him and protect him, if it weren't for the fact that he actually care about him?

"You know... the last time I saw him before he lost his memories, he was only thinking of you." Namie suddenly said, and Shizuo's attention quickly back on her. "He went pretty ballistic back then, saying that he hated you repeatedly. But in the end, he didn't want you to die and admitted that he didn't hate you."

Shizuo's eyes widened. All those weird, but not-that-unpleasant feelings began to flip his stomach funnily. He could even heard his heart skipped a beat once.

"I didn't understand what happened that day, but now I do. Yadogiri called Izaya and had threatened to kill you that time, that's why he was very confused," Namie's beautiful face saddened, as she stared at the blond in front of her. "But in the end, he decided to go for saving you. You know what, he didn't say anything, but he did question his hatred for you."

Shizuo shot her another confused eyes. And he was so surprised when he saw she smiled. Namie was very beautiful when she smiled.

"He didn't tell me. But isn't that already a prove that he's in love with you?"

_***DRRR!***_

Later that night, Nakano.

He felt like he had been sleeping for a long time and woke up. But after he opened his eyes and tried to move his body, Izaya decided that he was still sick and need some more rest after the sudden coldness hit his body, even if he had all those thick blankets covering him. He hated this, he hated being sick. He felt useless when he was sick, and really wanted someone to look over him. Just like the feelings he had each time Shizuo must leave him for work and locked the door from the outside, and Izaya must wait for him until late night to be able to see him again. Even though he never left the apartment, he always watch the television and browsing on his laptop, which made him aware of what happened outside—the world he had never seen before. But now, he couldn't do anything. Lying helpless when no one was there near you...

He felt lonely.

A single tear made its way from Izaya's ruby eyes to his cheek. He wanted to get back to his sleep. Even though it was not real, his dream was much better than this. His dream kept him from the pain and sickness. His dream kept him away from being lonely.

_Why..._

_Why can't I go outside?_

_Why must I get sick?_

_Why does it feel so lonely here..._

"Hey, you're awake?"

Izaya's eyes widened at the familiar voice. He turned his face weakly to see the blond he had been living with for these past two weeks, the person who had been the closest one to him in all his loneliness.

Shizuo brought some water and pills, and helped Izaya to sit on his bed and drink the pills. "That woman has gone home. These pills are from Shinra. Drink it."

"That woman? Oh, Namie-san..." Izaya shifted his body to a more comfortable position before he drunk the pills. After he drunk it, he realized the weird, uncomfortable look that Shizuo was giving him. "Heiwajima-san?"

"Even though you have forgotten about her, you call her on first name basis," Shizuo spoke quietly and avoided eye contact with Izaya to hide his blush. "I'm just surprised."

"Aww, are you jealous?" Izaya snickered and Shizuo glared at him. "Oh, stop looking at me like that. You really are no fun Heiwajima-san. I bet you don't have any girlfriend."

"Shut up." Shizuo growled as he wondered how much Izaya forgot about him. If he didn't know that Shizuo didn't have any girlfriend, then he probably didn't know that the one who had been living with him now was called the strongest person of Ikebukuro, and had been called a monster repeatedly in the past by him.

"I call her by the first name because I only want to tease her," Izaya suddenly said, and Shizuo's honey eyes widened. "Unlike Kishitani-sensei or Celty-san, she's the type that doesn't like to be close with other people too much. That's why calling her by her first name would definitely annoy her." Izaya actually wanted to say that Shizuo was similar type with Namie, but he didn't want to call Shizuo by his first name. He couldn't. Somehow, even though he didn't know why, calling Shizuo by his first name felt wrong, and every time he wanted to do that, his heart would clench in pain and he would call Shizuo by his last name instead.

Shizuo, on the other hand... was shocked. He had been feeling uneasy with Izaya's closeness with that woman, and it was all only a tease? He even found himself even more surprised that he felt relieved to know that Izaya didn't mean to flirt with Namie or anything.

_Am I really jealous? This... this weird feelings... it's all because..._

The pills seemed to finally kick in, because Izaya yawned already and was getting ready to sleep again.

"Really, I wonder why did you get sick," Shizuo said again, trying to throw his own thought. "Is it because you are the one who always doing the chores?" And yeah, Shizuo had been wondering where Izaya learned how to do chores. He really doubted the old Izaya could act like housewife like he was now.

"Celty-san taught me," Izaya answered, as he felt his eyelids became more and more heavy. "Kishitani-sensei said that I used to do chores and must learn it again until I found out that he was only trolling with me. I must say Celty-san's cooking is not that good though."

Shizuo had to laugh on that. So that's how Shinra had his revenge on the former informant.

"... I'm getting sleepy," Izaya murmured, and the blond couldn't hide his smile.

"Then go to sleep. You better recover fast."

The raven chuckled. "Heiwajima-san..."

"Hm?"

"I had a dream... I was being chased by someone..."

Shizuo's eyes widened.

"I forgot his face and name, but... he... you..."

Before he finished his words, Izaya had fallen asleep. Shizuo's eyes saddened and he put his hand on the brunette's forehead. His temperature body had decreased, and he looked more comfortable than before. Shizuo was glad that the pills Shinra gave him was effective, but then he closed his eyes as he wondered what Izaya had dreamt before, and what kind of dream Izaya would have this time. He didn't want to raise his hope, but the thought that there was probably a chance of Izaya dreaming of him also raise the probability that Izaya's memories may recover. He knew that it was only a possibility, but he couldn't help but to smile at the thought.

Shizuo hated to admit it, but he knew he missed the flea.

_He didn't tell me. But isn't that already a prove that he's in love with you?_

Shizuo definitely didn't want to raise his hope. He cursed Namie for making his heart thumped in anticipation, and he hated himself for wanting it to be real. If it was true, then the unfinished message Izaya delivered to him before he lost his memories...

It was a confession.

_Why..._

_Why I want all of it to be true? Even though I hated him..._

_Izaya... for me..._

_What is he for me?_

The blond stared at the sleeping brunette and stroke his face softly. So much had changed since the night his apartment was bombed. So much had happened between him and Izaya that he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or bad thing. So much had changed that everything couldn't go back the same way it was, no matter how much Shizuo wanted the time to rewind back to the place when he still hated Izaya... so that Izaya wouldn't have to suffer and lost his memories.

"Damn you flea," Shizuo muttered with sad tone. "Forgetting me like this, making me feel this way... "

_Dammit, even though I want him to remember, I don't really want him to hate me again..._

_I don't even know if his memories really are going to recover. No matter how much I want him to remember, no matter how much I hope for it, there's also a possibility he will never remember me again._

While he was busy thinking of everything back though, a voice cut him out from doing it.

A nostalgic name Shizuo had been missing. A name he never thought _he really wanted to hear from Izaya's lips_.

_"Shizu-chan..."_

Shizuo froze.

The blond turned his widened eyes slowly to the brunette. Sure he was still sleeping, but he was dreaming of him. He probably wouldn't remember him the next morning, but for now, Izaya could see his own past, even if it was only a dream.

Even if it was temporary... he had remembered Shizuo.

Hearing that name broke something in Shizuo's mind. All too suddenly, something that had been holding Shizuo was gone, and the blond couldn't stop himself anymore. He could feel his heart burst in pain and happiness, and before he knew it, he had already loomed over the Izaya, arms caging the sleeping brunette.

_Faithful, faithful friend..._

Shizuo wondered why the song Akane taught him came into his mind, as he slowly leaned closer to the former informant's face, while at the same time wondering what the hell he was doing.

_I shall not betray you, for I am your friend who thinks of you the most…_

"It's your fault," Shizuo breathed. He didn't care that Izaya would forget about him again later. He didn't care that right now, Izaya couldn't hear him. Izaya would never know how desperate and guilty Shizuo was for what have happened. He would never know how painful it was for Shizuo to live with him and enduring the fact that Izaya had forgotten about him.

"I've tried to forget about you, but you always haunt me." Shizuo spoke softly. His voice was shaking. "You're so selfish Izaya. Even after you have forgotten about me, I can never forget about you. You always ruin my life, even when you're not there. It's not me the one at fault. It's all because of you for forgetting me. That's why..."

_Please don't let you be a dream._

Shizuo couldn't explain the feeling he was feeling right now, but not that he cared anymore. It was the same, painful feeling that always clenched each time he saw Izaya, with the only difference, this feeling right now was much unbearable than before. He wanted to release it before his heart burst.

"That's why... I'm going to be selfish too."

Shizuo hated him. For not knowing his pain, for acting normally and being innocent while the blond had to endure the guilt to be beside him. Shizuo hated him for his heart always clenched each time he wanted Izaya to remember about him, or even just each time he saw him.

_There aren't many people…_

Shizuo knew that it wasn't Izaya's fault, but his pain had became unbearable that he wanted to release all his frustration and pain he'd been holding to the innocent, sleeping brunette beneath him. It took almost everything from him to finally admit those weird feelings he had been refusing towards this flea. But Shizuo finally recognized what this feeling was and decided to show it with the most selfish way possible.

"I hate you so much... for making me falling in love with you, flea."

He kissed him.

…_as special as you._

_***DRRR!***_

Around midnight, Ikebukuro.

A man smiled as he walked in the busy road of Ikebukuro, the city with many dark secrets beneath. He hummed as he played with his phone; opening a folder where he had taken pictures he thought were interesting. He scrolled down until his eyes found what he had been searching.

A picture of Orihara Izaya he secretly took while he was being chased by Heiwajima Shizuo.

"You've been hiding too long." Yadogiri said softly. "Shall I seek you now?"

**Sorry it was shorter than the usual, but I don't know what more to add. And sorry for the rushed chapter . I must post it before my dad uses the computer!**

**Guys, I love you for alerting, reading, reviewing or loving this story. I can't say anything except thank you!** ** XDD**

**As always please review! XDD**


	13. Half Ikebukuro and Half Adventure

**Thank you for all your support guys! XDD Let me present you the thirteenth chapter! The second phase will be over soon. Beware the spoiler of the novel!**

**With the ninth volume being released, I guess this story now officially is semi-AU *sigh***

**I'm not a native speaker. Therefore forgive me if my English bugs you.**

**And I know it's off topic, but let us all pray for Japan ;A; I wish everything will be okay there.**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__13. Half Ikebukuro and Half Adventure_

"_Yadogiri Jinnai?"_

"Yes," Namie spoke quietly to the speaker on the other line. "I need any information related to this man. It's important."

"_But that Izaya has ordered me to get information about that man before. What more does he need?"_ The boyish voice groaned against Namie's ear via the phone.

"It's not for him," Namie sighed softly, half lying. "It's for my own business. And the information you've gathered is not enough." The long haired woman checked the files Izaya had ordered her to hide before the explosion in Shinjuku. "He was head of an entertainment company which the Hollywood had worked with, but now he has gone missing… Not very useful here…"

"_It's hard to find any more information about that man. Even I myself had nearly caught before."_ The other speaker said again. _"He is very careful and hard to be tracked. Is it that important?"_

"Yes," Namie said firmly, as her grip on the phone tightened. "He is dangerous. In order to prevent anything from happening, we need to stop him."

"_Whoa, whoa… wait a sec,"_ The voice replied again, sounding a little more confused_. "What happened exactly? Is this related to that bastard Izaya?"_

"…" Namie went silent. The long haired woman didn't want to drag him into this wrecked problem. Not only was it dangerous, but he would probably be nuisance too. "Yes, but this can be related with your friend's safety. You don't want to lose any important people to you, do you?"

Namie was sure that Masaomi Kida went silent because he thought of his friends—Ryuugamine Mikado and Sonohara Anri. Not only them, but Mikajima Saki must have surely come to his head as well. Just imagining anything bad happening to them made his stomach twisted uncomfortably.

"_Just what is that bastard planning?" _Kida hissed through his teeth, while Namie sighed again. She couldn't tell the boy what really happened and she didn't want to get him involved. As long his friends were not involved, Namie believed Kida wouldn't want to involve himself in Izaya's problems.

"I told you it's not Izaya," Namie said again, a little bit annoyed by now. "It's Yadogiri—ugh, forget it. I will search for information about him myself."

Before Kida had any chance to reply, Namie had already ended the conversation.

_***DRRR!***_

The blond haired boy raised his eyebrows in confuse as he stared at his cell phone, noticing that Namie had ended their conversation. It was weird that Namie suddenly wanted any information of her own, not from Izaya's order. What the hell was going on? Kida's eyes narrowed and his heart thumped uncomfortably, remembering that this could be related with his friends' safety. Just what did she mean by that? Did Izaya had another nasty plans that involving his friends? But Namie said something about Yadogiri Jinnai.

Yadogiri Jinnai…

Kida sighed. That man was different from any other people he had gained information of. He was somewhat like Izaya—unpredictable and smart. He was fast when he realized someone was watching over him that made the blond haired boy a little frustrated when he was still gaining any information of that man. Why could that man have anything to do with his friend's safety? Did Namie just threaten him? Or did Izaya was toying with him again? Or…

Did something happen to Izaya?

Kida sighed. No matter how much he thought about it, he could not find any connection between this and his friends. Even if something did happen to that bastard, how that could even related with his friends? The key word was only Yadogiri Jinnai.

"Masaomi?"

Kida's brown eyes shot opened, as he felt a warm embrace enveloped his body from behind. Kida's eyes softened a second after that. "Saki…"

"What's wrong?" Saki let out a soft giggle. "You've been spacing out after that call. Did Izaya-san ask something from you?"

"…no." Kida replied tiredly as he leaned to Saki's hug. "But there's something suspicious that I don't understand. Yagiri-san called me and she told me that she needs information of a person. If she doesn't have the information, it may endanger my friends…"

"Yagiri… Namie-san?"

"Yes," Kida sighed. "I wonder if she is trying to threaten me, but judging by her tone, seems like it's not the case… Damn, I wonder what Izaya's plan with Mikado and Anri-chan is…"

Saki released her hug from her lover and giggled. "Ne, Masaomi. You really treasure your friends, don't you? I'm a bit jealous."

"Whaaaat? Even though Saki is my lover already?" Kida grinned at her in which made his lover giggled even more.

"Masaomi and his friends have this special bond that even I as your lover can't across." Saki spoke softly as she held the blond haired boy's hand gently. "That's why I feel jealous. But even so, I understand, because I don't want Masaomi to be hurt—even if it's Izaya-san's order. That's why, if Masaomi is worried about his friends, it's not weird."

"Saki…" Kida's eyes softened.

Mikajima Saki was a really weird girl. She was innocent and never meant harm in her words, yet she gave an uneasy aura that can remind you of Orihara Izaya. She always smiled, but sometimes people had to wonder what she was hiding behind her smile—even though she actually had nothing to hide. She was purely a straightforward girl that sometimes she gave some people creep without she realized it herself. That was just the way she is. Even Kida sometimes didn't understand her.

But hell, he loved her. Just like she loved him back.

Kida's mind began to wavering again. It's been a while since he left Ikebukuro with Saki under Izaya's order. He hated that man, but he could pretending not to care about that since Izaya was paying him a surprisingly big salary. Kida still couldn't help but to miss Ikebukuro sometimes though, wondering how Mikado and Anri's doing. They've through a lot of things that made their relationship a bit cracked, but their friendship was strong enough that even he was no longer in Ikebukuro, he could still feel Mikado's care for him from the chat room.

Dollars… Yellow Turbans… The Slasher…

They really have through a lot.

"Now that I think about it…" Saki's voice broke Kida's reverie. "It's also been a long time since Izaya contacted us. Do you think something happened to him?"

"Saki… I don't even care if he is dead."

"Awww, Masaomi is such a mean boy!"

Kida groaned and Saki giggled again. He really didn't care if something happened to Izaya, even if Saki was (formerly) one of Izaya's fan. After all that mad man had put him through, it was no wonder that Kida hated him. Orihara Izaya wasn't a man that could be easily let something happened to him anyway. But Namie's call and her weird request made Kida wonder if something serious _did_ happen to Izaya, and his friends' safety somehow related because of that.

Yadogiri Jinnai, she had said.

_There's something fishy happened…_

_***DRRR!***_

Nakano, 06.00 AM

Izaya opened his eyes slowly and he woke up from his bed as he scratched his head. He left his messy bed—he would tidy it up later—and went straight to shower. He undressed, letting his grayish v-line shirt fell to the floor and he turned on the shower. The cold water hit his pale skin and the raven shivered, but he gritted his teeth as his mind was wandering into the dream he just had this morning.

It was weird. He was sure he just had a nostalgic, weird dream, but he couldn't quite remember what kind of dream he just had. And not only that—he was sure that it held important connection with his memories. It always started with his family—important mentioning, a pair of annoying twins—then it would lead to a kid with messy hair and glasses that he was suspicious it was younger Shinra. He remembered there was tuna and sushi, and there was a group of students that seemed to be very close. One was kind of dorky, shy boy. Another was blond playboy and the last was big breasted girl with glasses. The rest was blurry. He could vaguely remember a long haired woman that suspiciously resembles Namie and a woman in black that always wearing a helmet that must be Celty. There were weird lovers, group of guys on a van, a black big man giving flyers, some foreigners, yellow scarves, yakuza, and then…

And then an angry roar that was screaming his name. Along with vending machines and street signs.

He woke up right after that.

It wasn't the first time he had that dream, actually. Izaya had dreamt of that same dream for several times, but like always, he couldn't remember it at the morning. This time was the clearest dream, that he could remember several things. Nonetheless the raven still felt something amiss. There was something important that he couldn't remember. He wanted to know what it was, but at the same time, he didn't.

Izaya sighed and after he took the shower he turned the water off. The brunette picked his towel and dried himself up. After he put on some clothes, he brushed his teeth, doing the same usual things he did every day in Nakano.

It was kinda sucks.

Izaya never asked Shizuo or Shinra why he wasn't allowed to go out. He never asked them about his memories too. The red eyed felt curious about his own memories sometimes, but never really give it a thought. He couldn't do anything about what he had forgotten, so why bother trying so hard to remember it? As long he was still alive, he didn't really care about it.

But each time he saw Heiwajima Shizuo—his roommate left him for work, even though Izaya did all his best not to think about it, he couldn't stop the pain from flowing from his heart. Each time he was left, Izaya couldn't help but to think how unfair it was that he wasn't allowed to go outside. He could browse internet, he could watch the TV, and he could do all the things he need to do in order to gather information of what was happening outside. But still, he couldn't go outside. He wasn't allowed to see the world he had always seen from the computer. He wasn't allowed to see those interesting humans that he only knew from internet and news. Along with his memories, the freedom was also stolen from him. Waiting for the debt collector every day, all alone in that empty apartment…

It was lonely.

Sometimes, Celty would check on him, and Izaya felt glad that he wasn't going to completely be alone all the time. He felt glad that he had someone to talk with—to pour all his frustrations and loneliness to the dullahan. Sometimes, he chatted with other people from the laptop. He began to learn so many interesting personalities from each individual he talked with. He knew many things that happened outside where he lives. He even knew of Shizuo's reputation as the 'strongest person of Ikebukuro' (he had to admit he was surprised at that) and about how people were talking about him—about how Orihara Izaya had been missing (which made him even more curious about his old past self). But those all were not enough to cure his loneliness.

Because of the dream, Izaya realized that he had known the headless girl before. He didn't know what kind of relationship he had with Celty before, but since he lost his memories Celty had become some kind of mother figure for him. That's why he didn't think that his memories were that important, knowing that he still had her, Shinra, and Shizuo, despite the fact that he had forgotten about them. He was happy already, and he was afraid regaining his memories may take all these happiness. They had been so nice to him (even though Shinra did so some mean things and Shizuo still acted like a jerk) that the raven was afraid to ask something more—to ask more freedom.

Izaya walked down the stairs to the living room. The apartment was luxury and very big. It was comfortable and cozy, that Izaya had to wonder if he deserved this luckiness despite all his amnesiac state (Not that he really cared; he completely enjoyed the luxuries of course). Now that he thought about it, he actually had everything, right? Shinra paying the bills of the apartment… Celty as a chatting friend… and Shizuo as…

The raven stopped walking.

Shizuo…

What was Shizuo for him?

Izaya could name thousand things for him. He was a jerk, a brute, and a stupid one too. He was short tempered and easily got angry. He was quite clumsy (special mentioning of his cell phone) and was not good in communication either. The truth was, Izaya actually hated that kind of personality. Not only annoying, what Shizuo did always surprise him that made Izaya felt he couldn't read this person at all.

He said that, but Izaya didn't quite hate him too.

He may be a protozoan brained brute, but Izaya knew that he actually kind hearted and soft inside. The raven had to learn it the hard way, but it was worth it to know that Shizuo wasn't completely a jerk. He also surprisingly loved sweets (which Izaya thought adorable). He had really disliked the debt collector before, but ever since Celty told him about the real Shizuo, Izaya began to notice it. That cute blush he always showed whenever he was embarrassed… that concerning, scared face that blond showed when he was sick… That soft smile he rarely showed that the raven always secretly treasured… That sad gaze when they were looking at each other…

And the pain that flowing from his chest each time he saw him…

Izaya never really thought his memories were important, but he wondered if he had known the taller blond before. If he had, he wondered what kind of relationship they would have had. He wondered what kind of memories they shared with each other. He wondered if the blond had known everything, and kept it a secret from him. He wondered if they would still be friends if he didn't lose his memories. He wondered –as he looked at the door separating him from the world in front of him—if Shizuo would give him 'freedom' if he regained his memories. He wondered and wondered… drowned in his own thoughts about his lost memories.

It was the first time Izaya felt curious about his forgotten memories since he lost them.

"Izaya?"

Ah.

The raven slowly turned his head to the taller blond behind him. Judging by his messy hair and casual pajamas, he seemed like have just got up from his bed.

"Heiwajima-san." Izaya smiled his usual chesire grin. "You're up early. That's a good thing since usually I am the one to wake you up and placed the alarm besides your ear because you're such a lazy dog."

"Shut up," Shizuo growled. Little veins popped out from his forehead and Izaya grinned in triumph for successfully annoying the brute again.

"How rude! Had I not been the one to wake you up, you would have been late for your work all these time!" The raven pouted and approached the debt collector. "I wonder how your boss can still keep you around all this time before you moved to Nakano here…"

"Okay first of all, I never overslept in Ikebukuro. Nor I forgot my cell phone there," Shizuo said with an annoyed tone and twitched when he saw Izaya stared at him with a smug smile. "What? It's true!"

"Yeah, yeah." The raven sang, still wearing that smug smirk which annoyed Shizuo even more.

"Secondly, Tom-sempai is a good person. He actually gave me few days off considering my moving to Nakano. Now that I think about it, I have been such a disturbance for him but he still always helps me…" Shizuo continued. "I need to make it up for him."

Izaya's eyes widened at the name. "So persons like you can still have friends, huh?"

The taller man's eyes twitched. "Are you saying I can't make friends?"

"Seeing your short temper and personality, I would like to say no," The raven teased. "But seems I was wrong. But is he the only friend you have?"

"What? Of course not! What about Shinra and Celty?"

"They are out because they're not normal to begin with."

Twitch. "Well then, but I still have Kasuka."

"Kasuka?" Again, Izaya's eyes widened.

"My brother."

"Then again it's an exception. Families are closer than friends for some people."

Twitch twitch. "How about Vorona and Akane then?"

Weird enough, that annoying raven turned silence. Shizuo had to admit he felt a little satisfied to see those shocked ruby eyes though.

"Wow… impressive! I thought you barely can have friends, but apparently you have two girls clinging unto you." Izaya said, still with surprised expression plastered on his face. "Never thought a dumb like you is such a lady killer. I must admit you exceed my expectations, congratulations."

Shizuo looked dumbstruck before he felt a twitch in the corner of his eye and blushed. "You—Akane is still in elementary school!"

It was Izaya's turn to twitch. "…. Heiwajima-san… I never thought that you're such a pedophile… Seems like I misjudged you…"

"You IDIOT! I don't have those kinds of feelings for them!" Shizuo blushed more furiously and Izaya snickered. Messing with this blond was so much fun!

"You don't?" Izaya teased again, loving those popped veins that came out from Shizuo's forehead and the cute blush that spread in his cheeks. "Now that I think about it, you said that you don't have a girlfriend. You must get a girlfriend fast. Even if you're such a handsome guy, the girls will get scared of you if you keep that frown in your face."

Shizuo glared at the grinning bastard in front of him; half embarrassed that he was called handsome, half annoyed that he was made fun again. "Izaya-kuun…."

"Now now, don't be angry." Izaya smiled innocently as he pat the blond's shoulder. "I'm not surprised if you're no good in romantic relationship, but I want to help you get one here. Guys around your age should at least have someone they like if you don't want to end up marrying old. That's what they said on internet anyway. Except that you don't have someone that you like now, do you? Dumbs like you need to be helped before it's too late…"

Izaya kept on rambling, wondering when Shizuo would snap and roared at him for being so annoying and mouthful, except that he didn't. The raven finally came to his senses when he realized that the blond didn't reply anything but silence and then looked at Shizuo with confused look. His ruby eyes widened to see that the taller man was actually blushing. His face looked annoyed alright, but still he was blushing.

"Ne, Heiwajima-san? Are you okay?" Izaya asked carefully, afraid that maybe Shizuo really was mad at him. "I know! You're thinking of someone aren't you? You actually have someone you like!"

… He couldn't help but to tease the taller blond anyway.

…

No response. Izaya's eyes widened before he brought his gaze to the debt collector—who was trying to avert his gaze.

"You're kidding me. You actually have…?"

SHizuo didn't reply. Instead his cheeks went even redder.

Izaya blinked, mouth hung open. He couldn't believe it. This unsociable damn brute can actually _fell in love_ with someone? The raven couldn't keep his smile any longer and he burst out laughing, making the blond burst in anger and embarrassment.

"You BASTARD! What the hell is wrong with you?" Shizuo yelled, but Izaya couldn't stop laughing.

"Ah… I'm sorry, I'm just really surprised…" Izaya managed to choke out between his snicker. "I can't believe that you actually have those kinds of feelings. Do you even know what the meaning of love is?"

"Are you mocking me?" Shizuo spat out, arms crossed and glaring at the amnesiac man in front of him.

"No, no. I'm sorry. That was my bad," Izaya lifted his hands, but he still snickered. "So, what does she look like?"

Izaya didn't miss a hint of sadness that those honey eyes showed seconds right after he said those words. Before he had any chance to ask though, Shizuo cut him.

"Flea."

Izaya's eyebrows furrowed.

_What?_

"Excuse me?"

"That person acted like a flea. Always bugging me and makes me want to kill it. Annoying." Shizuo continued as he turned his gaze to the other side. "That person… does nothing but to wreck my life."

The raven furrowed his eyes even more, clearly lost. "What do you mean? She… _what_?"

"My life was screwed because of _her_." Shizuo pressed the word 'her' much for Izaya's confuse. "_She_ tried to kill me when the first time we met. _She_ set me up, trapped me and framed me for the crimes I didn't do. I lost most of job I had because of _her._ _She_ always annoys me and does nothing but to screw my life, much for her fun. And one more thing, she does all of that because out of all humans she loves, _she hates me_."

Izaya bit his lips, not knowing what to say. "You… sure you're not confusing hate with love?"

"Nope," Shizuo answered casually, which made the raven more confused and showed a very weird expression on his face. "I hated her, and I did want to kill her. Everything is a game for her, even those who are close to her. For her, humans are nothing but her toy which she can break anytime. She loves to see people suffering for no reason. And I really hated her because of that. No, actually, I maybe still hate her…"

Shizuo let out a long sigh before he continued.

"I hate _her_ because _she makes me fall for her, _despite of all she has done to me."

Izaya didn't know what to say or to think. The only things he could thought at the moment were possibilities between Shizuo was a complete idiot, or Shizuo had very weird tastes on women (though he couldn't help but to think that this said girl was kind of sexy) or that Shizuo completely missed the whole meaning of love was. However, when he looked at the taller man once again, he realized that those sad eyes and gentle expression he rarely showed were real. And there was no way he would show those expressions for the person he hated.

Heiwajima Shizuo really loved her, the brunette realized.

Awkward silence followed, and Izaya really hoped that Shizuo would say anything to break this silence, but no. That damn brute was completely ignored his surrounding and drowned in his thought about that girl—whoever that crazy girl was—while he lit his cigarette. Finally it was Izaya the one who broke the silence.

"You fall for a dangerous girl."

At that, Shizuo smiled. "I am."

"Honestly!" Izaya yelled loudly, which startled the taller man a little. "Your social skills are worse than I thought! I must admit she's kinda hot but falling in love with someone who tries to kill you is unhealthy, you know."

_Nor living with the said person under the same roof_, Shizuo thought bitterly.

"Where is she?" Izaya asked again, in which Shizuo raised his eyebrows. "I mean, where she lives… stuffs like that. "

"…" Shizuo just smiled sadly. He exhaled some smoke from his mouth. "I'm not sure where she is right now."

"Huh? You don't know where she lives?" Izaya asked again confusedly. "Did she go overseas or something?"

"She may be here… or she may be in a faraway place," Shizuo continued while he played with his cigarette. "I haven't seen her for a while. Sometimes I feel her so near, yet actually she's not."

_Ah, his eyes saddened again_, Izaya noticed. He was about to tease his roommate again until he saw those saddened eyes. He swore that Shizuo stared at him right before his eyes saddened though. He wondered what that blond thinking at the time was.

_To be hated by the person you loved…_

"You sure she really hates you though?" Somehow, the raven's words caught Shizuo's interest this time—the blonde finally looked back to his eyes. "Sometimes people hurt another people because they like them. Not sure with the killing part though."

The blonde gave him a sad smile. "That, I don't know… but I would prefer her not to love me."

Izaya's eyes widened again. "Why?"

"Because… if she did love me…" Shizuo's voice was barely a whisper by now. "Then I must have hurt her."

Izaya bit his lip. "I see…"

Something about Shizuo's tone, something about Shizuo's expression stung Izaya's heart, even though the raven didn't know why. Everything the taller blond said something about his crush, his mind was reeling, and his heart fluttered. Something flashed in his mind—a man, but it was unclear, and Izaya couldn't quite figure it out whom that man was.

"Heiwajima-san?"

"Yeah?"

Without he himself realized it, Izaya asked, "Did we know each other?"

Shizuo's honey orbs widened and he stared at the ruby ones with a hint of hope and pain on his expression. "What?"

Izaya felt his hand sweat and his feet moving nervously. He had no idea why he just asked him about that. But for someone that was amnesia, it was normal right? He never asked him anything about his memories for these past few weeks. The blond should have known that sooner or later, this topic was going to be on.

"I've been thinking about it." Izaya said again, his eyes were looking somewhere else so that he didn't see the blond's face. "I don't remember you. I don't remember Kishitani-sensei, Celty-san, or Namie-san. But you guys seem to know me. You helped me, even though Kishitani-sensei said that I was such a troublesome and sick bastard."

"Wait, Shinra never told you anything about your past?" Shizuo let out a sigh, feeling half relieved but also half disappointed.

"I never asked."

"Oh." That's why the raven was so nice to him back then. Had Shinra told Izaya about his past with Shizuo, the raven would have never agreed to be roommates with the blond, Shizuo was sure.

"Anyway," Izaya coughed. "Did we? Kishitani-sensei said that even though you have a short temper, you're actually a nice person. But he never said anything about you and me, so I thought you were only his acquaintance which he asked for help…"

_But now that I think of it, there's no way he was just acquaintance of him…_ Izaya thought again, remembering the very first time he met Shizuo.

_"Izaya. Call me," Shizuo pleaded. "Call my name."_

_Silence was the only reply. Izaya's eyebrows furrowed as he pushed Shizuo back. Shizuo felt a little rejected and confusion swirled in his head as Izaya's face fell, breaking the eye contact._

_"I'm sorry…" The raven haired man said softly._

"Is that so…" Shizuo mumbled softly. His face didn't show it, but he was actually hoping that the raven may have remembered about him a little. Knowing that it wasn't anything like that, he was disappointed.

"…"

"…"

"… and?" Izaya asked again, feeling annoyed for being ignored.

"And what?" Shizuo asked dumbly. Izaya groaned. This person's social skill need to be educated!

"You must know something about me, right?" Izaya pressed, still feeling annoyed. "What kind of relationship we had before I lose my memories?"

All his anger, however, gone when he saw Shizuo turned his expression from him. And again, he had caught a glimpse of pain on those honeyish brown eyes before the taller blond turned his gaze to somewhere else.

"… I believe that is something you need to remember yourself." Shizuo said as he left the raven and went back to his room. As the blond close the door, Izaya's eyes saddened. He was surprised and confused with the blond's sudden behavior. His memories… were he supposed not to remember them? But now, Izaya knew one thing.

Shizuo knew him. Izaya had not only known Shinra, Celty and Namie, but also Shizuo himself.

There was something about Shizuo's expression that made Izaya's heart clenched painfully and fluttered at the same time. There was something important that SHizuo was hiding and really wanted Izaya to remember, but he couldn't tell him, which made Izaya must remember it himself.

The raven never really wanted to know about his past before, but…

Now he got a reason to know.

Because in his past, _there was Shizuo._

Izaya didn't even know why, but when he realized that Shizuo and he knew each other, he suddenly felt really curious. Suddenly, he felt like he needed to know what kind of relationship they shared before. Suddenly, he wanted to remember.

The raven knew that his memories may be painful and different of what he had thought. He knew that his happiness may be taken from him once he got his memories back. But above anything else, he wanted freedom. To know about Shizuo. To know about the world. He's tired of being kept in this apartment every day. He wanted to go out. And it made him wanted to remember even more.

_Heiwajima-san…_

_What are you really? To make me feel this way…_

_You are so unpredictable._

Izaya smiled to himself.

That's right. That's the word. When Izaya thought he could read this person, turned out he couldn't at all. When the raven thought Shizuo would do something, he would never expect what he did.

_Unpredictable_.

Before Izaya's mind wandered again, his eyes caught a glance of the clock and realized that it was time for Shizuo to prepare himself for work. Sighing, he made his way to the blond's room and knocked on his door. "Heiwajima-san? It's almost seven. You should take a bath now if you have work today."

After he said that, Izaya felt his eyes twitch. What the hell was he doing, reminding that brute's own problems when he still had his own? What he did just now just made him look like a housewife reminding his husband to work. He did it out of habit since Celty taught him to, but still, it didn't feel right with Shizuo.

"Oh, I don't have work today." Came the lazy reply. Izaya felt veins popped in his forehead. So this man was so hard to wake up at morning when he had work but it was easy for him to wake up early when he had no work?

"You lazy brute! I don't care if you don't have any work today; you are going to take a bath now!" Izaya said again with a louder tone. The raven didn't care if he looked like a whiny housewife now. He was having mind conflict, Shizuo had to complicate it further and he was annoyed, dammit!

"Shut up…" Shizuo opened the door with an annoyed expression on his face. "I AM on my way to the bathroom… Even though I don't have work I am still going to Ikebukuro today."

Izaya felt his heart dropped.

_He's going to leave me again._

"O-oh, I see." Izaya quickly replied, hoping that Shizuo didn't catch his disappointment. Fortunately, yes, Shizuo didn't realize it and went straight to the shower room. Izaya felt his eyes saddened again and he closed his eyes when Shizuo was inside of the bathroom already. The raven sighed.

He hated to admit it, but Izaya preferred to have Shizuo here if he didn't have any work. Even he preferred to have Shizuo with him rather than him going work. He hated it when he was all alone, and he envied Shizuo for being able to go whenever he wanted to.

20 minutes later, Shizuo was already in front of the door, ready to go. Izaya accompanied him.

"I'm going now."

"Yeah."

Izaya waited for Shizuo to leave, but Shizuo didn't. Instead, he stared at Izaya with unreadable gaze that somewhat resembled a frown and guilt, which made the raven confused.

"Don't look at me like that," Shizuo said with a sigh. "… It makes me harder to leave each time you do that."

_Eh?_

Izaya's eyes widened, realizing that it was because of his sad expression that Shizuo didn't go. Dammit, how could he let his mask slipped? Did Shizuo saw it? Did Shizuo saw his loneliness that he had been hiding? But that blond said 'each time'… then he had been showing Shizuo his real emotions?

Izaya hung his head, obviously averting his gaze from Shizuo's stare. "… Don't mind me. Just go."

The blond wanted to go and move, but his eyes couldn't leave the sad expression that Izaya was trying to hide from him. His frown deepened and he sighed again. Shinra told him that Izaya was not allowed to go out because it was dangerous. Yadogiri Jinnai could still be lurking somewhere. Shizuo was in charge for this—so that Izaya couldn't get out. But Izaya had never gone out even for once since he lost his memories. Of course he would want to go out. The blond was facing two hard choices: to protect him or to give him freedom.

He gritted his teeth. Why the hell should he be confused? Didn't he promise himself to protect Izaya no matter what? Shizuo brought his eyes back to the smaller man; completely sure with what he was going to say. "Hey."

"What is it?" Izaya gave him a weak reply. Suddenly Izaya changed his expression to Shizuo's surprise. He put his annoying smirk back and patted Shizuo's shoulder. "Awww, are you worried about me? Don't worry, I'll be okay! Just bring me food that's not sweets okay? "

Shizuo felt his stomach fell. Izaya was wearing another mask. He knew it. The blond scratched his head. How to say it…?

"Izaya, do you want to hang out with me?"

Izaya's smirk fell, replaced by shocked expression on his face. Nonetheless, Shizuo could sense that it held much more hope than his fake smile.

"We… you… what?" Izaya stumbled on his own words, and the blond chuckled on that.

"You never go out from Nakano just even once. We can hang out together if you want to." Shizuo scratched his head again, nervous. Did he look like someone asking for a date? "But only this on—"

Shizuo yelped when he felt himself tackled to the ground by the smaller raven. He looked at the raven with an angry look. What the hell were his problems? Here he was going to let him go out for once and the ungrateful flea—

Shizuo's eyes widened when he saw Izaya's expression.

_Oh…_

"Yes." Izaya said cheekily. He was smiling with happiness. It was no mask. It was a real smile. Shizuo felt his heart almost stopped and his stomach flipped when he saw that expression. "Yes, yes, yes!"

_Oh goodness…._

Shizuo held himself and gritted his teeth.

How could such a simple smile from this man made him want to hug him so much?

_***DRRR!***_

Ikebukuro, 09.00 AM

Even though Izaya was happy, Shizuo knew that what he was doing was wrong. It was still dangerous for the former information broker to go outside. He even did this without Shinra or Celty knowing. They would be opposing him for bringing Izaya out. Almost everyone in Ikebukuro knew him and Izaya for their reputation. That's why the least Shizuo could do so that the risk of being seen reduced was to put their self in disguise. He was usually seen with his bartender clothes, so he unpacked his old clothes that he had from his old part time jobs. He picked his jacket and jeans since they were the most 'normal' outfit that wouldn't attract any attention. People wouldn't pay too much attention to him as long he didn't let his strength got unleashed. As for Izaya…

Shizuo stared at the raven. Shinra had been sending him some spare clothes for Izaya, so it was easy to put Izaya on disguise. He had to wonder why Shinra sent him a kitty look alike hat though (Not that Shizuo didn't approve. It looked cute on him… though the blond would not admit it out loud). Along with that, Izaya was also wearing a jacket (not fur trimmed one) and long pants. People wouldn't notice him because Izaya never wore a hat. At least that was what Shizuo thought.

The only obstacle now was that they couldn't meet anyone who knew Izaya.

"Heiwajima-san!"

Shizuo slapped his forehead and groaned. Scratch that. There _was_ another obstacle.

Izaya pulled Shizuo's arms and pointed at Russia Sushi Restaurant where Simon worked. "I've seen this building from the internet and I've been interested to come here! Now that I looked at it with my own eyes, it really is big!" the younger man exclaimed.

"Quiet you!" Shizuo panicked and put his hands on the brunette which made him yelped. Goddammit he loved this person, but at the same time he really hated him. "Didn't I tell you not to fuss around? I told you that I didn't tell Shinra and Celty about any of this, so DON't attract any attenti—!"

"Hey, Shizuoh, ish that you? You wanna eat sushi? Come to Russia sushi!"

_Oh shit._

Simon approached Shizuo with a big smile with his face. The big man gave the blond (who was now screaming in panic in his head) a flyer before he looked at Izaya. Izaya, however, hung his head quickly (as instructed by Shizuo in a split second) so that Simon couldn't see his face. Thank god the kitty hat was helping.

"Shizuoh. Who is this?" Simon asked, still smiling. The Russian guy was no longer looking at Izaya, for Shizuo's relief. "Your friend?"

"Uh… um, yeah." Shizuo stuttered as he grabbed Izaya's hand nervously. "He's… new here. I'm showing him around."

"Oh good! You will want eat sushi then, will you?" Simon exclaimed happily. Not realizing Shizuo's protest, he pushed both Shizuo and his 'friend' to Russia Sushi. "We have discount for new customers!"

Shizuo's mind was in panic. He couldn't let Simon—or anyone—knew that the person besides him was Orihara Izaya—the information broker that had been missing for about a month. He stared at the smaller man once again, and was not too surprised to see that Izaya looked excited. Seeing the raven enjoying himself, Shizuo sighed. Maybe people wouldn't realize it if they were careful. He could only hope though.

Simon accompanied them to the furthest seat—the one in corner of the bar where people wouldn't notice, for Shizuo's relief. After Izaya sat however, Simon gave the blond a gesture to talk in privacy. Shizuo blinked in confuse before he followed the black Russian man. They sat at the counter and Simon ordered some tea. "My treat," Simon said with a smile before Shizuo could protest.

The debt collector drank the tea while his mind was wondering why Simon wanted to talk with him all of sudden. Russia sushi always crowded, and Simon and Dennis were the only people Shizuo saw serving people. It was weird for Simon wanting to talk to him like this when the restaurant was still crowded.

What Simon said next to him however, surprised him.

"Why are you with Izaya?"

Shizuo choked on his own drink. He coughed terribly before he stared at the bigger man with shocked look. He… he _knew!_

"I found it weird seeing you not in bartender clothes." Simon continues with his hopeless grammar. "I don't realize him because of his clothes too, but he's Izaya right?"

"… Yeah," Shizuo gave a weak reply. It was no use hiding it now.

"So you two are friends now?" Simon asked again. His expression didn't look so serious though. He actually seemed pleased.

"… sorta." Shizuo gave another reply. Simon grinned.

"Good. Fighting is no good. Now that you two friends, Ikebukuro will be peace." Simon nodded in approval, and the blond could only laugh wryly.

"Why with the weird clothes though?" Simon asked again. Actually, Shizuo and Izaya were wearing normal, casual clothes. But for those who knew Shizuo and Izaya better, they found it weird not to see Shizuo in his bartender clothes and to see Izaya in his fur trimmed jacket. Simon was one of them.

"We're hiding," Shizuo sighed, deciding it would be best to tell him the truth. "Not exactly hiding, but I can't let people see Izaya now."

"Is it related with his absence in this past month?"

The blond nodded as he looked over Simon's shoulder to check on Izaya. He looked impatient, but hadn't done anything weird… thankfully.

"I see…" Simon nodded. "So, what Karisawa said was true…"

"Karisawa?" Shizuo quickly stared at Simon, hoping for any clue that would lead to Yadogiri Jinnai. The blond was sure that for this past month he never let anything about Izaya slipped from his mouth to his friends, except for Shinra, Celty, and Namie. Until they found any trace to Yadogiri Jinnai, they couldn't say anything about Izaya's whereabouts to anyone. He was sure no one told anyone about the raven. Did Karisawa know something about the bombardment last month?

"She said that you guys lovers," Simon grinned cheekily. "I didn't believe it at first, but seeing you guys trying to hide yourself like that, I guess—"

"NO YOU'RE WRONG!" Shizuo yelled after the words sunk in to his head. His face was red in embarrassment and he quickly lowered his voice after he realized that he had just yelled. "Look, I can't tell you why, but please keep pretending that he's not Izaya. Don't let anyone know about him."

"Hmm." Simon smiled, half amused of Shizuo's react on the 'lovers' comment. "Okay. As long as you're not fighting, no problem."

"Thank you," Shizuo huffed. He was glad that Simon was not the type who minds another people's business. Simon only smiled in return.

"So. Do you want to order something for you and your 'friend' there?" The Russian guy grinned and Shizuo had to chuckle on that.

"Give that guy one with ootoro." Shizuo said, knowing how much that bastard's love for ootoro. "And I prefer something sweet, anything's fine."

"Okay. One tamagoh and one ootoro it is!"

Shizuo smiled and went back to his seat. Izaya stared at him with a curious look, which made Shizuo confused and amused at the same time. "What?"

"That guy…" Izaya pointed at Simon. "He knows me, doesn't he?"

Shizuo was only smiled sadly at him and Izaya frowned. The time that brute showed him that expression he never could bring himself to ask further.

"I'm sorry," Shizuo said again. "I really want you to remember it yourself."

Izaya's eyes saddened.

"Heiwajima-san, why?" Izaya softly asked. "My memories… were they that important?"

Shizuo gripped his hand in order not to scream in front of Izaya.

_Yes._

_Yes it is._

_It's important for you…_

_It's important… for me._

_When will you remember?_

_When will you continue what you want to say to me before?_

_Will that day ever come?_

_Will that day… I am going to confess my feelings for you… ever come?_

"You will know once you remember." Shizuo simply said, even though his heart was clenching painfully and his mind was screaming in agony once again.

Izaya stared at him before he sighed.

"Heiwajima-san… you're so kind."

Shizuo's honeyish orbs widened. Kind? Why?

How could he say that? He had been trapped him and never let him go out since he lost his memories. He had been a jerk to him. He had _tried to kill him_ and he had _hated him_.

How could he still say that he was _kind_?

Realizing Shizuo's hurt expression, Izaya answered him before the blonde could ask. "I don't know anything about you guys. I don't remember you guys. But you, Kishitani-sensei, Celty-san and Namie-san have been so nice to me, especially you, Heiwajima-san." Izaya smiled shyly. "I know for some reasons you guys can't allow me to go outside and let me meet with another people, but you secretly take me out don't you?"

Shizuo could feel his face grew hotter and his cheeks reddened, which Izaya found adorable. The pain was still there, but a tingling hint of happiness flowed from Shizuo's heart, and he felt his stomach flipped in a strange way—like there were butterflies in his stomach.

"You do all these things for me… I know I'm selfish for saying this, but I'm so happy." Izaya said again with a smile. It was true. He may not know why Shizuo couldn't tell him about his memories. He may not know why he can't go outside. He may not know why he can't be seen by other people. For anything, he could be a criminal. But Shinra, Celty, Namie and Shizuo had been protecting him and caring for him, and even Shizuo had let him go out… even though it was only for this once. "You may don't want to tell me my memories because it may hurt me. You're so kind."

Shizuo bit his lips. "You're wrong…"

_I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to hate me. _

_I don't want to tell you not because I'm trying to act kind with you._

_I don't want to tell you because I'm being selfish._

"You're so kind…" Izaya whispered and his eyes saddened.

"So kind that it hurts."

By now, Shizuo realized that something was wrong with Izaya. His tone not only saddened, his expression had darkened and a glimpse of grim could be seen within his ruby eyes, which made the taller blond frown in uneasiness.

"Izaya?" Shizuo asked with a worry tone.

"Don't be so kind to me…" Izaya seemed not to listen to Shizuo anymore. His voice was shaking in a weird way that made Shizuo even more worried. "… or you're going to be hurt in the end."

The debt collector felt fear succumbed to his heart. He had a bad feeling about this, even though he couldn't understand why Izaya was acting this way. He reached his hand to touch the smaller raven.

"Iz—"

Shizuo was about to speak something when he looked up upon hearing new customers arriving to the Russia Sushi.

"That's why I told you Yumacchi! Moe is the soul of the viewer! Even Usagi-san, Misaki, or all guys from Junjou are moe if you see it from my point of view! Even Suzuki-san is!" A feminine voice chimed in.

Shizuo stopped dead. He felt his body shivered in fear. _That voice…_

"I don't say that moe is all tits and panty shots!" A male voice replied loudly. "Mahou Shoujou Madoka Magica is obviously moemoe, but it's a DECONSTRUCTION of Mahou Shoujou you'll ever see! Mami is eaten, and the only one left is poor Homura-chan and Madoka-chan! And I ship them, by the way. The power of yuri will beat Kyuube!"

"Guys, guys… can you shut up about 2D things for a while? We're going to eat here…" Another tired voice spoke up. Shizuo gulped in panic. He definitely knew that voice.

"Okay then! How about we're talking about your sexuality Dota-chin? I've been observing you for a while you know, and I finally come to this conclusion: You're gay!"

"… Excuse me?"

"Karisawa-san, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but according to my observation, Kadota-san is totally head over heels for you! You don't know how he looks at you sometimes… I even make a new fanfic of it!"

"You're wrong, Yumacchi! According to my data, there is something between Chika-pyon and Dota-chin that normal people couldn't see! It's forbidden love Yumacchi! Dota-chin can't accept your love because he is in a secret foe yay with Chika-pyon!"

"Chika—wait, does this have anything to do with that sickass Chikage-slash-me fanfic— seriously _what the fuck is wrong with you?_—you emailed me yesterday?"

"Admit that you're gay Dota-chin! I knew you missed seeing Izayan's ass since he was missing! Ah speaking of Izayan, have you been looking at Shizu-chan's behavior since Iza-Iza is missing? Shizu TOTALLY misses chasing Izayan! I could see his sadness in his—mmmph!" It seemed like something clamped her mouth.

"Shut it, Karisawa-san! If Shizuo-san's here, you're going to die young!"

The blond panicked now. It was them.

Kyohei Kadota, Karisawa Erika, Yumasaki Walker and Saburo Togusa decided to eat at Rusia Sushi, today and at this exact time out of all time! Shizuo was going to be dead if he was found by them with Izaya right now—especially with Erika with them. No, he needed to found an escape somehow. But then he remembered that this place was the furthest one from the door. Shizuo's face paled.

_Oh SHIT._

**No. I'm not abandoning this fic. I know that school is sucks to be a reason for me to not update this fic but I LOVE this fic and I'm not abandoning it, though I'm not sure if that alone is enough to make you guys forgive me for my long hiatus ;A;**

**But putting that aside, let us pray and help Japan for their situation. I was so surprised to hear about the tsunami back then. Hope they will be alright.**

**Many thanks to MistressKiko and RukawaGF for helping me with this fic XDD I love you guys!**

**Please tell me if this fic is still deserved to be read. I feel so sad because I feel my writing is worsened than before .. And I would like to know what you feel about this fic.**


	14. Interlude

**Warning, this chapter, like the rest of the story, have so many spoilers from the novel.**

**I know it's short, rushed, not satisfying and it's not exactly good chapter, but I don't want to postpone it too long. At first I was going to update the chapter after I finished it, but it was too long and I decided to divide this chapter because it will take much, MUCH longer time to update. Besides, I can't let you guys wait for too long . You guys deserve so much more for supporting me. I hope (not so) faster update can mend it, even if it's short.**

**As always, forgive me for my English. I am not a native speaker.**

**Thank you so much for MistressKiko and Mitsuno for betaing. You guys are the best 3**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__14. Interlude: THEIR FATES ARE INTERTWINED_

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.

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_No one is in the chatroom right now._

No one is in the chatroom right now.

No one is in the chatroom right now.

Tanaka Taro-san has joined the chat.

_Tanaka Taro_

Good Evening

_Tanaka Taro_

Ah

_Tanaka Taro_

It looks like there's no one in chat room right now

_Tanaka Taro_

I wonder if I should wait?

_Setton-san has joined the chat._

_Setton_

Good evening

_Tanaka Taro_

Good evening, Setton-san.

How was your day?

_Setton_

Ah, it really was tiring…

_Setton_

I've been searching for information about someone

_Setton_

But haven't found anything so far

_Tanaka Taro_

Ah

_Tanaka Taro_

That's bad

_Tanaka Taro_

Hopefully you will find something useful soon

_Bakyura-san has joined the chat._

_Saika-san has joined the chat._

_Bakyura_

Cheers~

_Bakyura_

What's with the mysterious work, Setton-san?

_Bakyura_

Seems like a dangerous work!

_Saika_

Good evening

_Setton_

Good evening

_Tanaka Taro_

Good evening, Bakyura-san, Saika-san

_Tanaka Taro_

Yeah, Setton –san seems to having a bad day because of the work.

_Setton_

Yeah, but I am okay now^^

Thanhajskhlkjsa;j;ljajsg'ajga'jga'jgag

_Tanaka Taro_

?

_Setton_

I am sorry

_Setton_

My roommate tackled me all of sudden

_Setton_

I've sent him so he won't disturb us anymore

_Bakyura_

LOL

_Bakyura_

Don't tell me, it was Setton-san's lover?

_Bakyura_

Setton-san is such a tsundere~

_Setton_

It's nothing like that!

_Saika_

Setton-san

What kind of person you've been searching

Maybe we can help somehow

_Tanaka Taro_

Yeah

_Tanaka Taro_

Maybe we can help you

_Setton_

Thank you, but it's okay

_Setton_

It's something I need to do alone

_Tanaka Taro_

I see

_Tanaka Taro_

Good luck then

_Saika_

I wish you good luck

_Tanaka Taro_

Speaking of information

_Tanaka Taro_

It's been a while since I last saw Orihara Izaya-san in Ikebukuro

_Tanaka Taro_

It's been about a month and more so?

_Bakyura_

Eh?

_Bakyura_

Orihara Izaya?

_Saika_

I wonder if he's alright

_Tanaka Taro_

Yeah

_Tanaka Taro_

I even overheard that he's killed

_Tanaka Taro_

That's just a rumor though

_Tanaka Taro_

Hopefully it's not true

_Setton_

Don't worry. He's not dead

_Tanaka Taro_

Eh?

_Tanaka taro_

I am glad

_Tanaka Taro_

Does Setton-san know something about him?

_Setton_

Eh, no! I mean I believe he's alright.

_Setton_

He's called dangerous not for nothing after all

_Tanaka taro_

?

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

Mikado, is that true?

[Private Mode] _Tanaka Taro_

Eh?

[Private Message] _Tanaka Taro_

What is it, Masaomi?

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

Has that Izaya been missing?

[Private Mode] _Tanaka Taro_

Yeah. It's been weeks since I last saw him.

[Private Mode] _Tanaka Taro_

I really am worried. I realized it that it's been a while since Shizuo-san and Izaya-san fought. Some people said that finally Ikebukuro is at peace, that Izaya-san's gone, but I can't stop thinking that there's something wrong that happened.

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

So it's true something did happen to him

[Private Mode] _Tanaka Taro_

Masaomi do you know something about this?

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

No

[Private Mode]_Bakyura_

I don't care about him but

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

If he really has been missing, then something bad did happen

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

Dammit, I thought she was just threatening me

[Private Mode] _Tanaka taro_

Masaomi? Is something wrong?

[Private Mode] _Tanaka Taro_

You do know something don't you? Please tell me if you do

[Private Mode] _Tanaka Taro_

I don't want you to bear everything all alone again, just like before

[Private Mode] _Tanaka Taro_

I and Sonohara-san are still waiting for you

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

Mikado

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

Thank you

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

I'm glad you said that

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

I don't know anything, honest

[Private Mode] _Bakyura_

But I promise if I know something fishy happen, I will tell you first

_Saika_

Now that I think about it

_Saika_

Kanra-san's also been missing

_Saika_

It's been a while since I last saw her online

Setton

Hmmm, that's true. She's usually the noisiest one and the most frequent online.

Setton

It's weird not to see her online and chattering around like she usually did lol.

_Saika_

I hope this has nothing to do with Orihara-san's disappearance

_Setton_

Of course not!

_Setton_

It would be creepy

_Setton_

Though I must say I'm worried about her too

_Setton_

I don't want to think anything's wrong happened to her. Right, Taro-san?

_Tanaka Taro_

Eh? Ah, yes

_Tanaka Taro_

Anyway, did anyone notice it?

_Tanaka Taro_

Now that I think about it, Shizuo-san seems to be a little down lately, though he looks better now.

_Tanaka Taro_

I wonder if it's related to Izaya's disappearance

_Bakyura_

I doubt that

_Bakyura_

They hate each other with burning passion~

_Bakyura_

He would probably be the happiest person in world if that Izaya's gone for period.

_Tanaka Taro_

It looks like you'd probably be the happiest one if that really happened though.

_Setton_

That's right

_Setton_

There's no way Shizuo would care about the person he hates so much and take care of him even if something bad happened to him right? Ahahaha

Tanaka taro

?

_Setton_

…Forget what I just said please

_Bakyura_

Setton-san? Are you okay?

_Bakyura_

You seem a little weird tonight.

_Setton_

I really am fine. Just a little bit tired

_Saika_

The explosion in Ikebukuro

_Saika_

It exploded in Heiwajima-san's apartment, right?

_Saika_

That's probably why Heiwajima-san seemed down

_Bakyura_

Ooooh, that makes much more sense!

_Tanaka Taro_

Yes. That must be why Shizuo-san's been down. Right, Setton-san?

_Setton_

Eh?

_Setton_

Ah, yes.

_Setton_

That must be it.

_Tanaka Taro_

I hope he's okay now.

_Setton_

Don't worry

_Setton_

He's a strong guy

_Tanaka Taro_

Yeah

_Kyo-san has joined the chat_

_Mai-san has joined the chat_

_Kyo_

Good evening everyone! It looks like everyone's online today! I'm so happy that I and Mai are not the only one online today! It's been lonely you knooow~

_Mai_

Evening

_Tanaka Taro_

Good evening Kyo-san, Mai-san.

_Bakyura_

Hi.

_Setton_

Good evening.

_Saika _

Good evening

_Kyo_

What are you guys talking about? Is it about another lame joke from Bakyura-san? Well then, let me present you the most heart full laugh I can give even if it was such a lame joke, since I want to be a good person to laugh for Bakyura-san's jokes, just like what he wants me too. Wait a sec-

_Kyo_

! AHAH, AHAH, AHAHAH! PFUUU...PFUUUU...YAHAH! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAH! STOP IT...S - T - O - P - I - T! I CAN'T BREATHE! I REALLY CAN'T BREATHE...STOP IT...SERIOUSLY! LET ME LIVE AHHHHHHH...EH...EH...AHAH...YAHAH...YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Mai_

LOL

_Bakyura_

Kyo-san you hurt me!

_Bakyura_

Seriously I still can't believe you that you're not Kanra-san with multiple usernames.

_Saika_

Please don't fight

_Bakyura_

LOL. We're not fighting Saika-san

_Tanaka Taro_

But

_Tanaka Taro_

I'm glad Kyo-san and Mai-san are online.

_Tanaka Taro_

It's been awhile since I saw you guys online.

_Tanaka Taro_

I thought you're going to be missing too

_Kyo_

No, of course not! We won't leave this lovely chat room, especially after Tanaka taro-san has asked us kindly to make our self at home in this chat room. We can't neglect such kindness and gentleness you offered to me! This chat room is really lively and fun anyway! I and Mai have been busy lately, that's all. We've been searching for someone that's been missing, that's why we can't get online for awhile!

_Mai_

Searching

_Setton_

Who?

_Mai_

Brother

_Tanaka Taro_

Eeeeh? Your brother has been missing?

_Tanaka Taro_

Since when?

_Saika_

It's weird

_Saika_

So many people missing

_Bakyura_

Yeah

_Bakyura_

Hmmm

_Bakyura_

As much as I want to joke around, I must say this phenomenal situation is quite serious. Therefore, I must drop my clown mask!

_Bakyura_

Not that this city is not filled with living urban legend of black rider and more weird things lol.

_Setton_

Those weird things don't include aliens right?

_Bakyura_

Err no?

_Bakyura_

Anyway, let's analyze this case!

_Bakyura_

Is Kyo-san and Mai-san's brother has been missing for about a month too?

_Kyo_

GASP! How did Bakyura-san know? Are you an esper? Or are you the one who has been pulling the strings behind the curtain and the kidnapper of our brother? Bakyura-san is so scary! Show us your true self! Let us reveal your true dark nature in this chat room and tell us what has been happening here!

_Mai_

Scary

_Bakyura_

Of course not!

_Bakyura_

I am just trying to analyze this case!

_Bakyura_

Because, if these people have been missing for about a month

_Bakyura_

It has been the same amount of time since the explosion in Ikebukuro and Shinjuku

_Bakyura_

Get what I mean?

_Bakyura_

These explosions maybe related with people's disappearance.

_Tanaka Taro_

Wow, Bakyura-san is so smart

_Saika_

That's true

_Saika_

Maybe it's related

_Kyo_

Yeah! We've also been searching for him since the explosion incident! Oh my God Bakyura-san is so clever! I am really sorry to think so low of you before. You really are surprise me with your analyzing skill! I am so shocked in awe!

_Mai_

Clever

_Bakyura_

Eeeeeh, you guys make me blush. Ahahaha!

_Bakyura_

But this is nothing you know

_Setton_

You guys should stop

_Tanaka Taro_

Eh? What's wrong Setton-san?

_Setton_

Don't involve yourself with something dangerous. What will you do if you finally know what actually happened?

_Setton_

What if you guys went missing too?

_Setton_

I'm worried

_Tanaka Taro_

Setton-san is so kind.

_Saika_

Thank you for worrying

_Bakyura_

But we can't let this just happen right?

_Bakyura_

We're not going to do anything reckless anyway. It's not like we can do anything to stop it. But we don't want other people like Kanra-san to be missing again right?

_Bakyura_

Not like I care for Kanra-san anyway…

_Saika_

Please don't quarrel. Quarreling is not good

_Bakyura_

LOL. We're not quarreling Saika-san! It's not like I hate Kanra-san too.

_Bakyura_

Speaking of Kanra-san

Bakyura

There's a new member that awfully resembles her a little too much don't you think?

_Amaraku-san has joined the chat_

_Amaraku_

Good eve-niiing~ 3 Amaraku-chan's heere~

_Bakyura_

Speaks of the devil

_Tanaka Taro_

Good evening Amaraku-san

_Saika_

Good evening

_Setton_

Good evening

_Amaraku_

Eeeh? Why did Bakyura-san said something like that?

_Amaraku_

You guys were talking about me huh?

_Amaraku_

So mean!

_Tanaka Taro_

LOL, It's not that

_Tanaka Taro_

Amaraku-san just reminds us of our friend.

_Tanaka Taro_

She used to chat here too. Her attitude and behavior is just like you, Amaraku-san.

_Kyo_

Yeah! I sincerely give my deepest apologies for mistaking you as Kanra-san before, Amaraku-san, even though you're actually a different person! Your attitude and behavior in this chat room makes me sick to the end that makes me want to puke, because you're too overly similar with Kanra-san! But realizing that maybe there's a doppelganger of Kanra-san that discovers this chat room and decided to join I can't help but to feel guilty for accusing you for a different person.

_Mai_

Sorry

_Amaraku_

…..Are you guys really apologizing to me or not?

_Saika_

Is everyone getting along alright…?

_Amaraku_

Aww Saika-san is so sweet! We're not fighting of course!

_Amaraku_

We're just kidding here! Fighting is a symbol of closeness right?

_Bakyura_

That's the third time Saika-san tries to get us along LOL.

_Saika_

I'm sorry

_Bakyura_

No! I am not saying that you're doing a bad thing!

_Setton_

Don't bully Saika-san.

_Tanaka Taro_

You're so mean, Bakyura-san. w

_Kyo_

A playboy with lame jokes too!

_Mai_

Lame

_Amaraku_

Yeah! Bakyura-san is so mean!

_Bakyura_

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh?

_Bakyura_

How come everything goes back to me?

_Bakyura_

You guys are evil!

_Amaraku_

Anyway,

_Amaraku_

I'm curious with this Kanra person

_Amaraku_

Am I really that similar with her?

_Tanaka Taro_

That's true

_Tanaka Taro_

I thought you were Kanra-san too at first, lol. I am sorry.

_Setton_

Amaraku-san

_Setton_

That's right

_Setton_

It's too similar. And it's been a month since the incident too. And at the same time, Kanra went missing. Don't tell me….

_Setton_

Ah, it can't be.

_Amaraku_

Eh? What is it Setton-san? You make me so curious now!

_Amaraku_

As far as I can remember I really am new in this chat room!

_Amaraku_

I dunno if I've been here before though.

_Tanaka Taro_

?

_Bakyura_

What do you mean by that?

_Amaraku_

That's a secret 3

_Amaraku_

That's the whole point of a username isn't it?

_Tanaka taro_

LOL. Amaraku-san is so mysterious.

_Gaki-san has joined the chat room_

_Gaki_

Good evening.

_Tanaka Taro_

Good evening Gaki-san.

_Saika_

Good evening

_Bakyura_

Good evening~

_Setton_

Good evening.

_Amaraku_

Good eveee-ning~

_Kyo_

LOL. Look! Gaki-san gets 5 greeting in a row because he is late to be online! So that's a new trick to make a strong impression to be known at this chat room, huh? I shall try it sometimes! And good evening Gaki-san! And that's the sixth greeting!

_Mai_

Evening

_Mai_

That makes seven

_Gaki_

Haha

_Gaki_

It's not like I want to be late

_Gaki_

Everyone has been here when I'm online, that's all

_Gaki_

Hm? I don't see Tsukiyo in the past chat history

_Gaki_

Is he not online yet?

_Saika_

No he hasn't

_Gaki_

Aaah, Saika-san. Eveniing.

_Saika_

Evening Gaki-san

_Kyo_

Look at that. Now Gaki-san is flirting at Saika-san! And isn't he supposed to say something like 'How was everyone's day' at first? But he went straight asking Tsukiyo-san who is not online yet. I shall say Gaki-san is stalking Tsukiyo-san.

_Mai_

Stalker

_Tanaka Taro_

LOL

_Gaki_

It's not that like that.

_Saika_

Please don't fight…

_Bakyura_

And that is the fourth time Saika-san tries to get us along! AHAHA

_Gaki_

Ahaha. Saika-san is cute as always.

_Tsukiyo-san has joined the chat_

_Tanaka Taro_

Ah.

_Tanaka Taro_

Tsukiyo-san is online now.

_Tanaka Taro_

Good evening, Tsukiyo-san. We were just talking about you.

_Tsukiyo_

Ah ah ah. Naughty kids. What have you been talking about?

_Tsukiyo_

Good evening everyone.

_Saika_

Good evening

_Setton_

Good evening.

_Bakyura_

Cheers.

_Kyo_

Yet another late show up for another attempt to make a great impression, Tsukiyo-san! Good evening, by the way!

_Mai_

Evening

_Amaraku_

Good eve—ning!

_Amaraku_

Gaki-san has been waiting for you~

_Tsukiyo_

Eh? He has?

_Gaki_

Good evening. It's not like I've been waiting for you though.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

I know who you really are.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

What are you doing here

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Ahahaha, Gaki-san, so fierce, I'm hurt.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Or should I say, Akabayashi-san from Awakusu-kai?

[Private Message] _Gaki_

So you know

[Private Message] _Gaki_

But then you should have known why I hunt you down right? You have some unfinished problems with Awakusu-kai.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

What the hell are you doing here

[Private Message] _Gaki_

I swear if you intend to make more problems with Awakusu, we're not going to hesitate to find you and finish you off our selves.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

But that's what you've been doing up until now, hm?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hmmm, the fact that you can recognize me means that someone has finally gotten through my protection wall. Impressive.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

Don't underestimate us.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

You're not the only one who has strings of information to play with.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Oh?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

But you're not in any position to threaten me either.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Let's see, Sonohara Anri-chan attended Raira Academy in Southern Ikebukuro, right?

[Private Message] _Gaki_

You—!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I don't want to dirty my hands, Akabayashi-san. That's why please try to stay out of my way. I don't want Anri-chan and her friends to be involved in this too.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

Son of a bitch.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

You dare lay a finger on her and her friends and I will kill you myself.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

My my, getting all protective aren't we?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Don't worry Gaki-san

[Private message] _Tsukiyo_

I won't hurt Saika-chan as long you don't interfere with my plans. Tell that to Awakusu-kai too so that I don't need to after Akane-chan.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

At least, not yet.

[Private Message] _Gaki_

You sick bastard!

_Tsukiyo_

Ahahaha. Sorry for just replying.

_Tsukiyo_

Gaki-san has just shared a very interesting story to me.

_Tsukiyo_

That's why I was kinda distracted.

_Kyo_

Eeeeh? What kind of interesting story? Why Gaki-san only tells Tsukiyo-san about it? Gaki-san you meanie!

_Mai_

Mean.

_Gaki_

Ahahaha. It's nothing important. It was a story only grownups can hear. Kids are not allowed to know.

_Kyo_

What? Are you telling me Gaki-san is not a gaki*? (*gaki=kid)

_Mai_

Gaki

_Gaki_

Ooops

_Gaki_

I need to go now. Have something need to do

_Kyo_

Ah! He's running away!

_Setton_

Eh? So fast

_Setton_

You barely chat with us

_Gaki_

Yeah, sorry

_Gaki_

See you guys again

_Saika_

Gaki-san

_Saika_

Good luck with the work

_Gaki_

Aww, Saika-san is so sweet

_Gaki_

Thank you

_Gaki-san has just left the chat_

_Kyo_

Aaaah that's no fun. He's off so fast! Even though I still want to know what kind of story Tsukiyo-san shared with him!

_Mai_

Curious

_Tanaka Taro_

Ahahaha, me too

_Tanaka Taro_

I wonder what kind of story Gaki-san shared with Tsukiyo-san

_Tsukiyo_

I told you guys it's all a secret 3

_Tsukiyo_

Ah wait a moment, I am going to be away for a while

_Amaraku_

It's not like Tsukiyo-san is a grown up too lol

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Unfortunately

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I am way much older than you, kid

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Wooooow

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I thought you were going to be away?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Such a naughty boy! You were lying?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hahaha

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo _

As much I want to play along with you

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I need to talk to you now. I don't have much time as well

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

So, while the others are distracted

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Amaraku-san, I know of your real identity

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hmm, no reply? Are you really that surprised? Hahaha

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Indeed it caught me off-guard

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

But that doesn't mean you're true either

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I don't have any reason to believe you as long as you don't have any proofs

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Clever as always huh?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I know I can't make you believe me without forcing you, but

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You're trapped right now, aren't you?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

In a place, either hiding or cannot go out.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hmm? Another silence?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Are you away right now? Or

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

It's a bull's eye? Ahahaha

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Rather than knowing my identity

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I think you're more like stalking me

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Tsukiyo-san, who are you really

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You can say that too, but I'm not actually stalking you. I have pretty much information about everything happened around me.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

But you almost never showed up again. It's been weeks. I am worried about you.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

That's so sweet of you, Tsukiyo-san! I really appreciate it^^

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

But that alone is not enough to make me trust you

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I don't know if you are my friend or my enemy

[Private message] _Tsukiyo_

Amaraku-san, believe me, I know you more than you think.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hmmm, it's weird to see you like this

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

There's something off about you, though you're still wary

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

It's been about a month since your apartment is bombed, but you still didn't do anything about it. You can't hiding forever you know.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I don't know what you are talking about

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

….Seriously? It's your home for god's sake! You should come back to Shinjuku and take a look of your home now, it's nothing but dust. Don't you know what've been happening in Ikebukuro right now?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

People were talking about you

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Knowing you, you should have known all of these little things

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Weird. It feels like you lose your memories of your true self

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

What if I do?

[Private message] _Tsukiyo_

Eh?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I do lose my memories. I don't remember anything that happened before few weeks ago. Of course I don't know what you are talking about.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Well, I do know what happened outside, but I don't have anything to do with it. I can't even go out.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I am not allowed to go outside

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I know there've been rumors since the explosions that happened around a month ago, but I don't have anything to do with it. I can't do anything in here at all after all.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Because I don't even have what you humans called 'freedom'.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

….Hahahaha

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

This is so hilarious.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

To hear you from all people being this pathetic… I am so amused!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Please leave me alone if you are only intending to mess with me

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Now now, don't be angry

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I really want to help you

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I'm sure you want to know about your past too, right?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Then, how about this

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I can give you freedom

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

If we can meet soon, I'll tell you everything you want to know about your past

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

You can?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Of course

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I am your friend

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

But I am not allowed to go outside

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Besides, I still don't have any reason to believe you

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You hurt me Amaraku-san

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I've been searching for you since you're missing

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Well, there's no need to rush

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Even if you can't go outside, I believe there will be a time where you can go outside soon.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Those people are soft hearted persons after all

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I'm sure they're not that heartless to not let you go outside even once

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Those people?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Are you sure you're not stalking me?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hahaha, believe my words

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Well, whether you want to meet with me or not, I'm still going to find you

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Besides

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I don't think you have any reasons to not believe me

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Right, Orihara Izaya-san?

**If you are confused, hopefully you will understand what this chat meaning in next chappie .**

**Note. You guys probably know this already, in case you need it:**

**Setton = Celty**

**Tanaka Taro = Mikado**

**Bakyura = Kida**

**Saika = Anri**

**Kyo = Kururi**

**Mai = Mairu**

**Gaki = Akabayashi**

**Both Tsukiyo and Amaraku are usernames I made up. Tsukiyo is from 'tsuki' that means moon (which will hold important meaning later in later story). As for Amaraku, type****甘楽 ****on Google Translate and you will get the meaning of it (=w=) ****甘 ****is read as 'ama' and ****楽 ****is read 'raku'.**

**That's right. No Shizaya in this chapter. Probably I will get less review because of this, huh? LOL**

**Anyway, check my profile to see a fancomic I made for this fic *advertising lol***

**Again, guys, thank you really really much for reading, loving, reviewing and alerting this story. I must say your reviews in last chapter makes me really happy. I love you guys! Stay tuned for the next chapter!**

**Little spoiler, finally we will get the prologue scene in next chapter. It's been a long run huh?**

**Reviews are loved dear! XD**


	15. Half Faces and Half Parting 1st Part

**Thank you for all your support guys! XDD I'm glad that even though I was hiatus for such a long time you people still support me hard! *GASP* THIS IS FOR THE FIRST TIME I GOT 200+ for a fic I wrote! THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR! *bows***

**I'm not a native speaker. Therefore forgive me if my English bugs you.**

**MAJOR SPOILER. WARNING.**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__15. Half Faces and Half Parting (_Часть первая)

_._

_._

_._

_In Ikebukuro, their fates are intertwined._

_._

_._

_._

Familiar voices of Kadota and his group resounded 3 times louder than they really were in Shizuo's head. He was panicked the time Kadota and the others came to the restaurant, and now he didn't dare to move from the place he sat, afraid that just a little wrong move would make them discovered by Kadota and the others. The blond gave a little glance to the raven across from him and realized that the said raven had been staring at him strangely.

"Heiwajima-san, what's wrong?" Izaya asked, noticing the weird behavior from the taller blond. When the blond placed a finger in his mouth, indicating not to make a sound, the former informant quickly understood that there was another group of people who knew him, and he was not allowed to make any ruckus so they would discover him.

"I know I've been asking this repeatedly… But how can you ship them together Karisawa-san…?" Walker's boyish voice indicated some confused tone in which Erika giggled. "I just don't see the possibility of Shizuo-san and Izaya-san being together…"

"Yumacchi, I told you there's nothing that cannot be shipped. Everything can be shipped, that's why there are fans! What if I told you that Sayaka is going to end up with Kamijo?" Erika pointed a finger at this called 'Yumacchi' person.

"NOO!" Walker shouted quickly—his arms shaking. "Sayaka is meant to be with Kyoko! That's the whole reason Yuri exist in Puella Magi Madoka Magica!"

"Exactly!" Erika said proudly. "Something that means to happen just meant to be happened! On first glance they may seem to be fighting, but I can see it Yumacchi. Just like the forbidden love Kyoko has for Sayaka, I can see their desire and obsession with each other! That bond of hatred they have for each other is actually a form of lust for each other. That's why Izayan keeps coming to annoy Shizu-Shizu and Shizu-Shizu keeps chasing Izayan!"

Izaya's ears perked up and his cheeks pinked. He narrowed his eyes to Shizuo, who in turn blushed as well.

"He-Heiwajima-san… you… I… we…" Izaya stuttered with a red face, not believing what he had just heard. He knew those guys were probably joking, but still the thought of him being lovers with Shizuo couldn't keep his heart from calming down. "We were… lo—?"

A loud slam on a table startled Izaya. The taller blond was still flushed, but his glare was certainly not indicating the same.

"Don't listen to them." His brown eyes glistened dangerously. Izaya nodded out of something that resembled fear and nervousness. The raven's eyes softened when he realized another thing that group of people had just talked about.

They knew Shizuo and himself. They knew that they knew each other in the past.

_So it was true_, Izaya thought.

_Heiwajima-san and I knew each other. And the relationship we had seemed not quite ordinary._

That thought, weird and confusing for Izaya, made him happy.

On the other side though, Shizuo was panicked. His face was pale, and his hand was sweating moving nervously. Even though there was a part in him that wanted to let Izaya meet them so that it may trigger his memories, he couldn't let Izaya be seen now. Even someone who had such a simple mind as Shizuo knew that in Ikebukuro, rumors spread faster than making a gang war. It would be dangerous if someone saw Izaya now, after all those weeks he had been hiding. Especially, when someone like Yadogiri Jinnai was still lurking around, waiting for the time to snatch Izaya from him.

_I __have__ to get out… I can't let them see Izaya…_

_Is it such a bad idea after all? Should I bring Izaya back to Nakano now?_

The blond stared at Izaya, hoping that he could make up his mind of what he needed to do.

Surprisingly for himself, it worked.

He had promised to protect him, didn't he? Why should he back out now?

He wanted to let Izaya experience his freedom, even just for this one time; he couldn't snatch it back from him. When he saw Izaya smile back then, didn't he promise himself to make this a memorable day for the former informant?

Shizuo tensed when he heard Kadota's group's chattering come closer and took their booth next to the ex-bartender and Izaya's, but let out a relieved sigh when he realized they hadn't noticed them yet. Their booth was hidden with a thin bamboo wall that was fortunately helping to prevent the foursome from seeing them. And it looked like changing their clothes from the usual clothes was helping too.

Shizuo bit his lip. He could do this. There was no need to be afraid. As long as he could hide Izaya, they would be alright.

He would make sure Izaya enjoyed his adventure.

And Shizuo promised that no matter what happened, he would not let anything bad happen to him.

"Here's your order." Simon brought Shizuo's tamagoo and Izaya's tuna sushi to their table. Shizuo stared at Simon, silently hoping that the big guy would understand that he and Izaya couldn't get discovered now. Simon simply smiled before he left their booth, which made the taller blond confused.

"Heiwajima-san, what's this…?"

Ah.

Shizuo smirked when he saw the raven across the table look at the sushi in front of him with curious look.

"Try it." Shizuo opened his chopsticks and mumbled a slow 'Itadakimasu' before he dug in his meal. Izaya simply stared at his food with a curious look.

_This… this is the ootoro I heard from internet… I've been wondering how__ it tastes__…_

The raven opened his chopsticks, and then brought the sushi to his mouth slowly. It was almost funny to see the former informant like that, that Shizuo couldn't help but to smile at the sight.

The moment Izaya's eyes snapped open, the blond's grin got wider. _Bingo._

"This is… amazing…" Izaya was no longer staring at Shizuo. His eyes were nearly sparkling in awe and shock as he swallowed the food slowly. "This rich taste… This smooth and soft sensation each time you swallow it… this is so delicious!"

The blond had to laugh when Izaya said that. He knew that the raven like ootoro but to see him got so excited after the first bite just like that, it was quite a sight. He wondered if the former Izaya was like this too when he had his first bite of ootoro.

When he thought of that, once again, a pang of sadness hit his heart. It hurt a lot more than he expected. Shizuo laughed wryly.

Never had he imagined in his life to ever want to see that annoying flea back, mocking him and annoying him, while trying to run away from him.

_I miss him._

_I miss him._

_I miss him I miss him I miss him I miss hi—_

"Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo's eyes darted back to the former informant. All those painful feelings were gone when he saw Izaya smiled rather childishly.

"This is so great!" The raven chimed in and put another tuna to his mouth, before he bit it slowly and gave a sound that Shizuo suspiciously thought resembled pleasure. "How come we never eat this at Nakano? I definitely shall sue you for this!"

Shizuo laughed and Izaya had to pout at that.

And then, the blond smiled.

He smiled that sad smile again.

And this time, Izaya felt something really nostalgic.

_Why?_

_Why… what's this…? This weird feeling…_

_Wait, I felt something like this before…_

_When?_

Izaya furrowed his eyebrows.

_I… don't remember…_

Izaya looked back at Shizuo—to find some answers—to know why his heart was beating the way it did. He had never come out of Nakano before. The only people he interacted with were the blond, Celty, Shinra and Namie. But these feelings he was feeling right now, they were bursting more than before when he caught Shizuo staring back at him.

"What?" Shizuo grunted when he saw those ruby eyes from the person he loved staring at him. Izaya blinked.

"Heiwajima-san, were we—"

"Ara? Shizu-chan, I didn't know you were here too?"

Both Shizuo and Izaya jumped almost comically in surprise when Erika suddenly came to their booth with a cute grin plastered on her face. Shizuo cursed really hard in his head while his face was sweating. Ah, must God hate him so much? Even God opposed him from bringing Izaya to Ikebukuro!

Shizuo took a peek at Izaya. The raven was completely still; face a complete 180 degrees from facing Erika, not moving even an inch (though his sweating was no better than Shizuo's) and cleverly pulled his hat so his bangs would hide his face. _Good job flea!_

The fujoshi squealed when she realized it really was Shizuo. "Aaaah It really is Shizu-chan! I didn't realize it because of your clothes but I knew it was you!"

"Karisawa…" Shizuo gave a half-hearted greeting—his mind was still a mess, screaming what he was going to do and how to escape this ordeal.

"Eh, Shizuo? You're here?" Kadota looked over after he heard Erika's voice. Shizuo almost slammed his head when he saw Walker followed.

"Whoa, Shizuo-san, long time no see!" Walker came over and put his hand on Erika's shoulder. "I almost didn't recognize you because of the clothes. Where do you live now, Shizuo-san? I've been worried since your apartment was bombed."

"Yeah," Shizuo smiled, even though Izaya could see his body was shaking. "I… I live in Nakano now. My senpai helped me with my things."

"Aah? Who is this is by the way?" Erika turned her head to the former informant, and Izaya jolted in panic. Shizuo had a really big urge to pull Izaya away and run away, but that would be too obvious. He silently begged Izaya not to let any voice come out, afraid that they would realize his voice—though it had been weeks and there was a chance they had forgotten how Izaya's voice sounded like, Shizuo still didn't want to take a risk anymore than this.

"I never saw him before…" Walker tried to look at the raven, in which Izaya tried to distance himself from the gang. "Are you new here?"

"Yes he is," Shizuo cut in quickly. "Look, guys, we need to go—"

"Welcome to Ikebukuro, then." Kadota smiled, and Izaya's red orb widened slightly to hear that.

"Eh? Eh?" Erika chimed in with a curious look on her eyes. "Don't tell me you guys are in a secret date! That's why Shizu-chan changed his clothes—mmmph!"

"Please, don't mind her, Shizuo-san." Walker put his hand on his girlfriend's mouth and laughed wryly, while Erika protested and tried to release herself from Walker's grip.

Shizuo blushed. He was about to yell "No we're not!" until Walker slapped his hand on Erika's mouth. Instead he let out a small mumble. "It's okay."

To everyone's surprise, Izaya chuckled.

Shizuo froze. In his head, he was screaming to Izaya in rage, and the same time, he was panicked. That bastard should have known they couldn't be discovered and yet…

All his anger however, was gone when Izaya said the next words.

"You guys are funny." Izaya smiled. "I never met people like you before."

Shizuo's eyes widened upon hearing that, suddenly remembering that this was the purpose for bringing him to Ikebukuro.

To see him smile.

Kadota's gang looked a little surprised, but also a bit embarrassed.

"Ne, Shizu-chan, who is heee? Why is he so cuute?" Erika squealed. Walker coughed hard.

Togusa, who had been quiet, noticed something though. His eyes furrowed in suspicion as he stared at the raven with kitty hat.

"Hmmm?"

"He is a friend from another town," Shizuo lied. The blond stared at Izaya, silently asked if it was okay with him. Izaya didn't seem to mind and played along.

"Yeah! Today is my last day in Ikebukuro, so I asked 'Shizu-chan' here to show me around~" Izaya linked his arms in Shizuo. The blond's eyes twitched at the nickname he copied from Erika (though he secretly didn't hate it—it'd been a while) and glared at the younger man, of which smirked back smugly.

Kadota and Walker pretended not to hear Erika's soft mumbling: "Yaoi yaoi yaoi yaoi…"

"Okay, I need to go now. Sorry guys." Shizuo stood up and brought Izaya with him, carefully let Izaya go first to prevent Kadota and the others from seeing him. They passed them and went straight to the exit door. So far, so good.

"Aww, but we haven't introduced myself yet!" Erika pouted.

"Maybe another time." Shizuo smiled. Izaya stayed silent.

There wouldn't be 'next time'. Both of them knew it.

"Good bye then." Kadota smiled warmly.

"Take care you two!" Walker waved to them.

As the blond and his 'friend' made their way, Togusa approached their friends, "That's weird… I feel like I've seen that guy, before…"

Kadota stared at him with confused look. "Who?"

"That little fella," Togusa pointed at Izaya. "The way he speaks, and his figure…"

Erika blinked, before she put two and two together. Her blackish brown eyes widened in surprise.

The way that guy speaks… How his voice sounded… His figure…

"Wait…" The fujoshi didn't bother to hide her surprise any longer. She quickly looked at the blond and the former informant who was about to exit the restaurant.

_Orihara Izaya has been missing for about a month…_

_Heiwajima Shizuo seems to be a little down lately isn't he?_

_Isn't that because of the explosion?_

"Don't tell me…" Walker widened his usually narrowed eyes. The boy didn't have the chance to continue his words though, because Kadota had already gone after the duo.

"Dotachin!"

Shizuo was surprised when Kadota suddenly grabbed his hand when he was about to exit the restaurant. He turned his face towards his high school friend. "Kadota?"

Kadota didn't reply. Instead, he stared at the raven.

To Shizuo's surprise—and also Kadota's friends and some people around them—Kadota snatched the kitty hat from Izaya's head.

Izaya froze—his scarlet eyes widening in shock.

Shizuo felt his heart was about to burst. Erika's jaw slightly dropped, not believing what her eyes actually saw. Walker and Togusa were also shocked. "I…"

"Izaya…" Kadota muttered, eyes narrowing. "So it really is you."

For a while, silence was the only thing occurring between them. Noisy chattering of Russia Sushi went unnoticed by them. Many things rushed into their heads, trying to express what they had been hiding for this unexpected meeting after one month of Orihara Izaya's disappearance.

Those who wanted to run away.

Those who wanted to know the truth.

Those who had been worried.

Out of all people there, the first one to regain his senses was Shizuo. Before Kadota had any chance to say anything Shizuo snatched Izaya's hat back, pulled Izaya's hand, and ran out from the restaurant.

And in a split of second, Kadota yelled to Togusa. "After them!"

Of course, Erika, Walker and Togusa didn't waste their time and quickly got into their van. As they took off, Simon, who had been witnessing them for a while, just sighed and gave them one serious, yet melancholy look.

"You can't keep running away," He said in Russian, his mother tongue. "…even if you forget, even if you don't have anything. Nothing can come from cowardice."

_***DRRR!***_

"Damn, they're fast!" Togusa cursed as he drove. They were too late when they got into the van, because those ex-bartender and former informant had already missing by the time he started the van. Now they were looking for every possible places those two could go in Ikebukuro, but it seemed proved hard when the said couple were not wearing their usual bartender and black fur trimmed coat. While Togusa was busy cursing, the only girl in their group was squealing in happiness.

"It's a secret date! I knew it~ They really love each other!" Erika sang as she hugged Walker's arm. The narrow eyed boy just laughed half heartedly. He was sure he saw spark in her eyes for a split moment. "Karisawa-san, I really don't think that's the case…"

"But indeed it's weird to see those guys in a rather friendly manner with each other…" Kadota said. It was clearly obvious he wanted to see Shizuo and Izaya again. "That Izaya… just what had he been doing up until now… and with Shizuo out of all people…"

Erika's ears perked up upon hearing that. "Eh? So Dotachin really do miss Izayan!"

"Shut up Karisawa." Kadota grumbled.

"Kadota-san…" Walker turned his gaze to his leader figure of their group. "Have you been worried of Izaya-san?"

"…"

"Dota-chin?" Erika's voice softened, noticing Kadota's unusual behavior.

"Of course I'm worried," Kadota sighed and threw his back to the car seat. His hat hided his eyes, but his friends could still realize his worry. "There were two explosions in Ikebukuro. And two of them happened to be at my friends' places. Not only that, one of them happened to be missing… of course I'm worried. And now they're together, despite their hatred with each other."

"And that guy's behavior is a little weird…" Togusa suddenly cut in as he drove. "Surely there's something fishy here. Heiwajima Shizuo seemed to hide him too."

"Now that I think about it…" Walker furrowed his eyebrows. "Izaya-san seemed like he just saw us for the first time, right?"

"He could be pretending though…"

"I told you it's a secret date!"

The rest of the group decided to ignore Erika's statement.

"It's too suspicious. I know something fishy happened when the explosions happened at their places and when Izaya was missing. Seeing them together now, I'm sure something must be happened."

"I thought it was weird… but is it okay for us to ask them like this? It's not our business." Walker asked.

"Yeah, that's true," Kadota's eyes softened a little. "But I can't help but to be worried, still."

"That's not a problem right?" Togusa said again—his eyes were still glued to the road while he was driving. "Whether it's your business or not, if you're worried, then you should ask them. Anything else you can put it aside later."

For once, all the people seemed to be stunned with Togusa's words.

"Well said, Togusacchi!" The girl with black long skirt cheered.

"OF COURSE! Because this is what we do when something happened to Ruri-sama!" Togusa yelled proudly.

Kadota stared at his friends with surprised look, before he let out a sigh and smiled.

They may be weird people who had obsessive love in 2D things and overly idolization to a singer, but Kyohei Kadota couldn't hate their friends. They've through everything together and no matter how much annoying they were, he found himself not being able to leave them. He cared for them like they were his family, and their friendship apparently had intertwined their fates in Ikebukuro.

He just realized how glad he was to be able to stay with them like this.

"Yeah… you're right."

_***DRRR!***_

"Did they lose us?"

"Yeah… I guess…"

Shizuo wiped his sweat, panted as he looked over his shoulder at the busy road behind him. Somehow, he and Izaya had managed to slip their self to a small alley and ran to the other side of Russia Sushi. In other case, actually they hadn't left the place, but rather hiding in a small alley. Thankfully, it worked.

"That was a surprise, huh?" Shizuo laughed. "Kadota sure is sharp."

Izaya chuckled and placed his hat on his head again. "I'm surprised there are many people who know me."

"Yeah," Shizuo muttered quietly. "Unlike you, they are good people."

Izaya blinked in surprise and stared at the blond. The ex-bartender furrowed his eyes, noticing the weird glare. "… what?"

"No… It's just…" The raven smiled playfully. "You said that you want me to remember my memories myself, but you actually slipped a little."

Shizuo blushed.

"So, I'm not a good guy eh? What kind of bad guy I was, Heiwajima-san?" Izaya elbowed the taller man with a grin plastered on his face.

"I'm not telling."

"Stingy!"

Shizuo had to admit he felt weird with all of this. Izaya sure was a very easygoing guy. Wasn't he curious about his past? And he had to joke about it, like his memories wasn't big deal at all.

"Well, that's okay. I will remember them myself later!" The younger man skipped and played with his hat. He turned his back to face Shizuo and grinned; his scarlet orbs flickered playfully. "That's what you want right?"

Shizuo stared at the raven in front of him before he let out a sigh and smiled. It was a little painful to be talking about his memories… especially when he forgot them. But seeing him smiling like this, not those damn annoying fake smiles…

…it worth it so much.

"…yeah." He softly mumbled.

"I bet we got a bad relationship back then!"

"Not telling."

"And we probably hated each other!"

"Noooot telling."

"And I must be pretty hot back then. Even now I'm still hot."

Shizuo laughed at that, and Izaya smirked.

"I got pretty nice friends back then…" Izaya mumbled and slowed his pace, remembering a small greeting exchange he did with Kadota's group back then. It was short, but after all this time not being able to talk with other humans except Shizuo, Celty, Shinra and Namie… it felt rather nice.

Shizuo's smile softened. "Yeah."

"They're a bit weird though," Izaya snickered and fastened his pace again. "I wonder if all my friends are like that. You, Kishitani-sensei, Celty-san, and Namie-san and now them…"

"…like you aren't weird." The blond mumbled. It was Izaya's turn to laugh.

"Was I weird?"

"Not telling."

"Ah, man! Just a little hint!"

Shizuo grinned. Izaya really hasn't changed at all.

"No."

"Aah, isn't that Heiwajima Shizuo-san!"

The blond once again jolted when he heard his name was called. Both men tried to calm their panic before they turned their heads to the source of voice. There was a rather weird couple—a silent, expressionless boy with brownish red hair and an overly cheerful, clingy girl with scary scar plastered on her neck. What made it even weirder was that couple chose this small alley to be a place for dating than any other place.

Shizuo noticed their uniforms. Time went that fast huh? So School had ended?

Hearing the girl called Shizuo, Izaya expected Shizuo must be acquaintance with them (God, how many weird friends he had?) but the raven was surprised to see Shizuo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"….who are you again?" Shizuo asked rather dumbly. Izaya's jaw fell.

_Oh wait. We're talking about that protozoan brained brute with his bad social skills… I shouldn't have surprised…_

Heiwajima Shizuo may not stupid. But he still got rather a simple mind. The blond remembered he saw this couple at the hot pot party at Shinra's place several months ago, but he didn't quite remember their names.

"You should not forget about us that quickly!" The girl with scar on her neck exclaimed, looking a little surprised. "We shared a very enjoyable time in a hotpot party back then, right Seiji-san?"

Unlike the cheerful girl, the boy looked unfriendly. He actually glared at both Shizuo and Izaya, which made the older men confused. Justified, knowing there was no way that Shizuo would remember the day he headbutted Seiji and getting in his way to search for his true love and there was no way the amnesiac Izaya could remember the day he mocked the boy for not being able to distinguish his real true love and the fake one.

"Aaah, yeah… uhm…" Shizuo narrowed his honey colored eyes towards the couple. "Yagita and Haruka?"

Izaya face palmed. He didn't know their names, but he dared to bet those was not their name.

"It's Yagiri Seiji and Harima Mika!" The girl pouted, which strangely looked cute as she tightened her hold on the boy called Seiji. "Mou, Heiwajima-san. If you keep forgetting small things like that, you won't have a good relationship with your partner! You must think of the person you love the most and always observe him whatever he do! Like me and Seiji-san! I placed 25 cameras in his bedrooms and his bathroom, and he said 'good morning' to each camera I have placed! Isn't that sweet?"

That was… too much information, Shizuo thought as he blushed.

"Don't forget. I date you because your face is similar with her." Seiji said suddenly, startling both the blond and the amnesiac raven. "I only like your face, I don't like you."

Shizuo's brownish orbs widened, surprised.

"Don't worry Seiji-san, I'm glad enough to hear that *."

The blond felt something cracked on his head. It's been awhile since he felt this annoyed. He didn't want to throw anything to the weird couple in front of him, but he needed to do something before his anger burst.

"What the hell is wrong with you people…"

Izaya tore his gaze from the young couple in front of his and turned his face towards the blond next him, noticing a dangerous aura that came out from his roommate. He was surprised to see Shizuo could be this angry because of something like this. "H-Heiwajima-san," Izaya tried to snap Shizuo out from his anger, but the ex-bartender ignored him.

"So you think that you can be lovey dovey when you guys aren't even really in love with each other, huuh?" Shizuo mumbled softly as he made his way to the couple in front of him, fist clenching dangerously. "How could it is called 'love' when all you like from her is her face? And how come you're okay with all of that when you're not actually loved by the guy you love? How the hell guys like you could be okay with this fucking relationship, HUUH? I really hate this kind of crap. Stop joking you fools!"

Seiji gritted his teeth in surprise and Mika yelped when Shizuo grabbed the boy's shirt and yanked it. Izaya didn't bother to hide his shock and panic now. "Heiwajima-san!"

"How come you guys can stand being with each other when you all you guys have is a fake love?" Shizuo shouted to the boy angrily. Izaya, though he was agreed with Shizuo, he couldn't help but to think of how to calm the blond brute. On normal circumstances, Izaya would have found this couple rather amusing, but today was the day he wanted to spend together happily with Shizuo, and some crazy weird couple wasn't going to ruin it.

Even though so, the raven was amazed the boy had guts to remain cool even after Shizuo was angry at him like that.

"…" Mika stared at the blond with narrowed eyes. "Heiwajima-san, it's okay… even though our love is fake, it's stronger than anyone else!"

The ex-bartender turned his glare to the girl. He had never been this annoyed with a girl before—not even when he was stabbed with some biker suited girl. "How the hell you could be okay with that? Is it okay to let him think you of someone else as long you could be with him?"

"It's okay…" Mika said again with hitched voice. "No matter what Seiji-san thinks of me, as long he's happy, I'm okay with that! Isn't Heiwajima-san the same?"

Shizuo felt a vein popped in his forehead. "How CAN I be the SA—"

"Because… Heiwajima-san will do anything to the person he loves to make him happy, even if he's not in love with you, right?"

Those words sent a shiver to Shizuo's spine, making him paralyzed in his place.

_What…?_

"What makes us so different?"The girl with the scar on her neck yelled to Shizuo as she held her tears. "Even though Seiji-san doesn't love me, as long he's happy with me… I don't care! Isn't that what you've been doing too? To make him smile, to make him happy… to stay by his side! Even if he doesn't return your feelings…"

The next words were mumbled softly, so that only Shizuo could hear it.

"_Even if… he forgets everything about you…"_

Shizuo released his grab from Seiji, and the boy fell with a loud thud. Mika quickly approached him and hugged him, crying and asking him if he's okay. The blond's head was spinning, and blood drained from his head. The rest faded away into static in Shizuo's ears as his mind blanked out, repeating the words Mika told him repeatedly.

A small pat on his shoulder snap Shizuo's mind to reality, and he turned his face to the raven besides him.

"Let's go," Izaya softly mumbled. Whether he wanted to leave the couple for some time together or not even care about them at all, Shizuo couldn't tell. Nonetheless Shizuo nodded, and after one last gaze to the young couple, they left.

_***DRRR!***_

"Seiji-san…. Are you okay?" Mika sniffed as she hugged her boyfriend tighter. "I was so scared when he pulled you like that! Are you hurt anywhere?"

"Mika… It's okay…" Seiji softly smiled before pulled her into a tight embrace. "Thank you for worrying about me."

Mika's eyes widened when she felt those warm arms wrapping her small body, and her heart blossomed in happiness. This warmth belonged for her and her only. No one else but her. Seiji's love… Seiji's smile…

Mika tightened her grip to her beloved, feeling relieved. "Seiji-san…"

Harima Mika—despite looked like an overly cheerful girl with happy relationship with her boyfriend—was not an ordinary girl.

She was a stalker.

Unbeknownst to other people—even her friends—she had a rather dark secret that she hided in order to protect her beloved from any danger.

The dark secret of Ikebukuro that not everyone knew… the gang war, the headless biker… Dollars, Blue Square and Yellow's Sacrf's link… Demon Blade Saika… Awakusu-kai… and everone's involved behind this all….

She knew it all.

She knew that Ryuugamine Mikado was the founder of Dollars.

She knew that Masaomi Kida was the head of Yellow's Scarf.

She knew that Sonohara Anri was the host for Demon Blade Saika.

She knew that about who's the real identity of every username in the chat room. She knew that Orihara Izaya was the one responsible for gang war and Celty's head.

And so, she also knew that Orihara Izaya had lost his memories.

She also knew that Heiwajima Shizuo was hiding him, and gradually fell in love with him.

Truthfully, Mika felt herself similar with Shizuo, because Shizuo was also reaching for the person who didn't love him back. Though of course she realized that her relationship was far more unstable than Shizuo and Izaya's and she didn't care about that.

Even so, she didn't know anything much about Yadogiri Jinnai, the one responsible behind Izaya's choice to lose his memories, because she only tapped persons who were close to Yagiri Seiji—to make sure nothing dangerous happened to him. She only knew that Yadogiri was the one responsible for the bombardment in Shinjuku several weeks ago, because she had tapped Izaya's cell phone before, though usually Izaya realized it right away and removed it.

Both Seiji and Mika were persons who lived for love.

Seiji thought dating Mika was a punishment for him to not being able to distinguish his love for the real head he loved. He didn't love the head for its personality, that's why he could accept Mika's love. He didn't care with Mika's personality, because he only liked her face. He sometimes wondered though, why Mika didn't hate him for almost killing her before, but it didn't matter for him. It wasn't like he was a cruel person, but he was really passionate with his feelings. He didn't hate Mika actually, but he couldn't love her either. That's why he lets Mika dragged herself to his life, until the time he found his true love for the second time.

Mika, on the other hand, was a very possessive person. She didn't want to see anyone else to be with Seiji. She didn't care if she disturbed other people's life and stalking them as long she could observe her love. No matter how creepy it was, she saw it as her way of true love. Mika placed tapping wires almost in everyone's related with Seiji. Because even though she knew it was rude, she was ready to do anything for her beloved. It's not that she hated the other people—in fact she was really care with her friends, like Anri—though she had used her to make herself looked better. She didn't care if all Seiji was seeing in her was something else differently. She didn't care that Seiji thought their love was fake. The time Seiji had accepted her twisted way of love and hugged her, Mika was already happy.

Their way of love may be different and not linked, but living in Ikebukuro had made their fates intertwined with each other, thus letting them to become a couple.

Seiji placed his jaw on his girlfriend's head, kissing her hair. Even though he didn't love her, her face was so similar with Celty's head, that he couldn't help but to love her face. Especially when she could smile, could cry, could show him every expression from that face. "What is it?"

"You do know that I will always love you, right?" Mika smiled. "Even though Seiji-san doesn't love me… Even though Seiji-san is in love with another girl… As long Seiji-san sees her in me, even though I'm just a replacement, I don't care. I will always and always and always love you."

Seiji's eyes widened a bit, not realizing that Mika was saying that because of her insecurities over what Shizuo had just said.

It may be was only his imagination, but he felt Mika's voice was slightly shook.

_***DRRR!***_

She was beautiful.

She was rather quiet and rarely talked, but when she did, she let out such a soft, cute voice.

She was shy and seemed a bit clumsy, but she was organized and could be quite harsh—even though she had no ill intent. She was quite stoic, rather looked emotionless and she was not a person who would let anyone easily entered her heart. Yet when she smiled, it felt like the world is revolved around her.

Ryuugamine Mikado didn't intent to describe it that cheesy, but when he was close with Sonohara Anri, he couldn't help but to think that maybe that was the case, since his heart was beating so fast.

Did he love her? He didn't know. All he knew was that he wasn't too fond of the thought Anri being flirted with other guys. He had tried to confess to her several times before, but he was always failed, be it because of the other guys or she suddenly had another thing to do. But now, he couldn't confess to her.

He couldn't… when he couldn't even ask her about what she really was.

Since Masaomi Kida left them, he had decided that he wouldn't confess to her until Mikado could fix their relationship back. Because of their lack of communication and their suspicion to each other about their real true identities and their real roles in the gang war, Kida is badly injured and now he had dropped out from the school. Though he still kept in contact with Kida via the chat room, and he still friends with Anri, but he was determined to clear up all the misunderstanding in their relationship—about the Dollars, Yellow Scarves and Slashers—so they could be back together, just like before.

After that, he promised himself that he would confess properly to Anri.

But until that time came, Mikado would protect what he had with Anri and Kida now, since it seemed like something bad was going on in Ikebukuro without him realizing it.

Mikado had this bad feelings swirled in his head since Orihara Izaya went missing. Orihara izaya had always been the person he asked for information or advices whenever he was confused of what to do with Dollars. Of course, he didn't know that for the information broker, Mikado was merely an object of his observation—one of his pawn—a tool for his plans, nor Mikado knew that Izaya was the one who had made Kida's life miserable. That's why, Mikado still respected him and became worried of him, not noticing that he was ignoring Kida's warning not to go through the dark side.

His conversation in the chat room several days ago confirmed it. The explosions happened to be at Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya's apartment. Given that Izaya was an information broker, he was probably hiding. But Mikado still couldn't swipe off the bad feelings that there was something much bigger would happen after this. And somehow, by the patterns, Mikado began to feel suspicious that there was a possibility Shizuo was involved in this problem.

Before he even knew it, Mikado _smiled_.

The boy knew he should not be smiling when someone he knew is probably in danger. He knew that he's not supposed to feel enthusiastic when there something bad is probably happening. Nonetheless, his body shivered in excitement and curiosity. He knew it was fucked up, and it was not the time to feel this but he couldn't help it.

Knowing that there was something that's going to happen… _he could not stop his body from trembling in awe and excitement_.

"Mikado-kun?"

Mikado was startled to hear Anri's voice all of sudden. All his dark thoughts were disappeared, placed with embarrassing, yet warm feelings. He turned his head to see those confused, brownish red orbs staring at him. "S-Sonohara-san?"

"Are you okay?" Anri softly asked, voicing her worry. "You seem kind of distracted today."

Mikado blushed and laughed rather half heartedly as he scratched his head. "I'm okay, Sonohara-san. I was just thinking how Kida is doing…"

Anri's eyes softened. "It's been awhile."

Mikado smiled softly, as he thought of his friend. "I wonder if we're going to be back just like before."

Raira ended their study session faster than usual because the teachers were going to have a meeting. That's why, even though the sun was still high, the students were going towards their home.

"I… kinda miss him," Anri softly mumbled. Anri was not person who was good to distinguish her feelings for her friends. Nonetheless she still knew that she cared for both Mikado and Kida, just like how she cared for Mika. Though unlike Saika, she didn't understand if what she was feeling towards Mikado or Kida was love or not.

"Me too." Mikado sighed and stared at the sky, wondering if Kida was thinking of them too. "I miss him so much."

They were silent for awhile.

"Will he be back?" Anri asked, though she knew that it would be pointless. She was rather surprised when she saw Mikado was smiling towards her.

"He will." Mikado ensured her. "I'm sure of it. Don't worry."

Somehow, even though Anri knew Mikado himself wasn't sure of what he was saying, the girl with the glasses felt secure with his words and believed them. She smiled back.

"Yeah…"

Mikado's heart turned warm when he saw Anri smiled like that.

That smile, however, disappeared—replaced with a surprised look on her face.

"Isn't that Heiwajima-san?"

Mikado's eyes widened and he turned his face towards Anri's gaze. Across the road where they were right now, indeed there was a tall blond with unusually plain clothes, followed by a guy that seemed strangely familiar to Mikado.

The boy's eyes widened due to shock when he realized who it was.

"I-Izaya-san?

_***DRRR!***_

When Celty met Mikado and Anri in the roads, she wasn't expected the couple to look… so surprised. She stopped her motorbike and approached her friends, asking them what happened.

The words that coming out next from Mikado's mouth shocked her.

"I saw Shizuo-san and Izaya-san together."

Celty almost dropped her PDA. Almost.

"Um, it's not quite clear if it was them." Anri spoke up. "Heiwajima-san was not wearing his usual bartender clothes, and Orihara-san wasn't wearing his usual black coat… Besides, we saw them from across the road over there, so probably we were mistaken…"

"That's true…" Mikado's eyes furrowed, but he still looked worried. "Even so, they resembled Shizuo-san and Izaya-san so much. We were about to check on them, but they had already disappeared…"

_THUMP._

"Wait," The headless girl typed, trying to press her surprise down and digested new information she had just received. No way. It couldn't be."So, you saw them together?"

"Yes, that's why I'm unsure if it's really them…" Anri mumbled softly. "They hate each other, right? There's no way they would be together and looked friendly like that…"

Mikado put his hand on his forehead, looking confused. "Yeah, but Izaya-san has been missing for a while too! Not to mention their apartments were both bombed! Don't you find this suspicious? Even the police said that it's possible that the explosions were bombed by a same person! Shizuo-san and Izaya-san being together could be linked with this incident!"

Celty began to panic.

Mikado was smart. He had made right speculations so far. At this rate, he could be involved.

She couldn't let these children to be involved with Yadogiri's case.

She must do something.

"Huh? That's weird. I just saw Shizuo at Shinra's place."

Both Mikado and Anri were surprised. "Eeeeh?"

"And he wore his bartender suit like usual." Celty typed again. "Shinra's place is near, so there's no way it can be Shizuo. Besides, Shizuo hates Izaya. He can't even stand seeing Izaya, there's no way he could hang out with him."

Mikado gawked.

"Huh? But…" Mikado was stumbling over his own words. "They…!"

"I think you saw wrong people," Celty typed again, shoulders slightly moved, indicating she was chuckling. "Don't think about it too much. Shizuo is alright, and there's no way Izaya can be caught that easily. Just let the police investigate the case, okay?"

Celty patted Mikado lightly and looked at the as if she was smiling to them, before she hopped on her bike, went towards the place Anri told her where she saw Shizuo and Izaya.

_No way… _Celty tried to calm herself. She believed in Shizuo. No matter what how much Shizuo hated Izaya, there was no way he would let Izaya come out.

Besides… looking at him right now, Celty was sure it was not hatred that was showed in those sad golden orbs when they were looking at the former informant.

_Shizuo…_

_It can't be, right?_

_***DRRR!***_

"So it's not them…" The girl with the glasses huffed. "I guess we mistook those people for Heiwajima-san and Orihara-san."

"Sonohara-san," The boy suddenly said. "You know, Celty-san really is bad at lying."

Anri stopped herself and turned her face towards Mikado, looking confused. "Eh?"

Mikado's blue eyes narrowed. "Kishitani-sensei's place is over there. Mikado pointed at the place they're facing. "But Celty-san just came from over there." Then he moved his finger to the opposite direction—the place where they just passed. Anri's eyes widened.

"You're right…" Anri placed her fingers on her mouth, definitely looked surprised. "But then, why did Celty-san lie to us?"

Mikado's eyes softened and he smiled. "She must be worried of us. She doesn't want us to encounter anything dangerous and warned us not to be involved."

Anri's eyes saddened. "Celty-san…"

Mikado was silent. Celty avoiding questions probably she was just embarrassed, but for her to lie to them like this there must be something else that she hided. Unfortunately it made Mikado even surer that something bad really did happen in Ikebukuro.

The boy's body began to shiver again.

"Which meaning, they were probably really them," Mikado whispered to himself

Hearing those words, something inside Anri was suddenly flickered. Suddenly, as if it noticed something, that something inside of Anri began to awake.

"…they probably… were really Shizuo-san and Izaya-san."

Upon hearing Shizuo's name, Anri could feel Saika awakened and began to sing inside her.

_Heiwajima Shizuo. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…._

And before they realized it, Mikado and Anri's fates had already intertwined to this wreckful problem.

_***DRRR!***_

"Are you thinking about that girl's words?"

Shizuo's eyes widened when Izaya suddenly said that. He realized it then that he had been silent for a while. They were walking rather aimlessly now. Even though Ikebukuro was quite crowded at daylight, the people didn't seem to realize them at all, which made the blond relieved.

"No," Shizuo lied. He did think of what the girl said to him a little, but the blond didn't put too much thought on it.

"Actually, what did she say to you?" Izaya asked again. "Her voice is quite small… something about love and the craps…"

"It's not important" Shizuo quickly cut in, feeling a little afraid that the raven would ask him more about things revolved his love life. Luckily, Izaya dropped it.

"Who is she anyway?" Izaya asked again. "How come you don't know her when she knows you?"

The taller of the man just smiled sheepishly. The shorter one gave him an 'I knew it' look.

"Where do you want to go next?" Shizuo quickly changed the topic.

"I don't know about this city at all," Izaya laughed. "You lead!"

The blond smiled, feeling amused with Izaya's eagerness.

It's been a while since he saw Izaya this happy.

It's been a while since _he felt this happy_.

He hadn't realized it before, but now he noticed how far he had fallen for the raven besides him.

All the game of hatred they've been playing felt like just a dream.

_Was it even really hatred from the first place?_ Shizuo thought. _Maybe it was. Maybe even now, I still hate him, but…_

_All this time, maybe I have been in love with him too._

Harima Mika's words rung again in his head. Maybe, she was right. Even thought Shizuo didn't like their fake love and how they believed on their love way, but probably… he was still the same with her.

He had made a fatal mistake. He let Izaya out from Nakano.

Yet he didn't regret it.

To see the one he love to be happy, he would go as far as this.

"Seriously, where are we going next?" Izaya whined and Shizuo had to hold himself from laughing to see the raven like that. Seeing him—who always put a mask on his face and put an annoying smirk—to act rather childish—it really amused the taller blond.

However, Shizuo's smile disappeared when he saw a little girl that seemed familiar walking towards his way.

It was Awakusu Akane.

The girl didn't seem to notice Shizuo, because of his unusual clothes, but if she saw his face, she will notice him definitely.

_Crap._

_Why everyone seemed to come to me when I don't want them to see me?_

_What should I do now?_

Shizuo decided to surrender and tried to walk casually, hoping that Akane would not notice him. To turn back now would only make Akane realized him, so he decided to gamble. At least Izaya was still behind him.

And Shizuo walked with Izaya behind him, trying to act casual. It's pretty crowded here, so maybe Akane would not notice them. Well, the ex-bartender hoped so.

He let out a sigh of relief when Akane walked passed him.

However, his face went from content into horror after Akane accidentally stumbled over Izaya's foot and fell. Izaya of course was surprised and helped her (no matter how jerky he was, there was no way he would just left the girl right?).

"Ah, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry!" Akane hurriedly apologized. Pink blush spread in her cheeks cutely. "I will be careful next time—"

The girl's eyes widened when she saw Izaya.

"Izaya onii-chan…"

It was Izaya's turn to be surprised.

"H-how…" Akane realized it then that Izaya was not alone. She turned her head towards Shizuo—who gave her an awkward smile. "Shizuo onii-chan?"

"Akane," The blond bent over and looked at Akane's legs, searching for any injuries. "Are you okay? You should be more careful."

"Y-yes! Umm…" Akane looked at both Izaya and Shizuo with confused look. "Shizuo onii-chan… you're with Izaya onii-chan?"

Izaya stared at Shizuo, then Akane, not understanding what happened. It looked like this little girl was Shizu's acquaintance too. And she seemed to recognize Izaya too.

Shizuo smiled a sheepish grin as she patted Akane's head. "Good, uh… can I ask you a favor?"

The girl looked at Shizuo, still with a confused look. Shizuo coughed and he turned his face from Akane, trying to hide his blushing face.

"Don't tell anyone that I am with Izaya."

Akane blinked in surprise.

_Eh?_

For a girl her age, Awakusu Akane was very mature.

She knew that all people around her was afraid of her because she was the granddaughter of Awakusu Kai's head—a yakuza group. When she thought she had made friends, her hope would shatter later, knowing that the 'friends' were just afraid of her.

First time knowing that, she was desperate.

When 'Nakura' first time introduced his self to her, she was happy because she could have a 'real' friend. After Nakura introduced Akane to Orihara Izaya, she was deceived to kill Heiwajima Shizuo.

But it turned out Shizuo was a good guy.

Before she knew it, Akane had become attached to Shizuo. Shizuo was the first person who didn't think anything of her background or used her because of her background. Shizuo really care for her as if she was a precious friend, and before she knew it, she had developed a crush on him.

And so—that easily—a little innocent girl's fate intertwined to the mess of Ikebukuro.

The girl had once been deceived by Orihara Izaya to kill Heiwajima Shizuo, but she failed. Instead, she befriended with Shizuo. Shizuo told her that he was Izaya's friend, and they were fighting, because Izaya misunderstood something. But he promised Akane that he would make up with Izaya, so Akane waited.

Akane knew that Shizuo and Izaya didn't have a good relationship.

She had never seen Shizuo and Izaya together. Not even once. The time she saw them together, they were fighting.

But Shizuo had promised her, so she waited.

And now—after a month Izaya's been missing—suddenly, Akane found them together.

And not only that, Shizuo had asked her not to tell anyone about them being together, as if…

…as if, they were hiding their secret relationship.

_Does that mean…_

"Shizuo onii-chan…!" Akane smiled brightly—her eyes sparkled in a way the blond couldn't understand what it was for. "You finally make up with Izaya onii-chan?"

Hearing that Izaya 's ear twitched. Shizuo looked panicked and put a finger on his lips, indicating her to lower her voice volume, which she responded by putting her hands on her mouth cutely.

"Yes," Shizuo admitted, albeit a bit embarrassed. Akane then showed him a brightest smile ever.

"You did it did you?" Akane beamed. "You sing that song to him?"

"Huh?" Shizuo furrowed his eyes in confuse. "Song?"

"The song! The song that I taught you! The one that must be ended with a chuu!"

Shizuo had no idea what the hell Akane was saying until the incident that happened not too long ago popped in his mind. The night he realized his feelings for Izaya. The night he remembered the song Akane taught him to make up with someone.

The night he kissed him.

Shizuo blushed hard; blood quickly rushing to his face and he felt shame and embarrassment lingered in his body when he remembered that one simple—yet selfish act he secretly treasured to himself. "N-no!"

"What song?"

Shizuo jolted when Izaya approached him with narrowed eyes.

"Heiwajima-san? What are you talking about?" Izaya asked with tone of suspicion lingered in his voice. "What song?"

The blond had never felt so embarrassed before.

"Izaya onii-chan doesn't know?" Akane pouted. "That song! The song to ma—mmmph!"

The raven blinked when the ex-bartender quickly put his hands on the little girl's mouth—cheeks pinked and eyes avoiding his gaze. "It's nothing important! C'mon, let's go!"

Before Izaya had a chance to protest, Shizuo grabbed Izaya's hand and run before muttering a small "sorry!" to Akane, leaving the girl alone in the middle of the crowd.

However, in regards for her successful plan to make them befriended Akane just smiled before she squealed.

"That must be what Tom-san meant by 'tsundere'!"

_***DRRR!***_

He didn't know how long they had been running. He sure it wasn't too long though, because izaya had called him only two times before he released his hand from him.

"Heiwajima-san, what the hell is wrong with you!" Izaya yelled, annoyed because he was suddenly being pulled to run. The blond winced a little before he turned his gaze from izaya and scratched his head.

"Sorry."

Izaya glared at him for a while before he sighed. "Do you really hate it that much if I don't remember it myself?"

"It's not that," Shizuo muttered and he blushed again. Izaya didn't fail to catch it this time, and he smirked.

"Ara? Why are you blushing?" Izaya teased and approached Shizuo—his red eyes gleaming playfully. The blond had to turn his head from the raven so he could hide his embarrassment. He hated it. He hated how this guy could make him feel this way.

"That was Akane-chan, was it?" Izaya asked, before his face turned into an expression that showed something resembled disgust. "Don't tell me you really actually like her. Pedophile."

Shizuo gawked. "You—I am not fucking in love with her!"

"Then, why are you showing me that face?"

Shizuo's honeyish orbs widened when he saw Izaya's face turned serious all of sudden.

"Why do you look so sad sometimes?" The raven breathed softly, and his scarlet colored eyes saddened.

"Who is the girl you're in love with, to make you show those kind of faces?"

"Who is she, to make you think of her so much?"

"Does she care of you? If she does, why she is not here?"

"Why she makes you show that face?"

"Why… she makes you hurt?"

Shizuo felt his heart almost stopped. Izaya took a step forward closer to him, and boldly brought his gaze to the blond's. They were in a crowded place, yet the people around them didn't seem to care. They had their own priorities in this busy city that they had to take care of first, leaving those two guys who had been tied with hatred before stared into each other's gaze alone.

He couldn't concentrate. There was something noisy that he didn't know where it came from that make him couldn't concentrate.

"Heiwajima-san," Izaya suddenly said. "Where is she now?"

Shizuo was surprised, suddenly being asked with something like that. He tried to calm his heart down, as he tried to give an appropriate answer. "Eh?"

"You said sometimes you felt her near, sometimes you felt her as if she was in a faraway place." Izaya continued. He still stared at Shizuo with accusing eyes. "What about now? Can you feel her? Where is she now?"

Now Shizuo knew what was that noisy noise that made him couldn't concentrate.

It was his heartbeat.

His heartbeat was thumping slowly, but loud enough to make the blond worried Izaya could hear it.

"She's… near…" Shizuo muttered—his cheeks blushing and his eyes averted Izaya's gaze.

"How does she look?" Izaya breathed—his eyes saddened.

Shizuo bit his lips before he continued. "Her skin… is pale… her eyes… are reddish brown…"

"Her hair… is short, and black… her body, is small… yet slender…"

Shizuo had no idea what the hell he was doing.

He needed to stop himself, before Izaya realized that he was talking about _him_.

But it was Izaya's fault at the first place, to suddenly ask something like that. It felt like Izaya knew of his feelings, and Shizuo couldn't stop himself from rambling. His heart was not ready to receive this assault.

Why was Izaya asking him something like that?

He had not regained his memories, but why he suddenly acted so strange?

"Why do you love her?"

Somehow, that question snapped Shizuo back to reality. He brought his gaze to Izaya back and shook his head. "That's enough."

Izaya blinked.

"Don't cheat." Shizuo murmured softly. "I told you I won't give you any hints about your memories."

Upon hearing that, Izaya's face turned sad for a while, but he quickly hides it with a grin. "Eh? So that means I knew who the person you love?"

Shizuo smiled bitterly. "Yeah. You knew her more than anyone else."

"Really?" Izaya seemed surprised. "Could it be she's my sister or my friend? Aww, it's too bad that I've forgotten about her. She seems hot, you know."

"She's an annoying flea."

"But you love her."

Shizuo laughed. "I do."

Izaya grinned before he averted his face from Shizuo, hiding his sad gaze.

"You're so kind, Heiwajima-san."

_But… you should not be so kind to me._

_It hurts so much here._

_Being so kind to me… will only hurt you in the end._

"Where should we go next?" Shizuo asked again, and Izaya quickly grinned.

"I told you, you lead!"

_But, I can't stop myself from being spoiled by you either._

**Okay… I think I miscalculated something here…. -; Because it's too long, once again I divide this chapter, so what's supposed to be the chapter where we go back to the prologue scene is not this chapter. I fail as an author OTL**

**And I am so glad I can show Mika and Seiji here lol. You may be surprised to know but I actually like this crazy couple and their love XDD**

**And yay for Mikado and Anri~ I really like the characters of Durarara. They are all crazy, no one is normal at all.**

**Sorry for the oocness guys .**

**Thank you for MistressKiko once again for betaing~**

**Please review guys I know I always take so long to update but pretty please?**


	16. Half Faces and Half Parting 2nd Part

**Thank you very much for everyone who still read, alert and review this story! I honestly thought this story was left since it takes too long to update , but apparently you guys still stick with this story X3**

**I told you guys this story is going to be semi AU, so if you find anything weird regarding this story, I'm sorry and please bear with it.**

**Special thanks for: GintaXAlvissForever, Hako, Giveortake, Seriyuu,knightinred, Nata, and basically everyone who support this story. I love you guys!**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__16. Half Faces and Half Parting (_Часть вторая)

Orihara Izaya didn't like people like Heiwajima Shizuo.

Izaya was a person who likes to calculate something. Even without his memories he always wanted to be the controlling one and the predicting one. People who always surprised him always got on his nerves, like Shizuo. Although he admitted he loved humans partly because they were unexpected (though since he lost his memories he only knew them from being online everyday), but some who can't be controlled by him were annoying for him.

But after spending some time with him without any memories of their 'hatred bond', Izaya had become attached with the blonde. He was cute—easily got angry but actually soft hearted inside. He got a ridiculous think of logic (like how you can die just by glared because there must at least 0.0000000000000000675% someone was cursed via insight et cetera) but that what made him unique. For such a brute, simple mind thinking person, he got many friends that cared for him and he was really kind.

He was really kind.

Even though Izaya knew, that he must at least be aware with Shizuo since he had no memories regarding this person, but it was so hard to so when said person was so naive, so protective, and so… kind.

The raven's heart clenched, knowing that sooner or later, he would hurt this person.

_He's so kind that it hurts._

"Oy, Izaya." Shizuo's voice snapped the raven back to reality. The former informant stared at the taller man besides him and surprised to see him smiling like a child. "I dunno if you like bowling but do you want to play? Tom-san told me there's a good place around here."

Izaya's ruby eyes widened and stared at his surroundings. "Bowling? Around here...?"

"You told me to lead right?" Shizuo mirked. "Yeah. It got a food counter too if you're hungry, so there's need to go to another place to eat. Though I still want to show you around..."

Shizuo's voice become smaller and smaller in Izaya's head and Izaya was no longer listening to the blond as the raven stared at the towns and people around him.

The towns and cities in Ikebukuro were always big. They haven't changed at all. And those people were walking and walking and walking in their own business and problems in this street just like before.

_Before? _Izaya furrowed his eyebrows.

Had he been here before?

This place… felt so familiar.

His head began to hurt.

"Izaya? Oy, were you listening?"

Izaya?

Right... it was his name, right?

Izaya...

_Izaya...!_

_Izayaaaan~!_

_Iza-nii!_

_Izaya nii-sama._

_Izaya-san...!_

"Oy, Izaya!"

Izaya was startled when Shizuo touched his body. The sudden reaction caught Shizuo in surprise. The blond's eyes widened when he saw at Izaya's expression. The raven was sweating and his expression looked like he just saw a ghost. Shizuo became worried—afraid if Izaya was sick just like before.

"Izaya? Are you alright?" The blond asked and put his hand on the smaller man's forehead, but Izaya didn't even seem to notice. His mind was completely on the other things.

_What was that?_ Izaya's heart thumped uneasily. He looked at his surrounding again. Those voices... he heard them place... these people... these _humans_...

Everything felt so familiar.

"Izaya?" Shizuo's voice rung to his head again.

Shizuo's voice...

_That voice..._

The raven's eyes snapped open when a shadow of a bartender came up in his head.

_IIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAAA-KUUUUUUUN...!_

Something cracked inside Izaya's mind as realization dawned to his head.

He had been here before.

His hidden memories were triggered because of that and his body reacted to his surrounding because his body remembered this place. And his body _was begging him to remember too_.

"Heiwajima-san..." The raven said slowly before he brought his eyes to the taller blond. "I... I have been here before."

_THUMP_.

Shizuo froze. His heart thumped uneasily and hard with something similar with excitement, fear and hope growing in him. The blond realized that Izaya was slowly remembering his memories and he was afraid that any wrong move he made would make the process stopped.

"It's so familiar... this place... those humans... Heiwajima-sa—no," Izaya shook his head. "Back then, I called you with something else."

Shizuo didn't know what kind of face he made at the moment, but he was sure the time Izaya said those words his heart was soaring in anxiety, in pain, and in hope.

Upon seeing Shizuo, something flashed again in Izaya's mind.

Run.

And parkour.

Izaya's body jolted and shivering in overwhelming excitement he didn't know why. His legs...

They wanted to _run_.

"Heiwajima-san." Izaya breathed.

"_I want to run."_

Before Shizuo had any chance to reply—even before the meaning of the words sunk to Shizuo's head, Izaya had already left him, running as if his life was in danger, which made Shizuo panicked, shocked and confused at the same time. Many things rushed to his head and Shizuo quickly forgot the fact that he and Izaya was supposed to be hiding and people were not supposed to know him when Izaya was no longer in his side. At the moment, the only things that were in head were only facts that Izaya was running from him, Izaya was still in danger, and he was supposed to protect Izaya.

Knowing how Yadogiri Jinnai was still lurking somewhere to snatch Izaya from him couldn't make him think straight, as he only thing that was on his mind was Izaya's safety.

That's why without thinking how people would recognize them—as he ran after the raven—Shizuo called after him desperately. The roar that had been missing from Ikebukuro for these past few weeks. The roar that had been a warning before an upcoming terror brought to this city.

"IIIIIIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAAAAA!"

_***DRRR!***_

"He's not coming again." Somewhere in Ikebukuro, the dread haired guy sighed as he stared at the text he just received. A beautiful girl with blond hair near him looked up at the older guy and tilted her head to show her confusion.

"Again?" Vorona asked. "Shizuo-sempai probably has business that's important which make him can't fulfill is appointment with us. But he has been cancelling our appointments more than the normal number people usually do."

"Well, yeah... he seems busy since he moved to Nakano." Tom laughed wryly, remembering how Kishitani Shinra and the black rider asked his help to move Shizuo's things to the new apartment so suddenly.

Tom knew that Shizuo had more problems than just being a victim of apartment bombardment, especially noticing how Shizuo slowly changed. His kouhai had been busier and tend to take off his work since he moved to Nakano. And when he hang out with the Shizuo, Tom noticed how somehow—even though Shizuo was still the same short tempered guy he knew—the blond somehow seemed to doze off more and his face looked saddened than before. Tom was sure Shizuo was not the person who would easily down just because he lost his apartment, that's why he was worried and also confused with his kouhai. He wanted to help Shizuo and asked Shizuo what had been bugging him, but Tom knew it wasn't his place to ask, so he remained silent. Besides, he was sure that Shizuo would politely refuse any help he offered and didn't want to give anyone troubles.

Tom wondered if Shizuo had been feeling anxious because Kasuka, his brother, was involved in the explosion. But seeing how Kasuka's health gradually became better and better, it didn't seem like the case.

Of course, there was another thing Tom was suspicious about.

Not too long after Shizuo's apartment was bombed, Orihara Izaya suffered the same troube.

Not only that, the said informant had been missing and even rumored dead as well.

Tanaka Tom knew how bad Shizuo's relationship with Izaya, that's why he doubt if Shizuo had been down because of his disappearance. Even though so, The dread haired debt collector also realized how similar Shizuo and Izaya's problems were, and it's hard not to suspect if Izaya's case was not involved with Shizuo's case. But he didn't even know if Izaya was still alive or dead already,

He had thought once that Shizuo probably killed Izaya and felt guilty, but he threw that conclusion away knowing no matter how much Shizuo hated the raven, there was no way the blond would kill someone.

He also had thought that probably everything was only Izaya's scheme to troll and annoy Shizuo, but that didn't explain why Shizuo would be busier and more quiet now. Besides Izaya had no reason to bomb his own apartment to do all of those things. No matter how much a troll he was, it was stupid to blow away your home and office just for fun.

Everything was different though, if both of them were victims, and there was someone else who bombed their apartments. Though Tom didn't know who did those and for what purpose he did them, the debt collector felt everything made much more sense that way.

"Tanaka-sempai, should we go without Shizuo-sempai?" The girl with blond hair asked again. "We have already reached the point place of our appointment after all. It would be a waste to cancel the whole things out."

Tom scratched his head and chuckled. "You're right. Where we should go?"

The dread haired guy's smile disappeared when he saw Vorona's expression. Her stiff and formal choice of words was not showing any sadness her blue eyes showed. Tom patted Vorona and it surprised the blonde a little. She tilted her head to the debt collector. "What is the matter, Sempai?"

"Are you sad because Shizuo is not here?" Tom asked softly. Vorona's eyes widened a little before her eyes softened again.

"I see..." The girl whispered to herself. "This incomprehensible, throbbing sensation I'm feeling because Shizuo-sempai is not coming right now is called sadness..."

Tom's eyes softened. For all this time he had been with Shizuo, he never saw Shizuo being close with other girls despite his handsome face because of his unsociable attitude. That's why he was quite surprised when he saw Shizuo with Vorona together. They both were weird, but seemed to be fond of each other. Except for Akane and the Black rider, Vorona was the only girl that seemed not to be afraid with the blond's strength, which is why Tom was glad that Shizuo could make more friends. Not only that, when they were together sometimes they gave a warm aura as if they were on their own world. To Tom, the only things that prevented them from being a couple were only their own obliviousness to each other's feelings and their poor social skills.

Seeing her saddened eyes, Tom patted Vorona's shoulder a little bit harder this time. "Now now, don't make that kind of face. You're more beautiful when you smile. Shizuo wouldn't want to see you like this, would he?"

Vorona turned her eyes to stare at Tom. "I am incapable to understand if that was supposed to be a pick up line or consolation words."

The debt collector coughed hard and blushed at the blunt words. Vorona had always been like that, straightforward and direct—yet she held no mock in her words.

"Hey hey, I am supposed to be your sempai. I won't use such lame words to gain attention from you."

"Then those were consolation words." Vorona stated and the dread haired guy sweat dropped.

"I'm sorry I can't seem to cheer you up," Tom said shamefully as he scratched his head, but the blond shook her head.

"No," To Tom's surprise, Vorona smiled. "Thank you very much."

She used to be a very silent person and talk only when someone talked with her. It was the first time he saw her smile.

The older guy resisted the urge to blush and smiled back at his kouhai. "See? You look more beautiful when you smile. Shizuo would like to see you like this more often."

Vorona's eyes fluttered, not understanding why her heart thumped when Shizuo's name was mentioned.

Vorona was an assassin. And she was supposed to kill Heiwajima Shizuo later. Her body had always been yearning to kill someone who was stronger than her. She had killed someone at the age of ten, and felt intense pleasure of defeating strong opponents. Heiwajima Shizuo was her next target, and yet...

And yet her chest hurts in weird, odd feelings she had never felt before each time she saw Shizuo smiled to her—just like how she felt disappointed to know that Shizuo didn't come to hang out with her and Tom today.

Having been taught to become an assassin since she was a child, Vorona was far from understanding these kind of human feelings every girl her age was supposed to have understood. Granted, she had never felt this way towards someone before. Not even hanging out with friends like Tom.

Even so... those feelings were not unpleasant. On the contrary, it made her heart warm and... how do one said this? Happy?

A small part of her body kept reminding her that she should not forget her duty, but the other voice in her head wanted to enjoy this. It was a different kind of pleasure with the others she had been experiencing up until now. This was much warmer, much more casual, and much... nicer.

"So, where do you want to go? Bowling?" Tom suggested merrily, feeling glad that Vorona seemed to be on better mood. "I know one around here that has a food counter one inside. I know we're supposed to go to see a movie, but since Shizuo is not here, I figured it would be weird to go if it were only the two of us." The older guy chuckled. "Well, not playing bowling by only the two of us is any better, but at least it less weird, right? What do you think?"

"Affirmative. We shall change our destination and play bowling instead." Vorona nodded in agreement and Tom laughed at her formal way of speaking.

Before they walked another step though, a familiar raven haired man ran past them with an incredible speed.

Vorona blinked while Tom's eyes widened. Somehow, that running style was kind of familiar…

But before Tom had any chance to think, people around him and Vorona had already ran away with a scared look.

"R-Run away!"

"That… that informant is back! RUN AWAY!"

The dread haired debt collector and Vorona stared at their surroundings with confused look.

_What…_

"IIIIIIIZAAAAAYAAAAAAAA!"

Tom froze. He knew that voice too damn well.

Even though he had not heard it for weeks, he quickly understood what happened the time Shizuo ran past him. It must be Shizuo. Even not with his usual bartender clothes, Shizuo was the only one who would ran after someone while screaming his name like that.

"Shizuo!" Tom yelled after him but it was no use—Shizuo was no longer listening to his surroundings. Not to Tom's call. Not to the cries of the people who desperately tried to escape him. At the moment, what Shizuo could only listen were Izaya's footsteps, Izaya's breath and the sound of wind ran after his and Izaya's bodies.

Vorona stared at the blond that was now running further and further from her. Tom sighed besides her, feeling really confused of what just happened. The other time he was confused of Orihara Izaya's disappearance and the next second there he was running away from Shizuo as if his disappearance for this past month was never happened.

"What the hell…" Tom massaged his nose bridge while confuse was still lingering in his head. "How come that Orihara Izaya suddenly came back here?"

Vorona's ears twitched. "Orihara Izaya?"

She then remembered what Shizuo had told her before in the café when they were together—when Shizuo was still in his worst condition. Something he told her about the person he hated so much.

_I don't know how, but maybe because of the injuries my friend caused and the shotgun were too much, he kinda loses his memories. He forgets everything… and my friend felt guilty since then._

_It always replayed again and again. Blood everywhere… He was being beaten up… He was being shot… His last words that he never finished… _

_And all those annoying feelings that hurts so much…_

Vorona's eyes widened before she felt her heart clenched painfully. She didn't understand why suddenly her chest hurt even though there was nothing to lose. But upon realizing Shizuo's feelings, her heart throbbed in a very uncomfortable way.

"I see…" She whispered softly.

"So that is the person you care the most, Shizuo-sempai…"

_***DRRR!***_

"We couldn't find them at all…! It's been three hours dammit!" Togusa yelled in his van, looking almost depressed.

"Don't give up, Togusacchi! We must find the proof of Shizu-chan and Izayan's love here!" Erika pulled Togusa's collar with her sparkling eyes.

"Ka-Karisawa-san, it's dangerous! Togusa-san is driving so please stop!" Walker held the girl in black back to her seat, and the fujoshi pouted. Walker then turned his head to Kadota. "Kadota-san, it looks like we should call it a day… It's been a while and we haven't found them yet."

Kadota remained silent, thinking of everything that had happened.

He really had been worried of both Shizuo and Izaya since the bombardment—especially after Izaya had been missing for about a month and suddenly come back. He knew that both Shizuo and Izaya had always been into dangerous things. He knew it was not his problems but he couldn't help but to wonder.

Why the explosions were at their apartments?

Why Izaya had been missing?

Where the hell he had been all these weeks?

Why he was with Shizuo, out from all people, when he was back?

Was it all coincidence? Or…

Kadota sighed. Maybe he really wasn't supposed to know after all. "Let's go back to Russia Sushi."

Erika seemed to be disappointed. "E-eh?"

Walker seemed to be softened as well. Even Togusa was surprised.

"Kadota-san…"

"I can ask Shizuo the next time we meet." Kadota continued, thinking that maybe he was into other people's business too much. Even though he was their friends and he was worried, Kadota knew that they had turned into adults now, and whatever he did probably would not change anything better.

"For now, let's go ba—"

"IIIIIIIIZAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAA!"

All the people on the van almost jumped upon hearing Shizuo's roaring Izaya's name. Following that was Izaya they had been searching—running joyfully with soon Shizuo followed him—roaring him to stop and get back. The gang was shocked. This scene was exactly just the same like one of the 'cat and dog game' Shizuo and Izaya had been playing right before the latter was missing.—except for the fact that Shizuo wasn't wearing his bartender clothes and bringing any pole sign or vending machine and Izaya wasn't wearing his usual black fur lined coat.

Kadota was astonished. He was confused of how the ex-bartender and the informant that hated each other were just now seen together. He was also confused of how he had just seen them being friendly with each other back then and now suddenly they were back to their old relationship as if nothing happened. But most of all he was surprised that one time he was searching for them with no avail and the next second when he was about to give up, they showed up.

Was this really just a coincidence?

But then again, this place was _Ikebukuro_.

"Hahaha…" Walker laughed wryly at the scene. "Such luck… are we blessed by Sakura-hime's luck?"

"This is sign of love!" Erika squealed and hugged Walker's arm rather harshly. "Look of how obsessed Shizu-chan with Izayan~"

"I think no matter what they do you will always thought of them as a couple…" Togusa chimed dryly, which was ignored by the fujoshi.

"Heh," Kadota smirked. For once he was not going to oppose what Yumasaki said.

You would never expect something from living in Ikebukuro.

This town had always been _unexpected_ after all.

"Such luck indeed."

"So, do we follow them or not?" Togusa asked again.

"What are you talking about?" Erika shrieked. "Of course we will follow them!"

_***DRRR!***_

Not too far from there, Ikebukuro 16.30 PM

"It's already this late…" The girl with glasses and braided hair said to her twin as she panted harshly. She wore an old styled uniform with long skirt. "It feels like I've been running to the entire place, even to the smallest alley and I can't find anything at all! What about you Kuru-nee?"

"Negative (I don't find anything)." Her twin replied—her breath was as harsh as her sister. Despite sharing the same face, her appearance was different from her younger sister. Her hair was shorter and was not braided. Unlike her sister's flat chest, She's rather well endowed and stacked up. And in contrast for her sister's all black and long clothes—she wears a gym uniform that showed her proportional body in rather provocative way. "Where (I wonder where he has gone)."

"It's been more than a month since he's missing. And we've lost contact ever since…" The younger twin's eyes saddened—as if she was going to cry. "Ne, Kuru-nee… What if Iza-nii is actually already—"

"Stop (Don't say anything like that)." Her sister cut in—her eyes glinted dangerously. "Not fragile (He's not that kind of weak person). Locate (We will find him)."

Orihara Kururi and Mairu.

Quite unusually for other twins—they _purposefully_ acted and appeared in contrast with each other. Like sun and moon—like and yin and yang—they almost had everything about them stood in distinction. Half of this partially was their big brother—Orihara Izaya's fault. Living within his presence has affected them both physically and mentally—resulting them to be not quite normal both in appearance and personality. Once they had tried to have this big brother to pay attention more for them—just like normal siblings should have been—with no result, as their brother seemed to saw them no more than object of observation. Eventually, their object of affection changed to the famous actor—Heiwajima Kasuka—which later brought their affection to his older brother as well, Heiwajima Shizuo.

Having Shizuo worried for their well being and cared for them despite the fact that they were his nemesis's sisters brought the twins to be fond of Shizuo more than their own brother. The affection and warmth they'd been sought from their brother was given from other people around their brother instead, which made them had their relationship with Shizuo far better than with Izaya himself. It wasn't like the twins hated their brother, but knowing Izaya didn't look for them as his sisters and actually didn't like them at all made them to act quite the same to him.

Despite all of that—deep down, they still cared for Izaya.

And both of them knew, deep down—despite not giving affection and care like all the older brothers should do—Izaya cared for them in his own twisted way.

Having him suddenly disappeared within for about a month without any word right after the explosion that happened in his apartment made the twins realized how much they cared for Izaya.

It was true they loved being with Shizuo—that resembles a big brother figure a lot more than Izaya their own blood brother—a lot more.

It was true that they had spoken ill of their own brother and offered to push Izaya to an upcoming truck for Shizuo if it would make him happy.

It was true that they had really tried to do so ever since then.

But they did all of this only to give their brother a little lesson and tried to showed him how uncaring they were to him in exchange for Izaya's uncaring attitude for them—and more so they did all of this probably to gain any attention from him. They knew that everything they do to harm Izaya would never really do any harm to him—since Izaya himself was far more unstable and attentive than they do—and both of the twins knew that. That's just their twisted way to maintain a good relationship with their brother.

They never had any intent to hurt Izaya. They really did.

"But Kuru-nee! There are so many people that died that time!" Mairu was already in brink of tears. All the stress of searching for their brother had mounted and she was about to lose it. For all the time she hated her brother, never once she thought she would suddenly lose him. It was not only unfair—it was also agonizing because she knew deep down she still loves her brother. "Who knows if he was also one of the victims there—"

" Body. Not found (They didn't find the body)." At this point, Kururi had curled her fist, feeling her nails digging unto her palms painfully.

"They may not be able to recognize the corpse!" Mairu yelled out—tears already made their way in their cheeks. "I don't want to accept it either… I know it was just a rumor but we even ask everyone who knows him? Even those yakuza didn't know about his whereabouts!"

"Shizuo-san. Alive." Fighting the hot tears on her eyes, Kururi replied. " Impossible. Die easily (But Shizuo-san made it alive. There's no way Izaya onii-sama as his rival could die that easily either)."

"KURU-NEE, IZA-NII IS A HUMAN!" Not caring the stares of the people around them. Mairu screamed this time, and her older sister froze at the sudden outburst. "He doesn't have inhuman strength like Shizuo-san does, okay? As much as I would like to believe he was not normal human to the point I want to vomit for hearing his God crap theory, HE IS A HUMAN! HE IS NOT A GOD. HE IS NOT A MONSTER. HE IS A HUMAN! AND HUMANS CAN DIE!"

At this point, Kururi couldn't say anything. Mairu had burst out crying, hating her brother to let her break like this. Kururi could only stare at her sister until she felt her own vision become unclear and blurry.

She realized it then that she was also crying.

First few days after the explosion on Shinjuku, the twins had shrugged the thought of their brother being dead off. For such a smug, manipulative bastard like he was, they didn't believe that their brother could die that easily. They had visited the remnants of the apartment, and from the list of the corpses, their brother's body wasn't found, so they thought their brother was hiding and left.

Few next days after that, they became worried. They wanted to believe that Izaya was safe and alive, but the uneasiness in heart became bigger and bigger. The fact that they couldn't contact their brother and his brother didn't contact anyone either made the twins scared if something happened.

The next day, they starting to ask people who seemed to know him. They wanted to confirm at least their brother was safe and contact just at least one person he knew in Ikebukuro. One person was enough—as long it confirmed Izaya's safety, they would be glad. They asked Kadota and his gang. Then they asked Simon, Kaztano, and Dennis even Akane. They also asked Aoba, Mikado and Anri. But all the answer the girls received were same. They didn't know where Izaya was nor they know if Izaya was alive or not. Mikado had tried to assure them that Izaya was alright, but the twins were still worried.

The twins searched for Namie next, but they couldn't find her anywhere. They realized it then that Namie was probably in the apartment when the incident happened. She was also in the missing person list. This fact made them even more horrified and scared.

They asked Shinra and Celty next. Unbeknownst to the girls, they knew perfectly well where Izaya was, but because they knew they couldn't involve the twins, they lied to them. Celty wanted to assure the twins that Izaya was alright, but the black rider knew better than to let them knew. Once they knew that their brother were safe, the twins would ask where Izaya was and force their self to meet him—which probably could be dangerous for their lives since Yadogiri Jinnai intended to kill anyone related to Izaya—including his sisters. Regretfully the headless woman lied to them and tried to assure them that he was going to be alright, but at this point the girls had already knew that something had happened to Izaya.

The twins also asked Shizuo, Tom, and Vorona. They really didn't want to ask Shizuo since he probably would roar in anger and say that he didn't care with the flea but because they were panicked the girls put their fear aside and ask the debt collectors anyway. Tom and Vorona as expected didn't know anything about Izaya's whereabouts. Surprisingly for the twins, Shizuo was rather calm and gloom when they asked their brother's whereabouts. But it was no matter for them now, as Izaya's life was what on their mind. With the same reasons as Shinra and Celty, Shizuo lied to them, leaving their hope to crush into pieces.

The girls hadn't given up. Both of them knew that Izaya was involved in dangerous territory and when they had a chance, they searched about Awakusu-kai their selves. They were not normal girls after all—for the twins, searching for information and stalking were also their abilities that they proud of. They were sure that at least they would gain little information about the raven here, as Awakusu-kai was one of close ties Izaya had of. Finally they had a chance to meet Shiki and Akabayashi their selves and both of the yakuzas admitted that they were amused and astonished with their efforts to find their brother—even as far for searching information if Awakusu-kai. But unfortunately for the twins, the yakuzas also didn't know where their brother was. Shiki even told the girls that Orihara Izaya just suddenly disappeared without a trace and they had been searching for him. After leaving Awakusu-kai with nothing but crushed hope, the twins realized how serious this was if even Awakusu-kai didn't know where their informant was.

For the next entire four weeks followed, they spent their time to search about their brother's whereabouts. They knew that it was kind of hopeless and fruitless to search one person in a big place like this but they were too desperate to think about that. Every day after school the girls would go to small alleys, underground places and any place they thought a human being could hide. They searched the entire Ikebukuro and Shinjuku—running and panting—but never find anything. Not even a single clue that could lead them to their brother. For all the entire month they'd been searching, the twins refused to acknowledge the fact that Izaya could have died. They knew he was stronger than that. But after all the searching without any clue, the fear became bigger and the stress started to mount up in their head.

That bastard didn't even say goodbye to them. He didn't even apologize.

And they didn't have any chance to say how much they actually loved him.

"Stop weep (Don't cry)." Kururi tried to calm her sister, even though she was full of tears herself. She hugged her sister and ignoring the weird looks from people around them, she kissed Mairu.

"Ku-Kuru-nee…" the younger sister held Kururi and cried in her chest. "I don't want to think about it too, but if he really is died… I…"

"No," Kururi cut her quickly and returned her embrace as she tried to hold her tears. "Stop (Don't continue any longer)…"

It was only a month, yes. But to think that this month could turn into a year or forever—the stress were too much for them.

Of couse, normally they wouldn't be this worried since Izaya was that kind of person who would involve himself with dangerous things. But to never receive any word from him since an explosion that could have wrenched his life, everything became a whole different problem.

They didn't want to accept the fact that Izaya was probably dead. Even though so, the twins had almost lost their hope to meet their brother again after what they've been doing.

But then again, both Kururi and Mairu weren't ready to hear their brother's name they thought they would never heard again from another people with such passionate howl.

"IIIIIIIZAAAAYAAAAAAA!"

Before the twins registered whose voice it was and whose name that voice roared, the people around them had began to run in panic, escaping the dangerous game that had been missing for this past month. Some was screaming for help, and the rest cursed for the devil's back.

"Ku… Kuru-nee, look!"

The twins could only stare in shock when they saw their brother—though minus his fur lined jacket—ran gracefully quickly followed by raging ex-bartender—again minus his bartender clothes—not too far from the place they stood. They let the scene sunk into their head before they realized that their brother just ran in front of them. It was too fast, and they didn't know if they should be glad or not. But one thing they was sure, their hearts felt like it was about to burst.

"Alive (He's alive)." Kururi muttered—eyes still widened in shock. They've been searching for their brother and there he was—alive and healthy—though his appearance was a bit different.

Izaya was still alive.

When Kururi felt Mairu pulled her hand suddenly and ran to follow their brother, she wasn't surprised. She knew what her sister was thinking and she was thinking the same thing.

For the twins, they were not a pair. They were different with each other, and completing each other's weakness.

They were one person.

And as one person, and they shared a same thought—

—That they were going to kill their brother for making them worried like hell.

_***DRRR!***_

If Celty had her eyes—they would have been widened in shock.

No—she would have them popped from her eye sockets.

Not only that—her entire body was now trembling in panic, fear, shock, and rage.

She couldn't believe it—she couldn't believe it at all! She had trusted Shizuo and yet—

Celty knew the time she heard that familiar roar—the time she realized how many people was trying to escape and ran away from a particular scene, What did Mikado and Anri said were right What they saw was right. And she hated to acknowledge it.

Her worst nightmare happened. Shizuo and Izaya had come out from Nakano—ignoring the danger they knew they would encounter. And Celty was not happy to know that fact at all.

_Why?_

_Shizuo… you should have known that Yadogiri is still targeting Izaya… You should have known that you will endanger not only Izaya's life but also yours…_

_Those sad eyes you've been showing towards him… it feels like you've come to care for him._

_Then why?_

_I thought you've come to care for him… Was I wrong?_

So many unanswered questions and confusion run wild in Celty's heart, and the shadows from her neck loomed wildly from behind her helmet. No matter how hard she thought about it, she couldn't find the answers.

"C'mon, Shooter!" The headless woman turned her bike to the source of the Shizuo's voice—intending to bring them back to Nakano and questioning them. She was about to quicken her speed when she heard that mortifying voice that made her jump on her skin.

"You have guts to come here again…"

Celty wanted cry.

_Oh God…_

_Why now? Out of all time… _

_Why now?_

Kinnosuke Kuzuhara fixed his helmet as he stared at the Black Rider, giving her goosebumps. He let out a mocking laugh as he turned his motorcycle on. The cop glared at Celty as he yelled loudly enough for the headless woman to hear—even without her ears.

"Don't mess with cops, monster!" Kinnosuke hop on his white motorbike and prepared himself to chase Celty—to Celty's biggest fear. "You think that we are afraid with you just because you don't have any head? Or do you think just because those two finally back to Ikebukuro you think you will be safe for a while, HUH?"

Of course Celty knew the answer would be now, which was why she was already ran away from the cop with full speed, ignoring all yells of rage from behind her. She still tried to search for Shizuo and Izaya though, thinking if she could somewhat confuse the cop she would be able to escape him. But she should be fast before Kinnosuke called his friends. One was already bad enough for her.

"Don't underestimate the traffic cop, monster!"

Despite all of that, the headless woman actually wanted to cry, cursing all the bad timings that came so suddenly. But putting all her fear and confusion aside, she tried her best to track Shizuo and Izaya while trying to escape the cop who was chasing her like crazy.

_***DRRR!***_

In a hospital near Ikebukuro, 17.30 PM.

"So tomorrow, you're going to be released from hospital."

Hijiribe Ruri gave the emotionless actor a sweet smile as she sat beside her boyfriend's bed. The young actor nodded silently with emotionless face—betraying all the warm feelings he had for the former serial killer.

Heiwajima Kasuka—the young actor that had been using 'Hanejima Yuuhei' as his showbiz name leaned back to his bed that had been set to be on sitting position. It's been 5 weeks and 4 days in total since he was sent to this hospital because of the bombardment that happened in Heiwajima Shizuo's apartment back then. After all the time he had spent in the hospital, finally tomorrow he could be released and got back to act again.

His health had gradually become a lot better than the first time he woke up here. Shizuo and his riends come here sometimes to visit him. But even though Kasuka was happy that his brother had been visiting him, the young actor had noticed the change inside Shizuo.

Shizuo… though he was no longer down because of the bombardment, he looked a lot calmer now. It was not like the fortissimo of Ikebukuro had really become a serene and calm person like he wanted himself to be. But the old Shizuo could be easily read when he was irritated—given how many his berserk buttons were. Though he was fond of his brother, he was not a person who could easily hide his anger too well. The old Shizuo would complain to his brother sometimes about anything bad happened that irritate him and would try to calm himself with his own madness mantra that suspiciously to Kasuka's ears sounded: Kill kill kill kill…

But lately—since the explosion that happened at his apartment back then—Shizuo looked a lot calmer. He rarely complained about anything now, and only voiced his irritation when Kasuka asked him. But apart from that, he mostly spent his time dozing off with saddened eyes the emotionless brother couldn't quite comprehend. It felt like his brother couldn't be read easily like before.

Heiwajima Kasuka became an actor to observe people's feelings. But unlike Orihara Izaya—his observation was made so he could understand human emotions and learn to be able to express them himself. The fact that he appeared much more emotionless and cold than the role he played was prove of his inability to become a normal person. Kasuka was the type person who would appear as his true self, without any mask. Nonetheless he himself now how abnormal he was and tried harder to learn about people's emotions towards the roles he had played and respected all of them.

Kasuka had no immortality, no inhuman strength and no abnormal abilities like a monster should be.

But his inability to express his emotions was abnormal enough to be called a human.

That's why, he had been trying his best to learn about people's feelings and understanding them.

Seeing how hard it was to understand his brother lately, Kasuka wondered if he was still far from becoming a 'human'. But that was not his main concern.

His main concern of course was his brother's well being.

Kasuka was worried that the change that happened in Shizuo was because of guilty for not being able to protect him back then when the explosion happened. The young actor knew it well how soft Shizuo actually was that he could easily blame himself when someone close to him hurt—despite not being the one in fault. He knew that it could be another reason that his brother changed, since Kasuka's health becoming better progressively, but he was still worried.

It wasn't like the change was actually a bad thing, but Kasuka could sense that despite being calmer, Heiwajima Shizuo had become more gloomy. There was a hint of sadness he never missed each time Kasuka looked at his brother's honeyish brown eyes. Noticing that sadness, Kasuka could feel that the change was somewhat not a good thing.

The first thing he would do after he was out of the hospital apart from back to acting was to ask Shizuo if something happened. Kasuka knew that Shizuo was not someone who likes to make other people worried, but he at least wanted to cheer his brother up and be there when Shizuo needed him.

Of course, there was another thing he wanted to do when he was out since he was still in hospital…

"Yuuhei-san, aren't you glad that you will be able to continue your work again soon?" Ruri said again, not noticing the young actor's stare on her.

"…Ruri-san, didn't you say you want to call me by my name?"

Even though Kasuka said it with flat tone and his usual stern expression, Ruri had becoming better at understanding her boyfriend's real feelings beneath her words, which was why she was taken aback at the sudden words. The Hollywood felt her cheeks warming up, the result of blood rushing to her face.

"U-um, well… Now that I think about it, I'm afraid it will make you feel weird if I'm the one who call you by that name…" The young idol spoke softly as she lowered her head.

"I don't mind if it's you though." Kasuka replied with the same monotone voice. "Is that really the only reason?"

She was silent for a little while before she shyly stared back at Kasuka.

"Suddenly it feels so close," She embarrassedly admitted. "I'm actually kinda embarrassed."

"We've kissed." Kasuka spoke to the point like he always did, despite the intimate topic he brought.

"Yu-Yuuhei-san! That one time was an act!" Ruri blushed in embarrassment—she was really surprised and embarrassed at such adoring topic on their relationship. "We… only did that because you wanted to help me from my pursuers…"

"Then I would like it if someday we're really going to kiss, and not as an act."

This had brought Ruri's blush to become ten times redder than before, which Kasuka thought was really cute.

Speaking of cute, he missed his cat Yuigadokusonmaru… He wondered if Dokusonmaru ate properly when he wasn't at home… Too bad hospital didn't allow animals to be brought here.

"Kasuka-san."

Kasuka blinked and brought his gaze back to his lover, wondering if he'd heard wrong. But the way she tried to avoid her gaze and lower her head to hide her embarrassment indicating something else.

After that the two talents did not try to make conversation on their own; an eerie silence fell.

When Ruri couldn't take it anymore, she decided to break it up and putting her embarrassment aside, she spoke up, "Aaah, are you bored? You must be, since we haven't done anything but talk. I will turn the TV on."

Before Kasuka replied, Ruri had stood up to get the TV remote. Seeing her embarrassed and trying to change the topic so suddenly, Kasuka couldn't help but to think how adorable Ruri was. He felt his heart warming up when he realized that Ruri had just called him by his real name. It was a pleasant feeling and he didn't want to lose it.

It made him want to get out on hospital sooner and quickly _asked_ her.

Ruri didn't realize it—nor Kasuka himself realized it—but for a split second, his lips had curled into a genuine smile.

After she turned the TV on, Ruri was about to ask which channel Kasuka wanted to watch as she tried to calm her thumping heart, but right after she watched the news that was being aired on the TV, she felt her eyes widened in surprise.

"Yuuhei-san… that's…"

Kasuka brought his gaze to the TV in confusion, before he himself felt his eyebrows slightly twitched in surprise as he read the headline of the live broadcasting in front of him.

_***DRRR!***_

At the same time, in an apartment building on Kawagoe Highway.

The underground doctor couldn't believe what he was watching on TV right now.

He didn't even realize the he was holding a glass of water when he watched the TV. Unfortunately for the glass, because of the shock, the hand of the illegal doctor couldn't support it any longer and it fell to the floor.

Even when the loud sound of shattered glass hit the floor, Kishitani Shinra still watched the TV in surprised expression plastered on his face. The freeloader that had been working and hiding in his place at the moment, Yagiri Namie, didn't know if the doctor was too shocked to even realize that he had dropped the poor glass, or the doctor actually realized it but ignoring it all the way since the TV seemed to catch his interest more.

"I feel pity for your wife if that's how your reaction to the every glass you've dropped each time you watch the TV," Namie said in a cold tone as she pours a hot coffee to her own cup. "Does she clean that each time you ignore the glass you dropped?"

"Hey, that's not nice, Yagiri-san!" Shinra quickly turned his head and pout like a child that didn't want to be scolded. "You should have known that I almost do all the chores and Celty is the one who work for money."

"Well, if she's the one doing the husband job while you're doing the wife job, it's clear that you don't do your job very well." Namie replied nonchalantly as she stared at the shattered glass—pressing the matter without words.

"What's that supposed to mean! I also work as a doctor for my family!" Shinra whined, not accepting the wife role to be shoved on him. "If you can say that why don't you watch the TV too?"

"What the hell is so interesting in that TV that you—" Namie cut herself shortly right after she read the headline of the live broadcast in the flat screen in front of her.

Following the glass, its friend the teacup of coffee fell to the floor and shattered into pieces.

"Those IDIOTS….!"

_***DRRR!***_

Again at the same time, somewhere in an apartment in Tokyo.

"Masaomi-kun, look!"

Two young teenagers who had dropped out from school and now was living together watched the live broadcasting that was happening at the same time in Ikebukuro. At the first, the boy was using the internet until his lover called him and asked him to watch the TV. The boy thought that his girlfriend was bored and wanted him to spend some time with her, but apparently that was not the case.

"What the hell…" Kida muttered silently as his eyes glued to the shocking screen in front of him.

"Ikebukuro is as alive as the usual!" Saki chirped with a smile on herself.

For Mikajima Saki who wasn't addicted with internet and cell phones, she didn't know anything that happened outside her world with Kida. She mainly knew normal things the usual people watched on TV, so for her, the live broadcasting that aired on the TV in front of them was nothing more than normal information of her former home Ikebukuro.

But for Masaomi Kida who knew every dark side of Ikebukuro and what had been happening that was not showed on TV, the sudden new information was shocking news for him. Especially when not too long ago, he was told by someone that his friends' safety was related to a missing person—that happened to be his boss he hated so much—who apparently was on the TV live broadcast right from Ikebukuro.

_Just… what the hell has been happening since I left Ikebukuro?_

Kida was absorbed with his own thought with confusion and concern regarding his friends' safety lingering in his head—trying to recover his self from the shock, as the voices of the reporters from the TV screen echoed in his room.

"_Shocking news! After his disappearance since the explosion in Shinjuku, Orihara Izaya is back to Ikebukuro? Has he come back from death? The death race game between the strongest person of Ikebukuro, Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya comes back to this town after few weeks of peace! Along with that the Black Rider also seems to be following them, but the cops are cornering her! What ties do they have? What will happen to Ikebukuro after this—"_

_***DRRR!***_

He could not stop running.

Even though he knew that he was not supposed to run, he couldn't stop.

Ignoring all the reporters who risk their lives to follow him and cameras that were filming him, he kept running and running.

Izaya knew he had ruined everything. Shizuo had given him a chance to go out once, despite of the fact that he actually could not get out at all. Shizuo had sacrificed many things for him and he had just ruined it all. Not only him, Shizuo was also going to be confronted by Shinra and Celty. And most of all, Shizuo would kill him.

Shizuo's roar and steps felt so close to his ears, but he could not stop now. Everything almost came back to him. The screams of the people around him, the harsh breath, and the adrenaline rush… It was too much… It was so exhilarating!

"Izaya, STOP RIGHT NOW!" Shizuo's voice came again. Even in that raging voice, Izaya could feel the hint of sadness and desperation beneath. Guilt succumbed to his heart, but he didn't want to stop. He couldn't!

"Heiwajima-san…" Izaya panted and his lips curled into a smile. "This is so fun! SO FUN! I can't stop at all! The thrill… the danger…. Everything is so exciting!"

Shizuo almost thought Izaya lost it before he himself felt how familiar this was. His eyes widened—it's been awhile since he ran and screamed like this. It's been awhile since he ran after Izaya like this.

His heart pounded again.

Izaya laughed as he ran. He didn't quite understand why but he loved the way his legs brought himself to move from any objects. He climbed the stairs, jumped on the boxes, ducked any billboards and he kept laughing until he realized that he was up on a tall building. At the time he realized that he couldn't go anywhere, his eyes widened and he stopped.

Shizuo caught up on Izaya and stopped, feeling confused why Izaya stopped. As he realized that they were on the top of a building, a realization that Izaya may not remember parkour that far and was scared of jumped on the other building came to the blond's head and his hope shrunk into disappointment. Izaya turned his face and smiled a dorky one, knowing that he was caught.

"Come back here you idiot," Shizuo said softly. He was feeling a little disappointment that Izaya was still afraid to do any further than this, but he knew that this Izaya was still in amnesiac state and it was dangerous to force him to do parkour just like that. Even though it may return his memories back, but it was too risky if Izaya himself still forgot about him and scared to do it. Shizuo believed that Izaya would still be able to remember things with easier and safer way, and he was feeling glad that Izaya stopped at the right time.

"I screwed up," Izaya admitted, but he stood still in his place, which left Shizuo no choice but to approach the raven.

"I'm going to be killed by Shinra and Celty." Shizuo spat, his eyes glaring at the former informant. "You have always been like that. Screwing up my life… Do you know how dangerous it is to let you out?Do you even know how dangerous it is for you to be in here? I let you out but you ignored my warns and do exactly just I most afraid you will do!"

Izaya's eyes softened, but the smirk remained. He definitely felt guilty for running away from him, but he couldn't help it. It was so close… he knew he had done this all before. It was so close from remembering more but when he realized that he was up on a tall building, he suddenly became scared. He noticed that there was a building near him that could be jumped, but it was quite far and he wasn't sure if he was able to jump there. One wrong move you would fall into death. He cursed himself from being so scared. But wasn't it normal, to be scared by death?

But then again, he almost felt that adrenaline rush and excitement again. He could almost feel all those familiar feelings rushed to his body. He could almost feel someone behind him, yelling him to stop…

He could almost have remembered Shizuo.

Izaya gritted his teeth. He was this close… there was no way he would back out now.

"I'm sorry Heiwajima-san. But as far I can remember _you_ were the one who screamed my name, revealing my identity." Izaya purposefully provoked him. He didn't want to back out now. Not when he was this close to grasp his memories.

Shizuo felt his veins popped out now. This bastard dared to mock him after all he had been through for him! The blond quicken his walk but he stopped dead when Izaya took a step backwards.

"…What are you going to do?" Shizuo felt his heart screaming: No, no, no, no…

Izaya simply smirked and took another step back and Shizuo knew what the raven was going to do now. Terror and fright assault his heart and his mind panicked of what he should do.

Izaya was going to take a risk.

"Izaya, come back here." Shizuo said dangerously.

One step backwards.

"_Izaya."_

Another step.

"Izaya don't do this." His tone was desperate now. "Don't do it. Don't jump. _Please_."

"You want me to remember," Izaya breathed.

"Not this way dammit!" Shizuo yelled. "What if you fell? This is tenth stories building, dammit! I don't want you to remember if you must take risk this big!" And Shizuo meant it every word. He wanted Izaya to remember everything, but he didn't want it if the risk was to lose Izaya himself.

He would take a risk to let Izaya out to regain his memories. But if the risk was to _lose Izaya forever_, he would prefer his death instead.

"Too bad then," The raven smiled sadly. "I'm not doing this for you, but my own benefits."

And with that, Izaya jumped.

Shizuo felt her heart almost stopped and his mind was screaming in fear.

But for his surprise, Izaya reached the other building.

Not as smooth as he used too, but he reached it.

When Izaya jumped, he could feel it. The excitement despite the danger… the pleasure despite the risk…

Parkour felt just like flying.

It felt i_ncredible_.

His skin shivered both in fear and in excitement, and his breath was harsh as his heart thumped alongside the wind. The feeling was really good. And memorable. And breath taking. It was so familiar to the point Izaya almost saw an entire different scene of himself.

He knew he had done this before.

He had not remembered it yet… but he was sure that he had done parkour before.

And when he felt those dangerous feelings he knew he could sense someone.

He sensed Shizuo.

As he successfully made his first jump since he lost his memories, Izaya turned his head to the fortissimo of Ikebukuro—who was staring at him still with a shocked look. Izaya grinned at him before he felt the raging sensation run wild in his body.

And again, he continued his parkour—inviting Shizuo purposefully to run after him.

When the blond saw the information broker jumped again, his mind quickly snapped him out from his shock and his body run after the lithe body—desperately trying to catch him back.

This scene was too painfully familiar to him.

Same with Izaya, he was almost absorbed to the race of death—the dangerous game they had been doing before Izaya lost his memories. If one had said Shizuo was going to miss this game and also Izaya once the game was gone, Shizuo would have thrown that person in anger. How ironic it was to know that he really missed this game, and all he wanted to do after he caught the raven was very different with what he had imagined before.

He wanted to hug him.

He wanted to hold him, embrace him.

Kiss him.

But until Izaya regain his memories—No. Until Shizuo was sure what Izaya's feelings were for him, he couldn't do all of that.

But he could still protect Izaya.

…which he had been trying to do up until this moment.

Even after all this wrecked problems he had caused… even though he was the one who spilled their own identities, he didn't care anymore.

If Yadogiri was going to come and snatch Izaya from him, Shizuo wouldn't forbid him.

But before he had a chance to, Shizuo would make sure to kill that bastard first.

He wouldn't let Yadogiri touch Izaya at all. Not even an inch.

Shizuo set his eyes on Izaya and keep jumping on each building—re-acting the race they had done repeatedly before. Though Shizuo couldn't say Izaya's movement was as smooth as before (which still scared the former bartender to death to think if something may happen to the brunette) but that parkour style was still his—graceful and elegant. Unlike Shizuo's parkour that was harsh and ruthless, Izaya moved following his surrounding—while Shizuo moved to destroy anything that was in his way.

There was a certain hope in Shizuo's heart that thought maybe—_maybe_ Izaya would be able to remember him. Maybe going to Ikebukuro wasn't a mistake after all. Even though the blond knew he shouldn't raise his hope too high so his heart wouldn't crush later, but each step they moved brought both of them closer to the past—feeling, moving, jumping, _remembering_…

At a split second however, his hope shattered and replaced with overwhelming fear, as he saw Izaya's feet accidentally slipped when he jumped, and fell from a building instead. All the images in his head completely went blank before they were replaced by deep fear and concern of Izaya's safety.

The raven's eyes widened in shock when he realized that because of his own excitement, he had forgotten that his body hasn't completely remembered the parkour. His body fell from the building with head to the ground first.

"IZAYA!" the blond screamed as he tried hopelessly to reach Izaya.

Quite fortunate for the brunette, the building was only two stories building and instead of hard concrete, his body fell to the supple plastic of dumps near the garbage instead. His body bumped quite hard and rolled to the ground with pain screaming from all over his body, but he was still considered lucky as he knew he could have lost his life instead. Izaya groaned in pain as he tried to get up, but he quickly fell again. The raven felt blood made his way from his right leg and he cursed.

"Izaya!" Shizuo quickly caught up to the brunette and examined him. All the fear was washed with relief at the sight of the brunette, but the concern was still there. He helped Izaya to get up and he noticed the wound at his right leg then. "You're bleeding!"

"I guess I really should not have pushed my luck." Izaya laughed half heartedly, feeling half disappointed for his embarrassing failure but also half relieved that he was still alive.

"You IDIOT!" Shizuo yelled to him angrily. "You could have died!"

Izaya smiled apologetically, noticing beneath his anger, there was concern.

"Can you walk?"Shizuo asked as he looked at his surroundings. They were in small alley near the main road—they didn't have much time before those crazy people who brought their cameras followed them here. Even though the blond knew that it was no use hiding any longer but he still wanted to lessen the possibility of being witnessed by anyone. He was sure that he had brought too many unwanted attention enough to let Yadogiri know their places and he didn't want to make it worse than this.

Izaya shook his head. "I think I can walk, but my body huts and—WHOAA!"

Before Izaya finished his words, Shizuo had already lifted Izaya's body in bridal style—to Izaya's embarrassment.

The blond knew with that slender body, Izaya was really light to be lifted. It embarrassed him a little to hold the brunette like this again, but he had no choice and instead tried to enjoy himself.

"W-w-w-what the hell are you doing?" Izaya stuttered while blushing as he felt those strong hands gripped his thin body and realized how close Shizuo's face with his. "Heiwajima-san, you don't need to do this!"

"We have no choice. We must go back to Nakano now and treat your injury." Shizuo quickly replied to him. "This is the fastest way."

And so, they went back to Nakano. Of course it was not easy to run and escaping the crowd while having someone's weight on you, but somehow the ex-bartender managed to do it. After they finally managed to get into a train and let out a huff, it amazed Izaya that Shizuo's strength was not only a rumor he heard from internet.

But what warmed Izaya's heart the most was that Shizuo really showed him how much he cared for him.

_***DRRR!***_

Nakano, 18.30 PM.

It was such a tiring adventure.

After having a walk in Ikebukuro, getting discovered by almost all of his friends, screwed up and getting their identities discovered, being followed by crazy reporters and some cops, having 23 miscalls from Celty, 10 miscalls from Shinra, 4 miscalls from Kadota, 8 miscalls from Mairu and 3 miscalls from Namie, running back while carrying Izaya, getting back to his apartment, treating his injuries and scolding him for running away from the blond at the first place, Shizuo decided that it was such a tiring run.

He really didn't want to hear any complaints from Celty, Shinra or namie, so he shut his cell phone off and unplugged his telephone. The blond knew they were worried like hell and they must want to ask so many questions regarding what he had done, but he really was too tired and didn't want to deal with them at the moment. They sent all of the three short text messages that he and Izaya was back at Nakano before he shut his cell phone so at least they would know that he and Izaya were alright. Tomorrow Shizuo would accept all the screaming scolding and questions about what he had done, but for now, he only wanted to rest.

Izaya had apologized to him repeatedly, though sometimes he didn't look guilty at all, which made Shizuo irritated a bit. Even so, the blond understood that the reason why Izaya was running from him from the first place was because coming to Ikebukuro somehow triggered his body to move so that he was able to remember about his memories.

Even with everything that happened, Shizuo still didn't regret what he had done.

He stared at the brunette who was trying to move his bandaged leg.

"Oy, fle—Izaya."

Crap, Shizuo's brown eyes widened. He almost called Izaya 'flea' unconsciously. It had been a month and few weeks since he called Izaya with that name. The chase he had done for a while somehow also triggered his body to recall all his old relationship with the former informant in front of him.

But Izaya didn't seem to realize it. The raven turned his head to the blond near him with tired sigh. "What is it, Heiwajima-san? I told you that I'm sorry fo—"

"Not that," The blond cut in. "Are you happy?"

Izaya blinked in surprise, not expecting the question.

"We were discovered and going to be killed by Celty-san and Kishitani-sensei. I screwed our first and last little trip up, getting injured and just get scolded by you. And you ask me if I'm happy?"

Shizuo's eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes quickly widened when he heard the next words coming out from the raven.

"Yes I am," Izaya grinned cheekily. "Sorry for getting you so many troubles, but I enjoyed our travel together. It was fun."

Izaya was happy.

"Heiwajima-san, thank you." He continued and his smile softened. "I'm so happy."

There was something warm and bubbling pleasantly in Shizuo's heart. It was…

It probably was happiness too.

Yes, Shizuo definitely couldn't regret it. Not when Izaya showed him a smile like that.

"Is that so…" Shizuo then smiled and his eyes softened. "I'm glad."

Seeing Shizuo's expression, Izaya's face saddened. Something throbbed in his heart and it was hurt.

"Heiwajima-san… you're so kind…" Izaya softly said to himself ignoring the ache and guilt that succumbing to his heart.

_Soon… I am going to hurt person as kind as this…_

"Hm? Did you say something?"

"… It's nothing."

Shizuo furrowed his eyebrows. Izaya was acting weird again. But maybe it was not strange if he understood that he wouldn't be able to go out for the second time. Of course he would be sad, but…

"Heiwajima-san, I have a request."

The serious tone in Izaya's voice alarmed Shizuo. The blond stared at the raven with confused look. "Go on."

Izaya looked hesitated. He bit his lips before he continued.

"I know, I'm not supposed to ask something like this after all you have done, ummm…" Izaya's voice seemed to get smaller as he tried to avert his gaze from the taller blond. "But please… If you accept this request, I won't bother you any longer."

Shizuo began to grow impatient. "Just spit it out already."

Izaya was silent for awhile and his hands shifted uncomfortably. After a while he collected his courage and finally stated his request.

"I… I want to do parkour again. Now."

Shizuo's eyes snapped open, shocked.

For a while, there was only silence between them.

"…you don't expect me to accept that, do you?" Shizuo replied with serious look on his face. "First of all, you are injured because of _that_. Even though it's just light wound, I won't let you to do things that dangerous if you can still fall on such easy route."

It hurt Izaya's pride to hear that, but the raven knew better than to snap back and he stayed silent.

"And we promised I would only let you go out once." Shizuo pressed again. "I took a risk to hang out with you, but it came to the worst. I don't think I want to screw up the second time. And why must it be now anyway?"

"I want to do it now. I must do it _now_." The raven curled his fist. "It was the closest thing I ever feel I can remember my memories. That feeling… that pleasure… If I won't be allowed to go out from now on, at least please let me do this."

Again, silence occurred between them.

Shizuo wanted him to remember of course. But given Izaya's state, he didn't dare to risk it. Even though Shizuo must suffer and let Izaya remember slowly… he would prefer that than letting Izaya fell for second time.

He was so lucky that he was not on taller building. Izaya could have lost his life back then. The past Izaya would have been able to jump in far more dangerous route and far taller building. But this Izaya, Shizuo doubted it. Even though it was clear that Izaya made a quick progress on remembering his memories and could do light parkour, but to let him do it again after he almost lose his life…

"Please," Izaya said again.

His voice was only above a whisper and his face looked like he was in pain—which also hurt Shizuo to watch it.

"I beg you. Just this once."

Shizuo averted his gaze regretfully. He was not going to give in.

"I won't bother you or tease you anymore," Izaya's voice was slightly trembled.

Shizuo felt pain overflowing from his chest. Izaya should have known how ridiculous his request was and there was no way he would really think Shizuo would accept it, right? The blond knew that if he lost to this it would mean he betrayed Shinra and Celty's trust to protect Izaya. Even though Shizuo was sure he could protect Izaya, but he was guilty for breaking his promise to them and he didn't want to break it the second time. Besides, the danger was not only come from Izaya's injury. The whole reason why they had Izaya trapped in this apartment was because they wanted to protect him from Yadogiri Jinnai after all.

Shizuo wasn't going to give in. Not even if the person in front of him beg or cry—even if the person in front of him was willing to throw away his pride just to ask this one, simple request—even if he was so close to remember their past—even though the blond knew that this person was going to be locked in this apartment again, not be able to go out, alone—

—even if the person in front of him was the person he loved so much.

"_Please."_

And that's it. All the resolve shattered into pieces.

Shizo bit his lips angrily. It was unfair. He was _in love_ with him.

It hurt him so much to know how weak he was in front of the person in front of him.

_I am so going to regret this_.

_***DRRR!***_

That full moon seemed so beautiful, decorating the crowded Ikebukuro with its charm. In the middle of the stars it shone, as if the darkness of the night had only been a piece of dirty space, while the moon was the only beautiful thing in there.

In that scene, there were two guys who were jumping from a building to another one. To the taller one's surprise, the smaller one could keep jumping and running without any hardship—enjoying the adrenaline rush and the wind's flow on his body, though it still was not as fast and smooth as he used to be. It was as if the injury on his leg and the pain on his body were never there from the first place.

"How beautiful…"

Orihara Izaya smiled at the moon, and then he stared at the city where he was always playing around from a top of one of the building. Yes, this is what he had always been doing—fooling around as if he was mocking human's life which was full of trouble and hardship. Jumping from one building to another building was no longer a problem for this red-eyed black cat of Ikebukuro. "The moon tonight is so beautiful."

"Hey, don't keep jumping around!"

Izaya smiled at the man behind him which was on the top of another building. "What, you can't follow me?" He smiled playfully.

The blonde snarled a little at first, but then he stared straight at the pale-skinned man in front of him, with eyes of concern. "…you've just recovered."

"Aww, you are worrying about me. How sweet." Izaya laughed while the bartender behind him tch-ed him, resisting the urge to beat up something because of the comment.

Izaya jumped back to the lower building—the building where the taller man stood. "You said that I am free to go for a walk only for today. I won't waste the chance while I can. Tomorrow you will lock me up in your apartment again, right?" Izaya frowned a little and the blond snorted.

"Idiot, you still have to be concerned about your own body you fle—" The blond stopped his words and his eyes turned a little sad. He almost slipped again. But he could no longer call him with that name ever again. "—Izaya."

Izaya fell silent at the first name, then stared at the bartender with a serious look when he called him with his name, then sighed.

"You seemed to hate me so much in the past." The raven-haired young man smiled a little and the bigger one of the two glared back at Izaya irritably. Izaya's eyes softened.

"Then why…" Izaya continued. "…would you take care of me?"

The honey colored-eyed man sighed. "What happened to you before… half of it was my fault." Then he turned his face down so Izaya couldn't see his face.

"Besides… I still haven't heard the continuation of your words… back then…" His voice got smaller and smaller.

Yeah.

Those unfinished words Izaya delivered him that had been haunting the debt collector in curiosity and guilt.

Izaya frowned and he turned his body so he could see the bartender more vivid. "Pardon? I can't hear you clearly." But the blond shook his head.

"No… it's nothing."

Izaya glared at him, but then he gave up and sighed again for himself, knowing that he wouldn't be able to make the man to talk. The young man stared back at the moon.

"The moon is not only beautiful, but it is also always watching every night of Ikebukuro." Moonlight streamed in, glittering off of Izaya's pale skin, casting a blue, ethereal glow along the man's outline, made his beauty shone even more. "It maybe knows something about me as well."

A pair of honey colored-eyes stared at the smaller man with a regretful look, when he realized that Izaya for once again hided his true expression with a fake smile.

The way he talked… the way he spoke… it was so cliché.

It was as if the raven _was going to leave_ him.

"Maybe… it can tell me my past which you cannot tell me, Heiwajima-san."

Heiwajima Shizuo had never expected how painful it would be to hear that name from Orihara Izaya's lips.

Even with all the parkour he had done, he still couldn't remember him, could he?

But the thought of that was quickly disappeared—replaced by much darker feelings, when he saw another person stood on another building.

That person that Shizuo became to hate with all of his might.

Rage filled Shizuo's mind, and he curled his fist in anger.

Yadogiri Jinnai smiled at him with a serene—yet mocking smile.

Izaya's eyes widened when suddenly Shizuo grasped his hand and put him on his back protectively. Before Izaya asked the ex-bartender what happened, his gaze fell on an old man in front of them who was standing on another building rather casually. Yadogiri spoke rather calmly, despite the death glare he received.

"I told you I am going to find you—"

"—_Amaraku-san."_

Izaya froze.

_This man… This man is…_

Shizuo put an arm on Izaya's body protectively; he let out an angry growl as he tried to protect Izaya from this bastard that had tried to kill Izaya before.

"What are you doing here," Shizuo spoke in low, dangerous tone. Yadogiri pretended like he was hurt and dramatically put a hand to his chest.

"Aah, I'm hurt Heiwajima-san. Can't I say greet my own friend?"

Shizuo twitched as he heard that. He really needed to hold the urge to kill the person right there. "Friend? YOU HAD FUCKING TRIED TO KILL HIM!"

The raven's body trembled in shock and fear the time those words sunk into his head.

"I don't want to hear that from his enemy that has been trying to kill him since high school too," Yadogiri smirked cruelly and Shizuo felt a sudden enormous fear planted in his heart.

"That's—!"

"Am I wrong?" Yadogiri said again with a laugh. "If you think Orihara-san believed you more than you think, you get it all wrong. Do you think he's going to believe a stranger that trapped him for month rather than his friend?"

Despite the insult that could make Shizuo burst out, the blond was shocked on the other information he had just heard.

Izaya was suffering amnesia.

But no one should be able to know that except himself, Izaya, Shinra, Celty and Namie!

_What…_

_What did he just say?_

_How could he—_

"Your face seemed to say: 'how could he know?'" The man on the other building spoke again with a mocking gaze on the ex-bartender.

"Then… why don't you ask your friend over there?"

THUMP.

Those words, were usually a simply normal sentence that you ask to your friend sometimes in chatting with cheerful tone.

And Yadogiri actually said it with such ease—like he was talking to a friend.

But to Heiwajima Shizuo, those words were more than just normal sentence where you can hear it in normal chatting.

In fact, the time those words sunk to Shizuo's head, the blond felt like the world itself stopped, as the shock overcome his entire body

_W-what…?_

The ex-bartender slowly turned his body and stared at Izaya in shock and glints of despair—hoping for denying answers.

But Izaya remained silent and averted his gaze from Shizuo, which confirming what Shizuo most feared.

_No…no… It can't be…_

It was an eerie silence on the top of Ikebukuro buildings. The only sound that could be heard between those men was only sound of wind under the moon.

"I told you not to be so kind with me…"

After a while, finally Izaya stared back to Shizuo—

—and showed Shizuo a cruelest smirk ever.

"That's right."

The blond's eyes widened in shock, staring at Izaya with incredible pain as the former informant moved from his place to jump on the building where Yadogiri was. The old man was more than happy to welcome Izaya to his side.

_No._

_It can't be._

_This wasn't happening._

"Heiwajima-san, let me introduce you." The raven leered as he put a hand on Yadogiri's shoulder. "This man is Tsukiyo-san—"

"_My friend who is going to support me from now on."_

As Shizuo heard those words came out from Izaya's lips, many feelings came at the same time in his heart and mixed—producing a great painful ache that assaulted his mind and feelings.

Rage.

Betrayal.

Sorrow.

Confusion.

_Hatred_.

"What the…" The ex-bartender spoke softly—eye pupils dilated in anger and betrayal while his heart was still shocked and assaulted from the overwhelming pain. "What is the meaning of this?"

Izaya stared at the blond coldly and let out a bored sigh. "Huh? Heiwajima-san, are you an idiot? Do you think I honestly can believe you, that freak doctor and that headless monster after all you have put me through? You must be joking."

His voice was cruel and cold, and in all way was purposefully meant to hurt the blond.

"You fucking trapped me in boredom. That's not fun you know. It's just funny to see you guys trying to act all kind to me, when all I wanted is to sink a knife to your chests." Izaya continued, still with a vicious smirk on his face."Especially you Heiwajima-san. You really make me sick than the others. Do you think I don't do researches about our relationships back then on internet? I know that we were enemies and tried to kill each other. And you expect me to believe in you?"

Shizuo stayed silence. Despite the crushed heart, he refused to show pain on his face and glared at Izaya instead.

"I told you I am not going to bother you any longer, didn't I?" The former informant snickered. "Well, be glad Heiwajima-san. I will leave that stink apartment. Living with you has been such a pain in ass, but I can't say it was all annoying. It was fun. Thank you!"

After saying all of that Izaya bowed down and stared at Yadogiri. The latter smiled before the smile broke into a mad laugh.

"You see, Heiwajima-san. He's my friend." Yadogiri said after his laugh calmed down. "And thank you for taking care of him all this time. I really appreciate it. I am going to take care of him from now on. I bid you farewell then."

Yadogiri smiled for one last time before he grabbed Izaya with him and left in the darkness, leaving Heiwajima Shizuo all alone in silence under the moonlight.

After around 30 minutes, Shizuo chuckled. It was low at first, but then it become louder and louder, until the voice echoed around him.

It tasted bitter, mixed with pain and regret.

"_You never go out from Nakano just even once. We can hang out together if you want to." Shizuo scratched his head again, nervous. Did he look like someone asking for a date? "But only this on—"_

_Shizuo yelped when he felt himself tackled to the ground by the smaller raven. He looked at the raven with an angry look. What the hell were his problems? Here he was going to let him go out for once and the ungrateful flea—_

_Shizuo's eyes widened when he saw Izaya's expression._

_Oh…_

"_Yes." Izaya said cheekily. He was smiling with happiness. It was no mask. It was a real smile. Shizuo felt his heart almost stopped and his stomach flipped when he saw that expression. "Yes, yes, yes!"_

"Aaah, I really was tricked." Shizuo said softly. "I really didn't know that all of your smiles, your happiness and all those kindness you offered and showed me were all lies…"

_But I…_

_As much I want to hate you… _

_I can't…_

_Not anymore…_

"Akane, the song you taught me didn't work…" Shizuo smiled.

That full moon seemed so beautiful, decorating the crowded Ikebukuro with its charm. In the middle of the stars it shone, as if the darkness of the night had only been a piece of dirty space, while the moon was the only beautiful thing in there.

At such night, the fortissimo of Ikebukuro stood alone, trying to ignore the pain and misery that was torturing him.

After a while, the tears that had been swelling up in the blond's eyes fell. And then he sobbed, and finally, after he couldn't hold it anymore, he screamed.

Those tears tasted so bitter, mixed with feelings of anger and hatred.

But those feelings were not directed to Izaya.

They were directed to himself, for breaking his own promise—for being weak—

—for not being able to protect the person he loved the most.

**I want to remind you once again that this story is semi-AU. Akane actually didn't know Izaya until volume 9 (but she really is tricked by him to kill Shizuo) and Even though Mikado knew Bakyura is Kida, Kida still hasn't confirmed it to Mikado. Yadogiri is also OOC because I didn't know much about him until recently. Actually it's my fault for not searching about the references better **

**On the other side, Harima Mika does know everything. She tapes everyone related to Seiji because she wants to keep him safe. I just think I should point that out to avoid confusions.**

**Ehehehe this is the longest chapter I ever made. I hope I didn't screw up. **

**Reviews are loved guys!**


	17. Half Betrayal and Half Protecting

**Guys, thank you for the supporting reviews / I'm so happy with all of your reviews and hoping that I can hug you all take you guys home. Hope you enjoy this chapter as well!**

**This story contains so many spoilers from the novels and is a semi-AU story.**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__17. Half Betrayal and Half Protecting_

In this world, there were things that no matter how much you didn't want to share to anyone, you would and must tell them eventually, whether if it was because of obligation, guilt, or urge.

Like when you just lose your family on an accident, or when you didn't get accepted in the university you've been dreaming about—sooner or later, no matter how depressed you were and no matter how much you wanted to bury all those painful troubles alone, you must tell it to someone soon.

Driven by his guilt for not being able to protect Izaya and for breaking his promise to himself and to both Shinra and Celty, Shizuo went to their house and decided to tell them everything, in the same night Izaya left him.

Of course, if Shizuo had a choice, he would prefer not to tell anyone about this. But soon Shinra, Celty and Namie would know what happened anyway, so it would be better for him to tell them first and honestly. They all deserved the truth and he needed to tell them everything that had happened.

Shizuo was not searching for comfort or excuse to protect his self.

He was blaming himself and he was searching for punishment.

Somehow, even though Shizuo was not the one to blame, even though it wasn't Shizuo's fault, the blond couldn't swap away the guilt that was nestling in his tortured heart. Shizuo thought maybe, if he was punished, he could at least forget about the pain and Izaya.

Yes, he knew that it was Izaya the one who betrayed him.

It was Izaya the one who should be blamed. It was Izaya the one who put him to all this torture and pain. Even though Izaya lost his memories, it didn't change the fact that he had tricked him, lied to him, crushed his heart and hurt him purposefully.

Izaya had not changed at all.

Really_, really_ had not changed at all.

But, even though Shizuo wanted to blame him and hated him for everything that had happened, he couldn't. Even though Shizuo was betrayed, hurt and deceived by the raven, Shizuo couldn't make himself to be angry with the raven.

Even though he really hated Izaya for what he had done, he just couldn't be angry with him.

Because that hatred was not that kind of hatred you felt to someone you wanted to crush—not that kind of hatred that makes you wanted to hurt someone and bring pain for other people, so you could relieve yourself from the rage and anger. It was no longer that type of hatred Shizuo had for his former nemesis.

It was kind of hatred that you felt when you wanted to hurt someone, but you just couldn't. Instead, you saved all the pain to yourself so you wouldn't be able to hurt anyone.

It was the kind of hatred that has another feeling growing within. A kind of hatred you felt to someone you really loved. A kind of hatred that you felt when someone you really cared betray you and crush your heart—leaving you in despair and misery, and it was really hard to get rid of the pain in your heart—much much harder than getting rid of the pain that caused by the first type of hatred.

The first thing Celty and Shinra noticed when they saw Shizuo came at their apartment at late night was his hollow, lifeless eyes. All urge to ask Shizuo about everything that had happened that day quickly disappeared when they saw the ex-bartender remained silent in anguish like a doll.

The debt collector explained everything to them. From why he let Izaya out from Nakano until the time he knew that Izaya had been in contact with Yadogiri for some time, deceived him, betrayed him and left him with the last person Shizuo wanted Izaya to go with.

His voice sounded bitter, hollow, and lifeless. Not only that, his voice also barely above a whisper. It contains unbearable pain and rage that he buried for his self.

No one said anything after Shizuo explained everything. Everyone was drowning in their own shock.

There were so many questions that left unanswered. Since when had Izaya been in contact with Yadogiri? What was Yadogiri actually planning to do with Izaya, if he brought Izaya with him rather than killed him?

The most unexpected thing from all of that was Izaya's betrayal. Given his attitude, it was actually no surprise if he betrayed them but apparently the former informant was really clever in hiding his true feelings, making all of them believed that he was on their side all this time, when actually Izaya never trusted them at all.

Shinra's eyes saddened when he realized that despite he knew much more information than Celty, Namie, and Shizuo, he wasn't able to prevent this from happening. He should have been able to do something, yet he couldn't protect his friend.

The doctor could still remember the time Izaya begged Shinra to make him lose his memories. Shinra remembered how even for slightest, Izaya was able to show care to people around him. He remembered how even someone like Izaya was able to love someone—

—and that someone happened to be Heiwajima Shizuo, his nemesis, out of all people.

_Izaya… Is this what do you want?_ Shinra thought sadly. _Do you want to lose your own memories… so that you will be able to back to be that kind of person? Do you wish to run away from your feelings, because you want to be able to hurt someone, to crush someone just like the person you were before?_

_Do you really want this all Izaya? Not to care about other people but yourself… you want to be back to your old self… you want to get rid all of your weaknesses, is that why you asked me to erase your memories?_

_Such… such cruel wish…_

Shinra stared at the Shizuo again, observing his broken condition. Seeing the blond like this hurt him so much, because Shinra realized that everything that had happened, and what made Shizuo to become like this were all his mistakes for not being able to prevent it.

Shizuo told them that the reason why he brought Izaya out of Nakano was only because he wanted to let Izaya feel what it was like to be able to go out, even just once. The raven had been in the apartment for a month without any chance to get any freedom, so the debt collector wanted to give Izaya a chance to enjoy it, even just once. He had never expected that Izaya would use the chance to leave him.

It only hurt Shinra's heart even more to know how much Shizuo cared for Izaya. In any other condition, he would be really happy if Shizuo no longer hated Izaya. But now, that fact only showed Shinra how much it Shizuo was hurt because of it. Shinra knew that more than anyone else, Shizuo must be the person who felt betrayed, crushed and hurt the most.

Shizuo must be the one who suffered the most right now.

Shinra clenched his teeth angrily.

_Is this what do you really want? To hurt the person who finally lose his hatred for you? To hurt the person who finally come to care for you deeply?_

_To hurt the person you are finally able to love from the depth of your heart, Izaya?_

SLAP

Shinra's thought was quickly scattered when he heard a sudden loud voice. He turned his face to the source of the sound—only to find his self shocked at the scene. Not only the underground doctor, even Namie who had been silent seemed to be taken aback when she saw what just happened.

Shizuo's eyes widened his surprise—not quite sure what happened until he felt a hot sensation across his left cheek. The blond stared at the headless woman in front of him, and then it clicked in his head.

Celty had just slapped him.

It wasn't hurt at all. Actually Shizuo was more confused of why Celty slapped him.

Then again—he didn't expect that he would be hugged by her the next second right after he was slapped.

It had been such a rough night for him. And Shizuo's mind couldn't quite get what he did to deserve a slap and an embrace by the black rider. But the time those warm, loving hands touched him, Shizuo could feel it. Shizuo understood it.

Even without words, the blond could feel the black rider's affection, sadness, and tears. He could understand everything she gave him through the embrace, to the point he wanted to cry again himself.

_I'm sorry._

_It must be so hard for you._

_I'm so sorry._

_Shizuo, I'm sorry for letting all of this happened, I'm sorry for not preventing all of this._

_I'm sorry._

Even though there was no head, Shizuo and Shinra could see it.

Celty was crying.

The headless woman didn't expect everything to turn out to be like this. She was angry with Shizuo for letting Izaya out of Nakano despite his good intentions, but she also knew how much Shizuo suffered because of that. She understood now how deeply cared Shizuo to Izaya to the point she could feel how agonizing it must be for Shizuo to be betrayed by him.

She hated herself for not being able to prevent this. She had seen them both at noon; she should have asked them faster and sent them home. And because she didn't, Izaya betrayed them, resulting Shizuo to look like a lifeless doll.

Celty hated Izaya for lying to them. She couldn't believe every smile and blush he showed her when he was embarrassed were all only an act. But that wasn't what makes her hate the former informant.

What made her hated Izaya so much was the fact that he dared to hurt Shizuo, the person who have finally come to care deeply for him, despite the hatred they shared before.

She hated herself for doubting Shizuo's affection for Izaya. She hated herself for letting Shizuo down.

That's why, she could only hug him like this, hoping that the pain Shizuo kept for himself could be shared to her—hoping that she could at least reduce anything that was torturing and tormenting Shizuo, feeling the pain Shizuo suffered. This was the least she could do for her friend.

To be betrayed by someone you deeply cared…

Celty knew that even though Shizuo didn't let Izaya out from Nakano, it didn't change the fact that Izaya was going to betray them sooner or later. But at least, if Shizuo didn't do that, maybe the he wouldn't have to know about this betrayal. Maybe… Shizuo wouldn't have to suffer like this.

Her embrace on the taller blond tighten.

It felt really hurts to know Izaya lied to her… Celty didn't want to imagine how Shizuo felt.

_I'm sorry…_

_I'm sorry, Shizuo…_

Shizuo's eyes softened as he felt all those warm feelings Celty conveyed through the embrace. It eased his pain a bit to know that Celty was still there for him. He leaned to the hug like a child succumbed to his mother's embrace, seeking for warmth and comfort. He needed this—he needed anything to comfort him and ease his pain.

Seeing both his lover and his friend's sadness, Shinra could only bit his lips as a big lump of regret hung into his heart.

_Celty…_

Namie stared at the scene with in front of her with cold eyes. It annoyed her enough to be deceived by that bastard Izaya despite knowing his attitude more than anyone else (except Shinra), and now she had to watch a scene where you usually only found in sentimental emotional films.

_It's disgusting. Is this some kind of sappy angsty drama?_

_It was that idiot's fault at first place. If he never brought Izaya out of Nakano from the first place, he wouldn't have to hurt like this._

_But then again, I should have realized that bastard hasn't changed at all, even without his memories._

_Knowing his annoying, not caring, egoistic attitude… I should have expected that he cannot be trusted._

_He's no one but my former boss. I did all of this not to protect him, but my life and Seiji. I do this for living._

_I don't care a thing about him and these people._

_Not even if that bastard betray us._

Namie gritted his teeth angrily.

…_yet…_

_Why does it hurt… in my chest…_

_Dammit…_

Namie couldn't understand it. Even if Izaya was kind of person who would betray his own side, he had no reason t believe in Yadogiri too. No matter what, Izaya should have preferred to stay with them no matter how much he didn't trust them. Shinra gave him a house and food to live for. Just what did Izaya seek for him to follow Yadogiri? And what was Yadogiri actually planning with Izaya now? He probably already knew that Izaya lost his memories. And also, since when did they know each other?

The long haired woman sighed. Then again, it was no use to think about all of that now that Izaya left them. It was as if Izaya was trolling with them from the very first time. He even succeeded in crushing Heiwajima Shizuo, his former enemies who now seemed to develop feelings for him only to be betrayed by the raven in the end.

Namie moved her gaze to the broken debt collector. Even though she never really liked him from the first place, she did feel a little sympathy for him. It was painful enough to know Seiji was going out with another person. Namie didn't want to imagine how it would feel if one day Seiji left her.

Yes, even if Seiji lied or betrayed her, Namie was still okay with it as long her brother still needed her.

But if one day Seiji left her and no longer needed her, she wouldn't have any more reason to meet him. And for Namie, that was her worst fear.

Right now, Shizuo was suffering all of that.

He was deceived, lied, and left by the person he loved.

Well Namie wasn't sure if Shizuo 'loved' Izaya, but remembering how jealous he was when he thought she was Izaya's girlfriend (which that thought alone made her shudder in disgust), the long haired woman felt that probably Shizuo cared for Izaya more than just 'normal' friends.

They were silent for awhile, drowning in their own thought and sadness. But after a while, Shinra moved and put his hand on Celty's shoulder, indicating her to release her hug from Shizuo.

"Shinra?"

"I can be jealous too you know," Shinra grinned. But even though the doctor's words seemed light, Celty could still sense sadness in her lover's voice. Shinra then stared at Shizuo with serious gaze.

"Can we talk?"

For a bit, Shizuo's lifeless eyes widened a bit.

Celty moved her neck to the doctor, confused.

"Celty, Namie-san," Shinra spoke again, softly. "Can you leave us for a minute? I need to talk with Shizuo, just the two of us."

Both Celty and Namie looked at the doctor with confused look, but Namie quickly sighed and pulled Celty's hand, for the headless woman's surprise.

"C'mon," was all Namie said as she made her way to the patient room. Celty gave both men one last worried glance before she followed Namie and closed the door.

After that, there was a creepy silence between the childhood friends.

"…what do you want," Shizuo uttered softly. Shinra just smiled sadly as he adjusted his glasses.

"You may want to take a seat, Shizuo." The doctor pushed Shizuo to sit to the nearest sofa, as Shinra sat on the sofa across the blond. "This is probably going to be long."

Shizuo stayed silent. Shinra's grey eyes saddened before he sighed.

"… Shizuo, I'm sorry."

The blond furrowed his eyes, confused with the apology.

"It's because I asked you to live with Izaya that you have to suffer all of this," Shinra continued with bitter voice. "I… truly am sorry."

Shizuo opened his mouth to say something, but then again, he didn't know what he wanted to say.

It was true… that he became to love Izaya because he lived with him. His hatred to the former informant became a whole different kind of feelings he never expected before.

If… if he never lived with Izaya… he wouldn't suffer like this… would he?

"… not your fault," Shizuo finally found his voice. "I was the idiot one to think that maybe, for a slightest, he felt the same… "

"Shizuo…"

"I was such an idiot," Shizuo chuckled darkly. "Why did I trust him? He is the least person I can trust… I should have known that."

There was pain in his voice. Shinra noticed that. It only made the underground doctor even sadder.

"Shizuo, what feelings do you have towards Izaya?"

Shizuo's eyes widened, shocked as he heard those words coming out from Shinra's lips. He stared at his childhood friend to make sure he heard it right, and Shinra's serious gaze told him that Shinra did ask that. He wasn't hallucinating.

Shizuo was speechless. He didn't know what to say.

He really couldn't answer that question, because he really didn't know his feelings anymore.

"Please answer it honestly." Shinra spoke again softly. His expression softened with something resembled pain. "Do you hate Izaya because of what he had done? Do you care for Izaya because you've been living with him? Or…"

Shizuo sighed tiredly as he broke his gaze with Shinra. "I don't know Shinra. It… it feels really hurts to know he was never happy with me. Even though he's Izaya, I trusted him… and yet… all those smiles… and all those expressions…"

Memories of living with Izaya replayed on Shizuo's mind. Each fragments showed many different expressions of Izaya he never knew before. He remembered when Izaya smiled sincerely to him. He remembered when Izaya was blushing in embarrassment. He remembered Izaya's sleeping face. He remembered the time Izaya pouted like a child. He remembered when Izaya laughed, when Izaya's expression softened… when Izaya kissed his forehead and comforted him when he was having nightmares…

_Do you think I honestly can believe you?_

_You really make me sick than the others._

Shizuo felt the strings of pain stabbed his heart again. He gritted his teeth as he tried to hold himself from letting those hot tears from his eyes fell for the second time. He refused to cry again for that bastard.

"Which are lies… which are true… I don't know anymore…" Shizuo replied with hoarse, grim voice. "I can't understand him… I don't know which side of him I should trust…"

It hurt.

Even though Shinra was also hurt by Izaya's betrayal, but seeing Shizuo crushed and broken like this hurt Shinra even more.

It took a lot of time for the blond to change what they once called 'detestation' into 'affection'.

And in all those time of changing, Shizuo spent it together with Izaya.

Being together for so long, caring for so long, only for being betrayed by the person you care for… it was just too much. It was too cruel.

But, if just for a second… if in all those lies… there was some honesty, even just a little…

If in all those fake smiles… if there was at least one real smile Izaya showed…

…then Shinra would bring Izaya back, so that he would accept his real feelings than just running away.

And if in all those time Shizuo spent with Izaya, his feelings towards Izaya were more than just care… more than just friends…

"Shizuo, do you still care for Izaya?" Shinra asked again softly, in which Shizuo didn't reply. "Even with all that have happened… even though Izaya lied to you…"

"I don't know," Shizuo answered quickly as he closed his eyes. "I don't want to think about it. Don't wanna to think about him. Don't wanna to see him."

Shinra's eyes saddened. "But, if in all those lies… if in all those fake masks there are something real… even if it's just a little… Will you forgive him?"

Shizuo was silent. The doctor waited for Shizuo to answer, but the blond didn't seem to give any reply. Shinra let out a tired sigh, but his gaze remained on his childhood friend.

"You know… when we were in middle high school, I protected Izaya from being stabbed."

The debt collector's eyes widened a bit—surprised that his childhood friend suddenly told him about his past. Even more surprised to know the first sentence he said from his lips was something resembled an opening from thriller movies.

"I just did that so that I would look cool," Shinra chuckled. "You know, like those heroes saving their partners? I wanted to impress Celty, and I figured protecting someone from being stabbed is kind of cool, no?"

Even at his condition, Shizuo could still think it was idiotic, which Shinra caught by the look from the blond's face. The doctor let out a nervous chuckle before he smiled.

"But then again... I guess that's why Izaya become the person like he is right now."

Shizuo stared at Shinra with a confused look. The doctor sighed before he continued.

"Izaya… he became an informant broker since that stabbing incident. In fact, he promised me that he would make the person who stabbed me to suffer for the entire of his life."

At that, Shizuo had to admit he was surprised. He never thought that even before Izaya lost his memories, he actually was able to _care_ for someone. He always thought that Izaya was a selfish person who didn't care at people around him at all—he never thought that Izaya, out of all people could threaten someone for another person's sake. And it was for _Shinra_, out of all people.

Shinra adjusted his glasses as he smiled sadly. "You know… Even though I know Izaya is an asshole, even though I know Izaya is a bastard who doesn't really care with people around him and have a weird obsession with humans, but I can't blame him! You know, even I become friends with someone like him and you—"

"_Shinra."_ There was a hint of warning in the blond's voice.

"Right," The doctor coughed."I mean, no matter how evil Izaya is, I still think of him as a friend. And much to his annoyance, I know that he cares for me too. He just doesn't like to show it."

At that time, Shizuo realized that when Shinra protected Izaya from being stabbed, he may had done it in order to impress Celty, but he also did do it to protect Izaya too.

"He admitted that he loves humans, but he doesn't want to build any relationship with them," The doctor said again in a soft voice. "He hates to be friends with anyone, that's why he becomes like that. I think, actually he is lonely, but he refused to admit it. Maybe for him relationships are weaknesses he wanted to throw away, that's probably why he became an information broker and screw with people's life."

Shizuo was shocked. The blond never knew this side of Izaya until Shinra told him about all of it. He had always despised him before, thinking that he was such a jerk while the blond never knew there were reasons that had turned the brunette into the flea he knew right now. Shizuo's eyes saddened. Izaya maybe was an asshole, but he did still have something human inside him, and Shizuo had never even once tried to see it.

_Weaknesses, huh…_

_Is that also why he hates only me?_

The doctor's expression softened as he stared at his childhood friend.

"Look, Shizuo… I'm going to ask a really selfish request." Shinra said again as he stood up from his seat, which made the blond stared at the underground doctor confusedly. "That's why, you must answer my question. Back then… you had come to think of Izaya more than just a roommate right?"

The blond's honey eyes widened in surprise at the sudden question, as he felt his heart skipped a beat.

"Back then… even if maybe it's no longer there now that he betrays you…" Shinra stopped a while, preparing himself to continue.

"Did you… did you in any chance … have come to love him?"

Something in Shizuo's heart yowled. Something… something in his heart made the blond couldn't think straight as those words sunk into his head. It hurt. It hurt, agonizing, and painful to answer, because even though Shizuo knew the answer, he didn't want to accept it.

Because… even after what Izaya had done… even after Shizuo was hurt by him… and no matter how much Shizuo wanted himself to hate Izaya like how he used to hate him…

Shizuo knew, deep down… he still loved Izaya.

The silence was already an answer for Shinra to know. And for the underground doctor, it was more than enough. Shinra's eyes softened and his lips broke into a sad, yet hopeful smile. "Is that so…"

"I'm glad."

Shinra placed his hands on Shizuo's shoulder suddenly, startling the taller blond. But what came out from the underground doctor's lips surprised him even more.

"Shizuo, if you did have those feelings towards Izaya, please keep them." Shinra said with voice that sounded like begging. The doctor's fingers tightened on Shizuo's shirt as the doctor lowered his head in desperation and anguish. "Don't trash them. Don't throw them away. Please treasure those feelings and keep them_. Please_."

It was a really selfish request. Shinra knew that himself. It was not fair to ask someone to love the person who betrayed them. Nonetheless, Shinra still believed that even though Izaya betrayed Shizuo and lied to him, there was a little trace of 'love' the former informant had for Shizuo in his heart, despite having no memories of them. Even though it was risky, Shinra didn't want to lose hope on it. He had hurt his friend so much, and he needed to do something to repair everything back.

Before he lost his memories, Izaya had thought it would be better for him to run away from his feelings to keep him safe—be it his life or his heart.

Shinra would prove him he was wrong.

Even though… it was nearly impossible to retrieve Izaya back, Shinra would gamble after it. After all…

_Life is just a gamble after all… right Izaya?_

"I beg you Shizuo, don't lose all those feelings," Shinra's body trembled slightly now, to Shizuo's surprise. "In exchange, I'll bring Izaya back for you. That's why, please…"

The blond's honeyish brown eyes softened now as he stared as his childhood friend. For a bit, he felt the pain in his heart replaced by feelings he didn't recognize. Feelings that somewhat were a mix of sadness, confusion, and guilt.

_Shinra…_

_***DRRR!***_

At the same time inside a taxi cab, somewhere in Tokyo.

"I'm so glad we finally meet again."

The older man of the passengers said with relieved tone. He seemed to be quite comfortable and more relaxed in the silence night safe for the jazz music the driver of the taxi turned on. Even though the other man besides him didn't give any reply, the older one of the both didn't seem to care and kept talking, as if he was talking with someone.

"Do you know how worried I was when you were missing? I've been searching for you all this time."

"…"

The younger man of the both however, seemed anxious and uneasy. His eyebrows furrowed uncomfortably and he stayed silent all the time, despite the talkative man besides him were talking to him with friendly words. He kept his face to the scene outside the car through glass, purposefully not looking to the other man's gaze.

"I'm so glad that you've been researching about him in internet. You are cautious as always!" The older man laughed gleefully as he stared to the man besides him with warm, loving gaze, despite the other man was not looking at him. "But because you know that you've been trapped with the person who have been trying to kill you all this time, you're so quick at making a chance to escape from him. It actually helped me finding you."

If the driver of the taxi was scared of the conversation, he did a good job of hiding it. The car kept moving in same speed, though in the darkness, the younger passenger didn't know where this taxi's leading to. When the jazz music stopped, the driver quickly turned it on again, avoiding the creepy silent from occurring.

"You must be surprised to know that you're living with your biggest enemy. You two have been trying to kill each other before you lost your memories." The older man said again with a tender smile in his face. But even though his expression was warm, those disturbing words he had just said just made everything looked creepy in the context. "I can't believe he took an advantage of your amnesiac state and trapped you all this time… I'm so glad he hasn't done anything bad to you. It must be scary to live with a stranger that turns out to be your enemy…"

This time, the taxi slowed down. The driver felt his body trembling in fear, but he tried to calm himself and kept driving as fast as he could to their destination place.

"But now you don't have to worry anymore! Now you're free from him!" The older man exclaimed happily like a child just found a new interesting toy. "There's nothing to be scared about now, because…"

"… _I am your friend!"_

The jazz music stopped again.

But this time the taxi driver didn't dare to turn the music back. Instead he concentrated on driving, leaving an eerie silence between the passengers behind him.

"Why don't you say anything?" The talkative passenger spoke again as he pouted. "I thought, once you meet me, you're going to ask me about your memories. You want to know about them, right? Why don't you ask me?"

This time, the younger man turned his gaze towards the other passenger. His face was cold, but looked uncertain and curious as well. The older of the men smirked.

"That's right, I know everything. What do you want to know? I'll tell you everything, since you're my _friend_."

The younger man furrowed his eyebrows in disgust when he heard the last word was pressed. He sighed before he finally opened his mouth.

"Tsukiyo-san—"

The very next second—with a blink of eye—the younger man was no longer sat on his seat. The move was very fast that the driver of the taxi didn't realize what had happened until he saw the rear view mirror and shrieked in fear.

The car stopped rather abruptly.

The younger man had pushed the other passenger to the door on car side with his left hand, and pushed a switchblade to the older man's neck with his other hand. His hand was trembling while pressing the blade as near as it could to the neck and his breath was harsh and rough, but his red eyes glistened dangerously in anger as he stared to the other man's eyes.

Despite the dangerous situation he was in, the older man just smiled pleasantly, as if he was amused with what had happened.

"You can drop the act now," The younger man said coldly as he glared to the one he called 'Tsukiyo'. "And tell me… _what the fuck do you want from me_?"

_***DRRR!***_

Few days ago.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Well, whether you want to meet with me or not, I'm still going to find you

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Besides

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I don't think you have any reasons to not believe me

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Right, Orihara Izaya-san?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

So you do know me.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Yes, and I know of your past too.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I told you I am your friend. Of course I know you.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

And I will help to free you if you are trapped.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I will save you from the person who trapped you. I can track him with my information net. How's that?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Just give me the name.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I don't trust you.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hm?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

So you preferred to live with a stranger who traps you and constricts you from having a freedom rather than getting free and retrieve your memories? You trust someone like this over me who can give you everything?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Same goes for you.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

You are also a stranger for me. Why should I follow you?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I can sense with first time we chatted that you want something from me. I can't trust you at all.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I don't need someone to tell me about my memories. All I know is that you can deceive me.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I can retrieve my memories by myself.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Besides… he's not a stranger.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

He is… a good person. Even without freedom, it's okay. I don't need freedom as long I can be with him.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I trust him. I don't care if I don't have a freedom. It's much safer to be with him than trusting your words.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

…wow, Impressive.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I can't believe there will be a day when Orihara Izaya will be able to trust someone!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Okay, I admit I may be suspicious, but have you even searched any information about your roommate?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You can't say I'm suspicious if you can trust a stranger that easily. I know you have many enemies. I'm not sure that the person you trust right now shares the same feelings with you.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

He can be a person who hold grudge for you and waiting for the right time to get his revenge back.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…as I thought.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Huh?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I had many enemies in my past. That's why they are protecting me right now.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

…

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You're pretty clever, even without your memories huh?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

So, you've searched any information about yourself and those people who are protecting you?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I have.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

And you think they can be trusted?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Yes.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You're lying.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

If you have searched any information about yourself, you should have known about your reputation as one of most dangerous men in Ikebukuro. No one even knows where you are right now.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Even though those people give you a place to live and food for eat, they are also trapping you from the outside, and do you know why?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

They can't trust you, that's why.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You're the last person who can talk about 'trust' when you're the least person to be trusted in your past.

[Private Message]_Tsukiyo_

You should have realized that as well.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

That doesn't make you can be more trusted than they are.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Hahaha… true…

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Then who is this person that has made a person like you to trust him?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

What he has done to be able to receive your trust, besides trapping you in a place you don't know?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

What he has done to make a person who can't trust anyone like you to put your faith in a stranger you don't even know your relationship with him in the past?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…I do know about our relationship in the past.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

…oh?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

We… actually didn't have a quite good relationship.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

We… hated each other.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

…!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

But that doesn't matter! Because despite our past, he still takes care of me! Despite what I may have done to him, he still protects me! And even though you say that he can't be trusted, I don't care! Because…

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Because I never felt so protected… never felt so treasured. And even without the freedom, I still preferred to be with him. I may have lost my memories, but I don't want to lose these feelings either.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

…hahaha

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Ahahahahahahahaha!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I can't believe this… This is so hilarious!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You ran away from your feelings, desperately throwing your memories to protect yourself… only to find yourself back to those feelings you desperately have been trying to run away from!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

What the hell are you talking about?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I thought, by losing your memories, you would become flawless without any weakness, but no… You're making your own weakness!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

For Orihara Izaya to care deeply about someone… No…

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

For Orihara Izaya to _fall in love with the only person he hates the most_!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…It's not like that!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

How far have you two gone? Have you kissed? Or have you made love with each other? Hahaha!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You're disgusting. I told you it's not like that at all!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Heh… this makes everything easier…

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

What are you planning?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Say… Are you sure you don't want to meet me at all?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Are you sure you don't want to go out and be free? You really prefer to be with him that much rather than meeting me and becoming free from boredom? I can tell you about your memories and anything you want to know.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

No.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I don't trust you at all. Knowing any information about me won't make me believe you that easily.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I see.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Then I don't have any other choice.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You see… even though you're trapped safely in a place, but Heiwajima Shizuo is not, is he?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…..!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

He does his daily routine, working as a debt collector with his friends, despite his apartment was also bombed.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Unlike you, he's not protected in a safe place.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

You… you bastard!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

What are you planning to do with Heiwajima-san?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Aaaaaaaaaah! So I was right! He's the one living with you right now! He's your roommate!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…you're not going to do anything to him.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Well who knows? Heheh.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You know, he's the strongest person in Ikebukuro after all.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Maybe a shoot to his heart or his head won't kill him, but put him into a coma instead?

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

STOP!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

Lay a finger on him and I'm going to find you and kill you!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Heh, and what can you do?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You can't do a thing.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You're trapped. You don't know anything outside the room you're living in.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You don't know anything about your Heiwajima-san's activities when he was out of your sight. Anything can happen to him every day and you will never know about any of it.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You can't protect him outside. You don't have any freedom to do that.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

….

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Well, don't worry; I won't do anything like that to him…

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I hate violence you know. So if we can finish this all without violence, I'll be glad.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

You fucking son of a bitch…

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

And isn't that splendid?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Don't disappoint me, Amaraku-san.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Four days from today, the day where the full moon will show up.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

It doesn't matter where, because I told you, right?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Whether you want to meet with me or not, I'm still going to find you.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

…

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

What if I don't show up? What if I can't show up because they don't let me to go?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Then you have to make the chance to go yourself.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You don't want to know what I will do to your beloved roommate.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

He may be the strongest person in Ikebukuro, but he's still a human. You don't know about any of his strength, since you never see him outside your house, don't you?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

It's not a hard task to kill him.

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

….

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

I know you can't be trusted at all, bastard. What the hell do you want from me?

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Ouch, you hurt me. My friend! I just want to meet you!

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

You should be glad that I'm saving you from the person who had been trying to kill you!

[Private Message] _Amaraku_

….

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

Well then,

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

I'm looking forward to our meeting later, Amaraku-san.

[Private Message] _Tsukiyo_

_It will be a lot of fun_.

_***DRRR!***_

Back to present.

Izaya felt his body trembling in fear and nervousness as trail of cold sweats began to creep in his body, but he gritted his teeth and gripped hard at the switchblade he found in the kitchen before he was out from Nakano. He pressed the blade to Yadogiri's neck threateningly as he pushed the older man to the door side of the taxi with his weight. To his annoyance, rather than being scared, Yadogiri seemed to enjoy the situation he was in as his mocking eyes stared at Izaya's ruby ones.

The driver of the taxi whimpered in fear as while stared at the scene on his passengers' seat. He never thought that he would bring a dangerous people in his taxi tonight.

"A switchblade huh… That's just like you." Yadogiri said with amused tone. "Even without your memories, your body seemed to remember the weapon it used comfortably the most. Have you been planning to bring it from the first place?"

"That's not of your business." Izaya gritted his teeth. He couldn't stop panting but he forced himself to calm down. He didn't want to look weak in front of this man. It was true that when he found the switchblade in the kitchen at Nakano, his body quickly responded to the familiar touch. But that was beside the point right now.

"I… I never want to follow you in the first place," The raven said again with cold tone. "Heiwajima-san was with me back then, and you don't stand a chance. I… I was planning to kill you from the very start."

Yadogiri smirked back. "Then why didn't you kill me? I was all alone, and there's no way I can stand a chance with Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Because you never showed us your hands," Izaya continued—his ruby eyes still glistened dangerously towards Yadogiri. He gripped the blade closer to Yadogiri's neck to the point a dot of blood appeared. "Your hands… they were in your pocket all the time. And the pockets are big enough to keep a gun in each of them. You were going to kill Heiwajima-san the time I refused to come with you."

The taxi driver squeaked in fear now, and tears began to show up from corner of his eyes as he listened to all those scary conversation about killing persons he didn't know. What had he done to deserve this? Was he going to die tonight? His body trembled as he tried to think in the middle of his panic about what he should do to escape.

"Clever! So that's why you lied to him and acted like you betrayed him," Yadogiri laughed before his eyes turned somehow saddened, though the raven knew that it was just an act. "And here, I thought you've finally come to trust me and choose me over him…"

"You're fucking kidding me." Izaya growled angrily. "He would stop me if I didn't lie to me. But, if I kill you now… No one will hurt Heiwajima-san anymore. I will come back for him and everything will be back just like before."

Yadogiri scoffed. "Do you think he will forgive you? After what you have done? After you betray his trust, you still think that he will forgive you?"

The raven's heart thumped uneasily.

"Don't forget, you were enemies before," The older man grinned again. "Don't think everything will end well as easily as you hoped."

Izaya's hands trembled again and his heart thumped in anger but also anxiousness. He knew that with what he had done, he was not going to be forgiven that easily. He even wasn't sure that he was going to be forgiven at all. The thought of Shizuo hating him and refusing him scared the hell out of him and he felt his body shivered as his pants became more and more ragged. But he couldn't lose now.

He finally had freedom to protect Shizuo. He would protect him with all his might.

"S-s-stop this!" The driver who had been silent all the way now yowled in tears. He showed his cell phone to the passengers pathetically as his sobs ragged with his breath. "I… I'll call the police if you don't! Now g-g-get out from the car—"

The sounds of a gun clicking to his head quickly cut his words dead. The driver's eyes widened with shock and fear as he felt the cold metal in his forehead.

Yadogiri had pulled the hand from his pocket and pushed a gun to the driver's temple in a lazy, yet threatening move. His eyes were cold and merciless.

"Who told you to stop? Continue to drive or—" Another clicking sound resounded in the eerie silence. "—this, will drive itself to your head."

The driver let out a pitiful sob as he drove the car again. Neither of the passengers knew that he had pissed himself and was in the brink before passing out.

After the engine started to move again, Yadogiri turned his gaze back to the younger man—and in a split second, his cold expression replaced by a warm, loving expression, just like before. It frightened Izaya to the point the raven almost released his hold of his switchblade.

"Now now, killing me wouldn't be a good idea." Yadogiri spoke with a gentle smile. He moved his other hand that wasn't holding a gun to touch Izaya's shivering hand that was holding the switchblade to his neck. "Because once you kill me, my subordinates will move to kill Heiwajima Shizuo and his friends."

Izaya froze as the words sunk into his head. Despair and hopelessness began to envelope his mind as he felt his body trembled in anger and fear. "You're lying…"

"I'm not." Yadogiri smiled. "The time you're out of your hiding place, my friends already had their eyes on you two. We know the place where you're hiding now. And not only him, we will also kill his friends. Innocent people are going to lose their lives because of you, Orihara-san."

"You're only saying that to scare me!" Izaya screamed in anger and pain.

"Then kill me and let's see if I'm lying," Yadogiri spoke lazily. "And you know, this taxi is also being tracked by my subordinates. Whether you step out from the car before it reach its destination OR they find me dead in the destination place, they are not going to let you escape. They could torture you, kill you, or who knows… maybe rape you?" At this point his hand had traveled to Izaya's face—stroking his cheeks softly before rubbing his thumb to the raven's bottom lip. "Either way you won't have any chance to warn him, to protect him, or even to meet him. Maybe you will die before him or you will see his corpse first before you follow him… We won't want all of that happened, hm?"

Izaya could no longer hold his tears. He lowered his switchblade as he bit his lips angrily, tasting salty tears that made their way to his chin.

"Good boy," Yadogiri patted Izaya's hair before stroking his tears. He smiled lovingly, but to Izaya, it was more like a mocking, taunting smile. "You made a right choice."

Izaya growled angrily, but he didn't bat Yadogiri's hand. "I understand that I was your enemy in my past… but why Heiwajima-san…"

"Why?" Yadogiri chuckled. "He is your weakness, that's why. Ironically, even after you lose your memories, he's _still_ your weakness. But don't worry; we won't do anything to him if you be an obedient boy."

The older information broker stroked Izaya's cheeks again, before released his hand from the brunette.

Izaya didn't understand what Yadogiri's words meant, but he understood that it somehow related with his relationship and feelings with Shizuo in the past.

…not that he cared about it at the moment.

_Just… what does he want from me?_

_Will he kill me?_

_If I die… will he keep his promise not to touch Heiwajima-san?_

_Heiwajima-san…_

The former informant sobbed, hating how everything turned out to be like this.

But, he made a right choice, didn't he?

He was protecting everyone that had been taking care of him.

He was protecting Shizuo.

In that quiet night, the taxi made its way silently to its destination, with guilt, agony and anguish lingering in the young raven's mind.

**Please read: Thinking to turn the rating into M for the later chapters… ; Are you guys okay with that? **

**I tried to update faster, though it may still a little too long for you guys. Umm I hope you guys enjoyed it?**

**And yes, you who thought Izaya betrayed Shizuo because he wanted to protect him, you got it right xDDD *give cookies***

**Don't forget to leave a review! xD**


	18. Half hating to see you again, yet

**Sorry for late update guys! Though I do have the chapter written in my mind, it's still hard to write it down. I do hope you enjoy this chapter as well!**

**Sfgudshfujsdhgjfhuhsfjhsdf omG Thank you so much for taking your time to review this story! I love reading every each of review! I can't believe how many people reading it, and now we pass 300 reviews! I love you guys. I really do. ;w;**

**And yeah, the rating is now M. And you will know what it stands for, later. X33**

**This story contains so many spoilers from the novels and is a semi-AU story.**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

__18. Half hating to see you again, yet…_

The apartment Shinra had bought for him and Izaya to live in was luxury and big.

But now, it felt hollow for Shizuo.

It was too big, too empty to live here all alone by himself.

It was… too lonely.

After the talk with Shinra, Celty offered Shizuo a ride back to Nakano. Though Shizuo wanted to refuse, the headless woman insisted Shizuo to just accept the offer, and now here he was.

A wrecked apartment.

Right after Shizuo smiled at Celty and told her he was okay, he waited until Celty left. After the black rider left, he let go all of it.

He let out all of his feelings. His rage, anger, sadness, and pain were mixed in a scream he never knew he had before.

He punched the wall until it cracked. He slammed the couch, and every single thing in apartment that he saw. He threw the things on the table. He broke the desk, and made a mess of their apartment. Had he not hold his power, the apartment probably would have collapsed into dust.

Shizuo panted harshly until he tiredly leaned his back on the wall. Slowly, he slumped to the floor as he tried to control s breath. After all he had done, he felt half relieved, but he noticed that the pain was still there, not intending to go.

"…Izaya…" He mumbled, tasting the name on his lips.

It was no use.

He still loved how that name rolled in his tongue. He still could remember all those memories he shared with that flea… even though all of them maybe were fake.

"…dammit…" Shizuo cursed again.

He still loved him.

_Shizuo, if you did have those feelings towards Izaya, please keep them. Don't trash them. Don't throw them away. Please treasure those feelings and keep them. Please._

Shizuo closed his eyes tiredly and he chuckled tediously.

Even though Shinra hadn't asked him that, he wasn't sure he could throw these feelings anyway. Sure, he was angry. Sure he hated what the damn louse had done. He could spat and cursed him now, but when he saw him again, could he hate him again, just like the way he had before?

Shizuo would try though. If that at least could make him forget the pain sooner… he would try to hate Izaya again.

But until he saw him again… he would keep these feelings. Even though it was painful… even though they were probably all fake, he still couldn't throw those memories he shared with Izaya together. It was as if his body wanted to keep believing that the smile Izaya showed him back then was real, even though Shizuo knew better.

It was really useless.

Even though Izaya lied to him and betrayed him, even though Shizuo knew that everything Izaya showed him were fake, a small voice in the back of his head still didn't want to accept all of that and still believing on those lies.

Shizuo smiled to himself rather bitterly.

"I am such an idiot…"

_***DRRR!***_

22.00 PM, Unknown place in Tokyo.

The small cab arrived in a dark, big storage Izaya didn't know where and the cab quickly took off without asking for any payment from his passengers. Yadogiri kindly smiled, commenting 'how rude' of the driver to take off like that while Izaya gave the older man a disgusted look, though he didn't say anything. Yadogiri turned his face with a smile towards the brunette and gestured Izaya to follow him. Izaya silently nodded and followed the man.

The night was very cold tonight. Izaya felt his body shivering to his toe each time he walked, feeling those unpleasant feelings burning to his stomach. Later on, he thought that maybe it was cold not because of the wind, but because he had never been out of Nakano before.

Izaya smiled bitterly. He had always wanted to go out from that luxury apartment… but not in a situation like this.

He had imagined that the time he finally went out from Nakano, he would hang out with Shizuo under warm sun. Maybe Shinra and Celty was there too, and they could go to watch movies together or something. Maybe… he could be friends with the foursome he encountered at Russia Sushi back then… they seemed nice. And then, he could tease Shizuo again, and see him blushing in rage… that had always been his cute side. Then, they would have fun together.

But that was only his imagination—a dream that could never be real.

Because the former informant had already known… that the time he was finally able to go out from Nakano, he would ruin everything.

He had betrayed Shizuo, his roommate, friend, and the person he cared the most.

Izaya had tried to find any other ways so that he could still be with him—even prepared himself to kill Yadogiri the time he met him if it was needed, so that he didn't need to betray Shizuo's trust, but it was useless. The time Yadogiri showed up, Izaya knew that he had lost. That mad man had prepared everything so that Izaya had no choice but to play along.

How ironic.

The first time he was finally able to hang out from Nakano, it was also the time he must betray Shizuo.

And the freedom he finally held tasted much bitter with pain and guilt than he had been hoping.

Izaya bit his lips, trying to hold his tears from falling down.

Why… everything had to turn out like this…

Just what kind of past he had to make him in such situation like this?

What would this person do to him?

Would Shizuo forgive him if he got back safely?

Shizuo…

Although Izaya hated that everything had to turn out like this, the first part of his first hang out was actually pretty nice…

He could hang out with Shizuo… He could see the world where Shizuo had been working… He could see the place where he had been living before… He could meet many people…

It was fun, and Izaya couldn't regret it.

Because he did this all for protecting his friends—for protecting Shizuo.

Each step he took, Izaya started to feel even colder. The storage was pretty creepily silent, but as the raven followed Yadogiri to the stairs, Izaya could hear the murmurs of people getting louder and louder. The fear that had been in his heart since he arrived in this place became bigger, multiplied by 10 times. Izaya could feel cold sweat in his hands, but he gripped it tight. He still didn't want to give up. Even if Yadogiri and his friends were going to torture him or kill him, Izaya would try to fight back as much as he could.

He didn't want to believe every word Yadogiri told him. If he had a chance to escape, he would use it and went back to Shizuo's place, even if it's nearly impossible to have the chance or to have forgiveness from the blond.

…

Or… would it be better to die in this place… rather than to be rejected by him?

Will it be better to die here… rather to hear any form of refusal from him?

Even if he saw him, what if Shizuo didn't want to see him again? What if Shizuo spew any hurtful words from his lips?

Izaya would rather the blond beat him to death rather to be hated by him.

The raven let out a small hollow laugh.

_Heiwajima-san…_

_Heiwajima-san, even in the end, I can only think of you._

_I wonder… how awful our relationship was back then… that made you hated me._

_But then, I wonder again how you make me feel this way… this fast…_

_To make me feel loved so…_

_To make me love you so…_

"Orihara-san," Yadogiri stopped in front of the room, and Izaya shivered. He could feel there were people's presences behind that door, waiting for them. "You may want to prepare yourself? Some of people here have… certain revenges on you."

Izaya felt his heart thumped in fear and bit his lips.

"Why are you doing this?" The raven whispered hollowly. Yadogiri chuckled.

"I actually just wanted to break you before I kill you. I do this for my own amusement, just like you were playing with humans before," Yadogiri said with not matching warm smile he wore. "Then I figured I could use your ability as an informant… but then again, you lose your memories, so it's useless. Because of that I decided to come back to my original plan."

"To make me suffer?"

He nodded like a child, which made the younger man sick—though that lunatic was kind enough to tell him to prepare himself, Izaya thought sarcastically.

"Well then…" The older man smiled creepily to Izaya as he gripped the knob of the door. "Have fun Orihara-san."

Then, Yadogiri opened the door.

The light blinded Izaya's eyes momentarily. Unlike the creepy, dark way he made towards this room, this room was pretty bright and full of people.

Once Yadogiri and Izaya came in, the noisy chatters turned into a silence. All stares quickly directed at the guests.

Izaya decided he didn't like the satisfactory, yet creepy smiles those people showed upon his arrival.

"So… this is Orihara Izaya…" One of them shouted out.

"Okay, he is a lot younger than I thought he would be."

"This is the person who has been screwing our lives? Are you kidding me?"

The laughs, the ill intentions, and the mean jokes they spilled to each other made Izaya disgusted. But, rather than disgust… it made the raven even more scared. He felt his body trembling upon their cold, evil stares. Those stares gave him creeps. They were lustful… of blood.

"This damn brat have quite a face don't you think?" One of them came near the raven. Izaya took a step backward—only to found his back on flat, cold wall. Before he knew it, he was surrounded by those people.

_This place reeks of alcohol…_

Izaya panted heavily, eyes widening in fear and body trembling hard.

_Heiwajima-san…_

_Heiwajima-san… I'm scared!_

"Too bad this handsome face won't be unrecognizable any longer later." One of them laughed.

And without any warn—a punch came across Izaya's cheek, hard.

Izaya growled in pain and surprise at the sudden attack and his thin body fell to the floor. The people around him laughed.

"Look at the great Orihara Izaya. He now is nothing but a scared little cat!"

Another man kicked him on his stomach, and Izaya yelped. He felt a familiar coppery, metallic taste of his blood in his mouth as he tried to get up with no avail. But before he had any chance to, another man kicked his face—harder than before. The small raven cried, feeling the unbearable sting on his face and his stomach. It hurt. It hurt so much! It was so scary… unlike the life he had been living with Shinra and Celty or with Shizuo.

_It's scary!_

_Are they going to kill me?_

"Wake up, bastard!" Another man yelled as he pulled Izaya's collar. Izaya yelped—his neck hurt from the sudden grip of his collar being roughly pulled. "With what you have done to my life, this is nothing!"

The man threw the brunette's thin body to the hard floor and he growled angrily. "My wife left me because of you! Even though just a little bit longer, I would be able to be a director of her company…!"

"That was nothing! This little brat caused my illegal drug business to screw up!"

Izaya glared at the people surrounding him. Even he may be the cause of his misery, these people were too pathetic. Rather than trying to get up and repair their life, they blamed another person and showed their dark sides instead.

Humans… what a pathetic creatures…

But he was no difference, was he?

Like now… he couldn't do anything to counter back. Even thought he had made up his mind not to give up so easily, but now he was lying on floor helplessly—being kicked and cursed and laughed from every direction, while waiting for miracle that unlikely won't happen to save him from this agony.

Another man near Izaya's leg was ready to break his bone with a pipe. Izaya closed his eyes shut, cowered in fear but prepared for the worst pain to come. But the pipe never made contact to his skin, for his confusion. Someone else had halted the man's movement.

"You know, he got quite beautiful face and thin body." A lustful voice chirped out. "Why don't we make a good use of it before we screw him for good?"

Izaya's ruby eyes widened shot in fear and shock. His face paled at the thought and he felt his heart stopped beating for just a moment. Fear and disgust mixed into his body, creating a hard trembling all over his body.

That man DID NOT just say what he thought he had just heard.

Some of them yelled in disgust, but the rest seemed not to be quite disturbed with the idea. Rather, majority of them seemed to be very fond of the idea. Izaya gritted his teeth and furrowed his eyes in disgust as he heard those dirty laughs echoed in the room.

"You're disgusting! I am not interested with cock and flat chest! I'm not gay!" One said with disgust, seemingly quite disturbed with the idea of fucking a man. It seemed like a man who thought low on deviant paths. "Why don't we just beat him to death?"

Sadly and ironically, Izaya agreed with this man. He preferred to be pummeled to death rather than to have those low… disgusting men touch his body.

"Ah, c'mon, it'll be fun! You guys will soon like it too." The originator of the idea chirped in again. "This is a one time in life chance. You will never see Orihara Izaya being humiliated ever again! And won't you see him crawl like a bitch and beg for you, all helpless?"

When there were some murmurs, but nothing seemed to oppose the idea, Izaya felt his body trembling harder, and fear succumbed to his entire body. The raven suddenly could no longer feel the wound where they supposed to be sting.

"Remember, he was the one who screw our life up. Why don't we give him a little trip before we kill him? Besides, he's kinda cute. Don't waste it."

_No… no, no, no!_

Ignoring the screaming pain of his wounds, Izaya moved his body, trying to escape with no avail. But someone had already stopped him and held his wrists. The raven squirmed hard and yelled helplessly, and the lustful men stared at him with satisfied expressions.

"Heh, he seemed to hate the idea so much…" The man who refused the idea before now smirked. "You're right, maybe we can teach this little bitch a lesson after all…"

The raven felt a big lump just fell down to his throat when he heard those words. He wanted to use his switchblade again and stab all those people in their hearts. But if he did that, what would Yadogiri do? What if what Yadogiri said to him were true that he had friends watching Shizuo, and ready to kill him anytime? His hand which almost reached his switchblade in his pocket fell angrily and frustratingly.

The tears of fear welled in his eyes.

He couldn't be scared… he did this to protect Shizuo and the others, didn't he?

But… but could he take this?

This…

_Heiwajima-san…_

_Is… is this what it takes for me to be able to protect you?_

_Heiwajima-san… _The raven cried in his heart.

But, before a hand made his way to touch his body, suddenly a loud crash suddenly came from downstairs, practically caused every people in the room to jump.

Izaya caught his breath, feeling half relieved, but also half alerted.

Everyone was silent, save for some little worried murmurs. Yadogiri's smile also fell. He stared at the door, trying to find out in his head what had just happened.

For a while, it seemed like it was nothing happened. The people waited and kept their guards up, alert and listening for anything else.

The noise came again. Louder this time. Much louder.

"Shit! What was that? !" One man growled angrily and took out his gun—readying himself for anything that would happen in next second—

—which no one expected at all.

The strong door banged loudly with a strong force. A loud bang could be heard once again and this time, it opened and as well crushed the door, to everyone's surprise. And then, a lot of men in suit Izaya didn't recognize came in and aimed their gun threateningly, and Yadogiri's people had no choice but to raise their hands in fear and confusion.

"W-who are you? !" One of the men from inside the room shouted to the men in suit.

"Aaaah, don't be so noisy, we can hear you." One of the intruders smiled and made his way with his cane, and Izaya's eyes flinched at his appearance. He looked like on his thirties, had messy red brownish hair, and using his cane rather playfully, as if he wasn't able to walk without it—though Izaya knew it was only a fluke—but that was besides the point. What made the raven a bit uncomfortable with his appearance was something behind his glasses…

The man… He didn't have an eye.

Yadogiri seemed to be surprised with his arrival, but his face quickly turned serious—and rather dark, if Izaya could add. "You…"

"Okay, party's over guys! Now tell me where is Yadogiri Jinnai here!" The red haired man sang and swung his cane in front of one of the scared men's face. The poor man gulped and whimpered at the sight of sharp peak of the cane being so near with his neck. The man without his right eye then smiled.

"I told him, he's not the only one who has strings of information to play with."

Following him, another man in white suit showed up. Unlike the one eyed man, this man had some strong aura where you didn't want to argue with. He was a lot calmer, and his expression was cold and held no emotion, unlike the seemingly enthusiastic the red haired man, yet he seemed to have a strong charisma which made people didn't want to deal with him.

"Don't play around. That shot is pretty loud. We must finish this before police come here." The man in white suit said with an annoyed yet calm tone. The red haired man laughed.

"It's not like you to be scared by that. Chill out, this storage is pretty far from the city. I doubt anyone near here could hear it."

"Better safe than be sorry."

"Right, right." The left eyed man laughed again. "You're no fun as always, _Shiki no danna_."

Izaya's eyes flinched at the name and he felt his head hurts. He tried to get up, ignoring his pain and wounds as he tried to remember when he heard that name before.

_Shiki no danna?_

_Who…_

_Their clothes… are these people yakuza?_

When the raven couldn't remember a thing and gave up, he just realized that the atmosphere in the room had tensed and became somehow eerily uncomfortable. He could hear some frightened murmurs from the people in the room as the intruders made their way to the room, seemingly under the red haired man and the man in suit's orders.

"S-Shiki no danna? !" A man yelled in fear. "H-how…. Why Awakusu-kai is involved in this?"

Izaya gritted his teeth, trying to get away and escape from this place while these men's attentions were on the intruders. He just hoped that he had enough time to escape and no one saw him, though he was unsure how he could get away from this place, given the room only had one door and one windowsill.

"You guys, drop your weapons, _now_." The man named Shiki growled lowly in dangerous tone. The one eyed man whistled in amused tone, while the people in the room quickly dropped their guns out of fear and quickly fell on their knees. Shiki then turned his face at the one eyed man. "Akabayashi-san, go check this room in case they hide any weapons or drugs here."

"Tsk, you've become quite moody since you lost contact with your little informant." The red haired man—which Izaya knew whose name was Akabayashi by now—chuckled in impolite tone, but complied anyway. At the next second though, his face hardened and he turned his face to the men in the room.

"Wait, where is Yadogiri?"

The people looked at each other in confuse and began to murmured nosily, trying to search their boss. The cold wind blew into the room and then all of the people realized that the windowsill was opened, as if someone had got out from there. Akabayashi gritted his teeth in anger.

"Fuck… he ran away didn't he?" Apparently the entire ruckus was noisy enough for that mad man to escape from the window. Shiki quickly turned his face to some of his subordinates. "Search for him! He can't get away that far!"

Akabayashi 'tsk'-ed with agitated face, while the people inside the room began to panic and curse in anger—not wanting to accept the fact that they were abandoned by that sneaky bastard. Shiki's face remained cool and calm, but by his eyes, somehow Izaya knew that he was raged and furious.

The former informant tried to think the situation he was in. Yadogiri was these men's enemy, so it was safe for him to assume that he was not in so much threatening position for them. But then again, he couldn't really believe them, since he had no memories of his past. If he wasn't careful, these men who called their selves 'Awakusu-kai' would kill him instead. Should he play being a victim? Or should he try pretending to be one of Yadogiri's people for avoiding any troubles?

"Let's hope you guys have the information we need about him," Shiki turned his face to the frightened abandoned men in front of him. "Because…"

The man in white suit raised his hand, and his subordinates were all pointed their guns to the men.

"If you don't, then you don't have any uses for us." Shiki said coldly. The men whimpered in fear. Some cursed in silent and some spew hatred for Yadogiri to abandoning them. Izaya flinched at the scene.

_No, definitely not being one of them._

As the intruders ordered the men to make a line to be interrogated further at their place, Izaya's head was thinking fast how's the safest was to make a negotiation with these men. He was too tired both physically and mentally, and the pain of his wounds was getting worse. In no time, he would collapse because of exhaustion, but before that happen, he needed to tell them something…

Izaya didn't want Shizuo to hate him. And it was selfish of him to think that Shizuo wouldn't forgive him for all he had done, but he was too afraid that their relationship wouldn't go back like before. After all, he had betrayed his trust, and it was after the blond overcame his hatred for him.

But Izaya needed to tell Shizuo about the possibilities of his life being in danger… about how Yadogiri may target his life and his friends' lives. He needed to warn Shizuo soon, because for all he knew, Yadogiri's subordinates were keeping his eyes on him already—and who knows, maybe they had already kept their eyes on Shinra too.

Unfortunately, with his condition now, the only way to tell him was to depend to these yakuza he didn't recognize.

…though he had to admit that he felt relieved a little that he didn't have to face Shizuo himself.

_Then again, they don't know me… those yakuza will think I am one of these people…_

_But I am the only one injured here, maybe they will realize something their selves?_

But before Izaya could think any further, someone yanked his arm rather roughly, and the raven yelped in pain. Realizing the injuries, the man sighed and released Izaya in a gentler way.

"You too, move." Akabayashi said with rough tone. His playful tone was replaced with bad mood since he failed to catch Yadogiri. "You don't seem to be one of them. But we need to ask you if you have any relation with—"

Izaya furrowed his eyes in confuse, when the one eyed man suddenly stopped his words. The raven turned his face towards Akabayashi, only to catch his shocked face upon meeting his face.

"…Orihara Izaya? !"

Izaya froze.

He felt that this reaction somehow wasn't a good sign.

_Shit…_

_He knew me? !_

Izaya felt even more terrified when the other man in white suit—who seemed to also had a high position in this so called Awakusu-kai turned his face to him—eyes widening in surprise.

Shiki walked to Izaya's direction—a bit faster than Izaya liked it to be—and with rough, cold move he yanked the raven's collar to see his face. Izaya yelped and he glared at the man in white suit.

Shiki stared at Izaya with cold expression, but there were overwhelming emotions beneath that expression as well. Izaya just couldn't figure it out what they were.

But he knew that right now, he was in trouble.

_Deep trouble_.

The pain of his wounds screamed again, asking to be taken cared. His head hurt like hell, and dammit, his eyes couldn't see so well now… the sight was fuzzy.

_No… not now…_

_Please, don't collapse now…_

"Orihara-san," Shiki said in low, cold, and dangerous tone. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I… I…" Izaya tried to say something, but it was harder than he thought when fear developed his system.

"This makes a lot of sense if this is why you've been missing for weeks and never return my calls." Shiki growled again, and this time, Izaya could see rage in each word. "I thought you were dead when that explosion happened. But it wasn't like you to die so easily. But if you've been missing because you betray us and have been working with Yadogiri… it makes sense, why he could kill our people so easily. You gave us information about us to him, and that's why you never contacted us again."

Akabayashi tried to hold Shiki down, though in polite manner this time. "I'm sorry Shiki-no-danna, but whether if he's really Orihara Izaya or not, he's injured and not in state to—"

"I know." Shiki let out a sigh and softened his grip so Izaya could breathe, but not enough to release the raven. His face was still cold and remained unreadable, but the anger had melted somehow, to the former informant's confuse. "It would make a lot sense why Yadogiri could bring troubles for us if this man betrayed us and switched to his side—though he's never in our side to begin with. But unfortunately, no, he didn't. That man told us the truth."

Akabayashi fell silent.

_That man?_

Izaya stared at the man in white in confuse, but half relieved when he knew that at least Shiki was no longer accusing him as a sort of betrayer or one of Yadogiri's subordinates. Although this made him realize that maybe he was one of this group called Awakusu-kai or maybe someone else that was not opposing this group, Izaya couldn't think about it too much right now, as his mind was urging him on other matters that much, much more important.

"Where have you been? I thought you were dead,"The Awakusu-kai executive asked in calmer tone this time. "Do you even know that your sisters have been searching for you?"

Izaya's eyes widened at the question.

Sisters?

"Are…" Izaya responded this time, though his voice was far weaker than he intended because of his condition. "Are they… twins…?"

Both Akabayashi and Shiki frowned at the question.

"I can't remember their faces clearly…" Izaya said again as he slumped to Shiki's body, trying to find any support to keep standing. "But I'm glad that dream was not false… my family… I wonder how my sisters' faces would look like…"

At this point, both the Awakusu-kai executives had already known something was wrong with their informant.

"Orihara-sa—"

"Please," Izaya suddenly grip Shiki's suit and stared at the man's black eyes deeply. Shiki's eyes widened in surprise as he saw tears in Izaya's red orbs, a form of weakness the man was sure a person like Orihara Izaya would ever show to anyone.

"Save them… save Heiwajima… s…"

Before he had a chance to finish, Izaya felt an incredible pain gripped his entire body and he could not take it any longer. He finally gave in and collapsed on Shiki's chest, noticing a nostalgic scent of the place where he had worked before as his world went to black out.

_***DRRR!***_

Near midnight, in the living room of an apartment of Kawagoe Highway

"Shinra?"

A gentle touch startled Shinra's body, before the doctor knew it was his lover's hand that just gently touched him. The doctor smiled warmly at the headless woman he loved.

"Celty…"

"It's late." She typed on her PDA. "You should go to sleep."

Shinra smiled sadly before leaned to her touch. "How about you? You should sleep too Celty."

"I can't sleep."

"Weird, me too." Shinra chuckled. "I guess we really are a perfect pai—ow ow ow! I'm just kidding."

Celty wanted to smack him again, feeling annoyed that the doctor could still joking after all what happened, but feeling relieved that he was trying to look strong after she realized that the doctor was actually still thinking about Shizuo and Izaya.

The black rider took a seat besides Shinra on their sofa, and to the doctor's surprise, she placed her neck on his shoulder in an intimate position. But despite the suggestive pose, Shinra knew that Celty was actually trying to comfort him, and it made him happy.

"I still can't believe Izaya lied to us." Celty typed again, and Shinra could sense her sadness. "He seemed… so innocent when he was with us. I knew that he hadn't changed, but despite all of that, I had become to trust him…"

Shinra's eyes saddened. "…yeah…"

"Why did he do that? I mean, he should be cleverer than that. Yadogiri is targeting his life! Why did he… choose him and hurt Shizuo instead?"

Both of them were silent this time.

A sound of a door being opened made the couple—or at least the tsundere dullahan to release herself from her lover, much for Shinra's disappointment. They turned their face (and neck) to the long haired woman who just came out from her room.

"Namie-san?"

"What are you two doing at this kind of hour?" Namie asked with her usual cold face. "You two should be asleep. It's late—"

A sudden realization came to Namie's head before her eyes furrowed either in disgust or revulsion. The couple looked at her in confuse.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you two. Now if you will excuse me—"

"Y-You get it all wrong!" Celty quickly stood up and typed furiously to her PDA—her shadows in her neck turned pink as if to show how embarrassed she was. "We can't sleep, that's all!"

Namie raised one of her eyebrows. "Really? Weird. Me too."

"Eh?" Shinra's eyes widened at Namie's response.

"Somehow… even after I saw my lovely brother's photos again and again… I still can't sleep. Usually I can sleep just easily if I see his face. His face is so handsome and calm, lulling me to sleep by his charm…" The long haired woman said with a healthy blush on her cheeks, but then her face turned a bit sad. "… but this time, I just can't."

Ignoring her unhealthy obsession to her own brother, Shinra and Celty 'stared' at each other.

_Could it be… she is also thinking and worrying about this?_

Suddenly, the front door banged loudly.

The three of them startled and turned their faces to the front door. At first, they were confused who the hell would come to someone's house at such late hour—but the voice that came in next second had all the three of them froze.

"Kishitani-sensei, I know you're still up in there." A deep voice that could have only belonged to a mature man growled from the other side of the door. "It would be very rude if I just open the door, since I actually have the key to this house, but if you don't open this door in next 5 seconds I am going to make my ways in."

The doctor's eyes widened, shocked. "That's voice…!"

Celty's heart thumped in uneasiness.

_T-this voice…_

_No way… Shiki-san? !_

_At such hour… why?_

_Wait, did he say that he knew Shinra is still up? How could he know—?_

When the second knocking came again, they gathered their senses and Shinra quickly came to unlock the door, followed by the girls.

As if his coming was not enough, the sight after the door was opened was even more shocking.

No, there were no subordinates this time. There were only Shiki, the one eyed man Akabayashi, and one unconscious, beaten up young man on the red demon of Awakusu-kai's back.

That beaten up young man… was none other than Orihara Izaya.

"I-Izaya!" Shinra quickly let the door opened wide to let his VIP client (who actually had the spare key to just barge in but for some reasons Shinra wasn't sure if it was for politeness Shiki didn't use it) to come in, but got himself froze in place when a gun was placed on his head by Shiki.

"S-Shiki no danna?"

In short amount of time , Namie hide herself behind a couch and Celty—despite the shock and confusion of why Izaya was injured, why Shiki brought Izaya and why Shiki placed a gun at Shinra's temple—got herself ready to fight in any case the yakuza really dared to pulled the trigger or just to hurt Shinra.

"Why didn't you tell me about Orihara Izaya's amnesiac state sooner?" Shiki said in a cold tone, ignoring the deadly presence of the dullahan, knowing that she wouldn't really hurt him.

Both Namie and Celty was surprised to hear this. If Celty had her eyes, she was sure they would have to widen in shock. Celty turned her neck to Shinra—who seemingly not seemed too surprised from the revelation—then turned her neck to Shiki.

_Huh?_

_How could he…?_

_Wait… did Shinra tell Awakusu-kai about this problem? !_

"We really thought this young fella is dead when his sisters came asking us his whereabouts." Akabayashi thumbed to the unconscious man in his back in much friendlier manner despite the not so safe situation in front of him. "You know that we've been searching for Yadogiri Jinnai too. If you told us a little late, we would assume Informant-san here had betrayed our trust and sold our information to him. And of course, we would not be hesitant to kill him if that did happen. Actually, we didn't believe you until I saw him with my own eyes that he was there."

Shinra's eyes saddened, before his gaze turned serious and he adjusted his glasses. "I'm sorry. We have our reasons back then. I can only assume it's safe to tell you when you guys have caught Yadogiri Jinnai, but since we… suddenly lost Izaya to him, I had no choice but to tell you before Awakusu-kai found him first and well… kills him."

"Even so, it's pretty brave of you not to tell us about this, considering you know that we have been searching for this man for weeks too." Shiki lowered his gun, to Celty's relief, but the man in white's eyes remained cold and fixed on the underground doctor. "Anything else you hide from us?"

"…" The underground doctor seemed hesitant before he sighed again. It was no use hiding it any longer. "Yadogiri wants to kill Izaya. And… he wants to…"

Shinra stared at Celty and Namie, as if he was asking for approval. The girls were silent, but they finally nodded in an unsure gesture.

The guys from Awakusu-kai raised his eyebrows. "Well?"

The underground doctor stared back at Shiki, knowing well that he had no choice but to spill it o Awakusu-kai.

"He wants to make Izaya suffer before he kills him. And probably he is waiting a right time to kill his sisters… or friends… or anyone related with him…"

The yakuzas seemed surprised this time. Before Shiki asked anymore though, the doctor gave them a gesture to come in.

The one eyed man blinked before he chuckled. "Oh right, you need to treat this guy."

Akabayashi placed the unconscious raven on the long couch. Izaya's injuries were pretty severe, but nothing would endanger Izaya's life, for Shinra's relief. The headless woman stared at Izaya with half anger, still feeling angry that Izaya betrayed them and hurt Shizuo—but also half relieved to know he was safe. After all, despite what this man had done, Celty still remember the time when Izaya saved Shizuo before he lost his memories back then, and she still believed that even maybe the amnesiac Izaya betrayed them, the former Izaya may still cared for Shizuo.

She wanted to believe the act Izaya did to save Shizuo which caused him to lose his memories was real—No, she still believed that it was true.

Shiki sighed. "Kishitani-sensei, if you told us everything sooner, we could have focused on catching Yadogiri better rather than splitting our members to search about Orihara-san and Yadogiri-san at the same time. If I didn't tell you that I finally got a grip of where he was and you didn't tell me about his condition… we could have endangered Orihara-san's life… or maybe killed him."

"I hide this fact merely to keep Izaya safe from Yadogiri." Shinra shook his head. "He should have known that Awakusu-kai is also searching for Izaya, so if you guys suddenly stopped the searching, he would know immediately that you guys knew what happened to Izaya and may do anything… weird, since he doesn't hesitate to kill anyone only to make Izaya suffer. But I've been planning to tell you guys about Izaya since we lost him, so it doesn't matter. When we lost him, I can no longer guarantee his life, so I have no choice."

The Black rider realized it then that Shinra didn't sleep not because he couldn't sleep. He was waiting for Awakusu-kai to come and report him about Izaya…

_Is this what he has been hiding from me, that he will tell me soon when the time comes?_

_So he has been collecting information about Yadogiri's whereabouts from Awakusu-kai…_

No longer sensing a threatening danger, Namie came out from her hiding place, though she still kept her distance from the Awakusu-kai executives. "Have you caught Yadogiri?"

Shiki's eyes widened a little at the former secretary of Orihara Izaya, and let out a small smirk that somehow went out like 'Huh, so you're still alive too'. Nonetheless he answered her question.

"Too bad, no. He got away before we had a chance to catch him."

Shinra's face hardened when he heard that while he treated Izaya's injuries. "It means Izaya's life is still in danger."

"If you had been keeping him and hiding him all these weeks then how the hell Yadogiri can snatch him?" Akabayashi shot. "He was tortured when we came there! Who knows what would have happened to him if we were late!"

_That was a certain idiot brute's fault_, Namie flinched, thinking about a certain blond with bartender clothes that had made all this wrecked problems.

"If only we know about that too," The long haired woman sighed in annoyed tone instead. "This little bastard suddenly turned his back on us, as if he was with Yadogiri from the first."

Akabayashi laughed at that. "Really? Well this man lost his memories after all. Could it be Yadogiri trick him to believing him before he showed his true self to kill him?"

"I am not sure about that…" Celty typed in her PDA. "Even if he lost his memories, he's still pretty smart I guess. He's not the type to trust in someone he doesn't know that easily…"

Namie's gaze saddened and turned her face. She worked with Orihara Izaya pretty long well to know about that.

True, Izaya was not kind of person who will trust anyone at al.

He loved humans, but never got too close to them.

He came inside his beloved humans' hearts and wrecked their mind, but placed a big wall to cage his real feelings so that humans couldn't come inside his heart.

He wanted humans to love him, but he never wanted to be so close to them.

For Orihara Izaya, relationships were weakness.

Getting too close with someone would only bring you anything but a pain in the ass.

And unfortunately and ironically, as he himself even realized it, Kishitani Shinra was able to come to his heart.

Izaya hated to accept it, but he knew that he placed Shinra in a different scale—above his beloved humans.

Later, his wall cracked again as he finally gave his trust to Yagiri Namie.

But the biggest mistake he considered himself ever did was when his feelings betrayed his own rules.

The man who wanted to be a god, and admitted to love all humanity, found his self falling in love with the only person he considered as a monster, his rival and arch enemy, and the one he admittedly hated the most.

For Orihara Izaya, to fall in love to one special person, individually, in a romantic way, with Heiwajima Shizuo out of all people…

For him, it probably was a good thing to lose his memories rather to have such scar and weakness on his pride.

"Then why did he follow Yadogiri?" Shiki asked them again. Shinra chuckled humorlessly.

"I guess for that… we need to wait till Izaya wakes up and tell us."

"…"

The silence fell to the living room, as Shinra treated and examined Izaya's injuries.

Suddenly, Akabayashi spoke up again.

"Did you say he suddenly turn his back on you? Meaning like… he's pretending to be your comrades before he lied to you and betray you?"

Shinra, Celty and Namie looked at each other.

"Yeah… kind of," Shinra muttered with sad gaze.

"You know… this little informant didn't look like he betrayed you or anything…"

The underground doctor, the black rider and the freeloader stared at the red haired man with confused look.

"What do you mean?" Celty typed hesitantly.

"Now that you said it, the last words before he collapsed…" Shiki muttered as he tried to remember the scene at the warehouse back then. "He said, 'save them, save Heiwajima…' or something."

Except the Awakusu-kai executives, the rest of them froze in surprise.

"Save…?" Shinra muttered a little more excited than he intended to—he couldn't help it though. There was a glisten tone of hope in his voice.

"Yeah, and if what you guys said before is all true, then probably he asked us to save you guys," Akabayashi continued in a confused face. "What I don't understand though, he said 'Heiwajima'…. Does he mean Heiwajima Shizuo, his mortal enemy? But I thought he hated him?"

"Given he lost his memories, I guess that doesn't matter," Shiki replied, though he himself didn't look so convinced. "What I don't understand is if he asked us to save him meaning he had come in a good relationship with Heiwajima Shizuo while he lost his memories."

"True… but still it's weird." The one eyed man furrowed his eyebrows and threw his back to the couch where he sat. "That Heiwajima lad hates him, as far I know. To think he wants to be friends with this informant kid…"

"Both the bombardments a month ago were happened on their apartments. So maybe they must be involved somehow."

"But then again why did he chase over that informant kid on TV live before? It's as if their relationship hasn't changed at all…" Akabayashi scratched his head. "And how the hell he could get out today if he had been kept for a month…"

Both yakuzas then realized that the other three were no longer joining the conversation. In fact, the threesome seemed to be rather… shocked, to the yakuza's amusement.

"Save… us?" Namie muttered, while her cold expression melted into something warmer.

_Save… Heiwajima?_

Celty felt her heart soared in pain but also anxiousness, hoping that this was none of his fake facades. Hoping that this was true.

_Izaya…_

_Could it be…?_

"Shiki no danna!" Shinra suddenly stood up and spoke up rather abruptly to Shiki's surprise. "How did you track Yadogiri Jinnai before?"

The man in white stared at the underground doctor with confused look. He was silent but in the end he sighed and decided to speak. "Akabayashi-san found him in one of chat forums in internet. We didn't know that it was him at first, but when we're sure it was Yadogiri we tried to tail him. It was hard, since he was pretty alerted person and prepared multiple protections for his account, not to mention he always changed his password. But in the end, we finally hacked his handle. The latest message he sent was at nine, telling his subordinates to wait at the unused warehouse near Chiyoda because he said the plan was successful and he got what they wanted... something like that. So we decided to move now."

"So he really had planned to meet Izaya from before!" Celty typed furiously.

"Of course we didn't know what he meant when he got what they wanted, it was the informant kid," Akabayashi spoke up again. "That, until you told us that the kid lost his memories and now was with Yadogiri Jinnai."

"Did he chat with anyone weird particularly?" The underground doctor pushed again desperately, hoping that he didn't sound too pushy.

"Well, from Yadogiri's handle user, I can see that he also chatted privately with someone who used 'Amaraku' as his chat handle." Akabayashi explained, seemingly interested with the sudden behavior change of these Izaya's 'protectors'. "A bit weird since that man only chatted privately with me and his subordinates, so I thought this Amaraku person is his other right hand who works in other territory. We didn't have time to check on him since we was focused to find Yadogiri's whereabouts first. The time we opened the log of his chatting about meeting in Chiyoda, we quickly move."

Shinra, Celty and Namie looked at each other with unsure, but knowing look, which amused the one eyed man and irritated the other Awakusu-kai executive with their silent communications.

"I'm sorry for my rudeness," Shinra said again with humbler tone. "But Shiki no danna, I'm asking your permission to let us see the log of Yadogiri and this Amaraku person's chat."

Shiki raised his eyebrows. His expression was dark, but held no malice, as if he was thinking hard. Akabayashi stared at him expectantly, definitely amused. The other three waited in anxious and uneasiness, feeling the atmosphere tensed at the silence.

"…Fine, that user handle is no longer useful anyway, since Yadogiri will definitely delete it later." Shiki sighed tiredly, and save from the black rider who didn't have a face to show her expression, the underground doctor and the former secretary's expressions lightened a little. The man in white gestured Akabayashi to show the three his cell phone. Akabayashi smirked at Shiki's soft side, which the latter ignored purposefully.

"Thank you very much." Celty typed to her PDA sincerely. Shiki merely nodded.

"You've been helping us too, so please just consider this as paying off our debt." The man in white continued, referring to the several times Celty worked for them. "Of course, we expect you to stay silent about our secrets too."

Akabayashi read the chat log first. His eyes widened in surprise, for the others' confuse. The red haired man continued to read, furrowing his eyes before his expression hardened again.

"Holy fuck…" He muttered, which made the others tensed. "I can't believe this."

"What is it?" Shiki asked, though he didn't seem to be interested much.

"Kishitani-sensei, you didn't tell me that Heiwajima Shizuo also take part in hiding Orihara Izaya… and they… oh shit," Akabayashi scratched his head and gave the cell for the underground doctor to read. Shinra—and also Celty and Namie behind him—anxiously read the log of their chat.

Celty flinched. _This chat room is…_

_So Akabayashi-san is one of the users…_

But she shook her neck, it didn't matter right now. What mattered now was the truth that lied in front of her, waiting to be uncovered. So she read it with her lover and the long haired woman.

And they read.

And read.

…and felt their hearts hammered repeatedly, feeling throbbing pain and anger, but also relief and tenderness mix into one feeling that washed their feelings.

Izaya…

He never betrayed them.

He never betrayed them from the first place.

"That idiot…" Namie muttered softly. But unlike the other times where she usually tried to hide her real feelings with cold expression, this time she couldn't hide a faint smile of relief that drew itself on her face.

The doctor didn't say anything but he was happy. He was glad that he wasn't wrong. He was glad that Izaya didn't betray them after all. And he was glad that he was right to gamble everything—because Izaya still cared for Shizuo too—more than the doctor himself thought.

_They… love each other._

_I knew it. I knew it!_

Celty slumped until she sat on the floor, to everyone's surprise. Shinra crouched and touched her shaking shoulder, asking if something wrong. But of course, Shinra knew Celty better than anyone else, knowing well Celty's 'expression' which everyone else couldn't see.

_Shinra… Izaya didn't betray us._

_I'm glad Shinra… I'm so glad._

_I'm so glad. _

"Yeah…" Shinra pulled Celty into an embrace, letting her cry into his chest.

"Me too."

Shiki read the log with unreadable look, and at some points, Akabayashi could see Shiki's face softened. When he returned the cell phone to Akabayashi, Shiki sighed tiredly.

"He always makes problems…" Shiki's cold expression somehow softened a little. "But I never thought this man could be so… honest with his feelings in his amnesiac state." The yakuza with white suit's thought pondered off to his former informant. He was always annoyed with Izaya's attitude and arrogance. The man never really showed any sign that he was someone that could be trusted, despite Awakusu-kai had worked with him several times, and Shiki had thought of getting rid of Izaya several times if Izaya showed any signs of harming Awakusu-kai. He had always thought Izaya was a quite unique person, but to see his human side was kinda surprising.

"Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya… who ever thought, huh?" Akabayashi chuckled, and playfully teased the other Awakusu-kai executive. "Well, glad that at least our informant is back to us ne, Shiki no danna?"

Shiki glared at the Red Demon. "He is not in a good state to be our information source, so it's not helping our situation to catch Yadogiri here."

"…ngggh…"

A familiar loud groan took the five adults by surprise. They quickly turned their attention to the couch where the raven was placed.

"I-Izaya!" Shinra spontaneously approached his friend—half feeling guilty for forgetting his injuries. The doctor actually had treated his wounds pretty well, but to momentarily forget about his own patient's condition was such a shame for him as a doctor. Celty and Namie followed with concern on their mind. The oldest two also walked over, though not as urgently as the other three.

The raven flinched as he tried to open his eyes, fighting the light that attacked his eyes. His wounds screaming and his body jolted in pain when he moved. Izaya tiredly groaned and he was momentarily didn't recognize the familiar place where he was.

"W… where… am I…"

"Izaya! Are you okay?" The familiar voice caught the raven by surprise, and he turned his face to see his friend's face in worried face.

"Kishitani… san?" Izaya's eyes widened, shocked. He was confused why Shinra was with him as he tried to remember what happened before.

When Celty and Namie came, it made Izaya even more confused before he realized that he was in Shinra's place.

Then it all came back to him.

The warehouse… Yadogiri… Unrecognizable yet familiar group named Awakusu-kai…

He remembered why he followed Yadogiri.

He remembered that he was going to be beaten up and tortured.

He remembered he almost gave up on his life, thinking that he was going to die…

_So why?_

_Why I am back to this place, safe and alive?_

_Is.. Is this really true? That scary moment… Is it over?_

_Is it over?_

_I'm still alive?_

_I…_

Before relief and happiness could come though, the words from Yadogiri suddenly came to his head effectively reminded him of his nightmare, not allowing him to feel safe even in a second.

_Do you think he will forgive you? After what you have done? After you betray his trust, you still think that he will forgive you?_

Izaya's red orbs widened in a second, and fear engulfing his entire body when Shinra was about to touch him.

_Just like those people… are they going to torture me?_

_Won't they forgive me?_

_Will they hurt me? Like them…?_

_Are they going to kill me?_

_Stop!_

"N… no…!"

Izaya jerked his body away defensively, surprising everyone in the living room.

The sudden refusal and fear that plastered in Izaya's expression confused Shinra.

"I-Izaya? What's wrong?"

"I… I'm sorry! Don't…" The raven's voice shook and tears began to well on his eyes, much for his liking. "I never intended to betray you at all! Don't… No more…!"

Celty typed in her PDA, confused and worried like hell."Izaya? It's us! What happened?"

Namie shot her gaze to the underground doctor. "What happened to him? !"

"He was tortured when we came," Shiki spoke up suddenly, earning the others surprise. "He probably is shocked."

"We need to calm him down," Shinra muttered softly. _But how?_

"I… I only want to protect you… I'm sorry…" the raven sobbed again.

"It's okay, we know that already." The doctor tried to calm Izaya. "We know everything, Izaya. Calm down!"

But rather than calming down, Izaya looked even more horrified.

_Know?_

_Know everything?_

_So Heiwajima-san told them that I betrayed them didn't he?_

_They are not going to forgive me. Aren't they?_

_They… what will they do to me?_

_Where am I supposed to be now?_

_Where?_

"I'm sorry! I'm so—"

Izaya was shocked when he felt the black rider pulled him. He struggled and yelled, feared that he was going to be hurt again, but then he felt a warm heat enveloping his body, affectionately protecting him. All the dark thoughts disappeared from his mind and he froze as he felt the headless woman hugged him.

_Izaya… it's okay._

_We know already._

_We know everything._

The raven stopped struggling.

_We know… We know everything._

_Thank you, for protecting us._

After he felt such affectionate, such welcoming embrace, Izaya realized it then that he really was safe.

They were not going to hurt him like those people.

He was safe.

He was still alive. He turned his gaze to Shinra, then to Namie.

Their expression held neither anger nor hatred.

Izaya's tears fell and he cried.

_This place is warm._

_So warm._

They let the raven poured all his feelings till he was calm.

"…we need to call Shizuo." Shinra said with a soft smile at the sight of Izaya crying on Celty. To see the man who never let anyone to see his true feelings completely being honest right now, the doctor was glad. "We need to tell him that Izaya never left him."

"No use," Namie sighed, which made the underground doctor and the headless woman confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been trying to call him. Both the telephone and his cell phone." Namie said in annoyed tone—and Shinra noticed her desperate tone, even just a little. "…he didn't pick up."

Shinra's smile fell. A sweat rolled through his face when he realized how down Shizuo was when he got back to his apartment and horror painted his face when the thought of the blonde's unstable emotion could lead to _anything he didn't want to think_ came across his head. "He… doesn't crush the apartment, does he?"

"How should I know?" Namie shot back. "If he do anything stupid before he knows the truth…"

Izaya's eyes widened when he remembered about Shizuo. _That's right…_

"I… I need to warn him…" Izaya said softly. Celty released him and the raven sat in more comfortable position, trying to avoid anything to accidentally touch his stinging injuries. "Tsukiyo… he… he is watching…"

"Tsukiyo…?" Shinra furrowed his eyebrows.

"That's Yadogiri's handle user," Akabayashi reminded him. "You just read it before right."

Upon hearing another voice, Izaya looked up and was surprised to see Shiki and Akabayashi was in Shinra's apartment as well. He flinched in fear at first. But Celty touched his shoulder, as if telling him that there was nothing to worry about. Izaya calmed a bit, but he was still confused.

"You…" Izaya furrowed his eyebrows at the Awakusu-kai executives. Akabayashi merely chuckled and Shiki scoffed at such cower reaction from their former informant.

"It's okay Izaya, they are not bad guys," The doctor said with a nervous smile, which Awakusu-kai duo snorted with tone of sarcasm. "They are the one brought you here."

The raven's eyes widened a bit. Those people were Shinra's friends? But they were yakuza, right? How can Shinra be associated with them?

_No…_ Izaya thought. _From what they said to me before, I also worked with them before… If Kishitani-sensei is my friend, then it's no surprise that he is related with them…_

_So Kishitani-sensei really is not a normal doctor…_

"…thank you," The raven muttered a little to Shiki and Akabayashi, which surprised both the older men. The only left eyed man laughed. "You never thank us before. Maybe it's a good thing you lose your memories momentarily, Informant-san."

"Akabayashi-san," Shiki coughed.

"Sorry, I'm just kidding." Akabayashi chuckled again and waved his hand. Izaya still stared at him with alerted look, until Shinra urged him to continue.

"What is Yadogiri going to do?" Shinra asked Izaya again. The raven startled when he remembered what Yadogiri said he was going to do.

"He… he said he has his friends watching Heiwajima-san… and maybe you guys too…" Izaya's lips were trembling. "I'm afraid… that because his plan didn't work, he's going to kill you… He's not kidding."

"…what?" Namie stared at Izaya in disbelief.

"Izaya…" Shinra's eyes saddened.

The raven sighed and closed his eyes tiredly. Shizuo wasn't here and he needed to warn him about Yadogiri. Even though he didn't know if Yadogiri was lying or not, but the chance was high that Yadogiri seriously would try to kill Shizuo to lure Izaya out again.

But even so… Izaya was scared to face Shizuo again.

He scared of everything that would come out from Shizuo's lips.

_I need to get a grip of myself_. Izaya bit his lips. _I can't cower like this. I… I've been protected by him all this time. I need to pay my debt off._

_This time, I need to protect him._

_If he is angry and he comes to hate me, then it's my punishment for lying to him._

_But, I will protect him. This time…_

"Celty-san…" Izaya turned his face to the black rider, to her surprise.

"I… I need to meet Heiwajima-san…"

Shinra furrowed his eyes. "But your injuries…"

"I need to meet him," Izaya pleaded. "I… I hurt him, didn't I?"

No one said anything, which to Izaya's dismay, confirming his statement.

"I need to warn him about Tsu—Yadogiri…" Izaya muttered weakly. "And, I need to apologize to him. Every wound, every pain I caused on him… only I can heal it. That's why…"

Everyone was silent. Izaya didn't seem like he would change his mind.

"…I understand." The dullahan typed in her PDA, which made Izaya smiled.

Namie stared at the other woman with disbelief. "But his condition is—!"

"I know." Celty quickly typed back to the long haired woman. "That's why I will be careful."

Namie wanted to argue, but seeing Izaya's expression, she gave up and sighed. "You're always such a pain, you know that?"

Izaya smiled, a bit guilty. Even though Namie's words were harsh, he didn't feel any bad intention but concern from her. "I'm sorry, Namie-san."

Shinra stared at Izaya, and then he stared at his lover with a warm gaze. "Be careful, okay?"

At a time like this, Celty wished she could smile back for Shinra Instead she typed on her PDA. "I'll be back soon. ^_^"

Shinra helped Izaya to stand and move while the dullahan went outside, telling Shooter to be ready to run to Nakano. When Shinra and Izaya passed the Awakusu-kai executives, Izaya's gaze fixed on Shiki's.

"Thank you," The raven muttered embarrassedly. "I really mean it."

Shiki's bored expression didn't change, but he sighed and Izaya noted his expression softened, just a bit. Izaya flinched when he felt Shiki's hand reached him, only to pat his head like a child.

"Don't get killed by that Heiwajima person, okay?" He said softly. "You still need to work for us later."

Izaya's ruby orbs widened at the touch, his body shivered at the familiar touch he was sure he had received before, but then he smiled softly.

"Yeah…"

_***DRRR!***_

Forty five minutes later, in front of an apartment in Nakano.

"You sure you don't want me to accompany you?" Celty asked Izaya again before the raven rang the front door. Izaya hesitated at first, but he shook his head.

"I… I need to talk with him alone." Izaya said with a sad gaze.

"But he still didn't know everything," The headless woman typed again, feeling concerned with Izaya's condition. Shizuo was unpredictable—she didn't want to think anything bad that may happen if Shizuo meet Izaya in such condition. With Shizuo's temper, she wouldn't be so surprised if Shizuo rejected Izaya and chased him away—though she doubted Shizuo would do something like that if he saw Izaya's condition, since he was actually still a soft hearted person, no matter how bad his temper was.

"At least let me be with you until I make sure it's safe for both of you to talk?"

Izaya shook his head again.

He didn't want anyone to be with him when he faced Shizuo. It was as if he was asking for someone's protection and searching anyb excuse to what he had done, and he didn't want that. Izaya was scared that Shizuo may hated him for what he had done, but if Shizuo was angry, he wanted to receive it all alone no matter what. He had hurt Shizuo and he wanted to receive everything Shizuo gave him, only to ease his pain.

"It's… okay. I will be fine." The brunette smiled, though Celty noticed it was a fake smile he showed only not to make her worried. She didn't say anything though.

"Actually… I kinda want him to be angry." Izaya said softly. "He has always taken care of me, protecting me… but I do nothing but hurting him. At least, I want to release him from the pain I caused."

Celty hung his helmet, as if to show her sadness. But she knew that Izaya was the only one who should talk with Shizuo and explain everything himself. She wanted to be there to at least keep Izaya from Shizuo's uncontrollable rage if anything bad happen, but the dullahan understood what Izaya wanted and respected it.

She wished she could help more though.

Before she left, she typed something in her PDA again.

"Izaya, you know that Shizuo cares for you, right?"

The young man's red orbs widened, but then he smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. And I care for him too."

Celty nodded, which could be seen with her yellow helmet.

"Celty-san, thank you for everything." Izaya said again sincerely, before his expression turned playful like he was before he lost his memories. "And even though I was happy back then, rather than hug me, you better give more attention for Kishitani-sensei, okay? Poor Kishitani-sensei had to endure seeing the woman he loves hugging another man."

If Celty had her head, she would have blushed and a vein would have popped in her forehead. Even at a situation like this, Izaya still had time to say something like that.

…not that she was glad to know he hadn't changed.

"Idiot." She typed one last time before she hopped on her motorbike once again. The black rider 'stared' at Izaya once again, and she decided to leave after Izaya's expression told her something like 'Don't worry, I'll be okay'.

The raven waited until the sound of the motorbike couldn't be heard anymore before he sighed and prepared himself. His heart thumped fast and he felt his body shivering. And Izaya knew exactly why.

He was still scared.

Izaya wasn't even sure if he was ready to face Shizuo again. It was so easy to make up your mind, but when the chance to prove it come, Izaya realized how hard it was to do it, and he hated his cowardice.

Actually, rather than to warn Shizuo about his life may be in danger, Izaya wanted to apologize more. To be taken back with him, living together in happiness just like before. Izaya realized it then that despite the fear and how scared he was to meet Shizuo again, his heart and body yearning to see Shizuo again. Warning Shizuo about Yadogiri's threat to kill him was no more than an excuse so he had a reason to bring himself back to Shizuo.

The raven was torn. He wanted to meet Shizuo so much, but Yadogiri's words made him scared more than ever at the thought that Shizuo maybe wouldn't forgive him ever. The only thing that was stopping him from facing the blond was only his fear that Shizuo would hate him and reject him. If that happened, Izaya wasn't sure how he would live without him anymore.

But, he had come this far. At least, he wanted to tell Shizuo his feelings before that happened, so at least he wouldn't regret it later. At least, if Shizuo was angry, he wanted to heal the injuries on the brute's heat that he caused. And at least… no matter how his response would be later, Shizuo would know what he felt towards him.

…that he loved Shizuo so much.

Getting a grip of his self, Izaya took a deep breath, and he rang the front door, hoping and begging for something he knew he didn't deserve, but selfishly keep hoping for forgiveness.

The response was only silence. Izaya had thought Shizuo had gone asleep or ignoring it, before he heard faint steps that became louder and louder.

His heart was beating so fast, and his body was sweating badly. Izaya closed his eyes tightly, trying to calm himself down.

The door opened.

And their gaze met.

Honey met Ruby. Ruby met Honey.

In front of his eyes, stood Heiwajima Shizuo—the man who had hated him, the man who had been taking care of him, and the man he found himself falling in love with.

Izaya's heart wrenched at the broken man in front of him. The blonde's eyes were hollow, and he could see tears trace beneath the eyes.

Upon seeing the brunette though, those brownish, honey eyes flickered in surprise.

"…Izaya…" He muttered slowly, face completely painted in shock.

And Izaya's heart soared when he heard his name being called by those lips again.

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**This is a story about love.**

**As much anyone hates to admit it, despite all the rocky way, the violence, and the complication, this story is a journey of two persons, who find their selves falling in love with each other.**

**The future they can't see, love lead the way for them.**

**The unattainable perfection, they find at each other's eyes.**

**Every part of their selves they want to throw away, they want them to burn, they want them to disappear, they even hate those parts their selves—**

—**they found each other's selves to love all those parts of them.**

**When they can't find a place for them to love their selves, each other of them provide it to them.**

**Yes, this is a story of love.**

**One twisted beyond recognition, maybe—**

—**But still, it's a story about love.**

**.**

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Under the moonlight, the two of them stared at each other with mixed feelings. In the silent night, what they could only hear were their own heartbeats as they both tried to figure what emotions stored beneath each other's expressions.

When Izaya finally saw the blonde, he found his body froze, and he felt his heart was going to burst. He wanted to say something, but his lips were unable to mutter any words.

He was scared. He was really scared.

But despite all the fear, his body turned warm instantly at the sight of the blond.

When the taller man didn't say anything though, the raven became nervous and more scared. He could see the blond's pained expression, and it hurt him so to see him like that.

The blond suddenly turned his back and got back inside the apartment, for Izaya's greatest frustration and disappointment, thinking that Shizuo rejected him.

However, the raven realized it then that the door was left opened for him. Feeling a bit relieved, Izaya followed silently, though still with anxious heart. He closed the front door once he were in, cutting the cold wind from getting into the apartment.

The time he saw what's inside the apartment, however, Izaya's ruby eyes widened in shock, and he felt as if his heart fell from its place.

The apartment where they shared together was now nothing but a wrecked, messed up place. The table was broken. The chairs were crashed into several parts. The sofa was turned upside down and the electronic things were severely damaged, lying on the floor.

A tint of fear in his heart grew rapidly. His heartbeat was so loud that he was afraid Shizuo could hear it. Izaya could feel his body shaking in immeasurable fear as he stared at Shizuo's back, still turning from him.

_Why… such strength…_

_Just how angry he was when I betrayed him?_

_How hurt it felt when I left him?_

Izaya froze at the realization that Shizuo must have hurt so much for him to do all these things. And it wrenched his heart painfully to know how much he hurt the blonde.

He must be really hurt right now.

And he must be very angry.

Yet Shizuo had his back turned from him, refusing to hurt him in any way.

Izaya wanted to cry just at the thought of that.

"…This place is a mess," the raven muttered softly, trying to make the blond release the bottled emotions and the pain that had been torturing him. "How can anyone live in this place any longer?"

Shizuo's body flinched at the voice, but he didn't move.

"Well, but now that I see it again, this apartment can still be used. You just need to buy new furniture." Izaya added with a laugh, hoping that his voice didn't shake. "You need to take a good care of your own apartment, Heiwajima-san. It's unhealthy to live in a wrecked place like this…"

Shizuo still didn't say anything, and it made the hole in Izaya's heart bigger and bigger, painfully striking him with guilt and fear.

"Ah, you must be angry to me, right?" The raven decided to take a risk and cross the dangerous line, if that could make this person to open his feelings to him. "I've betrayed you and now I am back here. You must hate me so for coming back like this, ne? After all… I hurt you like… like this…"

The blonde still didn't say anything, not even facing him. And Izaya couldn't take his stubbornness anymore.

"Why aren't you angry? !" Izaya screamed angrily now, and Shizuo's body jolted at the sudden yell. "I've hurt you so much! I've betrayed you. I LIED TO YOU! Why don't you say anything? Why don't you yell at me, hurt me, and tell me that you hate me then kick me out from here? Why? WHY?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Shizuo slowly turned his face towards Izaya, and the younger man's body trembled in fear when he saw those honey eyes stared at him with cold, heartless look.

Izaya's tears fell. "Why…"

_Why are you looking at me like that…?_

_Heiwajima-san…_

"'Why' you said…" Shizuo laughed viciously and now turned his body to fully facing Izaya. "You're a cruel person, do you know that, Izaya?"

Izaya's breath hitched when slowly, the blond walked back towards him with malicious, frightening expression on his face. Goosebumps rose on his entire body as he felt his heart pulse quickening.

"Why, you ask?" Shizuo growled beneath his teeth, walking towards Izaya's direction in slow, but steady steps. Each step resounded in the hollow living room, filling the creepy emptiness with echoes of his footstep. "Do you know that I _had_ every intention to do every words you have just said the time I saw your face?"

Izaya stifled a whimper and reflexively took a step back. Fear ate his heart as the blond come closer to him.

"But I couldn't do it. No, I couldn't. Do you know why?" Shizuo said in sinister voice. "Because when you came, you look just _fucking _the same like I was when I lost you. You look broken, as if you don't have any place anymore. You didn't apologize to me. You didn't even protect yourself or search any excuse to justify what you did. It was as if you blamed yourself and you were _fucking_ waiting for me to give you the punishment."

"Heiwajima-san—" Izaya sobbed and kept taking steps back until he felt his back on the cold wall. When the raven turned his face back towards the taller man, he was already in front of him, caging him with his arms so that he couldn't escape.

Izaya's arms and legs went rigid, his heart tripping, petrified to even take another breath.

"And when I saw you like that, I couldn't do it. _I can't_. No matter how much you've hurt me, no matter how much you've tortured me, I can't do it. Because when you got back here, you're as broken as me. You're as hurt as me. No… even from when you left me, you're already hurt. That time… it was actually the first time you lied to me. But I was too blind to see that."

It was weird. His cold expression didn't match with his words at all. But it didn't stop Izaya from trying to turn his face out of fear from Shizuo. He never saw Shizuo this angry, this cold, and this scary. And it was terrifying to see Shizuo like this.

"Heiwajima-san, please sto—"

Shizuo yanked Izaya's body roughly, to Izaya's shock and horror. The smaller man closed his eyes tightly and bit his lips, waiting for any punch or anything hurt to be blown on him.

But instead, Shizuo pulled him into his chest, catching him in a bone-crushing embrace.

Izaya swore that for a second, he had stopped breathing.

"…Shit," Shizuo breathed against the raven's ear, possessively hugging him, protectively… _desperately_… as if he was afraid that if he let go for just a second, the man in his arms would disappear again. Before Izaya himself could realize what had just happened, Shizuo said it.

"You… you never betrayed me from the first place, didn't you?"

Izaya felt his heart jumped, both in shock and in bliss.

Tears rolled from his eyes and he couldn't stop the bursting emotions in his heart any longer.

"Why… How do you…" The raven sobbed as he tried to arrange a proper question with no avail. "Why…"

Shizuo gritted his teeth placed his forehead on Izaya's shoulder, but arms never releasing him.

"I was an idiot, fuck Izaya…" He growled with strained voice, guilt clearly could be heard in his voice. "You must have a reason to follow him, back then, whatever that reason is. I was too blind to realize it until I saw you like this. You've been acting weird before you left me. I… I should have realized it sooner"

" I'm sorry…." He whispered painfully, again and again. "I'm so sorry."

Izaya's heart tripped in relief and gladness, feeling the pain in his heart turned into something resembled happiness, which he showed through his unstoppable tears.

_Just… only by that he knows everything…_

_I haven't even said anything to him…_

_Why… _

_Why he knows everything just by looking at me?_

_Why he understand me so much?_

_Why he cares for me so much?_

_Why is he so… kind?_

"How…?" Izaya's breath hitched with his sobs. "You… stupid… idiot brute… why…"

"Why?" Shizuo chuckled and stared at Izaya sadly. "You're such a cruel person… you should have known the reasons already, don't you?"

Izaya stared at the blond confusedly, didn't understand what those words were supposed to mean at all. _What—?_

Shizuo released his hug to stare at Izaya's red orbs.

"The person I love," Shizuo said suddenly with serious gaze. "Has pale colored skin… a pair of reddish brown eyes… short, black hair… and has a small, but slender body."

Then, with only a moment of hesitation, Shizuo did something that without a doubt was the bravest thing he did since Izaya lost his memories—even since he met him the first time.

He delicately tilted Izaya's face upwards, brought their lips together, and kissed him.

After that short, chaste sweet kiss, Shizuo pulled himself and stared at the blushing, shocked raven who still hadn't realized what just happened in the last ten seconds. Izaya hadn't even recovered from his shock when he saw the look of undeniable lust in his brownish eyes.

Shizuo's gaze saddened, almost painful.

"… I love you," he breathed.

.

.

.

**Anyone mistook the little prose in the middle as an author note? 8DDDDDDDDDD**

**Yeah… the M rating doesn't stand for rape. Nor it stands for killing or death. It's for later chapters, and I'm sure you're clever enough to guess why I changed the rating to M. Ufufufufufufu XDDDD**

**Again, I thank you for still reading his story dear! I hope you guys haven't forgotten some details from previous chapters that may be important in later chapters (Cookies for anyone realizes this chapter's relations with chapter 9 and anyone who realizes the relation between chapter 17 and chapter 8 xD)**

**I almost cut this chapter again. Honestly Shizaya scene (the scene after the bolded font prose in the middle) is supposed to be for next chapter, but… I don't want to give cruel cliffhangers, and I've been so cruel to you (last chapter's angsty Izaya ;) so I decided to place a little happy scene here w**

**And guys, I wasn't kidding when I said I'm so happy at the overwhelming reviews from previous chapter. Honestly I almost cry when I read all of them, and I treasure each of them. Thank you very much! I hope you will follow this story till the end! *bows***

**And please review and tell me what do you think of this chapter?( w) Hopefully I can do better in next chapter!**


	19. You and I, halves become one

**Thank you for the wait, now after the long belligerent sexual tension our boys have been experiencing and all the cockblocks I've been giving you, ENJOY THIS. ONE FULL CHAPTER FULL OF FLUFF, SMUT AND SHIZAYA. YES GUYS, FINALLY THEY RESOLVED THEIR FEELINGS. Here's the chapter you've been waiting for 3 *bricked***

**And hello new readers! I notice there are so many new readers that are reading this story. It makes me really happy… Thank you for reading this story guys!**

**As always I'm so happy when I read the reviews ;w; You guys are so awesome!**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN YAOI OR MALE/MALE SEX, so if you don't like it better skip to the last sequence of this chapter. That's the only important thing for the plot related to the next chapter.**

__19. You and I, halves become one._

_._

_._

_._

_"You said sometimes you felt her near, sometimes you felt her as if she was in a faraway place. What about now? Can you feel her? Where is she now?"_

_"She's… near…"_

_"How does she look?"_

_"Her skin… is pale… her eyes… are reddish brown…__Her hair… is short, and black… her body, is small… yet slender…"_

.

.

.

Yeah, he should have known that already.

The way Shizuo described the person he loved… it was clear that he explained him.

No, he actually may had known about that already. He was too afraid to know it and trying to forget it though, because he was afraid to know he would hurt Shizuo even more when he betrayed him if he knew about his feelings.

Since when did he come to know?

Was it since Shizuo's eyes look saddened each time their gaze met? Or was it because of his kindness that he always provided to him?

Or even… was it since the very first time Shizuo kissed him back then? He was asleep until he felt a pair of soft lips gently pressed against his back then… but he kept his eyes closed, thinking that t was only a dream.

But all of that no longer mattered now.

Now… he knew that Shizuo loved him.

"Why are you crying?" Shizuo smiled oftly and held their bodies close. He brought his hand to wipe away Izaya's tears and kissing the trace beneath his eyes. "This is so unlike you. You're supposed to be more arrogant and dickhead."

Izaya glared at the comment. All his embarrassment by the sudden kiss was all disappeared, replaced by annoyed expression on his face. "Shut up you protozoan brained monster. I came here to see our apartment wrecked up like a tornado just came destroyed it and I had to see you acted so cold like that… Then suddenly you confessed to me. It's justified!"

Shizuo chucled, eyes flickered playfully on the former informant. "Were you scared?"

Izaya blushed. "Were not."

"You were."

"Shut up."

Shizuo looked satisfied for being able to tease the raven, to the raven's dismay. He rarely got a chance for teasing him when usually it was the other way around. Now that the table seemed to be turned down, Shizuo couldn't help but to keep teasing him.

Despite all of that, his expression was still gloom and sad. He still looked hurt, which confused Izaya.

"Heiwajima-san…?"

"I… I'm so glad you come back," The blond breathed with a very hurt voice, which made Izaya's heart about to burst when he heard that voice in his ear. "I was really angry… I really thought I wouldn't want to see you again, but when I finally saw your face, all I want to do is to embrace you and never release you again."

Izaya's felt his heart thumped and his face heating in embarrassment and happiness, but he tried to cover it with his words and his annoying smirk. "That's such a lame sappy line, Heiwajima-san."

"Shut up," Shizuo growled. And Izaya grinned in triumph when he saw a tint of pink painted the taller blond's cheeks. Heh, so it was true that he never had any experience in relationships before. That's why he was embarrassed.

Izaya's expression saddened when he remembered something else.

"You said you were so angry with me," Izaya said softly, and the raven felt Shizuo's hands fidgeted on his body. "I hurt you so much… I know that you must want to hurt me back, yet you didn't… I can't believe you if you said that you know that I don't betray you just by looking at me."

Shizuo stayed silent at that, so Izaya continued.

"How did you know I never betray you?"

Shizuo's gaze saddened. For a while, he was silent, but Izaya waited for him patiently. The blond finally sighed and spoke up.

"I've been thinking…" Shizuo started with sad voice. "After I let my anger out and wrecked this apartment, I could think with a cold head, although I was still hurt and angry. I've been thinking about you and the time we spent together. I'd been wondering if every smile you showed me… every expression you showed me were all only a façade…"

Izaya's expression saddened at that, but listened still. Of course Shizuo would think like that… when suddenly the person you love said that he had been lying to you and had been faking his happiness with you all the time… no wonder Shizuo went berserk.

"But then, you've been acting weird lately." Shizuo said again as placed his chin on top of Izaya's jumbled raven hair. "I've been thinking that you seemed like you wanted to cry several times. You've been smiling, but you also looked so sad. And when you left me back then… I was too blind to see it… I was too angry and hurt, but I didn't realize that you were…"

Shizuo released Izaya and stared deeply at those reddish brown eyes.

"That time… your eyes seemed glistening than usual…" Shizuo's voice now had reduced into a whisper. "I didn't realize… that you were holding your tears… that you've been trying not to cry…"

Izaya's heart clenched when he heard that.

"When I was still in my confusion, you came." The blond continued. "With that hollow eyes… with that empty gaze… and it just confirmed everything. It just clicked in my head, why you've been acting weird, why you've been looking so sad…"

Shizuo bit his lips and shut his eyes, before he let his head fell to Izaya's shoulder, as if he was regretting something.

_Heiwajima-san, you're so kind…._

_So kind that it hurts._

_Don't be so kind to me… Or you're going to be hurt in the end._

_I told you not to be so kind to me…_

Shizuo placed his forehead on Izaya's softly, eyes closing while sucking the warmth breath of the person he loved.

_Yes… I should have realized it sooner…_

_He has been suffering too…_

"Don't leave me again." He pleaded.

Izaya bit his lips and felt tingling sensation tickling his chest and stomach—feeling warm happiness and at the same time shyness rushing to his entire body. Shizuo's voice was so… deep, as if he was begging—no, he _was_ begging for him to never disappear again. He treated Izaya like he was the most delicate thing in the world… the most precious thing in world…

_Fuck…_ Izaya bit his lips.

What did he do for him to deserve such happiness?

Shizuo released him, and the raven felt a little disappointed because of the lost of warmth, but his pride made the smaller man stayed still, not wanting to embarrass himself like a girl whining to be spoiled. The blond stared at Izaya's eyes with a hard gaze Izaya couldn't quite comprehend. It was a mix of longing, anger, pain, but also concern.

"Why did you leave me?" Shizuo asked softly while trying to calm himself down. Apparently he was still angry, but that anger was directed towards another person. And all this time the blond had been holding it and pour all his longing and relief instead the time he realized Izaya finally back for him. "Why did you follow him?"

The raven haired man's eyes saddened and he hung his head.

"He said he wants to kill you," Izaya whispered. "He said that I can't be with you all the time. When you work, I don't know what will happen to you… I can't see you, I can't protect you… and he can kill you without I knowing, and I don't want that…"

Hearing that made the blond's heart soared even more. Izaya really cared for him. Izaya really never had any intention to leave him. Everything he showed… they were not lies. All those smiles, all those happiness, every memories that were created each time they spent their time together… they were no lies. All of them were true and pure—Izaya's real feelings.

"You idiot…" Shizuo breathed, but his expression was totally showed glad and relief, and also happiness. "There's no way he could kill me that easily. If anything, I should be the one protecting you from him. You have no reason to trust him."

Shizuo's heart warmed when he heard that the reason Izaya left him was actually for protecting him. But he was also felt anger boiled inside at the thought of Yadogiri threatening Izaya and using his name to lure Izaya out. The thought of Yadogiri had successfully snatched Izaya away from him already made him really furious. It reminded him of his failure of protecting Izaya. Not to mention, his intention to hurt Izaya…

Hurt.

Shizuo's face hardened suddenly, which made Izaya confused and a little alerted.

"Heiwajima-san?" Izaya asked with furrowed eyes, not understanding why suddenly Shizuo turned silent. The raven tried to see his expression, which later he realized that Shizuo was looking at his face.

To be exact, a particular place on his face. Shizuo was staring at his cheek.

Izaya's eyes widened at the realization and tried to hide his face, but it was too late. Shizuo cupped his face and forced his face to face his so that Izaya couldn't escape. His eyes were gazing down at Izaya with a mixture of rage and disbelief written on his features.

Shizuo was angry… Izaya could feel it.

Izaya yelped in pain when the blond's hand carefully caressed his cheek.

"...Did he do this to you?" Shizuo growled, noticing the bruised blue cheek where the raven got punched before. It was dark so Shizuo didn't realize it before, and Shinra had treated it very well. But now that they were so close, Shizuo could see clearly how bad the wound in his cheek.

Izaya wanted to turn his gaze from the blond, but the strong grip force him to stay still. He had no choice but to answer Shizuo. The raven frowned but he let out a sigh before he gave in.

"His subordinates did," Izaya said with small voice. Shizuo seemed tensed at that and growled even more. Noticing this, Izaya used one of his hands to touch Shizuo's arm softly. "Don't worry, they did beat me up, but Kishitani-sensei's friends helped me before those people could do any further."

Technically, Awakusu-kai was not Shinra's friends, but Izaya didn't know how to classify them in any other way. They seemed like acquaintance and had some mutual cooperation with both their work. And to confuse the raven any further, his past self seemd to work under Awakusu-kai as well.

However, seeing Shizuo's face softened and his grip loosened, Izaya could tell he didn't pick the wrong choice of words.

"Shinra's friends, huh…?" Shizuo muttered softly, remembering Shinra's words for hm back then. He didn't know who Shinra's friends who saved Izaya, but he was glad Shinra kept his promise to bring Izaya back to him. Quietly Shizuo muttered a little thank you for his childhood friend.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" Shizuo put a little distance to examine Izaya's figure fully. The raven chuckled at the taller man's protective outlook.

"They kicked me in stomach, but hey, I'm not that weak you know! That was nothing." Izaya grinned with a teasing manner he usually did. "You don't have to check on me like I were a child who can't take care of himself. Besides, Kishitani-sense has treated the injuries, so it's okay now."

Shizuo glared at Izaya, totally disliked how easily Izaya shrugged everything off.

"Okay?" Shizuo snarled dangerously. "You expect me to think everything's okay after everything that bastard's done to you? When I was still here, standing like an idiot, and not knowing everything while that bastard could have kil—" The blond stopped himself, unable to said the word he hated so much to think it would happen to the raven. Izaya's ruby eyes widening, and he couldn't say anything.

Shizuo's body seemed to shake in anger, but he tried to suppress his rage. His teeth clattered and his honey colored orbs glistening dangerously. He took a deep breath to be able to speak calmer, though despite the anger, there was also concern in those words he spilled.

"Do you understand how I feel? I would never forgive myself if anything happen to you, when I knew that person could have… could…"

Izaya smiled a small genuine smile at the concern Shizuo showed him. "You're so kind Heiwajima-san."

Before Izaya could continue his teasing though, in one swift moment—and to Izaya's surprise—he felt his back on floor with Shizuo looming over him—arms caging the brunette.

It felt like he had stopped breathing and he felt his heartbeat went much faster when he realized how close Shizuo's face with his. Along with the rushing adrenaline because of the suggestive position they were in, he felt one hand hesitantly made its way under his shirt, making his body went rigid and hot.

"He… Heiwajima-san? !" The raven blurted in embarrassment and surprise at such bold move from this unpredictable guy. However, when Izaya realized that Shizuo only yanked his shirt so he was able to examine the wounds in his body, Izaya didn't know he must feel glad or disappointed.

Shizuo stayed still with unreadable expression, which frustrated Izaya with the silence.

"Heiwajima-sa—"

"Did they catch him?"

The raven blinked at the sudden question. "Eh?"

"That Yadogiri bastard—No, all those people who hurted you…" Shizuo growled. "Did Shinra's friends you mentioned catch them?"

"Ah…" Izaya furrowed his eyes. Remembering that Yadogiri managed to run away made his stomach knot in an unpleasant way. "They caught the pupils but somehow Yadogiri managed to escape…"

"So he's still alive…" Suddenly a twisted grin showed on his face. "That's good, then I can kill him myself for what he had done ne?"

Izaya blinked. Then without he realized himself, the raven grinned and then he chuckled.

"To do it to such extent… you really care for me that much?" Izaya stared at Shizuo's honey eyes playfully—and the blond didn't miss the teasing tone in Izaya's voice. "You really are so kind."

"Kind?" Shizuo laughed, eyes boring into the ruby ones deeply. "This has nothing to do with kindness."

Ruby orbs widening in surprise when soft lips grazing over his once again. He gasped when he felt Shizuo's tongue licks his bottom lip, and wasn't ready when it slipped into his mouth to tasting his sweet cavern. It felt so hot that it was like butterflies suddenly erupting from Izaya's stomach. The kiss started out hesitant and careful, but later Shizuo became bolder and bolder, as if something inside of him snapped.

It was as if the restraint that had been holding him had turned into an excitement—urging him to give into carnal desires as the need to touch and hold the raven grew bigger and bigger.

"Ngggh…"

Izaya's moans were swallowed by Shizuo, and both the vibration and the muffled voice sent shiver shot down to his groin. At the same time, Izaya's eyes were already half lidded—not quite sure despite the sudden intimate act, he didn't want to push the blond away. Instead, he wanted more of that cigarette taste. He wanted to taste Shizuo more. He _wanted _Shizuo more.

It was weird… It was indecent and embarrassing. But despite all of them it was tempting and intoxicating. They were only roommates before all of this happened. And further back before, they were enemies who wanted nothing but to kill each other. Yet now… they couldn't get enough with each other, lying on floor in an embrace lock in such compromising position.

Izaya shuddered, whimpering when Shizuo broke the kiss, suddenly feeling empty with the loss of warmth. They stared at each other's gaze, savoring each other's expressions which were hazy of lust. Hot breath against each other's mouth… eyes half lidded and darkened in desire… Both of them knew that the incident that happened made them realized how much they needed each other, and the thought of one of them dying or leaving could make them go crazy. As they were in each other's arms right now, their body reacted how much they didn't want to release each other ever again… to the point where it became unbearable… turning into something impure… something sinful…

"No one is allowed to touch and hurt you," Shizuo muttered and the raven shivered at his tone, biting a cry when Shizuo's hand gently touched his bruised injury at his stomach. However, rather than to hurt, the hand's movement was sensual, and the touch was meant nothing more than to show his possessiveness. "They who dare to hurt you… I will kill them all, and if I ever meet or smell anybody's scent on you… I'm going to rip them apart."

The blond's eyes were dark and hazy. Like Izaya, his breathing was uneven and harsh. His face was flushing and eyes glinting dangerously and animalistic… which made the raven shivered and confusingly, a bit excited.

"This…" Shizuo breathed, eyes glued to the raven's ruby ones. "…is not kindness."

"This is my selfishness, Izaya."

Those brownish, golden honey eyes stared at him with so many emotions overflowing. There was sadness, anger, pain, and love mixed into it. Not being able to tear away from that gaze made the raven felt very naked and weird. His body went rigid and he felt very weak, and his heart was beating so fast—too fast that he was afraid it would burst out from his chest.

Their lips were so close—they could feel each other's hot breaths on their faces. They could feel each other's warmth with their bodies being pressed in a possessive embrace. But most of all… they could feel another feeling lingered between them. Something sinful… something animalistic, yet so tempting…

It was lust.

Shizuo was taken aback when Izaya leaned forward to claim his mouth once again. Nonetheless, he responded with same eagerness, feeling a little amused and glad with the brunette's impatience. With him the one taking initiative, the blond could feel that Izaya's eagerness and possessiveness which made him feel happy.

Their tongues intertwined sensually with each other, both trying to dominating the kiss. Shizuo took his time to taste him completely, trying to imprint the sweet taste of his mouth permanently on his mind. He shivered each time Izaya moaned, feeling how those small moans completely sent shudder down his groin so much. They nipped, bit, groaned and gasped at each other's response—needing and wanting. The cold air surrounding him felt so hot suddenly and they could only focus on the pleasure they were feeling.

"! _Aah..!_"

Izaya gasped a moan when he felt Shizuo's hand slowly traveled farther into his chest, making his body shiver in excitement. The raven bit his lips and grabbed Shizuo's shoulder as he felt that mischievous hand purposefully brushed against his nipples in teasing manner, sending electricity of pleasure down his lower region. Izaya glared at the taller man, which he only got a smirk in reply.

"You're such… a tease, ne?" Izaya hissed when a finger touched his nipple gently—too damn gently for his liking. His hazy reddish eyes widened a bit when he saw Shizuo's honeyish brown eyes darkened in lust—his animalistic glaze boring into his red eyes deeply. His ragging breath showed that he almost lost his control despite the amount of teasing he did.

"Izaya…" His voice was anything but a whisper, full with possessiveness. "I love you."

It was almost comical how fast Izaya's flushing in his cheeks spread into beautiful red colors that painting all over his face, with his reddish brown eyes widening in shock and embarrassment.

It wasn't like he wasn't happy… Of course he was happy. He spent all his day in fear that Shizuo would never forgive him and want him back, moreover to reciprocate his feelings. To see the blond see through him was mortifying and relieving, but still, it was embarrassing if he said it again now.

"You… You said that already." Izaya muttered slowly, cursing Shizuo in his head why he had to spew those damn three words now. The embarrassment was too much for him to handle that he had to avert his gaze from the blond.

Shizuo merely smiled as he could see Izaya's ear was red. He leaned to lick it and Izaya gasped—both in surprise and embarrassment.

"I love you," he whispered again, which made Izaya's body tremble harder.

"You… what's with that!" Izaya stuttered in embarrassment. He was half hard and now Shizuo had to humiliate him. "You protozoan brained creature! Stop tha—_mmpphhh_!"

Shizuo cut him in a deep, passionate kiss before Izaya finished his words. A sense of possessiveness came over the taller man as he realized that he was becoming addicted to Izaya's taste, and he didn't want to let him go, _ever_. He licked Izaya's lips only before he parted and said those words again.

"I love you."

This time, tears of embarrassment and humiliation swelled on the former informant's eyes. And it annoyed the informant even more when the ex-bartender grinned upon seeing his tears, as if thinking of how cute Izaya's reaction, despite how humiliating it was for the brunette.

"Stop… stop saying weird things!" Izaya almost yelled—face was scarlet red. He shut his eyes tightly, a hopeless attempt to hide himself further. But Shizuo's hand was keeping his body trembled. He moaned and his hips bucked when he felt Shizuo's groin pressed against his. "Nnnh! No… no fair…!"

The blond didn't seem to listen. Instead he whispered it To Izaya's ear, again and again, while sometime licking the shell of the raven's ear in the middle of it.

"I love you… Izaya…" His voice was almost like begging. "I love you… I love you…"

"What the hell… What do you want me to reply? !" Izaya almost screamed now. The embarrassment was too much, and the teasing becoming too overwhelming. He needed more… He needed so much more.

The raven didn't realize he picked the wrong words when the blond hovering him stop his teasing and stared at Izaya deeply.

"What about you?" The blond asked softly. He used one of his hands to brush lock of black hair from his forehead, wanting to see Izaya's expression better. Sure, the raven was surprised to hear his words. Eyes widening in surprise, face red and flushing, and pants ragging and unevenly, with trail of saliva made its way from his lips as the result of their passionate make up. His expression was already tempting him too much and Shizuo had hard time to restraint his sanity and body from just ravishing the raven below him and pound into him already. But no, he couldn't do it.

At least no, until…

"What about you Izaya?" Shizuo asked again—his voice was far smaller than before. Despite that, the pain and the need in his voice still could be heard, which made Izaya shivered and unconsciously whimpered when his hot breath touched his lips.

"What do you feel… for me?"

Izaya's heart thumped really hard when he heard that, as his eyes widening in shock. He blushed furiously as embarrassment filled his system.

_Stupid protozoan…! Isn't that obvious already?_

"Do I need to spit that out?" Izaya glared at the blond. "It's just a cliché stupid 3 words. Heiwajima-san, I… I've come here desperately just for seeing you… Isn't that clear already?"

"Stupid, maybe. But, I want to hear it. " Shizuo demanded which made the raven groaned.

"This is not some cliché shoujou manga where such—"

"Izaya, I want you." Shizuo cut him so suddenly, with lustful—yet painful gaze bore into him. "If you don't stop me now, I won't be able to stop."

Those words were enough to make both of them realized how… serious their relationship was. If they did this, there was no turning back. If they did this… everything about their relationship would change. They were in the line that after they acrossed it, they would never be in the same relationship just like before again.

Shizuo wanted him. Not only his heart, but also his body. Shizuo wanted him fully.

The fact that he asked about this was because he needed something to assure him that it would be okay for Izaya to let Shizuo claim his body—to let Shizuo own him fully. It hurt Izaya to know that Shizuo was holding himself and restraining his desire despite how easily he could claim Izaya and despite how much he wanted Izaya. However… it also showed Izaya how much Shizuo care for him, to go as far as stopping himself despite his painful arousal.

What should he answer?

His heart was beating fast.

_What should I answer?_

It was supposed to be easy. But no it wasn't. Telling someone 'I love you' could mean anything and everything. It could mean ending their friendship, and they could never go back if ever anything went wrong. Giving Shizuo those three little—yet big words could change everything for them.

Love was something without form… it was something he never thought he would ever feel. It was ridiculous… to be bound with such feeling. Not to mention, it was the most selfish, painful feeling you will ever feel—even more than hatred.

Right now… Shizuo was giving him a choice.

And Izaya knew more than well what was the meaning behind those words the blond spilled and the choices lie beneath.

Choices to stop Shizuo before it was too late… or letting himself be owned by Shizuo.

And by Shizuo's stare… it was obvious for Izaya that the blond was damn too afraid that he would hurt him. They both had hated each other… and they also had hurt each other… Shizuo was probably too afraid that he would hurt himself and Izaya again, be it by his strength or by his temper and he was giving Izaya a choice before proceeding to something they could be back for.

Izaya gritted his teeth.

_He's warning me isn't he?_

_He thinks that I won't be able to bear it for being with him? Does he think I am that weak?_

The answer was simple.

Tell those three words. Reciprocate Shizuo's feelings.

But again… it was really hard to say it.

Those cliché, idiotic little three words were also the most important words Izaya would ever say to anyone. They were only words, and yet…

"I…" Izaya opened his mouth as his cheeks pinked once again, remembering what he would give to Shizuo and what would Shizuo do to him after he said it.

"I…"

Dammit, saying it on his terms was okay. But saying it on Shizuo's term humiliated his pride deeply that he could feel bile of embarrassment mounting if he said it. After all, with all he had done and he had experienced today, wasn't that supposed to be enough to convey his feelings?

But then again… this was Shizuo we were talking about. That dumb, simple minded protozoan brained man he was in love with. Izaya closed his eyes and sighed.

His eyes quickly widened open when the blond's hot breath left him though. He stared at Shizuo's eyes, only to find saddened brown eyes with bitter expression on his face.

Wait, why his expression was like that?

"I'm sorry," Shizuo breathed last time before he tried to get up. Izaya practically had his jaw dropped.

_Wait, what?_

_What the hell you damn protozo—!_

The blond was only halfway kneeled before the smaller man pulled him back to the previous position, keeping their face close. Shizuo's eyes widen in surprise as they stared back at the glaring ruby orbs.

"Why the hell are you sorry?" Izaya spat angrily. "We've done this far… Why are you backing away now?"

Shizuo bit his lips, before his eyes furrowed in something akin anger. "Backing away? You're the one backing away!"

Suddenly, the fight turned them back to their old relationship.

"ME? Oh please! You're the one suddenly getting up and I bet you're about to leave me in this… this state!" Izaya yelled back—somehow he had lost all his fear and went back to how he used to be—which both annoyed and relieved Shizuo at the same time.

"You're not saying anything when I ask you if you love me back! Of course I can't touch you if you don't want it!"

"ARE YOU BLIND? How come you think that way with what has happened so far? !"

"IT HAS NOTHING TO DO with what has happened! Even if you've left me to protect me and you've come back here for me, I can't just touch you like that can I? !" Shizuo's eyes flickered a little, and his expression looked sadder. "If I don't know your real feelings… If you don't say it, I can't do it… I can't hurt you! I need to stop it before it's too late…"

_Before I lost myself to you and hurting you._

The raven looked shocked, as if what the blond had just said was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.

"IDIOT!" Izaya wanted to smack the blond's head now—_so bad_. "The fact that I've come back here FOR YOU should be the proof of my obvious my feelings for you!"

"I know that already!" Shizuo roared in pain. "I know, but—"

"And it's TOO LATE already to back away now!" Izaya pressed again, and he could see the brownish eyes widened at his words. "We're already stepped too far from backing away! And one last thing, afraid of hurting me? What kind of lame excuse is that anyway?"

Shizuo opened his mouth to yell back, but Izaya cut him first.

"I'm not that weak. Why will your feelings hurt me anyway? It's true, you're such a crude brute with hopeless temper and strength… but I know you. You're not that kind of person who will enjoy hurting anyone. And besides…"

Izaya gave the blond a little smile this time, and the blond's heart fluttered at that.

"Besides… like you would ever hurt me, Heiwajima-san."

Shizuo could feel his chest swell in relief and warmth when he heard that. His face softened as his anxiousness melted into indescribable feelings which made his body shook. He smiled softly, before he leaned back and whispered in Izaya's ear again with that husky, yet needy voice.

"You're too sure about that…" Shizuo said, though this time, Izaya could feel smile in those words. "Not wanting to hurt you doesn't mean I won't hurt you."

"That's the same with me right?" Izaya smirked, feeling content that the blond's presence back to his ear. "Besides… I know you."

"Then… say it, won't you?" The blond nuzzled against his neck, smelling Izaya's unique scent he really attracted and addicted so much already. "Tell me, please. Let me know… how…"

_How much you belong to me._

_So I can finally have you all over._

_So that I really know that you're mine, and mine only._

_No one else but mine._

_Assure me, Izaya._

Izaya could feel his cheeks getting hotter in embarrassment, but he sighed and he closed his eyes.

"Idiot… if you do actually hurt me, it's okay too… I want you to be rough with me. I want you to do me as you please." Izaya mumbled embarrassedly. "Mark me as your own… Show me that I am… no one else but yours…."

His words were reduced into a breathless whisper when Shizuo nibbled his ear.

"…I love you."

And for Shizuo, that moment felt like a dream. It was something too happy to be a reality—a moment where nothing in the world could he hear except for Izaya's voice. But it was real. Izaya's feelings were real. And he was completely _willing_ to let Shizuo own him, and he was _willing_ to be with Shizuo, despite the blond may hurt him because of both his power and temper.

Shizuo was willing to accept anything he had to go through as long as he could be with Izaya. However, he had been scared that Izaya may not feel the same, even if he loved Shizuo. Not to mention Izaya said to him that he knew about their past already, when they still hated each other. That's why, Shizuo needed something… an assurance… so that he knew Izaya really wanted him, and he could be with Izaya.

Those three words… were cliché and idiotic. He always scoffed at people who swore anything about 'true love' of their love in such ease and Shizuo hates people who used those words without thinking. But now that he felt it himself…

Those words… as much as idiotic they sounded… they were also the most heartwarming, important words he ever heard from Izaya.

And he would keep those words in his heart with his whole heart.

Izaya had to admit he was a bit surprised when he saw Shizuo smiling at him in such serene he never saw. But that smile melted his heart and he could feel his heart went thump on the sight of Shizuo's expression.

"Thank you." Shizuo muttered.

Before Izaya had a chance to reply—and to izaya's surprise—Shizuo kissed him hungrily and passionately, unlike soft kisses he gave Izaya before. This time, Shizuo assault his mouth with such fervent and need which made Izaya's body go weak and rigid at the overwhelming sensation.

Now that Izaya confirmed it, Shizuo could no longer hold himself anymore.

Izaya's heart and body… Shizuo would totally mark him as his own.

Izaya was _his_.

It was indescribable how much he wanted to kill those bastards to hurt his Izaya and touch him… but his happiness at the time for realizing this was reality was too big.

Shizuo wanted to scream and warn the world that Izaya was his and no one was allowed to touch him.

So, he opted to kiss him, mark him, hold him, and _make love_ to him.

"Ngggh… mmh… Heiwajima-san, slow down aa—_hmmmmpph_…"

They parted, and Shizuo's lower groin stir as he saw Izaya's half lidded eyes once again. Those luscious lips who spoke his name breathlessly… those half lidded, darkened ruby eyes which were already full of lust… his flushing face that showed him how much he wanted Shizuo…

Shizuo realized it then that he could never get enough of him. He would always and always crave for this man.

Izaya was thin and smaller than him. Shizuo had always known that especially since he was chosen by Shinra to look out for Izaya. His mind traveled to that time, remembering how much he opposed the idea of living with the former informant, moreover of letting Izaya to come to his heart.

Now, however…

A hand slipped into Izaya's shirt once again and Izaya elicited a moan before he could stop himself. Shizuo could feel how much that body hot against his hand, burning just like how his own body wanted him. He thumbed his nipples again as he licked Izaya's sweaty neck, smirking when Izaya let out another moan.

A sense of possessiveness came over Shizuo as he breathed on Izaya's neck. He bit Izaya's neck without warning, making the raven yelped in pain.

His skin was salty, sweaty from all the perspiration, but the blond couldn't control his self as his teeth dug into his flesh, biting him sharply which made the raven yelp in response as the blond moved away and eyed his mark with satisfaction. Shizuo proceeded to an unblemished patch of skin, repeating the same process, making sure he marked the skin thoroughly before licking the abused flesh.

Izaya moaned as Shizuo released him and eyed his little marks—proof that Izaya was owned by him—in satisfaction.

Shizuo moved his hand to pleasure the raven more. With both his hands, he circled Izaya's nipples, thumbing them and feeling them harden as he licked Izaya throat—thirsty and desperate for his taste. He pinched his nipples and twisted them playfully; eagerly listening to those muffled moans and gasped from the raven's parted lips. Izaya's body was shuddering really hard and he unfolded his legs into Shizuo's body as the blond felt something hard poke his own hard cock.

Damn… his eagerness was such a turn on that Shizuo couldn't help but to grind himself against Izaya's erection. Moans erupted from both their lips and they could feel each other's body. They realized how much their hearts were racing, chests heaving up and down against each other as they tried to regain their breath.

This was lust. This overwhelming, pleasuring sensation they were feeling right now… it was called lust. It felt like selfishly limitless need of wanting that couldn't be accommodated. But with someone right… with someone who loved you… damn, how _perfect it felt was beyond description_.

"I want you." Shizuo breathed against Izaya's lips, hands squeezing his ass.

"Take me." Izaya had to hold his moan while saying that. "Take me, hurt me, crush me if you need to. I don't care if it's you. I want you."

It was mortifying how much Izaya trusted him. And Shizuo was more than happy to comply.

Izaya was a shocked when suddenly Shizuo carried him over his shoulder.

"What—"

"Bedroom," Shizuo muttered simply, trying to ignoring Izaya's erection that dug into his chest—which made his own arousal twitched. "This is not a good place to do it."

"I know that! But you don't have to carry me like this!" Izaya whined and struggled on his shoulder. A slap on his ass made him gasp and he glared at the blond—despite from the position Shizuo couldn't see the glare at all. "Stay still won't you?"

Shizuo placed Izaya gently on his bed and he proceeded to discard his clothes, one by one. The blond hold his breath when he saw Izaya's upper body shuddered. That pale skin and thin body was so beautiful… begging to be touched. Izaya gasped when Shizuo grabbed his clothed erection, pumping more delicious moans from his lips before Shizuo carefully opened his pants.

In the middle of opening the pants, Shizuo noticed something inside the pocket and his eyes widened at the sight. Something that joggled his memories to when he still hated Izaya. The proof that confirmed his hatred bond with Izaya did exist.

A switchblade.

"This…"

Izaya looked over despite his painful arousal, blinking when he noticed why Shizuo stopped. His gaze softened at the thing he brought. "Aaah, that…"

"Why did you bring this on our first hang out?" The blond sighed, though more than angry he looked more confused. Izaya's cheeks pinked in embarrassment as he remembered why he brought that but he was failed to make it useful.

"Ah, well… I… meant to kill Yadogiri, but I kinda failed…"

"Y-you what?" Shizuo's eyes widen in surprise as he turned his face to Izaya in motion.

"I never want to follow him," Izaya sighed and closed his eyes, feeling that somewhat it would cease the embarrassment. "I really meant to kill him at first. Rather than leaving you, I think it will be better for me if I can settle things with him, but he's prepared for it."

Shizuo's heart warmed and jumped at the same time. The thought of Izaya really never wanted to follow Yadogiri that easily was just like him—stubborn and rebelling. On the other side though… he was terrified of what could have happened if Yadogiri was angry and proceeded to do things he didn't want to think about to Izaya. "You idiot! What if he had killed you because of that? !"

Izaya groaned, which suspiciously for Shizuo sounded like 'Not this again…'

"Heiwajima-san, I'm alive here aren't I? Isn't that enough?" Izaya sighed in annoyance. "And besides…"

Shizuo had to admit Izaya had balls to poke his clothed hard arousal with his feet to make him moan unconsciously. The blond glared at Izayaas Izaya gave him a teasing smirk.

"There are things that need to be take cared first, ne~?" Izaya said with a seductive, breathless whisper purposefully, making Shizuo cursed inside—reminded of how much a manipulative tricky bastard Izaya was, despite lacking of his memories.

"Heh…" Shizuo grinned dangerously as he loomed over Izaya. "Don't get too cocky bastard."

Not like he didn't agree with this little bastard though.

Shizuo felt his cock twitched inside his pants painfully as he removed Izaya's pants and boxer completely. Izaya's own arousal also almost sprang up proudly and shamelessly when the clothes were moved from him—head damp with pre-cum and twitched shyly. As he lay nude on bed—body trembling, legs spreading, and face flushing—Shizuo removed his own clothes, almost jump on the sight had he not trying to control himself. His pants were becoming too tight.

As they both naked, they stared at each other's eyes. Their hands were against each other—caressing, wanting, needing—both trying to draw out moans and grunts from each other. Izaya's gasps are like melodies for Shizuo's ears, as he thumbed Izaya's arousal. Shizuo leaned to give Izaya's chest butterfly kisses before he latched on a nipple and sucked, hard.

"_Aaaaah!_"

Izaya bucked hard and hands on Shizuo's hair, encouraging him to do more. Shizuo fastened his pace, teasingly lucked and nip at the hardened nub as his hand pumped his arousal faster, making him squirm and cry out in pleasure.

Shizuo's arousal jerked.

_This man is so beautiful._

_Fuck, no one is allowed to touch you. I'll kill them all who hurt you. This body,, is mine, and only I the one who can give this body marks. No other person…_

Shizuo's sight fixated on his creamy thighs. His skin was so pale and flawless, and it felt so soft, just like a girl's skin. His mouth traveled lower and lower, licking and tasting while keep pumping Izaya's cock. Izaya whined and his hips bucked when teasingly Shizuo licked Izaya's cock but left it at that and went for his thighs instead. Shizuo sucked hard at his inner thighs, feeling the soft flest twitched and shuddered against him. Izaya whimpered and he closed his legs uncomfortably around Shizuo's face, and Shizuo could feel his silky skin against his body.

"_Nnh…! Mmmh…! Aah, Ha… Heiwajima-sa—!"_

_Fuck, don't moan like that, or I'm gonna…_

Feeling that his cock may burst if he ignored it any further, Shizuo decided to do things faster.

Breathing harshly, he placed three fingers on izaya's parted lips. "Suck."

This was Shizuo's first time, and he was inexperienced in these kinds of things, but Shizuo at least knew it would be painful without any lubrication to do penetration. However, he didn't have any lube. He could only use saliva—which still would be hurt as well, but better than nothing.

Izaya's half lidded gaze stared at those fingers, before he opened his mouth and starting to suck erotically. He gave a little hum on each digit as he coated them with his saliva, teasing them and purposefully trying to made Shizuo groan… which he did.

Shizuo removed his finger while Izaya still sucked—a trail of saliva was still connected from his lips and his fingers, and Izaya's expression was more than enough to encourage the blond to do further.

He positioned himself, and placed a finger on that heated entrance, feeling it twitch before he sunk the finger.

Oh God…

_He's so tight and hot._

Izaya whimpered at the intruder, but he clenched his walls, feeling the pain slowly become a pleasure. The raven pulled Shizuo into a kiss—tongue's battling once again as Shizuo added a second finger and began to thrust into those tensing hot muscles. Their erections grinded against each other and both of them moaned instantly.

He was hot. He was too hot and tight, and Shizuo could feel how much Izaya's ass clenching against his fingers greedily, trapping him into that delicious heat. It was already this hot with fingers, he wondered how amazing it would feel when it was his cock instead of those fingers that was sucked by that ass.

Izaya cried out louder when the third finger was inserted inside him and Shizuo quickened his ministration. His gasps making the blond dizzy and crazy, making the blond wanted more of his voice as he trembled on the bed. He slammed his fingers harder inside, angling it upwards and suddenly, the raven _howled_ sweetly.

"_Nghhhh...ahh!...umm...ahhhh!"_

Lust came to consume Shizuo's mind as he stared at the erotic sight in front of him—Izaya moving helplessly underneath him, face flushing with a trail of saliva came down from his parted luscious lips, where those addicting lewd voices came out from.

He couldn't… if he kept this much longer, he would go crazy.

Shizuo took out his fingers with a soft pop, and Izaya whined with the lost of warmth inside him. His ruby eyes widened though, when something blunt, hard and hot was pressed against his twitched entrance.

"This… is going to be hurt." Shizuo breathed hard. His body was trembling so hard in carnal desire and lust, wanting to just pound inside the raven and feel the heat already, but kept his self just so he wouldn't hurt the raven. "You… sure, you want me to do…"

Izaya shook his head, eyes closed shut, but body wordlessly begging for him.

"Heiwajima-san, please… _please_… I want you, please…!"

The blond gritted his teeth as he heard Izaya's delicious moan alike voice and lose his self at the control, thrusting himself inside.

Izaya screamed, eyes quickly widened in pain.

The blond pried Izaya's legs open, trying to give the raven more comfortable position as the raven shuddered and cried. Tears welled on those scarlet eyes because of the burning pain, trying not to howl without any avail.

Shizuo leaned down to kiss Izaya's tears, comforting him as he adjusted himself that heat.

Oh God. He was wonderful. He was so fucking wonderful. His heat was driving Shizuo insane as his ass clenched into his cock greedily. It felt like he would melt inside this heat… this soft warmth that tempted him to force him open and bury himself inside him. When Izaya seemed to calm down a little bit, Shizuo began to thrust inside him—slowly at first, afraid to hurt Izaya too much. As Izaya's cries began to dissipate into moans and Shizuo could hear pleasure in his voice, the blond picked up speed, and soon, instinct took him over as Shizuo lost himself into the inviting pleasure—pummeling Izaya as hard as he could. Izaya cried out—Nothing from his moans could be recognized except 'more' and 'please'. Shizuo gritted his teeth and pierced into Izaya over and over again as he could feel his orgasm would come soon, trying to take any pleasure from the lithe, body.

It was like a drug. For both of them, this could become an addiction, and they could not stop wanting each other. It felt like they were drunk and once they started, they couldn't get enough… Shizuo loved how Izaya's sensitive body would react on each of his touch, and Izaya loved how Shizuo's expression drowning him into pleasure.

By now, they both had lost their selves to the blinding euphoria as the only voice could be heard in the room was only their skin slapping against each other.

"_Aaah! More! T-there! Nggh…. Aaah!" _Izaya arched his body in pleasure and cried out. _"More! Heiwajima-san… don't stop!"_

"Izaya…" Shizuo breathed, again and again. How ironic for him now that name rolled so perfectly in his tongue... for him to love how it voiced from his lips. "Izaya… Izaya_… Izaya…_"

His ass squeezing so hard and wet on Shizuo's erection each time the blond brushed against any sweet spot inside him. All coherent thought were vanished from Shizuo's mind and he could no longer control his strength anymore. He grabbed Izaya's hips tightly and slammed forcefully, creating delicious friction from the angle. Izaya howled and arched his back as he could—screaming as he felt his orgasm hit him. His walls clenched tightly, giving an overwhelming sensation on Shizuo's cock. Shizuo groaned as well, as he cum deep inside of Izaya's hot cavern.

They panted against each other for a while, eyes staring at each other with heavy scent of their lovemaking still lingered in the air. The pleasure of their afterglow hadn't dissipated as Shizuo leaned down to kiss Izaya again before he slumped against the lithe body.

"…I love you," he whispered.

Izaya smiled in content, arms hugging the taller man's body before he drifted to sleep.

This happiness… what did he do to deserve this?

He no longer cared for that.

As long he was still with Shizuo, as long Shizuo was happy…

He would stay by Shizuo's side…

_***DRRR!***_

Morning came too fast for Izaya, as he blinked lazily against the ray of sunlight that came from Shizuo's windowsill. He woke up and felt incredible pain on his inside as he did so, wondering where did he get the pain. He turned his head over, and eyes widened at the sight of sleeping Shizuo besides him.

His head hurt.

Then he remembered the lewd activities they did on previous night.

His eyes widened in surprise, as those memories came rushed into his head—Shizuo's touch, Shizuo's cigarette tasted lips, Shizuo's confession…

His face paled. He tried to stand up and search for his clothes.

_No. this is not supposed to happen._

_This is not what's supposed to happen._

Sound of rustling alerted Izaya that Shizuo had woken up.

"Izaya?" Shizuo lazily woke up and rubbed his eyes. As his gaze found Izaya's figure, the blond smiled and he walked over to hug his raven from behind.

Before he had any chance though, Izaya pushed him against a bed and a silver thing pressed against the debt collector's throat.

_A switchblade_.

Shizuo's eyes widen in surprise. His heart almost stopped as he found Izaya's eyes boring into his honey orbs—hurt and filled with hatred.

"Now now, can you explain to me how everything turn out like this…" Izaya growled dangerously as he pressed his switchblade against Shizuo's neck.

"…_Shizu-chan?"_

**Did I say they resolve their feelings? *sweatdrop* Maybe not so much… teehe? *killed by the readers***

**I will explain in next chapter how Izaya got back… though logically it's not possible OTL But well it's a fic? If I didn't do this the story would not proceed… ugh I still have so many weaknesses as an author.**

**As for the smut, excuse my fail smut. I really can't make a good smut and I used so many references to make this chapter so please forgive me if you find this kinda familiar and not hot at all… But hopefully you enjoy it? Because that's the first and last smut of this story .**

**I am sorry for taking so long to update dear readers. Even though it's just smut… it's still hard for me to do it. I prefer drawing smut than writing it. Suddenly turning it into words is really hard for me to do. As the next chapter goes back to the main plot, hopefully I can write faster.**

**And oh readers, I love you guys so much! I'm so happy reading every review you gave me! As always please review what do you think f this chapter!**


	20. Half Denial and Half Problem

**I really just hope you guys will forgive me for the late update ;A;**

**Warning: This story has many spoilers from novels and anime. Despite of that this story is a semi-AU story. Please keep that in mind.**

**Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.**

**Enjoy!**

__20. Half Denial and Half Problem_

Somewhere in a dark room, Tokyo.

"Release me you mongrels! What do you want with me? !"

A woman with long hair struggled with no avail as 2 quite muscular man held her and brought her in front of a middle aged man who's smirking as he looked down on the woman.

"Now, now, please calm yourself. I don't want to hurt such a beautiful young lady like you."

The long haired woman glared at the man in front of him, hating how she couldn't fight back when her hands were hold like this. Not to mention the position where she was forced to kneel in front of this unknown bastard she didn't know who.

If only they didn't hold her hands, she would have _cut and possessed_ them all.

The woman let out a small growl, and her brown eyes glistening in a red light.

"You're lying to me." The woman who for some reasons had bandages wrapped around her neck spat in angry tone. "You said you would let me meet Takashi…"

"I will, I will. I didn't say I wouldn't let you meet him." The man in front of her smirked. His expression was so unnerving that even though the woman was usually didn't care about other people turned her head to avoid his gaze. The man kneeled in front of her and placed his fingers under her chin to force her to meet his eyes.

"However… nothing comes free you know? In this world, if you want something, you need to work to gain it. This is a crapsack world we're living after all." The man said again with a not matching soft smile which made the long haired woman disgusted.

"What do you want from me?"

The man's smile grew wider.

"I need the power you've prevailed with your own inside of your body." He said again. "Even though it's only a copy and not as strong as the real one, it's still useful."

The woman's eyes widen. "How'd you—"

"I have my own information sources." The man waved his hand as if he had just said something unimportant. "I can't use Sonohara Anri's power since she seemed always be aware and was able to knock my other subordinates when I sent them to kidnap her. But I don't need a power as strong as the real. The copy is enough for me."

A mention of that little thief's name made her blood boil, but at the moment she was more unnerved with the fact that she was going to be used with a man who stood in the way of her love.

"Are you really going to let me meet Takashi?"

The man stopped smiling when he realized there was another meaning inside her words.

_I don't trust you._

_I can still find Takashi with my own._

_What if I refuse?_

A man closed his eyes and merely gave the woman a small smile.

"For such a stalker who was blinded by love and knows nothing but to search a failure being, you're smarter than I though." The older man sighed nonchalantly. "I thought you were just a stupid little girl… too bad you're smart at the wrong time—when I'm actually giving you choices."

The woman yelped in pain when the muscular men behind her suddenly slam her head to the floor. She glared at the man in front of her angrily while the man in front of him merely looking down on her in arrogant gaze.

"Please understand that I really need your power to regain more subordinates, because if you don't you will have no use to me. Even if I lied about Nasujima , your choices right now is only to work with me or to be tortured to death." He spoke again with such a light tone, contradicting the cruel and heavy words he spat. "I am not the kind of person who will take a woman lightly, especially a monster like you. I can have my subordinates to rape you right here and now and kill you after that if you don't want to lend your power to me. You wouldn't want that would you?"

The man rubbed her cheek softly.

"After all… a woman wouldn't want her body to be dirtied for the person she loves, right?"

The woman didn't look scared at all. But she finally let out a small "…fine."

The man's smile turned into a twisted one as he commanded his subordinated to loosen their grip on the neck bandaged woman. "That's a good girl."

Unknown for the man, she wasn't scared of the fact that she was going to be raped. She doesn't even care if her body is touched or dirty because of other people.

The only thing she feared was if she died, she wouldn't be able to see the person she loved ever again—which to prevent that from happening, she needs to keep living.

"Niekawa Haruna, I need your Saika power in order to regain more subordinates." The man turned his back from the girl named Haruna and stretched his arms like a lunatic. "Give me the power to possess humans. In exchange, I will let you live and meet with your beloved one."

"So you're lying about uniting me and Takashi after all." Haruna growled. She couldn't pull her knives or blade when her hands were still hold. "What exactly are you planning?"

Haruna couldn't see the man's expression while his back was still turned from her, but somehow she could hear him smirk.

"I want to kill Orihara Izaya. I want to hurt him and have him beg for mercy, and then kill him. I will also kill anyone who stands in my way."

He stopped for a moment for a dramatic pause before he added.

"And in order to accomplish that… Your power—Saika's love is needed to lure Heiwajima Shizuo out."

_***DRRR!***_

In an apartment in Nakano, 08.00 AM

"_Now now, can you explain to me how everything turned out like this… _

…_Shizu-chan?"_

It felt so unreal.

It felt to too dream like to happen.

But those reddish brown eyes that bore into his honeyish ones, that rude, arrogant tone he used, and that smug yet angry expression that made his heart skipped a beat told him that this was no dream.

It was real, Izaya was back.

_His_ Izaya was back.

The Izaya which he shared mutual hatred with… The Izaya who he believed had also loved him…

He's back.

Izaya's eyebrows furrowed in disgust and he pressed the switchblade to Shizuo's neck closer.

"What's with that kind of expression?" Izaya spat with an annoyed tone. "Don't look at me as if you're happy to see me. It's disgusting."

Shizuo didn't realize that he had been smiling until Izaya pointed that out. And to Izaya's annoyance, Shizuo chuckled.

"I _am_ happy." Shizuo said in a light tone, totally not feeling the switchblade that had cut the surface of his skin—letting a small blood sweep out. "You've finally remembered me."

His words held no malice. Not only that, his expression was so serene—too peaceful to be Shizuo's expression. Those words however, boiled Izaya's anger more than ever.

Had Izaya not lived with him… he would be surprised and wondered what had happened for Shizuo to show him a smile like this. Had Shizuo smiled like this for him back then—before all this mess—even just only once… Izaya probably would not have given up on his feelings.

But he understood why Shizuo smiled like this. He understood how Shizuo felt towards him now. He remembered his memories he had lost, but he also didn't forget the time they had spent together while he lost them. Those memories blend into one, making a great one confusion and anger in Izaya's head.

"You make me sick, Shizu-chan." Izaya laughed and smiled his usual annoying smile—the smile which he had always used when he taunted Shizuo back then. He tried to make the blond to angry with him—or annoyed—or whatever—anything to sweep that smile off his face. It fucking annoyed Izaya so much.

"There's nothing to be happy about."

Yes. There was nothing to be happy about.

Shinra was supposed to send him to a place that's far, far away from Ikebukuro and letting him live alone. He should have lived a new live, maybe trying to repay Shinra for what he had done and live as a whole new person. Even though Izaya hated a normal living and he didn't want to leave his job as an informant broker, it was still a better choice for him rather than to know and keep his feelings painfully for a certain monster he was supposed to hate.

He was not supposed to remember this.

Even if he remembered, he wasn't supposed to find himself nude and ass hurt as hell with naked Shizuo besides him.

He wasn't supposed to live with him, and deepened his feelings for him.

He wasn't supposed to be this happy to spend his time with Shizuo.

He wasn't supposed to be happy with all of this at all…

Izaya noted himself to kill Shinra later. His only friend or not, he was going to _kill_ him. Because of him, rather than forgetting his feelings for Shizuo…

…these feelings… had grown stronger… much stronger…

… so much that he hated himself more than he wanted to kill Shinra.

_Why… How did it come to this…?_

_Fuck everything…_

As the memories of him living with Shizuo and the memories of 'Orihara Izaya' blend together, Izaya felt an electricity of pain attacking his head and he groaned. His grip on the switchblade loosened as anger and confusion mixed into one—a complete result of the blending memories.

Namie was still alive and live with Shina and Celty…

Shinra and Celty… hiding him and protecting him…

Those people that tried to hurt and touch him…

Awakusu-kai… Shiki-san saved him…

Information… information… information…

Mairu, Kururi… were they safe? Hopefully no one touched them for his own problems…

Friends… enemies…

Love…. Hatred…

Shizuo… Shizuo who took care of him… who loved him…

And Yadogiri Jinnai… who wanted to kill him…

..who wanted to hurt his friends and family...

Shizuo's eyes furrowed when he saw Izaya groaned in pain. He sat up and reached the smaller man. "Oi, are you alright—"

"Don't touch me!"

Before Shizuo even touched Izaya, the raven had batted his hand—eyes flashing in anger and hatred. The sticky feeling between his legs and the hurt butt reminded him of their sinful activities this morning, to Izaya's dismay.

"Beast… I know you are one, but to rape me when I was not myself…" Izaya growled between his gritted teeth and showed the blond a cruel smile of his. "I didn't know Shizu-chan is that low."

That seemed to get into Shizuo. The blond furrowed his eyebrows and glared at Izaya. "I didn't rape you. You wanted it as well. We made love."

Shizuo's words and voice made Izaya felt his heart skipped like a girl. And he definitely didn't like it.

"Sure you didn't." Izaya laughed mockingly and played his switchblade in front of Shizuo threateningly. "But the person you 'made love' with, Shizu-chan, was not me. He's gone. The person in front of you right now is your enemy that you have always hated. Too bad that he wasn't given a chance to say goodbye, hmm?"

Shizuo seemed to be surprised, but didn't say anything. Izaya thought that finally the blond was going to snap in anger.

"But then again, it must felt amazing huh?" Izaya purred to Shizuo's ear, intending to make him angrier—to make Shizuo bursted—to make Shizuo hated him more, so he could hate him back—just like before. "Was my body a good lay, Shizu-chan? Does it feel good to do it with the person you hate the most?"

When Shizuo still didn't say anything, Izaya pushed further as he smirked.

"Or maybe it felt good because you were doing it with a stupid illusion you loved, Shizu-chan?"

When Shizuo glared a death glare to the raven, Izaya smiled in satisfactory. He was surprised that the brute was still able to hold himself from punching him, but Shizuo was starting to get angry.

"He is not an illusion." Shizuo growled. Izaya laughed again.

"Shizu-chan, I know you have a protozoan brain but are you _really_ that stupid?" Izaya taunted again, although his heart was actually screaming: '_dammit, dammit dammit_' repeatedly like a mantra. "If you think that I may have really fallen for you, you're wrong. That stupid, moronic person who lived with you and let himself to be raped by such a monster like you is gone. There's only me now, pure flesh your fantastic Orihara Izaya, and may I add so I can remind you: _the person who hates your entire being with all his soul_."

"You don't really think I would fall in love with you, ne, Shizu-chan?" Izaya then waved his hand dramatically to make Shizuo even angrier. "Poor Shizu-chan, so desperate of love… but when he finally thought he found someone… he's gone without a trace! Ahahahaha!"

The raven waited for Shizuo to burst in anger. He was sure after all those taunts Shizuo would yell to him in anger and punch him. Even if Shizuo _did_ love him, there was no way that brute could still hold his anger if he mocked his feelings and treated their relationship like dirt.

He was shocked that despite the glare, Shizuo still hadn't bursted out. In fact, his words were the total opposite of what Izaya had expected.

"He isn't gone," Shizuo said softly. "He's still here."

Ruby eyes widened in shock when a warm hand touched his chest—the place where his heart was, to be exact.

"You're still here," Shizuo said softly, and before Izaya could even react, Shizuo already hugged him possessively.

"You're here Izaya."

Izaya wanted to stab him so much yet he couldn't stop his heart from beating so much.

"Shizu-chan, you may need to clean your ears." The brunette struggled to release himself from the taller blond with no avail. "The person who loved you is gone. Even though he was me, but we thought differently, we act differently… and we're not same. The person in front of you, right now—"

"You're him." Shizuo said again quickly, much to Izaya's shock. "No matter what you said, you can't deny it. Even without your memories, you're still you. You have to admit it Izaya."

Izaya pushed Shizuo really hard—eyes blazing in anger. "Hah! Now you're just desperate. How pathetic."

"I am not." Shizuo spoke rather casually and it made the raven's blood boil. "You're the pathetic one."

"Excuse me?"

"You're just searching any excuses to deny the fact that we've no longer hated each other." The blond continued with an expression Izaya couldn't quite comprehend what that expression meant. "You don't want to admit that we've both changed."

"Shut up…"

" …but you can't deny it. That person, even without his memories, has everything only you have."

"Shut up…!"

"You are still that person which I love. And…"

Shizuo stared at Izaya with a sad, yet deep gaze that made Izaya wanted to escape from him—escape to a faraway place… so his heart could calm itself.

"…you are still the person who loves me."

Izaya could no longer hide his mask. He screamed.

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" The raven hit Shizuo repeatedly, even though he knew it was meaningless for Shizuo. He grabbed his switchblade and pointed it at Shizuo once again threateningly. The smaller raven pushed Shizuo so he was on the blond. Despite their naked, sweaty bodies, the atmosphere were so dark and tensing as Izaya panted harshly. He hated how Shizuo didn't seem to flinch or angry—even just for a bit.

"Ahahahahaha! Oh God, Shizu-chan! You're so funny it makes me sick!" The raven laughed sinisterly. "Are you implying the possibilities that I may have any feelings for a monster like you?"

"Not possibilities," Shizuo simply said. "I'm positive about that."

Izaya's smile disappeared as he realized how deadly serious Shizuo was.

It made him wanted to cry.

_How…_

_Why…? !_

"What do you know about me?" Izaya breathed angrily—his hand was shaking as he gripped on his switchblade. "What do you know of my feelings? A protozoan like you who knows nothing but violence… How dare you said to me that I have any feelings for likes of you? !"

"You know you love me." The blond said again challengingly with a calm expression that didn't match him at all. "You just don't want to admit it."

"_Do you have a death wish, Shizu-chan?"_

"It's a bit weird to hear you said that to me, but I rarely see you angry like this, so I will take my time." Shizuo smirked at Izaya to mock him more. "And I have to admit, your angry face is kind of cute."

The blade missed Shizuo only in 0.5 centimeter. It stabbed the pillow instead. Izaya's face was already red in anger.

"You don't know anything about love." Izaya murmured in a low, dangerous voice. "What do you know of me…"

"I know you." The blond cut him again with a serious face. "Few weeks ago, I may won't be able to see what's hidden behind your masks. I may had never thought to give myself any chance to see your real emotions you hide. But now… I can see through your mask. Don't lie to your own feelings."

"Shut up!" Izaya yelled to Shizuo and pointed his switchblade in front of his face. "…Shut up… or I'll KILL YOU!"

For a moment, there was only silence except for Izaya's harsh pants. Shizuo was the first one to cut the silence.

"Isn't that what you want?" The blond scoffed. "Then do it."

The red eyes widen in shock.

"What?"

"You hate me, don't you?" Shizuo smirked at him mockingly, as he turned the table. "You've always said that it would be better if I just died. Then won't you do it yourself?"

Shizuo's words hit Izaya's mind and heart hard.

_What the fuck…?_

"If you _really hate_ me, you should be able to do it, right, _Izayaa-kun_?" Shizuo grabbed Izaya's hand that pointed the switchblade, to Izaya's surprise. Then, he moved that hand so the switchblade pointed against where his heart is. "You're not going to have another chance to kill me. Then do it."

Izaya's body was trembling in anger as Shizuo challenged him.

"Look in my eyes and say that you hate me then kill me." The blond spoke again—his expression remained calm and challenging. "If you really feel that way, do it."

Shizuo was always unpredictable.

He would always have, always will, and always be unpredictable.

Shizuo should have known that there was no way he could kill him…

And he dared to challenge him _to kill…_

Izaya gritted his teeth, and in form of his deep self hatred and rage, tears leaked from his eyes.

He hated himself how he couldn't kill Shizuo.

He hated how much he loved Shizuo.

_Why…_

_The bonds and feelings I've supposed to dismiss…_

_Instead they're going stronger and stronger…_

_This… weaknesses…_

"I'm… I'm gonna kill…" The raven sobbed and his hand trembled harder. Seeing Izaya's tears, Shizuo was a bit surprised, but then his face softened and he batted the switchblade from Izaya's hand. Izaya didn't have any time to react before Shizuo pushed him back and turned their position as he hugged the smaller man.

"You can't do it." He breathed softly to Izaya's ear.

"You love me."

The raven felt his heart almost stopped when Shizuo's lips crushed against his hungrily.

"Hmmmph—!"

His body felt hot as their nude skins touched each other—yearning for more—much to Izaya's dismay. He tried to pry himself off from the taller man, but it was no use. He may was one of the most dangerous men in Ikebukuro, and he may one of the people that dared to stand up to Shizuo's strength and was able to see another day even after fight him, but that was only because he didn't really fight him. Mostly, he only used his small body to run and avoid Shizuo's attacks and that's why he was able to escape from Shizuo all this time. But on strength to strength fight, Izaya knew it himself that there was no way he could win against Shizuo on physical strength.

"Stop… Shizu-chan, release me!"

Izaya's pleas fell on deaf ears as Shizuo continued to kiss, mark, and bite his lips and neck. Apparently Shizuo had waited very long to be able to pour his longing that he wasn't be able to stop himself from his own animalistic lust and desires.

"Izaya…" The blond repeated again and again like a madness mantra. Izaya shivered when he looked at Shizuo's honeyish golden colored orbs. They were dark with lust and desires—wanting and needing for him that made Izaya's body went rigid and excited at the same time. "Izaya… Izaya…"

Izaya shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to give in.

_No. I can't give in_. In the middle of the tense atmosphere, Izaya regained his senses_. Yadogiri already knows this place. This place is not safe anymore._

_Now that I've escaped from him once, what will he do? Will he try to hurt anyone to lure me out?_

Something snapped in Izaya's head when he remembered there are still people who were not aware of what actually happened to him and could be attacked anytime.

_Mairu and Kururi…!_

Izaya examined the wrecked apartment in panic, searching for his clothes as well trying to calculate how fast he could get to the door after he released himself from Shizuo.

_I need to get out from here!_

Without warning, Izaya clawed Shizuo as hard as he could—knowing that such attack won't give the blond any significant wounds. It was enough to catch Shizuo's guard down and Izaya quickly took his chance to jump from the bed and snatch his clothes and ran towards the exit door.

Realizing that Izaya was intending to escape, Shizuo quickly growled in anger and caught Izaya's leg, making both men fell to the floor. The raven cursed, as the blond pulled him and hugging him possessively. In any other cases, the context would be more romantic and overprotective. In this case however, though the overprotective part was still there, it was overshadowed with anger and selfish desires to posses.

"You're NOT leaving me again!" Shizuo screamed angrily. His anger and deep possessiveness made him couldn't think straight and blurted out selfish things he didn't realize himself. "I'm not letting you go twice! I will lock you up in this place if I MUST!"

Izaya kept struggling and kicked Shizuo's stomach. His body was hurt, but he forced himself to run. He didn't have any time to wear his clothes, but he didn't care—Shizuo was still looming behind him, and he needed to get out NOW.

Luckily for both of them that their apartment was on tenth floor and no one guard the place at the time. Izaya kicked the door (he secretly was grateful he didn't lock the door back then at night) and ran towards the elevator. Shizuo was quickly on his feet and chased him right away.

"Don't run away! IZAYA!"

Izaya gritted his teeth and kept running to the elevator desperately. His heart was beating fast in fear as he forced his legs to run like he was used to be before. The raven didn't have time to rest and quickly hit the buttons of the elevator to go down.

The elevator was still loading to reach this floor. Izaya's breathing hitched and he could feel Shizuo became closer and closer behind him. His body shivered, half from the cold temperature (since he was still nude) and half from the panic.

Izaya almost wanted to scream when he realized Shizuo was only 8 foots from him.

_Open, please open the door fast!_

Just as he thought Shizuo would catch him, the elevator rung a 'ding!' and the door opened. Izaya wasted no time to get in and quickly pushed the button to close the elevator door.

Before the elevator door was closed, Izaya caught a glimpse of Shizuo's expression. An expression he didn't want to see Shizuo out of all humans he loved to wear it.

Expression that showed desperate, pain, sadness, longing, and sorrow…

After the elevator closed, Izaya pushed the button to go to the basement. He quickly wore his clothes before anyone he didn't know come to catch him naked like this. His mind reeling to Shizuo's lifeless expression and he hit the elevator's door hard angrily.

That sad expression…

That expression that showed as if he had just lost the most important thing from his life…

"Dammit… Shizu-chan, why…" The raven whispered painfully. His heart was still clenched at how Shizuo looked at him and how he treated him possessively now.

_He loves me._

_He really loves me… He… returns my feelings…_

_He really… returns them…_

Izaya slumped down the wall inside of the elevator and gritted his teeth.

_But…_

"Falling in love with me now… it's just too late…"

He spent the rest of his time in the elevator sobbing in anger and sorrow.

_***DRRR!***_

Before Shizuo had a chance to catch him back, that elevator door opened, stealing Izaya from him. The blond was angry and he tempted to crush the elevator door even if it was already closed. He was so angry and panicked that he would lose Izaya once again that he couldn't think straight at the moment, but before he had any chance to actually stop Izaya, Shizuo caught glimpse of his expression—which made his heart almost stopped.

He looked scared.

It felt like Izaya was scared of him… as if he was really a monster.

After the elevator door was closed, Shizuo stood in silence as his senses back to him.

_If…_

_If I had actually caught him… what would I have done?_

_Would I really lock him up?_

Shizuo's face paled when he remembered that the raven actually started struggling and ran from him when Shizuo was touching him.

_Or… maybe I would've… raped him again?_

_I…_

"…a monster…" Shizuo said bitterly and his eyes furrowed painfully. "I am a monster…"

_Even to the person I love… I can't control myself…_

_But…_

"But I still don't want to lose you," Shizuo breathed again, and this time he made up his mind. "As much as selfish it seemed, you're the one to teach me that I must be selfish in order to love you. So I won't give up."

…_because you're a bastard who is much, much more selfish than me…_

…_yet you love me…_

…_and I love you._

Shizuo almost opted to run after Izaya with stairs, but then he realized that he was still nude. Feeling embarrassed and a little stupid for realizing it too late, he quickly ran back to the apartment, grabbed his bartender clothes from his brother and wear it quickly. Before he left the apartment, his eyes found Izaya's switchblade that he batted on the floor.

His mind was screaming him to ignore it and ran after Izaya. He was racing with time, and he could really lose Izaya for real if he didn't go now. Not to mention, Yadogiri was still alive and there was a possibility he could get Izaya first. Shizuo knew that he should just ignore it and go.

However, there was a small voice in the back of his head that somehow telling him to bring along that switchblade, as if something bad was going to happen. Shizuo didn't know what the reason was, but the urge was so hard that he clicked his tongue and put his switchblade on his pocket where he usually placed his sunglasses in.

It could be that he's just missed Izaya's scent so much that he wanted to stay close with that raven—even if it's only one small switchblade that the raven owned. Or maybe he just didn't want Izaya to be so defenseless when he found him, so his instincts told him to bring that switchblade for his protection later. Shizuo couldn't think about it too much as his mind was fulfilled with Izaya's safety. He noted himself that even if he lost Izaya's track, there was one place Izaya would probably go when his memories was restored.

The blond left the apartment and started running towards Kawagoe Highway—to Kishitani residence, to be exact.

_***DRRR!***_

Kishitani Residence, 09.30 AM.

"I will go check on them now."

A woman with no head and black rider suit typed her thought to her PDA and showed it to a certain underground doctor and a long haired woman. They were in the living room and had just discussed what they would have to do from now on that Yadogiri escaped. Since he was wanted by both Awakusu-kai and the police he probably wouldn't move harshly, so they had some time to discuss what they should do. Namie had suggested moving both Shizuo and Izaya to a new apartment for now, which both Shinra and Celty agreed on. Since they couldn't reach Shizuo by phone, Celty felt it was necessary for her to check on them.

"Were they okay though?" Shinra 's eyes furrowed. "Shizuo was very unstable and down because of yesterday's incident…"

"It's okay." Celty replied. "I didn't actually leave rightaway yesterday. I waited somewhere near apartment where Izaya couldn't see in case I heard any fighting happened. I didn't hear anything except some weird noises though, so I think they were fine."

"Weird noises?" Namie asked with a confused tone. Celty nodded. "Like, low groans or something… but Izaya is injured, so I think probably Shizuo was checking on him or something."

For the headless woman's confuse, Shinra and Namie's faces a bit paled.

"No, there's no way they would do that." They said almost in sync suddenly, which made Celty even more confused.

"Do what?"

"No, nothing!" Shinra quickly waved his hands and laughed. "You're right, Shizuo probably was only checking on him and Izaya groaned out of pain because Shizuo's being rough on him!"

Althought Cety didn't quite understand, a small voice behind her back told her that not asking further is a much, wiser choice.

"But I'm glad Shizuo understands," Celty added again, and the doctor could sense that she was smiling. "I'm glad they made up."

On that, Namie simply scoffed and Shinra smiled warmly.

"Okay, I'm going now," Celty typed again, then she added some more. "I need to tell them about the plans. Hopefully Yadogiri won't make his moves too fast—"

She was halfway typing the message when suddenly there were loud bangs from the front door. The three of them quickly went silent and kept their guards up—as if they were afraid that it was Yadogiri the one behind the door… even though it was highly impossible.

_Who could it be?_ If Celty had her head, she would have bit her lips in anxiousness.

The knocks became louder and seemed so desperate, but none of the people in the house moved to open the door. That, until they heard a familiar voice.

"I knew you are in there Shinra. OPEN UP!"

Shinra, Celty and Namie were stunned in shock as they realized whose voice it was. Even more shocked with the fact that he had just called Shinra in such impolite way.

_No way…_

_No way…_

_Izaya…_

_Izaya's memories has…? !_

"SHINRA!" The angry voice brought the threesome back to their senses. Celty quickly went to the front door—followed by the ex-scientist and the underground doctor behind her. Right after the door was unlocked, Izaya—who looked like a mess with dissolved hair and dirty clothes he wore yesterday quickly barge in—ignoring the headless woman in front of him and quickly shoved Shinra to the floor, for everyone's surprise.

"Izaya!" Had Celty had her mouth, she would have yelled. Even if she screamed, Izaya would not take notice of her. His eyes were focused on the shocked underground doctor in front of him—full of anger and hatred. Of course he wouldn't try to hurt Shinra—Shinra was his first and the only human he ever considered as a friend. However, at the moment he wanted to pour all his frustration, anger and confusion for what Shinra had done to him—which Izaya thought of it as 'lies' and 'betrayal'.

"Izaya…?" Shinra's eyes were still widening out of surprise. "You… your memories… they're back?"

"They're not supposed to back!" Izaya snarled and grabbed Shinra's neckline coat harshly. "Shinra… why the hell did you make me live with that protozoan? !"

"Izaya, release him!" Celty tried to pry Izaya from Shinra but the raven didn't bulge even an inch. She really didn't want to use her shadows on Izaya when he was still wounded from yesterday's injuries.

"You lied to me!" Izaya yelled again to Shinra, much to the women's confuse. "I thought you're going to keep your promise—!"

"I still keep my promise." Shinra smirked at Izaya's angry face. "I promised not to tell anyone what happened, not to make you live all alone and let you run away from all the problems didn't I?"

Izaya's grip on Shinra's coat tightened and his face became redder because of anger. "You…!"

"And you didn't say I can't make Shizuo to fall for you too, ne?" Shinra quickly added, still with a smug face.

The ex-informant froze.

"You… you planned this…" Izaya gritted his teeth. "You bastard… didn't I tell you not to involve yourself? ! Do you know how dangerous it is for you to… to…" The raven fell silent at his own words, hating that his concern for Shinra that was his only friend was prove of his humanly feelings and ironically also a weakness.

Shinra's smug smile softened, but his gaze was still serious and fixated on Izaya.

"But if I didn't involve myself to this problem, what will happen to you?" Shinra asked with a sad voice. "You're just running away from dangers. Not only for protecting your life, but also to protect your heart. But you know it yourself, Izaya. Eventually… Yadogiri would find you."

Izaya's grip loosened and Celty quickly approached Shinra, despite her own confusion with what actually happened. Izaya avoid his gaze and bit his lips.

"I can't let you keep running away. That's why I helped you instead." Shinra continued, although he wasn't sure if the raven was listening or not. "You are the kind of person who hates to have something called bond… I will prove you that it's not a weakness to love someone Izaya. And I can show you that even Shizuo can love you, even though you're such a failure being of a human."

Izaya laughed bitterly—half because he knew Shinra was right, and half because he was angry and wanted to mock the doctor back.

"Prove, Shinra? You haven't proved me anything!" Izaya shouted angrily at the doctor, and Celty, annoyed with stubborn Izaya readied herself for stopping Izaya if he ever did something to Shinra, though it was unlikely to be possible. However, the headless woman was a bit surprised that such a man like Orihara Izaya could lose his cool like this. Granted, he just regained his memories back and was shocked. But with all these conversation… Celty became to understand a bit what actually had happened.

"All you've proved to me that was I almost got myself killed because of my feelings for that worthless creature!" The raven continued his outburst—pouring his feelings he never showed to anyone before. "Did you know, Shinra? What you did just endanger everyone's lives, even more yours! This is no better choice than what I have!"

Had Celty had her lips, she would have bitten it in something akin to pity and sadness.

_So Izaya was scared…_

_He cares for Shinra's safety, that's why he was scared of losing him._

_He loves Shizuo, that's why he was scared it would become a weakness for him._

_He was scared to be killed, that's why he ran away._

_He was scared Shizuo would not return his feelings, that's why he…_

…_that's why he… wanted to throw away his own feelings as a human…_

"This is a better choice," Shinra argued, still with a calm and serious gaze. "Izaya, you are an annoying, selfish bastard, but I still care for you. Do you really think I will let you keep running away till you die? Of course I will try to help you instead."

His words pierced and warmed the raven's heart at the same time.

Izaya opened his mouth to shout back then he closed it as if he had no words anymore, but later quickly open it again as if he didn't want to lose. "You're NOT helping with trying to make Shizu-chan falls for me! Just what do you want to prove by—"

His words were cut as a slap was landed on his cheek, silencing and shocking Izaya and everyone.

Izaya's red eyes widened open as he stared at the angry blackish brown orbs that bore into his ones.

"Namie…"

"Stop being such a wimpy and start to accept his feelings." Namie stated coldly and direct to the point. "Don't want to be loved by such a monster? Ha! Look at yourself. You're totally happy for being loved back by him. Don't deny it."

"I'm not—"

"Don't give me any bullshit! Why would you care for him from the first place, bugging him and annoying him while risking your life everyday just for a chance of his attention… You're just as desperate and pathetic. You cared for him. The fact that you concerned for his safety while you lost your memories is the very proof of it." Namie yelled nonstop—not giving izaya any chance to cut in. "You love him and he loves you! Freaking admit it already that you're no god but a human, that you have human feelings, desires, weakness and can fall in love too, so accept his freaking feelings and SAVES us from freaking troubles you gave us already DAMMIT!"

Another slap landed on Izaya's cheek, to both Shinra and Celty's shock. They never thought that such a cold, stoic and composed woman as Namie could be angry and burst out if she wants to. Secretly they noted their selves not to try making this woman angry.

Izaya didn't say anything. He was too shocked and surprised by what Namie had told him and didn't know what else to say. Deep down, he knew that already. Deep down, he knew he had been lying to himself so he could protect his pride, even if he had to hurt his feelings. Deep down, he knew that he wanted Shizuo to love him back, even though he was satisfied just by hatred alone.

Deep down he knew he only wanted to be someone particular in Shizuo's life… be it someone to be hated or someone to be loved…

"But it's too late…" Izaya whispered, which caught everyone's attention.

"What do you mean by that?" Shinra asked carefully. He knew that Izaya had just regained his memories judging by his confusion and his lost of composure. Asking something that jolted his memories so suddenly could make him shocked.

"Why does he have to return my feelings now?" Izaya said angrily. His eyes were wet, but he refused to cry. Orihara Izaya didn't show his weaknesses. "Why… at the time where my life is in danger… when his life could be in danger… why does he have to fall in love with me _now_?"

At that, Shinra, Celty and Namie couldn't say anything to answer it. The silence fell into the room for some times.

Izaya—after he finally regained his cool and senses back—sighed and glared at his friend once again.

"What potion exactly did you give me back then?" Izaya said tiredly as he slumped to a nearest sofa. "Some kind of memories-returning-sex potion?"

"COUGH!"

Shinra choked, Namie's jaw hung, and Celty's shadow exploded. Izaya scoffed.

"Eh, Izaya… you did ah, eh… whut?" Shinra stammered with slight flushed cheeks. Celty threw her head (neck) away, trying to avoid 'gazes' with Izaya with mental images of her friend made love to Izaya running in her senses, while Namie coughed hard with a disgusted, yet flushed face.

"C'mon, don't give me that!" Izaya blurted out—his face was also as pink as ootoro's flesh he ate. "You're not the only one confused here!"

"Wait, what…" Celty quickly took her PDA and typed down her confusion. "So when I left you with Shizuo yesterday, you two had s-s…"

"Do you have to state to obvious, Courier?" Izaya said still with a pink cheeks and annoyed tone, though rather than annoyed at Celty he was more annoyed at the fact that he indeed _had sex_ with _Shizuo_. Even with all the memories he had spent with him and the fact that he loved that protozoan, it was still too fucking weird to fuck with… your ex-enemy. Especially after they had tried to kill each other so many times.

"Ah eh, ahahaha wait a minute." Shinra raised his hands to avoid any more talks about his two friends which were enemies had sex before him. "So… you're telling me you regain your memories right after you have sex with Shizuo?"

"God, Shinra do I need to repeat it? Add some details maybe?" Izaya shot with sarcastic tone, definitely annoyed with how slow yet to the point Shinra is. Namie quickly cursed with a disgusted face and mumbled a small "please don't."

"Aaaahahahaha… I see…" Shinra laughed awkwardly, though finally he looked confused and furrowed his eyes. "Wait, I didn't give you any potions to trigger your memories or something. In fact, I didn't expect you to regain them this fast."

Hearing that, Izaya's heart almost fell. His red orbs widened in shock. "What?"

"No, seriously. I'm still mixing the potions and trying to figure out if any of chemical points could jolt anything in your brain to regain your memories back. I even will use some CT scan and some neuropsychological tests if I—"

"_Shinra."_ Despite clearly understands everything Shinra said, apparently with the sudden regaining of memories and in a state of shock Izaya's brain too tired to follow any of the doctor's smart words.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Shinra coughed hard. "I don't really understand how you regain your memories back from sexual intercourse… unless…"

The doctor's eyes widened a bit. He had a feeling Izaya was not going to like this.

"Unless… what?" Celty typed hesitantly. Both Namie and Izaya stared at Shinra, waiting for him to continue (a bit not too impatiently, for Izaya's part). The underground doctor sighed.

"Unless that all the fights you had with Shizuo in the past was a result of your sexual desires." Shinra finally spat out tentatively. "If… if in all those times each time you meet Shizuo… you had something akin to attraction each time you made a contact with him, then maybe all your pent up frustration was the one that triggers your memories when you two made love…"

Namie tried to hold herself from vomiting, but she finally found courage to ask something none, despite the shock. "So what you mean is that, by having sex by Heiwajima Shizuo, it triggers his pent up sexual frustration he had stored in all fights with Shizuo and making him remember of what he'd—"

Izaya slammed his fist on the wall, surprising everyone and effectively shut Namie's mouth up. Blood quickly painted Shinra's white wall.

"Izaya! What the hell…? !" Shinra quickly reached his friend to check the injury—only for Izaya to bat the doctor's hand from him.

"I want my cell phone back." Izaya glared at the doctor. "Don't interfere anymore. Stay out of my business."

"You idiot! Let me treat your wound—"

"Shinra."

A venomous voice made the underground doctor stopped dead on his track and brought his gaze to his friend.

Shinra stared at his friend with a disbelief gaze. "You still don't want to accept it? Do you still want to go all alone, after what have happened?"

"You don't understand anything! The person he wants is ME!" Izaya shouted again. "This problem is far worse than you think! That crazy person you're after is not someone who will be afraid to kill someone! It's not your place to involve your life here!"

"I am being selfish."

The statement threw the raven's guard off. "What…?"

"If you're being selfish, then I'm going to be selfish too." Shinra replied with a serious face, despite the ridiculous thing he was saying. "I'm doing this to impress my beloved Celty. I wanted to show her I care for my friends and I want to help them, like she had told me to."

Izaya was not the only one shocked. Celty was also 'speechless' at what Shinra had just said.

_Shinra…_

Izaya looked a bit saddened, but surprisingly he smiled.

"…I should have known that."

The doctor bit his lips. "Please let me see your hand, Izaya?"

"I don't have any time. I need to go now."

"Go where? !" Celty typed furiously and showed it to the ex-informant's face roughly, to Izaya's dismay. "Running away again? ! Only wait so you can be killed without doing anything? !"

With a low growl, and finally couldn't take it anymore, Izaya yelled at Celty.

"MY SISTERS ARE IN A FUCKING DANGER!"

The people in the room, except for Izaya, hold their breath as they felt chill down their spine when they heard such an angry—yet desperate—and not to mention, _shocking_ words spat out of Izaya's lips. The raven panted harshly, as panic began to seize his body.

"Look,Yadogiri has tried to kill me, Shizu-chan and that woman there." Izaya tried to calm himself while pointing his finger on Namie—which she furrowed her eyebrows at. "You guys know that he will do anything to get me. _Anything_, including killing or taking my family as hostage! I have escaped from him once. My sisters go to school like nothing happened, without any protection. What will he do next to lure me out?"

Had those words were said by Heiwajima Shizuo, it wouldn't be such a shocking scene.

However in front of them, the person who they thought didn't care for humans' lives—even thinking of his own family as an object of observation—was the one who said those words, which showed his crumbled pride clearly.

Celty sure, Shinra understood Izaya better than her, so maybe Shinra wouldn't be as shocked as her.

In fact, Celty had thought that despite her distrust for this man, maybe Izaya still had human emotions. It was unclear what his motive was, but Izaya had asked her to protect his sisters once. The thought was strengthened and proved by his concern for Shinra and his feelings for Shizuo.

If they had more time, they would have been more shocked and confused. But since the problem they were facing was more serious as they thought, they decided to think of Izaya's sisters' safety first.

After the information sunk into their heads, Shinra, Namie and Celty began to think of any possibilities what would happen next now that Izaya regained his memories, and what would happen if Yadogiri did take Izaya's sisters as hostage.

_Now that I think of it_… Shinra's head began to work.

_Does Yadogiri know if Izaya lost his memories? If he knows of it, t would be pointless to take Izaya's sisters as hostage._

_But even if I ask Izaya now, he will try to avoid my questions too. I doubt he will answer me._

_He said he's in hurry… Probably he's worried of his sisters and will try to contact them. But he can't be seen now!_

_No… when he was coming here, he must have already be seen. Worst part is that, Yadogiri's subordinates may have seen him here and they would be coming here too. We can't hide him if that happens…_

_Dammit…_

"It's only a possibility that your sisters may be kidnapped, but it's still an uncertainty." Namie quickly said. "There's no evidence that he will certainly kidnap your sisters."

Izaya glared at his ex-secretary. "Well, WHAT will you do if there's a possibility that your beloved brother is in danger? ! Oh! It's not positive; it will be okay, Namie-san?"

Namie glared back at her ex- boss in anger, but thinking of his words, her expression saddened and she stayed silent. Of course, if anything happened to Seiji… a possibility or not, she would be worried as hell and did everything she could to protect his life. She should have known how it felt… even though her love for her brother may be different with Izaya's concern for his sisters.

Shinra stared at Izaya's wounded hand and furrowed his eyebrows.

_If… If I let him go now… Yadogiri will definitely track him down._

_Out of the three of us, only Celty is the one able to search and protect both Mairu and Kururi too… I won't be able to protect Izaya's sisters and both Namie and I may still be targeted by Yadogiri…_

_But If I try to hold him here… who knows what will he do. I'm sure he will go on rampage and I doubt I can hold him._

_Not to mention, if Izaya's able to come here, then Shizuo must be searching for him right now. Yadogiri has tried to kill him so Shizuo may still be a target. Even with his strength, we don't have much time._

_Dammit…_

_This time… I should gamble again shouldn't I?_

…

Shinra sighed before he took out Izaya's cell phone out of his lab coat to Izaya's uninjured hand, much to Celty and Namie's surprise.

"Kishitani-sensei!" Namie yelled out—a clear disagreement could be seen fron her expression. "If you let him go, Yadogiri will—!"

"I know!" Shinra quickly said and he hung his head. He stayed like that for a moment before he moved his gaze to stare at Izaya's red orbs.

"…but I have no choice."

Izaya's red orbs softened. Shinra had been protecting him all this time. Even though he had lied to him… Shinra… also Celty and Namie had been protecting his life.

_Shinra…_

"I've recharged your cell phone." Shinra said again as his eyes bore into Izaya's. "I got many private calls but I never pick it up. I don't know what you will do with this but if you're worried for your sisters then go."

Izaya silently took his cell phone and left, ignoring Celty and Namie. When he was about to leave the house though, he muttered something that surprised everyone.

"…thank you."

Namie's eyes widened in shock.

Those words, they were just little words but it meant so much.

And for someone like Izaya to lower his pride and say something like that…

Namie rushed out of the apartment, but Izaya was already gone. Celty followed her, and asked her hesitantly.

"Na… Namie-san…?"

"Dammit…" Namie gritted her teeth angrily. "He plans to end this all."

"What do you mean—"

"He's planning to end this all!" Namie yelled out. "He will warn his sisters to protect them, maybe… but after that, he's going straight to Yadogiri!"

Celty felt like the world suddenly stopped rotating after she heard those words. "What…"

"Izaya…" Namie bit her lips angrily. Her body is trembling in desperate and rage.

"He's going to give himself to be killed… by Yadogiri…"

Silence fell to the room, invading everyone with shock and fear.

"No way… what are you talking about?" The headless woman typed to her PDA panickedly.

What was it… Even though she was not supposed to have any heart…

What was this anxious feeling…

Was this what humans called fear? Something you can feel not only the person you loved, but also to people you cared of…

_Fear?_

"We… we need to go after him!" Celty typed quickly in her PDA and was about to call Shooter when Shinra's hand caught hers.

"It's okay. Calm yourself Celty. I have a plan."

Namie glared at the doctor and yelled at him. "How can you say that at time like this—"

Shinra's gaze saddened.

_Izaya…_

_You are the one who's been so scared of losing your life…_

_For you to choose this route to end this problem..._

_For you… to protect me, Shizuo, and everyone else…_

_I'm glad that you're no longer running away, but…_

_When I said 'don't run away', this is not what I meant…_

_You can't die, Izaya… you can't…_

"It's okay." Shinra smiled, but with a serious face, which made the women confused. "If my plan goes well, we may be able to catch Yadogiri and saves Izaya at same time. Izaya right now is panicked, so I doubt he will realize it that fast…"

"Wait, wait," The headless woman turned to her 'husband' confusedly. "What do you mean by that?"

The underground doctor smirked.

"I tapped his cell phone so we can track him later." Shinra said with a relaxed, yet straight face. "Tapping devices sure are cheap nowadays."

_***DRRR!***_

Between Kawagoe Highway and Shinjuku, at the same time.

_Izaya…_

_Izaya… Izaya… where are you…_

A certain blond with bartender clothes were running in the middle street, ignoring weird gazes from some people. He breathed harshly and he was a bit tired—not because of running, but because of lack of sleep, which was caused by certain activities he did—but he forced himself to keep running, his eyes running to search one certain person… a flea who had always been interfering his life… a small man who had been making his life a living hell…

A certain person… which he fell in love with…

Heiwajima Shizuo gritted his teeth.

_Dammit flea…_

_You're the one making all this mess…_

_You better take responsibilities…_

Shizuo knew with what had happened yesterday—that now almost everyone knows Izaya was back—it was dangerous for him to get out from his apartment. Not to mention, izaya had warned him about it too. Shinra had told him once that his life was also probably in danger because Yadogiri had tried to kill him once with the bombing at his apartment, though the blond didn't really paying attention of it. And everyone who was worried with Izaya—though not many—would bombard the blond with questions. But it didn't stop him anyway—he was going to find Izaya, protect him and get him back to his side.

Shizuo's mind was too occupied by Izaya that he didn't realize there were girls in front of him when he took a shortcut until he actually crashed over them. They fell to the road and Shizuo cursed as his head hit the road. It was a bit unusual there were people walked here—so far it was only Izaya and him who knew this shortcut due to their usual fight and 'cat and dog' game routes.

"Ouch… dammit…!" The blond quickly brought his gaze to the girls apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'm in hurry. You guys alright?"

The blond's honey orbs widened in surprise when he realized the ones he bumped into were no other than pair of twins he knew too damn well.

"Mairu…? Kururi…?" Shizuo asked confusedly. "Why are you guys in here?"

The blond's mind reeled over what had happened yesterday and got a bit panicked.

_Shit, they may have watched me and Izaya yesterday._

_Mairu gave me so many miscalls yesterday._

_They are going to ask me about their brother aren't they?_

Shizuo's head was filled with confusions until he realized that today was still too early for the twins to get out from school. Not only that… for them to be in an isolated place like this…

"Wait… why are you guys not at class?" Shizuo asked hesitantly. The twins had been searching for Izaya and asked him for that. He had lied to them and he felt guilty for them ever since. If they skipped classes because they were searching for Izaya… it would also be his fault.

The girls however, didn't reply. Their behaviors were too weird that Shizuo noticed there was something amiss quickly.

"Mairu…? Kururi…?"

Shizuos eyes widened when he stared at the red orbs which stared back at him.

These red eyes were not their usual brownish ones… They were a bit too bright and too unresponsive.

"Heiwajima Shizuo…" They said slowly in sync.

Before Shizuo realized that the twins had just called him with a different name they usually refer him, he felt something stabbed into his stomach. His eyes widened in shock.

_Mairu had just stabbed him with a knife._

"_I love you…"_

_What… what the…_

Shizuo tried to stay awake, but there was an unrecognizable power that was so strong, which he couldn't fight… a weird power which pulled him into darkness.

_Dammit…_

Shizuo was the strongest person in Ikebukuro.

He was not the one that could be taken down easily. Even with knives or a shot with a gun, he would still be able to stay stand and walk.

However, at the moment, it was not mere physical strength that was creeping into his body.

The knive was a normal knife. However the strength that used the knife was not Mairu's.

It was strength that was blinded of love—Saika virus that was trying to posses him at the moment.

Shizuo fell to the road as Saika began to invading his mind. The sight became blurry and it was hard for him to stay focused.

_Dammit… dammit…_

_I… Izaya…_

The blond cursed before he fell into unconsciousness.

**Thank you for readers who are still following and haven't gotten bored yet… I love you all! This story finally is reaching its climax and will end in few chapters… I hope you guys still want to read it till the end.**


	21. Half is the Price and Half is Sacrifice

__21. Half is the Price and Half is sacrifice_

There were just so many things he wanted to do before he died.

The first of all, was of course, becoming a God of humans. He wanted to know more about humans he loved dearly and their emotions. Whether the plan involving a certain dullahan's head would work or not, he didn't care about the result. It'd be fun and he would still think himself higher than other humans anyway.

At least, he _wanted to want_ to become a God. But for certain circumstances, as much he hated to admit it, he would never be able to reach that dream anymore.

Second, no matter how much he hated the fact, he still cared for Shinra. The least he could do was that to make a world where he and Celty could live together happily. It was easy to know that Shinra's life would always be revolving at that headless woman, and so as long Shinra would still be his friend he would let him have his happiness. Not that he himself would never admit that.

Third, he never really cared much for his family, but it wasn't like he hated his sisters. They were just so annoying that he hoped they would never bother him each time he works and go bug a certain Neanderthal instead. But when it was apparent her sisters cared for that monster than him, he realized that without them, his life felt so empty. He had never given any attention like a big brother should do for his sisters, now that they no longer cared for him, a sudden desire of being wanted urged him to act more brotherly for them, although he would still deny it if he is asked if he love his sisters.

Again, note that he would never admit that, even for himself.

Fourth, he knew that all those evil things he did, they would come to bite him back in the ass. He knew that he was a jerkass and a bastard that didn't care for anyone's feelings. And as much he knew that he was lonely and wanting to have someone that will treat him with care and love, he forces himself to feel satisfied with his loneliness. He told himself that he would be a God, and not a single weakness he has, even if he must throw his feelings away to become someone without any weakness. He would never let anyone see his vulnerable side, and in return he would be okay if he had no friends to support him, because he believed he could fight his own loneliness and emotions.

When he had come to lose his memories, he was given the biggest challenge for his stubbornness.

He was forced to care for those he didn't want to care for. He was forced to have a strong bond with them. He was forced to have love and care from those people that he'd been dying for, but never allowed to have.

He was forced to have weaknesses like other human beings he was.

He loathed those memories. He loathed those bonds. He loathed those people. And he loathed this happiness. But he loathed himself most because he couldn't throw away all of them. He couldn't resist the temptation. Having friends, having someone to care for you and to care for, and living like humans… it felt nice. It felt too nice. He had never once wanted this to happen and forced himself not to care. And even after his memories were back, he tried to loathe this happiness. He tried to become a jerkass once again. He tried to become one who was invincible—to become a God once again.

But it was no use. He was too weak.

He was too afraid to let go of them. He was too afraid to let go of love, the biggest weakness.

One would think he was so lucky, that even though he was such a bastard and jerkass, and top of that, playing with humans just to see them in misery, he was given such friends and happiness. But for himself, this was nothing but karma. One playful, annoying and arrogant bitch of a karma that he, the one that would become a God, was forced to step so low to become a mere human being, to feel real 'love' and to care for other humans, and forced to admit that he couldn't let go of his own weaknesses anymore.

It was a mistake when he had decided to observe himself back then.

Now that he finally admitted that he was also a human that has weaknesses, he could no longer turn back. All the problems he had started, he should be the one to end it as well. All of his friends that had been involved should be freed this way, and he would feel better to be alone when he confronted Yadogiri alone anyway.

Shinra was right. He could no longer run away. He would make his friends in even more danger than they are now instead.

So he would finish this for real. Even if it cost his life for it.

Fifth, he wanted to be an immortal so he could escape death. Dying was something he feared the most (besides dead fish's eyes anyway). Or it might be more exact to say that he was afraid of nothingness after death. Even hell was better than nothing, but he couldn't predict if there was heaven or hell after death, and he wanted to keep observing humans he loved. If he had to die, he must be the one to do it himself. No one should judge his death, even God or fate.

Since he regained his memories, he was tempted to kill himself so many times.

If he died… Yadogiri wouldn't have any reasons to keep anyone hostage and taking those he cared for as hostages any longer. But such thing was too hasty to do at the moment. Not with the possibilities that he had his sisters. He didn't want to risk their lives now. Even if he had to die, he couldn't do it now.

And, though it takes a very, very long time to be able to admit and accept it, there was another reason why he couldn't die now.

It was also another reason that made him gave up on being immortal. One reason that was strong enough to keep himself to live, and also to make him give up on living forever.

That reason, the sixth wish, he wanted to confess properly to Heiwajima Shizuo, the person he hated with his entire being as well the person he loved the most from all living beings in world.

He wanted to say how much he hated Shizuo for being a different being than the other humans.

He wanted to say how much he hated him for being such an unpredictable creature.

He wanted to say how much he hated Shizuo for being able to have friends and people who care for them. He wanted to say how jealous he was for Shizuo, although he never wanted to admit that before.

But most of all, he wanted to tell Shizuo how much Shizuo's being affected his life so much, and how much he think of Shizuo every day, and how desperate he was because of that.

He wanted to tell Shizuo how much he loved him.

He wanted to tell Shizuo how much he hated him because of that.

He wanted to tell Shizuo how crazy he had become just because of falling in love with him.

And although he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to tell Shizuo all those feelings he had been buried for such long time… at least it still keeps him to want to be alive.

_There were just so many things he wanted to do before he died._

Orihara Izaya laughed a humorless laugh as he willed his legs to run, though his body almost had no more energy to even stand up properly.

He didn't know where to run; he didn't know where his destination was.

But he knew he did the right thing.

_Whether you want to meet with me or not, I'm still going to find you._

Izaya stopped when he saw few unusual muscular men in front of him with such cold expression, as if they had been waiting for him. Even the people in the busy street of Ikebukuro knew the danger aura they gave out of used with the unusual phenomenon in Ikebukuroand walking further, giving a space for Izaya and those men so they wouldn't get involved.

Though right now, Izaya knew he could die anytime, weirdly enough he wasn't scared. Izaya didn't even know if Yadogiri had held his sisters hostages or not, but he was sure no matter what, these men would still lead him to Yadogiri anyway.

The brunette merely smirked.

_Let the last game begin then._

_***DRRR!***_

"_It really is such a rare thing for Sister in law to call me."_ A semi-sweet, yet alarmed voice spoke through the other phone line_. "Are you going to kill me? Or are you going to find me and operate my face once again?"_

"…"

"_It's sad that our path of love is blocked by my own sister in law… Or are you finally accepting our love?"_

"Are you an idiot?" Namie spoke up with an irritated tone. "Seiji doesn't even love you."

"_Nor does he love you."_

"…" Namie was silent for a while, but she later replied coldly. "But he needs me. He needs me for his entire life. He lives by my supports."

"_That's the same with me. He needs me. I don't care if he looks at another girl when he stares at my face. He needs me as much as I need him."_

"…"

"_Is that why you called me?"_

"No…" Namie sighed. "I really hate you so much for snatching Seiji's attention, even though he doesn't even care for you, but I want to talk for something else." Namie bit his lips, hating herself for lowering her pride to say the words she never wanted to say to that girl ever.

But there's no one else to ask of any information but her right now.

"I need your help. And I need information."

There was a silence from the other line.

"… _If it matters with Seiji's life…"_

"It won't." Namie quickly added. No matter how much she hated this girl, she at least knew and understood that Harima Mika was not the one to let any harm come for Seiji. And only at that, she entrusted Seiji for her, until the time for her to take Seiji back return. "If it would harm Seiji in the first place, I would never ask these things from you."

Mika stayed silence once again.

"_I never thought you cared for Izaya-san."_

Namie felt her body went rigid in anger, and almost threw her cellphone in confusion and denial of how this little kitten knew, before she remembered that this little stalker tapped everything related to Seiji, that she probably even watched the whole scene when she first hugged the informant to comfort him. The long haired woman felt nausea all over her stomach as shame and anger burned in her body.

"_Isn't that why you call me? You wanted to save Izaya-san, right?"_

Namie didn't say yes. Nor she said no. Mika chuckled at the silence, although her laugh seemed a bit sad.

"_But Kishitani-sensei tapped Izaya-san's cellphone, right? You can track him anytime you want, although you guys lose in numbers when it comes to Yadogiri's guards…"_

Namie narrowed her eyes in suspicion when she heard Yadogiri's name. "Just how much do you know already…?"

"_Not much, actually."_ For the woman's surprise, the younger girl sighed_. "He was more careful and has more information network than Izaya-san. It's hard to track him down, but there's one weird thing I can tell you."_

On any other condition, Namie would have scoffed in disgust if someone told her she would be able to chat with Harima Mika and working together as if she and Mika held no grudge at each other. Isn't it ironic that she wanted to laugh that even Mika herself seemed to forget about their not so good terms now that they were in this kind of situation?

Relly, since when she started to care for other people than her own brother, she wondered? Even she could be worried of that bastard.

_He also changed. He might still a bastard, but even he starts to act more humanly._

_Even willing himself to get killed to protect someone else…_

"_Namie-san? Hello? You there?"_

"Hm?" The long haired woman's eyes blinked—her little reverie was scattered by Mika's voice.

"_Ah! You weren't listening at all were you? Pull yourself together~ I won't repeat anything if you don't pay attention!"_

Namie's eyes twitched in annoyance. She really didn't understand though why her brother would be so patient to hold himself to be with her just for the sake of that face.

"_So like, do you remember the Slasher incident?"_

"Yeah I do." Though Namie had no idea why would Mika bring this up now when they were talking about how to save Izaya.

"_I know that the host for Saika is Anri-chan, and Anri-chan doesn't seem to be aware with all these problems, so I doubt she is involved with this all but… most of Yadogiri's guards are controlled by Saika."_

Oh.

Okay, she was lying if she said she wasn't shocked.

But now she could understand why Yadogiri seemingly had infinite numbers of subordinates even after most of them were caught by Awakusu-kai.

"How do you know?"

"_I've been tapping everyone ne? People who are close with Seiji—including those people that might hurt Seiji-san—I tap them all. When I tap Anri-chan, I also saw a carbon copy of Saika who possessed a girl named Haruna. She was caught yesterday and suddenly there's an amount of people being controlled by Saika and they are told to search for Orihara Izaya…"_

Namie's head was spinning now. Yadogiri… How this man is able to hold unto such a power in such little amount of time? How they are going to be able to snatch Izaya back if they had nothing but no one against such an army?

Okay… she needs to calm down.

"How about… Heiwajima Shizuo?" She asked hesitantly. Knowing that this was a certain dumb, reckless person who repeatedly wrecked Izaya's plans they're talking about, Namie decides to ask, just in case.

_Besides… this person is also the one who affects Izaya most…_

Surprisingly, Mika suddenly fell silent.

"_Heiwajima Shizuo… is supposed to be the only one who can't be affected by Saika."_

"Huh?"

"_This is weird… I don't understand why but…" _Mika seemed to be confused as her voice seemed to be a bi wavering. _"Except Izaya-san has affected him as well, considering their relationship, it can't be happened, but…"_

Namie really, _really_ had to wonder how much Mika knew about this problem. She felt a bit annoyed now that this girl seemed to know so many things so easily even talking about Shizuo and Izaya's relationship without any awkward tone. She even might watched their sex scene from beginning till the end and this girl seemed to be not disturbed even a bit as long Seiji is not involved at all.

But pushing that aside, Namie didn't understand what she'd been blabbering about, _at all_.

"What the hell happened? What are you talking about?"

Again, silence from the other line.

"_Well…"_ Mika's voice seemed hesitant. _"Heiwajima-san was caught by Saika, as well Izaya-san's sisters, Mairu and Kururi."_

This time, Namie felt as if the sky thundered on her head, as she tries to breathe calmly.

Things… things just worked too fast. How could that damn brute get caught? Wasn't he supposed to be the strongest monster in Ikebukuro? Not to mention Mairu and Kururi were caught as well…

She had underestimated Yadogiri Jinnai, it seemed.

Now fear and panic consumed her.

What should they do? They need to act fast, but what should they do? _What could they do?_

If Izaya knew Shizuo and his sisters were caught, with no doubt he would give himself for Yadogiri, or trying to save them, maybe. But he had Saika army that can kill him anytime. Not to mention, Yadogiri could also kill Izaya's sisters and Shizuo anytime if he wanted to if he had held them hostage now.

Namie could no longer think straight. She had to tell this to Shinra and Celty fast, but her legs felt too weak to move. What would happen? What would Izaya do? What would Yadogiri do? Who was going to be killed first?

Any wrong move they did, and everything was going to be ruined.

They had to think about it thoroughly and searching for more people to help, but they didn't have any time.

Dammit…

Could things get any worse than this?

Mika's voice once again scattered her thought.

"_I can help."_

Just for a spur of moment, all the fear in her body seemed to be lightened.

"What—"

"_I can help. I will also try to save Izaya-san, his sisters, and Shizuo-san."_ Mika said again, a bit more confident this time. She paused before she continued with more cheerful tone.

"_But in exchange, you have to accept me and Seiji's love, Sister~!"_

_***DRRR!***_

It was dark.

No matter where he ran, it was all darkness. It was until his feet stomped at something sticky, he looked up.

He realized it then it was blood.

Then he looked up with mortified face, as he realized that as far as he could see, everything is painted with blood.

His body trembled in fear at such nostalgic nightmare.

_No… why this nightmare again?_

No matter how far he ran, he could only see blood in every place. He didn't like this place. He needed to get out from here. So he ran and ran, but he couldn't see any exit. It was all only blood surrounding him. He cursed and broke his cigarette in two.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It was blood everywhere.

_It was blood everywhere._

"_Shizu-chan…"_

Shizuo froze.

He remembered.

It had been months since he had this nightmare, but he couldn't forget it. That voice gave his body thrills and he slowlt turned his face, only to look up on an unreadable red eyes.

He remembered.

After this, Izaya was going to be shot.

The raven spoke again. "You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. In fact, maybe I—"

Shizuo didn't let him finish on his own this time. He ran and pushed Izaya this time, hugging him as a loud gunshot heard.

Back then, he feared of this so much.

But now, he didn't want to run away.

This time, he would turn this nightmare to get a happy ending as well.

"Yeah…"

"Me too, Izaya."

The light slowly came, enveloped their bodies as Shizuo blinked his eyes.

It surprised him to wake up in a place he didn't know.

The place was not exactly, clean—it was like a room in abandoned building that was just discovered now.

His body couldn't move the way he wanted, and that was when he realized he was bounded and chained with something that definitely was stronger than normal rope.

The blond tried to remember what he had done to be in such situation when he remembered why he had been so desperately running.

_I…Izaya…_

He struggled so hard, hoping that his strength would at least break the ropes and chains. But it was weird. Even if it was no normal chain and ropes, even he could feel that his strength was almost gone, as if it was sucked on.

But he couldn't care less about that at the moment.

Right now… what was in his mind was only Izaya.

Izaya's safety.

Izaya's life.

Izaya.

"Have you awaken, Heiwajima-san?"

Only when he heard the voice Shizuo realized that he wasn't alone in the room. He looked up to see there was a girl with bandaged neck and a man he hated passionately.

"Yadogiri…" Shizuo growled, his voice was nothing but venomous and full of hatred.

"You might don't want to make so much fuss, Heiwajima-san." Yadogiri chuckled and then grinned eerily. "Well, that if you don't want the twins to be hurt…"

Shizuo really, really wanted to struggle, punch him in the face, and kill him right there. Even his head was screaming like a beast, as anger almost took his body whole if not for Yadogiri's threaten.

"…twins?" To be alarmed was such an understatement when Yadogiri asked someone to 'bring them in'.

Shizuo froze when he heard the voice he knew so well screamed in a way he never thought she would ever sound ever.

"RELEASE US! RELEASE US YOU BASTARDS!"

A guard with a pair of unnatural red eyes brought the twins in. The red eyes reminded him of Mairu and Kururi's eyes before they about to stab him before and it was then when he realized that they all were controlled by Saika—which he had fought once before too.

But Shizuo couldn't even care about him.

"Mairu…! Kururi!"

One of the bounded girls—the one with school uniform jolted at the voice and stared at the voice source with tearful eyes.

"Shi… Shizuo-san…" Her voice was so heartbreaking, with half sobbing and with all those tears streaks on her face. Kururi was not any better than her. In fact, Kururi, despite being silent, couldn't stop her tears from flowing out her eyes.

It was then Shizuo realized something he hoped he didn't see.

Both their clothes were ripped in inappropriate places.

And there were bruises as well marks on those sacred, womanly places where one should not give.

The blond could feel his rage burst and pulled his body with all the strength he had left, although the chain and ropes still pulled him tightly from actually hurting Yadogiri.

"You COWARD! LOW BEAST!" Shizuo screamed angrily—and his eyes were dark, lust for this man's blood. His howl was nothing like human and he growls like a beast everyone feared of."They had NOTHING to do with this problem! What the FUCK is wrong with you? What rights do you have TOUCH THEM?"

Yadogiri waved his hand with a bored look, not at all scared with the beastly rage in front of him. "Of course they are involved. They are Orihara-san's sisters after all. This also will be a chance to see if he truly cares for them or not too, no?" The man laughed cruelly. "And if he does, it will be interesting to see him breaks for not being able to protect his sisters from his enemies…"

"FUCKING BASTARD!" Shizuo howled. He felt pain all over his body but he kept push forward, trying to reach Yadogiri as urge to kill him multiplied. "KILL YOU. I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"And don't worry, it's not like they have lost their virginities." The words stopped Shizuo for a moment, eyes widening in shock as the older man continued. "I told my guards not to break them yet. It won't be fun if they break now before Orihara-san comes after all."

Although the fury inside of him had not calmed down yet, Shizuo felt relieved a little bit that they haven't lost their womanhood for such bastards. If… if he ever let them to get involved in such wrecked problems and breaks them in process… he would never forgive himself.

Not that he had calmed down.

"You still touched them, didn't you?" The bartender clothed man growls angrily. "YOU SCUM! You care nothing about anyone else as long your purpose id fulfilled! Mairu and Kururi have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR SICK PLAN!"

"I told you, their lives are necessary for breaking Orihara-san…" Yadogiri said again, now with a bit annoyed tone. "And they have been searching for their brother, haven't they? Now they have a chance to meet them last time because of me. Aren't I a good person?"

"You SICK!" Mairu yelled out angrily. She felt so weak… because of her carelessness, they were caught and forced to drag Shizuo as well… She doesn't remember everything but she remembered vividly when she and Kururi is controlled with a strong mind they couldn't fight. They were touched… almost raped even… and now forced to know a horrible fate that awaits their brother they had been searching for weeks."I WON'T LET YOU HARM IZA-NII!"

"…won't…(No one will touch our brother)."

"You guys have no power to say anything like that to me." Yadogiri laughed. "Right now, you are under my control. I can kill you anytime. I can even force you to kill each other now. I only keep you both alive because I need you to make Orihara-san suffers more…"

"Hate… Nii-sama… (Why do you hate Izaya-nii-sama so much?")" Kururi asked weakly. She knew that it was probably an idiotic question, as she knew how many people Izaya had been messing around. Izaya had so many enemies, and not little that hated him. But still, she couldn't help but to ask it. She couldn't think straight out of desperation and despair. Yadogiri didn't answer though, and stared at Shizuo instead.

"Heh… to think the strongest person in Ikebukuro would go this far to get the person he hated the most back…" Yadogiri chuckled before adding. "Oh, let me fix it. You love him now, don't you?"

Both Mairu and Kururi's eyes widened in shock. If… if it was true it would explain why Izaya was with Shizuo few days ago… it would explain so many things…. But they were too shocked to even think of that.

"Shi… Shizuo-san loves Iza-nii?"

Shizuo didn't answer. His eyes were still glaring at the man who mocked him in anger.

"You are the one who hurt him; do you realize how much a hypocrite you are?"

"Indeed I hurt him." Shizuo said with frighteningly calm tone. "But he hurt me too, so it doesn't matter."

"And you still want to reach him, after what he had done to you?" Yadogiri asked with an amused tone.

Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"You yourself believe that Izaya will come to reach me, don't you?"

Yadogiri grinned at the answer.

"Such strong faith you have for him to come for you. Have it ever crossed in your mind that he might still hate you? Eight years of hating and killing… it was not an easy task to just forget all those hatred just because he lost his memories."

"…" The blond didn't reply this time. After all the anger and the rage as well his inhumanly acts before, he was suddenly silent, as if he was finally tamed.

"Faith? I don't understand what you're talking about."

Yadogiri's grin fell.

_Huh?_

Shizuo looked up, and grinned sadistically.

"I am not waiting for that flea to save my ass."

To Yadogiri and the twins' surprise, Shizuo pulled himself with such incredible strength from the ropes and chains, breaking his skin and the metal things in process. He howled angrily, ignoring the incredible pain his tired body forced to feel as he freed himself from the bound, eyes glaring venomously and dangerously to Yadogiri's widened orbs.

"I am going to kill you here and now before you even touch Izaya."

Yadogiri stared at Shizuo with shocked look. Such inhuman strength… Even after Saika had managed to get inside him and with chains and strong ropes bounding his body, he could still move.

"Shizuo-san!" Mairu spontaneously cheered, as her heart fulfilled with hope that they would be able to escape this place.

_He is a monster._

_He is an unpredictable one hell of a monster._

Yadogiri smiled, but then he laughed. He laughed, laughed, and laughed crazily, to the point Mairu and Kururi were creeped out by him, and Shizuo stared at him cautiously.

"You indeed are so unpredictable…" Yadogiri choked between his laughs. "You're so desperately want to protect him, even hurting yourself in process. But this is too funny…"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh? Are you finally gone insane?" Shizuo roared, feeling extremely disturbed with Yadogiri's laugh. It reminds him so much with the past Izaya and it made him couldn't move.

"Heiwajima-san…" Yadogiri smiled after his laugh calmed down. His eyes were boring into the honey orbs with a cruel gaze. "You really though you've been protecting him?"

"_You really think I haven't touched him?"_

Suddenly, his mind was nothing but white. It suddenly felt so hard to breathe, as fear and shock freezing his body and succumbing into it as well.

_What is he talking about?_

_Why did he say that?_

_What…_

He could see Yadogiri was satisfied with his shocked state. "When he ran away from you, do you know what I have done to him? Do you know what I told my subordinates to do with him?''

_No._

_I don't want to know._

_I don't want to know at all._

"My subordinates are… quite sick people." Yadogiri chuckled again with a sadistic expression of his face. He said all those cruel words with such ease as if he was talking about weather cast. "Torturing Orihara Izaya was not enough for them. They wanted more. They need pain and humiliation from that lithe body. They wanted to extract pleasure against his will. They—"

His words were cut by Shizuo's roaring of hatred. The blond has completely lost himself the time he realized that bastard had touched Izaya…. His Izaya… and with rage blinding him, he could lost his senses and act brutally like a beast… as if he had forgotten that this violence was the most thing he hated the most. He launched himself to claw… to rip… to kill, to bite, to tear, to shred, to murder, to make that person suffer for what had had done to what's supposedly to be his—

"Haruna."

—only to be stopped within a sword that was cut through his chest.

"SHIZUO-SAN!"

Mairu's scream sounded so bitter and painful, with horror and desperation painted her and Kururi's faces.

Shizuo fell to the ground, mind completely guttered in mush of hatred as he looked up on an expressionless long haired girl with the bandaged neck that had been in there all this time, but stayed silent until now.

Damn… those voices came to his head again…

_Heiwajima Shizuo… I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…_

"You are supposed to be the only one who is immune to Saika." Yadogiri smirked and walked towards Shizuo as he looked down the blond with a satisfied, arrogant face. "I have searched one or things about this power as well. Saika only enters their victims through their pain and their fear. You who won't feel pain and had no fear will not be able to get affected."

What did he say? He could no longer hear it properly. Even Mairu and Kururi's desperate screams are starting to fade away by now.

"But it's different now if you had a weakness. Something you will afraid to lose… Something you will fear to happen…" Yadogiri laughed. "If there's one, we will be able to get through your mind. I just never thought that Orihara Izaya will be one most suitable for creating your fear."

"Y…you… bastard…" Shizuo gritted his teeth, not willing himself to lose from th virus that was trying to infect his mind.

"Heiwajima Shizuo, you will kill Orihara Izaya." The girl named Haruna commanded the Saika, and Shizuo's body jolted. "You will kill him by your own hand, and give him the biggest suffering someone will ever through."

Everything was nothing but blackness in his mind. His body shivered he never once ever felt, and he found himself gaped in horror, as he realized that those voices becoming stronger and stronger, trying to take over his mind and body.

No.

No.

He didn't want this.

Stop it.

_Stop it!_

He didn't want to kill Izaya.

He didn't want to kill him!

"DON'T DO IT!" Mairu cried helplessly. Both she and Kururi struggled so hard from their bounds with no use at all. Kururi howled and cried, although there was no words that can be uttered from her lips. "DON'T DO IT! DON'T KILL IZA-NII! SHIZUO-SAN! SHIZUO-SAAAN!"

"Can you feel it? !" Yadogiri laughed insanely. "Can you feel the fear? ! YES! That's the expression! The more you fear, the more Saika will be able to come through you. Fear it, Heiwajima-san. Fear that you will kill the person you love by your own hands, and let Saika comes to you! And kill the person you loved by your own hands! FEAR IT! HAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Shizuo tried so hard. He tried so hard to fight the power that was trying to take over his body. He tried so hard to push that virus out of his body, but it was no use.

He was scared.

He was scared to death with the image of him killing Izaya.

He was scared that he would really kill Izaya.

The Izaya he loved… the Izaya who loved him… the Izaya who had hated him… the Izaya who he shared his memories with… the Izaya who had smiled for him… the Izaya who had given himself for Shizuo, and Shizuo alone… Izaya who had become Shizuo's…

He didn't want to lose Izaya.

He feared the fact that he would lose Izaya.

He _was scared_ of losing izaya.

It was no use. The more he felt that fear, the more Saika infects his body, coming through inside of him. Breaking him.

He was starting to lose control of his own body.

He couldn't even hear Yadogiri's insane laugh and the twins' desperate cries and screams anymore.

He couldn't win this fight with Saika.

"Iza…" He tried to speak. He tried to remember him. He tried to not lose without any avail. "Izaya…"

Shizu-chan…

_You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. _

_In fact, maybe I—_

He didn't want to kill him.

He hadn't even heard the last part of the message.

He didn't want to let him die.

_He loved him._

In his few last moments before losing control of his body, he did what he still could do as Heiwajima Shizuo, not as Saika's children.

He cried.

.

.

.

**Author Note (Please read)**

**I am so, so, SO TERRIBLY SORRY for three months late of updating. There are many things and I know you guys must be so disappointed with me. I finally am in college and I never knew it'd be this busy. And I have to admit that I felt sad to lose so many readers because of so many new series. I know some of you probably have moved on, and I know I probably have not many readers as much as before any longer. But this story is almost finished. And I am so tempted to finish this story, even if the readers are maybe only a little now. But I will try my best to please the remaining of the readers that still love this story.**

**Do you know? I almost gave up on this story. I almost felt it was no use to continue it now that there are so many people moved on. But I don't want to give up yet. I know as an author I still have so many weaknesses and flaws. I am not perfect. I have flaws. But I still want to finish this story, despite of all that weaknesses.**

**And it was because of you, my readers.**

**The very reason, why in the middle of exams I have a big urge to update this story, was because I reread your reviews.**

**Even after months and I thought no one still read it, you give me courage. You guys give me a reason not to give up yet. You guys make me feel I can do finish this.**

**Dear readers, I know maybe some of you are no longer into DRRR fandom. Or maybe you left because I took my time too long of updating this story. Probably now I only have very few readers now, but I want to tell you that you guys are so precious. I love you so much. Thank you for supporting me all this time. Thank you for reading and reviewing this story.**

**I still have exams, but I will really try to update soon. I hope you guys still love this story and still be here when I do update. Even if it's only for one or two readers, as long I know there are still people who want me to finish, I'll try my best.**

**Thank you so much. I love you for reading, alerting, and reviewing this story. And I wish to still meet you in the next chapter.**


	22. Half Betrayal and Half Protecting 2nd

_22. Half Betrayal and Half Protecting _(_Часть вторая)

Ah… how nostalgic…

That was the only thing Izaya could think of as he stepped once again to the familiar roof of Nebula building, the place where everything was truly started.

Not even once he thought he would ever come to this place again after that faithful scene where Shizuo beat him up and almost choked him to death, much less after he ever regained his memories back. But here he was, in a cold, not very welcoming night, stood in the very place where he decided to change everything between himself and Shizuo he swore to himself—was the very first fatal mistake he ever make for the 25 years he has lived.

The group of muscular men he knew were certainly subordinates of Yadogiri had gone, escorting Izaya and leaving him all alone in here. The silent message was that Izaya had to wait in here and to give his fate to whatever would happen to him in any second. The raven snorted at the thought, and grinned to the men an unnerving smile, as if he was trying to look down upon them—to tell them that despite what every misfortune things that had ever happened to Orihara Izaya, he wouldn't break that easily—that he was still the man who was in higher place than humans and he looked down on them.

The men's expressions didn't change even a bit. What made Izaya even more uncomfortable was that these men, despite their muscular bodies, didn't even show every hint of humanity with the way they walked, acted, or showing their expressions. It was as if they were merely robot that had no feelings, which made them didn't even flinch even after Izaya's unnerving grin at them.

They gave the raven a last robotic gaze before they left Izaya all alone in an empty space of the cold night at the top of Nebula. It was then that Izaya found something's weird about their eyes.

Their eyes… they were unnatural shade of red color.

Izaya sighed and shook his head. It didn't matter to think about that at such moment.

_After all, I've come this far to sacrifice myself, ne?_

The raven felt his body shook. Which feeling was this? Nervous? Anguish? Despair?

_Fear?_

_Yeah… that's probably it. After all that's what I've been so scared of for my life ne?_

_But I've promised myself not to dither before. Don't be worried… I've made this decision._

True… after all, there was something he was so scared of even more so than losing his life now.

Losing the already few that were close to him.

In example, his sisters who he was very sure Yadogiri would take care of as soon as he regained his memories. With the strings of events that have lead up to this night, even though he knew it was reckless, he was very sure that his sisters were in Yadogiri's hand. Which was why he was here anyway, while hoping that Yadogiri hadn't killed them.

He could have sent Celty here if he wanted to, but no. If he ever did so, Yadogiri would predict it and attacked Shinra instead. With such informed ability, Yadogiri probably had already known about his relationship with Shinra…. Though he doubt if he knew how much he truly cared for the doctor. Without Celty, Shinra was nothing but an underground doctor without any protection. Namie's presence would make it even worse, since she would either be killed too or would hide for her dear life anyway.

Either way, Izaya couldn't risk losing anyone again. No more. He hated this weakness he had, making him caring for other people's life he never cared before. To humans he loved yet never had any bond of affection before…

_And it's all that neanderthal's fault…_

How humiliating, but the raven couldn't stop himself from loving that brute anyway.

The fragments of memories he shared with the ex-bartender were proves of it. The feelings he had wished… no, he _wished_ to be gone after he lost his memories becoming stronger and stronger instead, making the raven felt even more attached to the blond.

He wondered where he was. Probably was still searching for him.

Izaya grimaced at the thought, wondering how raged, broken, and beast-like Shizuo would be when he would only be able to find Izaya's corpse later... without even have any chance to say anything.

_But at least… he should be okay, ne? Shizu-chan is strong. He's always been. He should be able to heold his head high, leave the past and move forward… Fragile, yet strong. That's what hi s true nature is. A monster._

The raven smiled bitterly. The memories of last night's activities and Shizuo's anger also confession this morning… it was almost like a miracle. He thought Shizuo would never return his feeling, that's why he preferred to choose the hard way rather than to suffer. He preferred to forget his feelings and became a man with no weaknesses. He was a coward for being so scared of Shizuo's answers that he chose to run away. Yet the very moment he awoken from his nightmare, Shizuo was there, saying that he _loved_ him, despite everything Izaya did to him.

His expression just now this morning… his disappointment and anger when he knew Izaya's going to leave… His selfish obsession and possessiveness he never showed to him before…

It was prove that Heiwajima Shizuo indeed, has fallen in love with Orihara Izaya.

For Izaya, it was just like a miracle which would never come true.

_Are you an idiot? Why did you choose to love me now? Don't you know that it will hurt you even more…_

He was happy and yet crushed at the same time.

Because tonight… he would not have any chance to tell Shizuo that he still loved him.

He was so happy and yet Shizuo's feelings were the true torment that showed him the truth that he would never be with Shizuo. If… if only Shizuo told him sooner… no, if only he was able to tell Shizuo sooner… then maybe… everything wouldn't have to turn out like this…

No, regretting it now is no use. This was the decision he did as an information broker—no, as Orihara Izaya after all.

He was after all, the man who longed to be a god. He would not make any more mistakes. Not anymore.

"But still, I haven't prepared for this…"

The guest smiled behind Izaya as the informant turned his back to meet his gaze. That middle aged man's smile is as mischievous as before, but this time, Izaya was polite enough to return the smile back.

"For you, to be able to track and read my plans even as I lost my memories… You really hate me that much don't you, Tsukiyo-san… no, _Yadogiri Jinnai-san_?"

Yadogiri smiled wider. It was a creepy smile that made the raven trembled in fear, yet he couldn't hide his overwhelming emotion inside his body.

What was it, he wondered? Excitement? Insanity? Hatred? Anger? Despair?

Or maybe, mix of all of them?

Izaya grinned sadistically as well.

"Now, now, Orihara-san… I told you not to underestimate me, right? Of course I can track your plans, after all…" Yadogiri held his head high as he smiled at Izaya, as if he was looking down to the raven to humiliate him with his cruel expression and words. "I am an information broker as well."

Were those words meant to tell Izaya he was incompetent as an informant? Either way, it didn't matter. Izaya just laughed.

"Fine. You are the one who invited me. What business do you have with me?" Izaya spoke casually, as if he was talking with one of his clients from his past. "Ah, but let me tell you that now that my memories just returned very recently, I just got back into the business. If you are trying to buy any information from me, you must at least wait for a few weeks for me to prepare and gather any information I've missed while I was gone—Ah, I'm sorry, but you're not here for that aren't you? Pardon me."

Yadogiri laughed really hard at that. "So your memories really have returned haven't them?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Izaya pouted as he swung his body like a lunatic in the cold night. "That's what you've been waiting of, ne? After all, it's not fun breaking someone who has no memories of his past."

Yadogiri chuckled and clapped his hands. "You are splendid as ever."

_Heh_. Izaya just glared at the man in front of him. _Mad man. You are just a sarcastic liar, aren't you? After all, no matter what happened to my sisters or everyone around me, you are going to kill me either way. And after tormenting me too, no less…_

"Before we get to the business though," Izaya raised his hand, as if trying to keep his space from the middle aged man in front of him. Yadogiri just raised his eyebrows, amused and interest with Izaya's antics even though he was surely well aware that he was in disadvantage.

"What is it?"

"The night we met for the second time in here, few weeks ago. The time where your plan to kill me went almost very smoothly using Shizu-chan, before he stopped himself from killing me. Do you remember?"

"Aaah, how can I forget?" Yadogiri replied with a disturbing genuine smile. Izaya flinched at that smile.

A man who had been cruelly playing with other's lives, scratching at the wound and found pleasure in breaking them like toys… was smiling genuinely as if it was a good thing. It disgusted Izaya how this man took things politely just to mock him further.

_But then again, I was no different with him, ne?_

"You wore a very interesting expression back then… You even came here even though you can just let my prank phone a slide… Just for checking on Heiwajima-san… I'd say your real relationship is much more complicated than hatred." Yadogiri laughed in a mocking tone, particularly to show Izaya his first time showing weakness. Izaya simply smiled a bitter smile.

"I bet you were looking down at me so much. For me, Orihara Izaya to let his emotion slipped and let his mask fell…"

"It was truly ecstatic. I couldn't stop laughing. The arrogant little boy who once longed to be a god and act like a mighty emotionless brat could actually care for someone. On top of that, to Heiwajima Shizuo, your nemesis…"

"That maybe fun for you, but that's not what I want to talk about."

Again, Yadogiri raised his eyebrows. The raven haired young man in front of him wore an unreadable expression which made the man who'd been laughing and talking stopped.

That was even more confusing, since that's all you could talk of with such topic. What else could he mean?

"That night was the second time I met you." Izaya said in a firm voice. "The first time we met, I only caught a glimpse of you, as you stabbed me with a knife."

"I could never get enough of that feeling." Yadogiri chuckled. "Your handsome expression turned so tense, shocked as if you couldn't believe someone as great as you could fatally let your guard down… Such arrogance that tastes most delicious when they break."

"Ironically, I do think the same." Izaya leisurely played with his new clothes and chuckled along. It was weird that he could talk and chat easily like this with the person who wanted to torment and kill him. On one perspective, they would look like friends instead of enemies, but both men knew better. "Aah, being amnesiac so for so long, I felt like I've almost forgotten about such important meeting… Pardon me that my memories are still quite confusing as I just regained them all…

"But, Yadogiri-san… even with my jumbled memories I could still remember it clearly you know? Even with such glimpse… I did still see you. Even for such a short time, I did hear your voice. Even though I only met Yadogiri Jinnai for a very short time and just once… I could not forget the humiliation I got from the person who stabbed me, right?" Izaya suddenly grinned again, as if he had found something Yadogiri didn't know.

The way Orihara izaya spoke… his tone and the smug face which showed the older man that he wanted to play riddles… it was like a boy who just found new piece information everyone else didn't know, and being all arrogant and smug about it.

By now, Yadogiri's smile had long gone.

"Get to the point, information broker of Shinjuku. We are wasting time."

_Wasting your time to torment me._

Izaya looked at Yadogiri in the eyes.

"Yeah, but you are not that Yadogiri Jinnai."

…

The only thing which filled the silence was only the sound of wind dancing in the cold night.

"… whichever do you mean by that?" Slowly the older man spoke. Izaya just stared coldly at the 'fake' Yadogiri. "I am not Yadogiri Jinnai? What kind of joke is this Orihara-san?"

The raven shook his head. "The person who planned all of these, the one who called me numerous times probably is still Yadogiri Jinnai, but when we supposedly met on the second time back then, I was only thinking I met Yadogiri Jinnai, but actually I met _you_."

Again, the middle aged man fell silent. But somehow, by his stern expression and by how he wasn't trying to deny, Izaya knew he hit the spot.

"Yeah, I was such a fool. When we met again, I was almost killed by Shizu-chan." Izaya continued his reasoning, as if trying to explain the motive of a crime he had finally discovered. "That's why when I meet you again; I couldn't think clearly why you looked different from that time when you stabbed me. I was in a panic state; my body was very tired after struggling with Shizu-chan's monstrous power, not to mention it was quite dark back then when we met. In such state, and after numerous prank calls I received from 'Yadogiri Jinnai', I can't think anything but the person who came to mock me after I was almost killed by Shizu-chan was any other than Yadogiri Jinnai."

"…"

_Oooh, interesting. His face has turned sour now._

That was right. The Yadogiri Jinnai who stabbed him, even with just a glimpse, was not a mere middle aged man. He was older than that—like he was in his forties or fifties. Not to mention, he was much calmer and composed old man. The phone calls were a bit weird now that he remembered it. Even though the voice was the exact voice Izaya remembered, but the tone was different. First impression was more than enough for Izaya to realize what kind of a person Yadogiri was. Yadogiri was the same with him—an information broker. Izaya doubt that Yadogiri was the kind of person who would be interested in anyone unless it was necessary for his plans. If someone was responsible in messing with his plans, he would warn them, make them incapable of keep messing with his plans or may kill them if the warning was ignored. Izaya experienced this, so he knew.

But this Yadogiri… he was different. The 'Yadogiri' in front of him right now seemed to be obsessed with him instead. This Yadogiri seemed to enjoy every torment he could give on Izaya. This Yadogiri waswasting his time to torture him instead of doing his own plans, as if breaking Orihara Izaya was his main priority.

He didn't even say anything to deny Izaya—just glaring at the raven with cold expression—which was satisfying because he had been wearing a smug expression until Izaya called this conversation.

"I don't know if this is still part of his plan, but I can be pretty sure that you are not that 'Yadogiri Jinnai'." Izaya finished with a cruel smile. "Or you can probably just borrowing his name to put every blames of killing me unto him, in case you can't put the blame on Shizu-chan. All the whole things about this torturing and killing me probably are caused by revenge too, am I right?"

Izaya cooked his head with a lazy smile like a child waiting for an answer. The man was silent for a while, before he chucked lowly, and long before his chuckle soon turned into a mad laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHA! That's it? That's what you want to tell me?" The 'fake' Yadogiri laughed while talking like a mad man as his eyes turned crazy, which made the raven felt a bit uneasy. "So what? WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? It doesn't change the fact that YOU WILL DIE HERE! I thought you're a clever person who will try to struggle to escape, or to leave for your life like the coward you are!"

"Aaah, I hit the bullseye, ne?" Izaya smirked. "So really, you are nothing but a selfless human going on revenge. You're trying to humiliate me, doing everything you can to break me just for the sake of revenge. So you really are just a human!"

The man's face darkened. By now, his face already had already showed hints of anger and rage, a mild difference from his expression earlier.

Yet Izaya kept taunting him, because if that person was not Yadogiri Jinnai, that person was only one of his beloved humans who wished nothing to break Izaya for revenge. He was only a tiny human Izaya never knew—yet loved because of his childish behavior for being so angry just because being played with. He was just a worthless human who knew nothing of the real world—and angry just because a tiny problem came into his life, and instead of repairing his life, he sought revenge for nothing.

"The difference is, _Yadogiri-kun_," Izaya pressured his name with a smirk, fully mocking and taunting him as he flung his arm on the older man's shoulder—taunting the mad man further by trying like a friend in higher position who offered a hand for him. "Everything you have planned to break me will never be perfect, because I already know what your motivation is. It's just for revenge, like every weak human would do in every situation. You are no different with them. I pity you, but I'm grateful that you took all your time for so long, just for thinking about how to plan your revenge on me. Doesn't that mean I have been in your head for so long? I feel so delighted!"

The middle aged man's face was red with rage now, but Izaya leisurely pat his shoulder and keep on talking like an annoying broken radio.

This man who called himself 'Yadogiri Jinnai' knew that Izaya was right.

Everything he did so far… was not to kill Orihara Izaya. Indeed in the end he would take pleasure in killing the pest who screwed his life, but for Orihara Izaya, it would just be an amusing foolish act of human—someone below him would do. He didn't want that. There was no pleasure for killing someone like that.

He wanted to take revenge. He wanted to put Izaya through hell, begging and pleading for forgiveness, and also humiliated. He wanted to screw Izaya's life. That's what he wanted.

In order to do that, he mustn't let Izaya know his real identity. He must use a fake identity—one which Izaya feared—one of Izaya's enemy—to give him a terrifying and intimidating aura. That way izaya would be alarmed with his presence. That way he would be scared. If Izaya knew that he was just one of his egular victims, Izaya would not notice him. He would think of him as nothing but a mere toy. Izaya would be laughing for him, looking down on him and amused with his childish acts.

The man hated this.

He had Izaya cornered this far… He was so close on humiliating him… breaking him…

He had even lent Yadogiri Jinnai's name, lent his power and lent his subordinates just for the sake of his revenge…

If Izaya never knew his real identity, Izaya would forever be in fear of his humiliation, and spent his life till his death in misery and disdain.

But now that Izaya knew his real reason … in the informant's eyes he was nothing but one of tiny, predictable human from his beloved thousand. He was one of his victims which he had successfully broken and now going on for revenge.

His hand shook in anger and hatred.

He was so close…

Now, everything was ruined. Even killing Izaya at this state would just be nothing but pure amusement in the informant's eyes as his desperation to seek revenge.

He failed.

Even if he killed Izaya, he failed to humiliate him like he wanted him to.

Because he was just a human in front of the informant's eyes.

"So how does it feel Yadogiri-san? How does it feel to have the plan you've been working on so hard just to break me and humiliate me failed to pieces? How does it feel to have me in front of you, so close yet you can't do anything any longer? So amusing! So amusing! Humans never failed to cease me with their foolishness!"

"Shut up…"

His mind was all but blank. All in anger and hatred. If he could no longer humiliate him… at least, let him stop talking back.

"Humans… so interesting, don't you think? I must praise you though. No even one of my beloved humans has ever thought of revenge as far as breaking me like this. Too bad that in the end, it's still all about revenge. Humans are all the same…"

_Shut up… don't compare me with the other humans you filthy bastard… Give me back my life…_

Izaya smiled. And of course, his expression was all mockery and arrogance.

"But I'm sorry. I can't return your love. For you the one who makes me realize my true feelings for that filth, brute protozoan… you did give me problems, I must give you credits on that. But as for this plan you've elaborated so long… too bad that I've screwing with people's lives too much that I don't even remember your name—"

The raven didn't get a chance to continue, as 'Yadogiri' already clamped his hand on Izaya and tackled him to the ground. Instead of panicking, Izaya remained calm, unlike Yadogiri who had turned furious.

"Shut up you bitch! Shut up shut up SHUT UUUUUUUUP!" The middle aged mad started laughing like a mad man—though unlike before, his laugh now was nothing but a desperate pathetic laugh of a broken man. "Yeah, that's right! I am not Yadogiri Jinnai! I am nothing but a tiny insect for you. But so what? It doesn't change the fact that you will die heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!"

He kept on talking angrily as his hand shook. Seeing Izaya's calm and composed—and most unnerving of all, his winning smirk—the middle aged man stopped, before giving the informant his slasher smile.

"Ha… ha ha… you idiot. I can still break you. How foolish for you to think it'll end like what you hoped, Orihara Izaya…"

Izaya quickly became alarmed when 'Yadogiri' use his phone and mumbled a 'Bring em ere.' His suspicious was proved when he heard a familiar girly scream he knew so well. The fear which had been long gone slowly came back to his body, and the cold temperature on the top building seemed to be even more merciless as the information broker of Shinjuku saw the direction of the door which he came from just now.

Izaya smiled bitterly.

Even though he predicted it, he still hoped that the scene in front of him wasn't real.

A pair of female twins was brought roughly by few muscular men as they kept on struggling. There were no deep wounds or fatal injuries for the raven's relief, but what those men did fuel Izaya's hidden rage he himself never knew as a big brother.

_Mairu… Kururi…_

_Those marks and bruises… those tears… and the ripped clothes like they were almost naked…_

The younger information broker's eyes turned cold and he gritted his teeth as he gazed unto the man above him. "You…"

"What? Are you angry? ARE YOU ANGRY ORIHARA IZAYA?" The fake Yadogiri laughed and laughed crazily, with a proud and mocking tone in his voice as he turned his eyes to the raven, who was now trembling in anger. "I thought Orihara Izaya cared for no one but himself? ! I thought you have no weakness and can't have any sympathy for humans, even your families? ! But you're angry I did this to them aren't you? AREN'T YOU? !"

It was hard to stay calm when all he was seeing was red. It was painful to keep himself from choking and beating Yadogiri to death for what he had done to his sisters. But the raven held his anger and his rage because if he did so, he knew that something worse would be done to his sisters.

_They… _

_Did they get ra—_

"Don't worry, they haven't gotten raped… yet." The mischievous tone came back and burnt Izaya's ears. If anything, he wished just to forget anything and just beat that bastard to a pulp. "It all depends on your acts."

"Aren't you getting a bit unfair here, 'fake' Yadogiri-san?" Nonetheless he replied. "What are you going to do to me now, now that you have my sisters on you?"

Izaya spoke slowly—still calm and mischievous, yet carefully—so that nothing from his words would make the other informant to hurt his sisters in any worst ways possible.

'Yadogiri' however, sighed in disappointment at Izaya's lack of response. "You're no fun, Orihara-san. Do you really have no sympathy to your family?" He clicked his tongue and turned to the bodyguards who held the twins—much to Izaya's horror. "Fine then. Maybe it's okay to let them be raped in front of yo—"

Mairu's shriek of fear is enough for Izaya to lose his cool. Screw trying to keep calm—he had already lost Shizuo, if he was going to lose his sisters too… after everything he had already done…

He would never forgive himself.

"Stop!" Izaya quickly yelled. Felling of disgust quickly surfaced back when the old man in front of him turned back with a satisfied smile in front of him.

"Ooh? You do care for them after all?"

"Iza-nii…" Mairu sobbed as she stared at her brother. Never once she had seen her brother this desperate, even when dealing with his enemies.

_He does care for us after all…_

Izaya bit his lips in humiliation. He was once known as human observer, whose position was like a god. Yet now… he was nothing. The taste was bitter yet he could do nothing but to bite it.

"Promise me," The raven began quickly. His eyes were shut and cold sweat result from the cold wind and his own forced submission. "You will not do any harm to my sisters. Release them now at once, and in exchange…"

Izaya found himself stopped as the words choked in his throat. This… this feeling…

Fear…

He was scared.

"In exchange of what?" Yadogiri smiled cruelly as his hand took Izaya's chin closer. The raven gritted his teeth and tears swelled up in his eyes.

"You may do anything … you want to me." Izaya finished with a bitter tone. Humiliation ate him up and he was nothing but a human now. "You may beat him up to death if that will satisfy you… Or torture me until I am begging for forgiveness… or enslave me… and use my body, like a cheap whore…"

Everything suddenly blurred. It was when he realized his sight was blurred with tears. He was sobbing and crying, broken in front of his enemies he hated so much.

He, the one who was as high as a god…

A loud laughter of victory quickly erupted in the cold night. Izaya bit his lips so hard until it bled, yet he couldn't stop his tears from flowing from his eyes. The twins stared at their brother with sad and painful look, regretting everything that had happened to lead this breakdown to their beloved brother.

"Look at this! The great Orihara Izaya is admitting defeat TO ME! THAT IZAYA, said he's ANYTHING FOR ME TO DO AS MY PLEASE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The humiliation didn't stop there—Yadogiri suddenly hit Izaya so he was on his fours. When the raven regained his senses, he was in front of Yadogiri's boots.

"Lick it clean then, you little scum."

He smirked when Izaya sobbed. He stayed still for a while in disgust, and the man had to kick Izaya and inserted his boot to Izaya's mouth to make the younger informant do his job. Angrily, Izaya started to lick his boots. It was humiliating and not supposed to be a sexual act, but somehow, Izaya felt ashamed as Yadogiri kept shoving his boot to his mouth like a cock while kept Izaya on fours like a dog—ass high in the air. The way Yadogiri treated him or talked to him, though was not anything close to sexual harassment, it was in no doubt how someone tried to humiliate a prostitute.

It just made Izaya felt worse. Tears of remorse kept falling from his eyes to the dirty floor.

He had prepared for this. He knew he would receive any kind of humiliation. All he had to do was to receive it and accept it, so everything would be all over and he could atone for his sins.

"Aren't you enjoying yourself a bit too much, Orihara Izaya?" The man snickered again. A cruel smile played in his face, to Izaya's was too happy to have the man he had revenge on to be on his fours like a slave—ready to be toyed and tortured as he please. "Are you actually expecting a certain kind of punishment? I did hear you are a masochist after all. Do you actually want to lick something else?"

Izaya wanted to scream back and spat on that old man's face, but knowing her sisters' lives and dignities as women were on his hand, the informant held himself back. Instead he sucked harder on the dirt, licking the boots clean. Unbeknownst to himself, he let out low moans and swayed his hips up and down in the air while licking on the man's boots. The man's smirk only got wider on the sight.

"You truly are a masochist… You do actually get hard by doing this don't you?"

_That's not true…_

"Then what about you have some fun get beaten up by him? Since you are such a masochist."

_Him?_

Izaya slowly turned his head to the door which leads to downstairs when Yadogiri said those words. And he wished for once, that he was dead already. His red eyes widened in shock and humiliation, as he was being seen doing humiliating thing by the person he wanted the least to see it.

_No… No way…_

_That person can't be…_

But he is. Those blond locks of hair—those old fashioned bartender clothes—that tall posture…

It's Heiwajima Shizuo. His Heiwajima Shizuo.

_No way…_

_Why is he here?_

_How… Why…_

"Shizu… chan…" Izaya choked on his own voice. He couldn't move from his humiliating position. His eyes stared fixed on the blond who was staring back at him with a silent glare. Regret and fear also shame fulfilling his entire system as tears slowly fell from his eyes again.

Technically, he and Shizuo, despite having had sex, were still not lovers. And this morning, Izaya did say all those mean things, calling him a monster and abruptly crushed their relationship, despite Shizuo's efforts to keep him together. So even though he was on all fours, in a shameful manner for another person, he didn't have any reason to feel so bad. He wasn't even doing anything sexual. He couldn't even be called cheating if he indeed were in a relationship with Shizuo.

Yet… these weird feelings and this guilt… it felt like he was betraying Shizuo altogether…

The raven's heart pounded.

_What should I do…_

_What should I say to him…_

_Shizu-chan…_

_It's not like what you see… I…_

_I… my feelings for you… only for you…_

The raven quickly thought it didn't matter if he made a complete fool of himself. He had already humiliated himself enough anyway. And he knew soon enough, he was never going to see Shizuo again, if Yadogiri truly intended to torture him or to kill him. If that so the least he could do was…

"IZA-NII, DON'T COME NEAR HIM! HE'S—"

Mairu's scream shocked Izaya, but by then it was already too late for the raven to understand what the warning meant.

_Eh?_

What was she thinking? That person was totally—

Izaya stopped when he felt a disturbing shadow looming over him. He turned his head slowly as he found those unnatural orbs which were staring back at him with such weird gaze.

Those red eyes…

He saw them before.

Ah… Mairu was right.

"—HE'S NOT THE SHIZUO-SAN YOU KNOW!"

Too bad she was too late warning hm. Before Izaya made his move, Shizuo already pulled his jacket coldly and—

—punched Izaya hard in the face.

_No._

_He's not Shizuo._

Those unnatural red eyes… he had seen them before.

"Kill… Orihara Izaya…"

Izaya didn't know which was hurt more—the fact that his back was probably broken due to the impact caused by Shizuo's punch after being slammed repeatedly on the floor, or the fact that the voice of the person he loved so much just stated that he wanted to kill him.

"IZA-NII!" Mairu and Kurui's screams echoed through the night, along with Yadogiri's vicious, satisfied laughter. The twins had tried to struggle free from the muscular men's hold with no avail. Izaya crawled in the ground, coughing blood as the man he loved so much walked closer mercilessly to him—gaze coldly fixed on him with full intention to kill.

"Kill… Orihara Izaya…"

"SHizuo-san, STOP!" Mairu's pathetic scream was not heard by the ex-bartender, but she continued anyway, holding on the faint hope that the bodyguard will turn back and regain his real self. "You don't want to do this, ne…? You love Iza-nii,… ne…?"

"Love…(You love Iza-ni…) No kill… (Don't kill him… please…)"

Izaya weakly turned his face to his sisters, seemingly not too surprised with the revelation of his sisters knowing Shizuo's real feelings for him. But it didn't matter how they knew about it. It didn't matter what was happening right now. Because now he was—

"You're going to be killed by the only person you love by your truly heart. You are going to die by the hand of the person you love, while he will beat you to death without being able to hear your pleas and cries." The older informant stated for Izaya… like adding salt to the injury, he wanted Izaya not only received humiliation and torture, but the feeling of helplessness, loneliness, betrayal and breakdown. He wanted Izaya to feel the bitter taste of agony until the end—until he breaks into pieces and lose his own will to live. That way, his revenge would be truly paid.

Finally he lost his calm and laughed what he wanted to say to the younger informant's face, satisfied with his victory over the wounded man.

"HOW DOES IT FEEL, ORIHARA IZAYA? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO FACE DEATH AND HUMILIATION IN FRONT OF THE PERSON YOU LOVE AT THE SAME TIME? DOES IT FEEL EMBARASSING? HUMILIATING? DOES IT HURT? DOES IT MAKE YOU WANT TO DIE FASTER? AHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya gritted his teeth angrily. His sight was blurry, and his head was dizzy. He couldn't hear what Yadogiri said clearly, although he knew it was another mockery towards him. He hadn't gotten up yet, but another hard—familiar hand shoved his neck already and lifted him, so that his body was up in the air.

"Kill… Orihara Izaya…"

Izaya gasped for oxygen. It hurt. Everything in his body hurt. And he needed to breathe. But he couldn't. Shizuo was strangling him.

He was going to die.

The raven remembered then—the first time everything began. It was also happened in this very place, almost on the same cold night. Ironically, he remembered the same scene in which Shizuo was trying to kill him out of anger by strangling him because he thought Kasuka was killed by him.

_But back then… you were your true self, ne, Shizu-chan?_

Tears began to swell up in Izaya's eyes again. But this time, he was wearing an unmatching vicious smirk.

The man in front of him, who was strangling him, was no in doubt, Heiwajima Shizuo.

But that man was controlled by Saika power.

He was not his real self.

He was not his Shizu-chan.

_If in the end I would end up killed by you, it'd be better if I were killed back then by your hand rather than now…_

_At the very least… you were your true self…_

"Being killed by the person you love, eh…?"

Izaya smiled sadly, and for some reasons, Shizuo's hand trembled a bit.

"If it's you Shizu-chan, I think it'd probably be the most precious moment of my life…"

The raven lifted his hand, and stroked the blond's face softly, before holding the ex-bartender's hands which was strangling his neck. And to the other's surprise, the raven hummed something akin short melody.

A familiar, nostalgic, short little song he was supposedly to remember.

_Faithful, faithful friend, I shall not betray you, for I am your friend who thinks of you the most…_

This time, his supposedly cold eyes widened as the raven face leaned closer to his face while holding unto the blond.

_Please don't let you be a dream. There aren't many people…_

"…as special as you."

It felt like the time suddenly stopped when a pair of soft lips met his lips. The familiar coppery taste of blood could be tasted almost quickly on his mouth. The cold temperature quickly affected his system, and the wetness of the smaller man's tears could be felt on his face as they kissed—trying to feel each other's warmth. But they were not what made him realized what he had done.

_No… it was…_

"Kill me, Shizu-chan?"

Izaya whispered with a sad, yet sincere smile.

And this time, those shocked, fearful hazel eyes were back, replacing the unnatural red ones.

"…Izaya…"

**.**

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**.**

**Yeah. You can kill me for the long hiatus. I had a massive writer block back then, not to mention college was trying to eat all my time for refreshing, so I did go a bit nuts.**

**But I was very, very grateful on the overwhelming reviews from the last chapter. I was crying from happiness when I read them all. It means really much when you said you still won't leave this fic till the end. Thank you so much! You are the most wonderful readers I ever had!**

**I really meant it when I said I want to finish this fic. I am so sorry that I took so long and you guys have every right to leave this fic. Yet you didn't. And it moved me so much that I wish I could meet you all in person and hug every each of you.**

**Thank you Thank you Thank you I can never thank you enough.**

**I probably only have a very few readers left, but for the remaining ones that still stick, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will look forward the last chapter.**


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